Newspaper Page Text
6B Friday, November 9, 2018
The Times, Gainesville, Georgia | gainesvilletimes.com
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Ending a 30-year holiday tradition
CAROLYN HAX
tellme@washpost.com
Dear Carolyn:
Our extended family
— siblings and kids —
have always gathered at
Thanksgiving and Christ
mas. Last week I got a
text from my sister say
ing she and her family
would be going away for
the holiday and would
no longer host Christmas
Eve at their home.
This came out of the blue and is
really upsetting me. My brother and
I have both been widowed in the last
four years and this event was some
thing we looked forward to because
everyone attended and it was a lot
of fun. (My brother has grown chil
dren; I do not.) We feel surprised and
unwanted and don’t understand the
decision.
Of course it is their right to cel
ebrate as they wish, and I kick myself
for expecting a 30-year tradition
to continue on. But I can’t figure
out how to feel OK about this. I feel
rejected, and I don’t know why they
would do that.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so painful
if I had a family of my own, but I no
longer do. Any advice? I haven’t said
anything except, “I’m disappointed”
to my sister.
— Left Out in Minnesota
I’m sorry. Change is hard, changes
that subtract time with loved ones
are harder, and changes to longstand
ing tradition (delivered by text, ugh)
can feel like a death — as if the tradi
tion itself was a family member, too.
So you don’t have to “feel OK about
this.” At least, not now, as you get
used to the change. It’s been only
a week.
It’s also really good
that you stuck to the
limited “I’m disap
pointed” response. As
you said yourself, this
is their holiday to plan
as they choose, so push-
back would be inappro
priate. Worse, it could
sour your relationship
with your sister, which could then
retroactively tarnish past Christmas
Eves.
This disappointment may have
come to you from the outside, but
your work now is strictly internal and
doesn’t involve your sister — except,
genuinely, when you’re ready: “I’ll
miss the tradition, but I admire you
for having the courage to do what you
needed. Carrying the expectations of
the entire family for three decades
can’t have been easy for you.
“Thank you for those 30 years.”
Which beats berating her for the
31st.
Which brings me to the next point:
Isn’t fatigue more than enough to
explain “why they would do that”?
You mention grown kids and 30-year
traditions and widowhood (my
condolences), so I hope I can inof
fensively deduce that you’re all in
the slowing-down years. Therefore,
you have the option to interpret this
as a slowing-down, period, versus
torturing yourself with ways to take it
personally.
Slowdowns bring their own grief
for sure, but they have nothing to do
with being “rejected,” “left out” and/
or “unwanted.” You can be wanted
and accepted yet still affected when
the terms of inclusion must change.
So you don’t have to feel OK about
this any time soon, but I urge you
to turn your thoughts — as soon as
you’re ready — to inclusion that’s
easier on everyone. Smaller groups,
non-holiday times of the year, more
emphasis on local connections. Whom
can you host for Christmas Eve? Your
brother and his kids? Do you have
friends in your position?
In cosmic gratitude for 30 years of
warm inclusion, whom can you now
include?
Chat with Carolyn online at noon each
Friday www.washingtonpost.com.
