About The times. (Gainesville, Ga.) 1972-current | View Entire Issue (Nov. 25, 2018)
2E Sunday, November 25, 2018 The Times, Gainesville, Georgia | gainesvilletimes.com LIFE LIVING WITH CHILDREN LOS ANGELES TIMES SUNDAY CROSSWORD Parents shouldn’t rule out spanking their child The prestigious American Academy of Pediatrics has just released (November 2018) a policy statement claiming that “Aversive dis ciplinary strategies, includ ing all forms of corporal punishment and yelling at or shaming children, are minimally effective in the short-term and not effective in the long-term. With new evidence, researchers link corporal punishment to an increased risk of negative behavioral, cognitive, psy chosocial, and emotional outcomes for children.” The question begs, “Which researchers, exactly?” to which the answer is “Researchers who bring an ideological bias to the issue and whose research, therefore, does not qualify as science.” Note how the AAP dis ingenuously lumps yelling at and shaming children — which no rational per son would endorse — with spanking, which more than forty years of research done by individuals who have meticulously maintained their objectivity has found to be a valid and non-harmful disciplinary option when (a) not used as the primary dis ciplinary method, (b) admin istered moderately (two or three swats to the buttocks with open hand as opposed to belts, switches, and so on, and (c) administered by par ents who love their children unconditionally. In the 1970s, the AAP decided to use the research of one individual — Mur ray Straus of the Family Research Laboratory, Uni versity of New Hampshire — who was later credibly accused of bias by his very own research assistant as the gold standard when it came to the issue of disci plinary spanking. Since then, it has stubbornly turned a blind eye to any research that contradicts their no- spanking-under-any-circum- stances position. The research in question finds, for example, that chil dren who are occasionally spanked by loving parents score higher on measures of overall well-being than children who are never spanked. Also noteworthy is the fact as the percent age of parents who spank has declined significantly, so has the mental health of America’s children. That doesn’t mean that spank ing is essential to childhood JOHN R0SEM0ND www.rosemond.com mental health, mind you, but it does mean that the AAP is not taking all the available evidence into consideration. The AAP supports groups that advocate for anti-spanking legislation — groups like End Physical Punishment of Children and the World Health Organiza tion — which would make it a crime for a parent to spank. Again, the blind eye is turned to findings by objective researchers (Diana Baumrind, Robert Larzelere) to the effect that when parents are prohibited (or prohibit themselves) from spanking, child abuse actually increases. In effect, the AAP believes that government bureaucrats should be the final authorities on what forms of discipline parents should be allowed. Sig nificant in this regard is the AAP’s broad indictment of any form of discipline that is “aversive,” meaning punitive. By sanctioning only “positive” forms of discipline (i.e., praise and reward), the AAP subtly and arrogantly claims the moral high ground. To paraphrase Elbert Hubbard (1856 — 1915), “If you cannot answer a man’s arguments, all is not lost; you can always demon ize your opponent.” The American College of Pediatricians was formed in 2002 by a group of physi cians — including a former AAP president — concerned that the AAP was abandon ing scientific objectivity and embracing political correctness when it came to social issues that impact child rearing and the family. The ACP’s response to the AAP’s policy statement — Spanking: A Valid Option for Parents (November 7, 2018) — is well worth reading. It can be accessed at https:// www.acpeds.org/ spanking- a-valid-option-for-parents. Family psychologist John Rosemond answers parents’ questions online at www. rosemond.com or via email questions@rosemond.com. The research in question finds that children who are occasionally spanked by loving parents score higher on measures of overall well being than children who are never spanked. Also as the percentage of parents who spank has declined significantly so has the mental health of Americas children. ANNOUNCEMENTS FAMILY REUNION Hicks, Murrayville. 