DAILY CROSSWORD
ACROSS
1 Horror flick
extra
6 Disfigure
10 Recedes
14 Hospital worker
15 Colosseum site
16 Weight rebate
17 Rough, as a
diamond
18 Nicholas M’s
daughter
20 Commences
22 “Wool” on clay
sheep
23 Is, to Fritz
24 Calm
26 Huts
28 Tonic go-with
31 Wished undone
32 — Holt of
oaters
33 Soprano’s
piece
35 Musical symbol
37 Rabbi’s reading
41 Game fish
43 Totally stupid
45 Handle dough
46 Push with the
head
48 Latch on to
49 Costa
51 Kilt wearer
53 Printer’s
measures
54 Served alight
57 Promoted to
excess
59 Flee hastily
60 Ornamental
fabric
62 Mariachi wear
66 Guidebook
69 Sorted socks
70 Scent for some
cleaners
71 Used thriftily
PREVIOUS PUZZLE SOLVED
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72 Fix a manuscript
73 Uppity one
74 Ohio baseball
team
75 Sharp dresser
DOWN
1 Wildebeests
2 — and peck
3 Killer whale
4 Seize power
5 Note
6 Tijuana “Mrs.”
7 Admit
8 Bombay nanny
9 Hold firm
10 Plato’s H
11 Rudimentary
12 Efficient
13 Airliner capacity
19 Gauguin’s island
21 Pert
25 Media star
27 In the
company of
28 Stare stupidly
2018 UFS, Dist. by Andrews McMeel for UFS
29 Oil producer
30 Nefertiti’s river
34 Frighten
36 Not plain
38 Annoy
39 Before long
40 Does a sewing
chore
42 Good to eat
44 Train stations
47 Escorted
50 Bwana’s helper
52 Abounded
54 Gymnastic feats
55 Caesar’s tongue
56 Protein-building
acid
58 Playhouse fare
61 Bar of soap
63 Two fives for
64 Await judgment
65 Nelson of
1930s musicals
67 Lincoln’s st.
68 Fabric meas.
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BRIDGE
COUNT YOUR WAY HOME
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O AKQ75
* A73
SOUTH
* A Q J 10 3
OK J4
086
*K 10 2
The bidding:
EAST SOUTH WEST NORTH
10 1* Pass 20*
Pass 3* Pass 4*
All pass
*Spade fit, at least invitational values
Opening lead: Three of O
South had enough to accept the
invitation, so it is not clear why he
bid three clubs. Some people just
love to bid. East won the opening lead
with the queen of diamonds, cashed
the ace of diamonds, and continued
with the king, ruffed by declarer
with the 10. The ace, queen, and
nine of spades drew the outstanding
trumps, and the queen of clubs lost
to East’s ace. East exited with a club
to dummy’s jack and South paused
for a moment to consider the rest of
the play.
East could not have a balanced
hand with the queen of hearts. That
would give him 15 points and he
would have opened one no trump.
South knew that it was pointless to
cash the ace of hearts and lead low
to his jack. T hat play couldn’t work.
Instead, he led a low heart to his king,
hoping to see a singleton queen or 10
from East. When East followed with
the three, South’s only hope was that
East started with the 10-3 doubleton.
Declarer led the jack of hearts from
his hand and ran it when West played
low. This pinned East’s 10 and gave
South his contract. Well done!
Better defense by East would be to
win the opening lead with his king
of diamonds, cash the ace, and shift
to a trump. South might still get the
information that he needed, but he
would have to work much harder to
get it.
(Bob Jones welcomes readers'
responses sent in care of lhis
newspaper or to Tribune Content
Agency, LLC., 16650 West grove
Dr., Suite 175, Addison, TX 75001.
E-mail: tcaedilors@tribpub.com)
Unscramble these Jumbles,
one letter to each square,
to form four ordinary words.
THAT SCRAMBLED WORD GAME
By David L. Hoyt and Jeff Knurek
NAYML
c N
SATHS
^ 'T T" %
DYULDC
NCHOPO
c N
©2018 Tribune Content Agency, LLC
All Rights Reserved-
AFTER EXPLAINING TO
HIS PARENTS THAT HE
WAS GOING TO BE A
MIME, THEY SAID —
Now arrange the circled letters
to form the surprise answer, as
suggested by the above cartoon.
Y Y
-Tv T.
Y Y
-Tv Tv
Y Y
-Tv -Tv
Yesterday’s
Jumbles
Answer:
(Answers tomorrow)
GLAZE AGENT DROOPY JARGON
The display at the Levi Strauss museum
showed the dungarees' — “JEAN-EALOGY”
SUDOKU
DIFFICULTY RATING:
9
8
9
8
1
1
9
8
1
HOW TO PLAY
Each row, column and
set of 3-by-3 boxes must
contain the numbers
1 -9 without repetition
11/9
© 2018 Dist. by Andrews McMcel Syndication for UFS
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