12:30 p.m. Dec. 2. Bethel Community Building, 6039 Mount Vernon Road, Murrayville. Please bring a covered dish, old family photos and musical instruments. Judy Patrick, 678-481 -8828. “FOR-GONE CONCLUSIONS" By GAIL GRABOWSKI ACROSS 1 Minor dustup 5 Ladder danger 9 Jeff who started an online bookstore in 1994 14 Give form to 19 Free speech org. 20 New Balance competitor 21 Put on, as pressure 22 Development units 23 React to too much sun, perhaps 24 Overcharge 25 “Silas Marner” girl 26 Penetrating winds 27 Horses’feeding period? 29 Nightly newscaster’s preparation? 31 Burpee product 32 It has strings attached 33 Fed. financial gp. 34 Sight in an unfinished attic 37 Southwest worker 39 “You may say I’m a ’’: Lennon’s “Imagine’’ 43 Waiting room read 44 Where dos are done 45 Dire prophecy 47 Hang open 48 House with layers 49 Easter feast, say? 52 One in a workout count 53 Unexpected 54 River to South Carolina’s Winyah Bay 55 Genesis matriarch 56 “Megastructures” channel, familiarly 58 Tennis surprise 60 Govt, agents 61 Document preparer 62 Museum posting: Abbr. 63 “We’re driving around in circles”? 68 Anna’s The Accountant” co-star 69 Red Guard member 72 Lanai neighbor 73 Tour guides, e.g. 77 Enemy of Mr. Bill, in old “SNL” skits 78 Start a course 79 “Once Is Not Enough” author 82 Nicki Minaj genre 83 Unkind remark 84 Ticket selling for a major golf event? 87 Puff pastry cheese 88 Publisher Adolph 90 Iconic 60-Across boss 91 Consider with care 92 Around the corner 93 Predetermined steps 95 Historic caravel 96 Took in the sights 97 Escape 98 Something in the air 100 98-Across, often 101 Severe dip in contributions during a telethon? 104 Hurricane tracker closeup? 109 Case place 110 Italy’s “Supreme Poet" 111 Twitter’s bird, e.g. 112 Belgian capital 113 Scorch slightly 114 Actress MacDowell 115 Aviation pioneer Sikorsky 116 Bond was kicked out of it 117 Entered into a deal 118 Cross with 119 Fresh answers 120 Number with words DOWN 1 Brewpub array 2 “Rhyme Pays” rapper 3 Pet peeve? 4 Period, to British grammarians 5 “Hurry it up!” 6 Bypass 7 Hemsworth of ‘The Hunger Games” 8 Common camp site 9 Pub game with balls 10 Whiz 11 Youngest Marx brother 12 Mythical hunter 13 Team backer? 14 Skeptic’s demand 15 Droopy-shaped purse 16 Bow-toting god 17 Cheat, in a way 18 Serious extreme? 28 Garlic relative 30 Agony 32 Without peer 34 Info-gathering mission 35 Quarters 36 What may accompany hunger pangs? 37 Bud on a drive 38 First name in ’70s tennis 39 Slip into 40 Result of a faulty tab setting? 41 Pentathlon gear 42 Provide more room for growth 44 While 45 Salvage crew member 46 Upright 49 Pommes frites condiment 50 How-to lesson 51 Maker of Wayfarer sunglasses 54 Turn a Monopoly corner 57 Used Charmin for shenanigans, for short 59 Sea cell 60 Bi- equivalent 64 What diviners interpret 65 Former Swedish imports 66 Bolshoi outfit 67 Part of 1/2 69 Passe PC system 70 “Off with her head!” head owner 71 Star that’s a draw 74 USCG rank 75 It’s often merit- based 76 Ticket number you don’t want to see 79 City near Pisa 80 Blood bank quantity 81 Arcade giant 85 Bard’s bedtime 86 Competition in lanes 87 Challenging golf hole starting points 89 Blow the budget 92 Center 94 Hung in there 95 ‘The Merchant of Venice” heroine 96 Some exposed- beam homes 98 Actress De La Garza 99 Scientific dept. 100 Blocks often disassembled and reassembled 101 Trevi toss-in 102 Polly, to Tom 103 Sistine Chapel ceiling figure 104 Bulldog supporters 105 Discipline with poses 106 Lot purchase 107 Resolve, with “out” 108 Dull, maybe 109 J.E.B. Stuart’s side 11/25/18 xwordeditor@aol.com ©2018 Tribune Content Agency, LLC. SOLUTION, 4E a 1 | Sponsored by: /\ /'-J 4^-N -4— /~\ I Jt!' NORTH GEORGIA 'g? /\OOpt me: $et Cremations ™ 770-540-2078 vSfc From the Humane Society of Northeast Georgia 845 Ridge Road, Gainesville | Hours: 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday through Saturday, 1 -5 p.m. Sunday. Phone: 770-532-6617 | website: www.hsnega.com Meet Cowboy Cowboy is a 3-month-old kitten dream ing of a forever home for the holidays. He would love to meet you and be your furry best friend! ID number: 40106594 Meet Bandit Bandit is a 1 -year-old Catahoula Leopard mix. He gets a little stressed in his kennel and is a completely different pup if you were to meet him outside. Bandit is a loving and playful dog who would be the per fect adventure buddy for an active family. ID number: 39455835 From the Hall County Animal Shelter 1688 Barber Road, Gainesville | Hours: 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Tuesday through Saturday Phone: 678-450-1587 | website: www.hallcounty.org/276/Animal-Services Meet Zephyr Zephyr is a 5-year- old male domestic shorthair cat. ID number: 40028955 Meet Sebastian Sebastian is a 3-year- old male hound mix. ID number: 39674346 Check out these pets’ pictures in color at www.gainesvilletimes.com How to approach the holidays when an ex is invited Question: I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and last month we decided to move in together. He was married previously, has two chil dren, and they share equal custody of the kids. I see the kids every other week, and we get along great, but I have yet to meet his ex. According to my boy friend, his parents invite her to all their family’s get-togethers and it appears this Thanksgiving is no different. This makes me uncomfortable. Meeting her for the first time at his par ents’ home with everyone starring just seems wrong. What’s good ex-etiquette? Answer: It is wrong — not necessarily that the DR. JANN BLACKSTONE dr.jann@exetiquette.com ex is invited, that’s the grandparents’ prerogative. What’s wrong is that you haven’t met the ex and the invitation is being left to a major holiday. That puts unnecessary pressure on everyone. Many feel that out of respect for the new union, the former partner should not be invited to special occasions, and when they are, they take it person ally. According to the rules of good ex-etiquette, the ex shouldn’t be invited to every family get-together, but a MAJOR holiday or milestone, like a gradu ation, expect them to be there. Translated into your situation — you’re the newbie, the ex has been invited since the kids were born, possibly prior, and it appears your partner’s parents expect you to get with the program. The big question is, should you? In my opinion, abso lutely. No one says you have to be buddies with anyone, but you moved in with a guy with children with a long history of cel ebrating with extended family. You should have anticipated this. The one I fault with bad ex-etiquette is your boyfriend. He should have orchestrated a meeting months ago. I know this sounds uncon ventional, but these kids are going back and forth between two homes. Their allegiance is checked each time they do that. (Prior to “joint custody” parents usu ally stayed to themselves after a break-up. That’s not necessarily true anymore, so rules must change — and here you are wonder ing what the heck you’ve gotten yourself into. It’s the adults’ job to put these children first, (Ex-etiquette for parents rule No.l) and making the transition from home to home as comfortable as possible should be the adults’ primary concern. I know it’s only a few days before Thanksgiving, but it would sure make it a lot easier if your boyfriend set something up so that you could meet mom before Thanksgiving. Casual cof fee, something easy. If he does not, the big question is, should you go? If you feel too uncomfort able this time, say so. But, it’s your choice. Don’t make your boyfriend choose. That could pos sible affect your relation ship and your relationships with his parents, not to mention upset the kids and break a family tradition. And, if you choose not to go, make it a priority to meet mom before any other major holiday rolls around. Finally, if you’re secretly hoping that the in-laws will invite only you and slowly phase out their relationship with the ex, don’t hold your breath. It sounds as if they think of her as their grandchil dren’s mother and not their son’s ex — and that means she’s going to be around. Check out the “10 rules of good ex-etiquette for parents” on the Bonus Families website. They will help. Happy Holidays! Dr. Jann Blackstone is the author of “Ex-etiquette for Parents: Good Behavior After Divorce or Separation.” She can be contacted at dr.jann@ exetiquette.com.
