Newspaper Page Text
6B Friday, December 7, 2018
The Times, Gainesville, Georgia | gainesvilletimes.com
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Married
Married
Husband doesn’t contribute to the family
CAROLYN HAX
tellme@washpost.com
Dear Carolyn:
I’ve heard “life is
too short” a lot lately.
It makes me think I’ve
wasted significant time,
energy and money in a
23-year relationship that
has caused me so much
pain and exhaustion.
My husband is dif
ficult and controlling.
Both tendencies come directly from
his family: His mother is a controlling
narcissist.
When I was younger, I thought
I just needed to improve and that
would relieve some of his anxiety,
selfishness and control issues. It was
not until I had children that his ten
dencies really caused me to question
what I was doing.
We live close to his family, all of
whom have — on several occasions
in recent years — given me the silent
treatment, called me names and gen
erally caused me a lot of stress. After
therapy, I’ve been able to establish
good boundaries with his family. And
I’ve tried in many different ways to
talk with my husband to make him
understand what I am going through.
Since his family is his norm, he
doesn’t fully comprehend.
He now has meltdowns on a weekly
basis that include the silent treat
ment and sometimes name-calling.
I respond calmly most of the time,
because I just have to accept him for
what he is, since he refuses to seek
help. I have three small children and
a household to care for — he helps
out at home only when and if he feels
like it, and usually nothing too taxing.
I also am the sole provider for my
household. So, I work full time and
have a full-time house
hold with little support.
I may have the oppor
tunity to move for my
job. I think perhaps
physical distance from
his family might work.
Does it ever help in
these situations? It is the
only thing I haven’t rea
sonably tried.
— Life Is Too Short
No, it’s not. You haven’t tried
divorce.
I’m not saying you should have, just
that you haven’t.
Generally I avoid pointing out
things people hardly need to be told
— I don’t explain there’s such a thing
as adoption, for example, to people
struggling to conceive, because duh
— but the blind spot in your letter
seems so vast I feel compelled to
make an exception:
Divorce is a valid legal and emo
tional remedy for 23 years of pain and
buffer against 23 more.
Life is too short? Maybe. I say
life is too long to justify spending its
duration with an apparently capable
partner who doesn’t contribute emo
tional support, income, or propor
tionate domestic effort— you don’t
even mention love, anywhere — and
who does contribute selfishness,
stress, poor boundaries, a nasty fam
ily, and weekly meltdowns/name-
callings/silent treatments.
I’m glad you found therapy help
ful and I’m glad your boundaries
with his family have held. But allow
me to suggest that wasn’t a solution
unto itself, but instead was Part 1
of a difficult but overdue long-life/
short-life overhaul.
Please explore Part 2 inprivate
consultation with a very good lawyer,
and in therapy again, solo. (If he
miraculously relents, then he goes
solo, too.) Read “The Gift of Fear”
by Gavin de Becker. Don’t skimp on
self- and child-preservation, or safety,
especially given a possible relocation.
Assume he’ll make this as tough on
you as he can.
But ask yourself: If you were your
child, would you want to grow up in
this home?
Chat with Carolyn online at noon each
Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.
DAILY CROSSWORD
ACROSS
1 Feathered
scarves
5 Flared, as a
skirt
10 Scout destination
14 “No way!” (hyph.)
15 Cause mirth in
16 Not written
17 Type of pasta
18 Brainy club
19 Clamp
20 Camera
accessory
(2 wds.)
22 Party
24 Inch fractions
25 Wave feature
26 Voluntarily
29 Identical
32 Zodiac sign
33 Geishas’ apparel
34 Claims
38 Alien spacecraft
39 Two-deck rummy
42 Moo goo — pan
43 Warrior princess
45 Check for
fingerprints
46 Fair-haired boy
48 Enjoy a puddle
50 Sandpaper
grade
51 Chuck Berry
tune
54 Modem-speed
unit
55 Sharp ends
57 Stouter
61 Rajah's spouse
62 Magna cum —
64 Take it easy
65 Pious ending
66 Buenos —
67 Wine's bouquet
68 London park
69 Word of grace
70 Ziploc competitor
PREVIOUS PUZZLE SOLVED
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12-7-18 © 2018 UFS, Oist. by Andrews McMeet for U FS
21
31
DOWN
33
Burden
Latest gossip
35
Operatic prince
Taft’s state
36
Censors
Freeway
37
Fries or slaw
dogger
40
Shakespeare
Shine with a
title word
flickering light
41
Give or take
Courageously
44
Totally stupid
Broken mirrors,
47
Serving soup
maybe
49
Permit
Tries for office
50
Affectionate
Curvy shape
gesture
Hard of hearing
51
Winfrey of talk
Included
shows
Get up
52
Rich, friable soil
Yacht features
53
Had an elegant
Kilt feature
meal
Purple hue
54
Augurs
Gross!
56
Big hunk
Continuous
57
Not diluted
change
58
Rock star, say
Teeming
59
Ms. Lanchester
Poet’s black
of films
Embarrass
60
Tall stalk
Itemize
63
Feel awful
Hobby ender
1
2
3
*
1
5
6
7
8
8
1
10
11
12
13
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”
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BRIDGE
THINK AHEAD
Neither vulnerable, South deals
NORTH
* Q954
<?K1092
05
* 10 8 6 3
EAST
WEST
AKJ6
084
OK J 10 4
* A J94
A 10 7 3 2
OJ
OA98632
*Q2
SOUTH
4 A8
OAQ7 6 5 3
O Q 7
*K75
The bidding:
SOUTH WEST NORTH EAST
K? Dbl 3<?* 3A
4<? AH pass
*Pre-emptive
Opening lead:
What would you bid, if anything,
with the East hand in today’s deal?
The exciting 6-4 distribution seems
to call for some action, but don’t
get carried away. This is not a very
good hand, after all. Bidding three
spades is fine if partner is going to
carry on with a raise to four spades.
But what if partner is all in after
his take out double? Perhaps you
should bid four diamonds, instead,
as it might be easier to lake 10 tricks
in diamonds than take nine tricks in
spades. Also, what if the opponents
compete to four hearts and partner is
on lead? Then you surely want to bid
diamonds.
After the given auction, West led
the six of spades, his partner’s suit.
Curtains! South rose with dummy’s
queen, led a spade to his ace, and
then exiled with a diamond. West
won and continued with a spade,
ruffed by South. The last diamond
was ruffed in dummy, and the ace
and king of hearts drew the trumps.
A club to declarer’s seven now end-
played West, who had to yield a ruff-
si uff or set up the king of clubs.
Note that four hearts will certainly
fail after a diamond lead from West
at trick one. Getting up your courage
to make an aggressive bid is often
a good thing but think about the
possible consequences. As they say
in pro sports, “they’re paying the
other guys too”.
(Bob Jones welcomes readers'
responses sent in care of this
newspaper or to Tribune Content
Agency, LLC., 16650 Westgrove
Dr., Suite 175, Addison, TX 75001.
E-mail: tcaeditors@tribpub.com)
Unscramble these Jumbles,
one letter to each square, |
to form four ordinary words. I
THAT SCRAMBLED WORD GAME
By David L. Hoyt and Jeff Knurek
NUYNS
Y'Sk'N
iKIMTION
|£ACE CENTER
LOGTA
k yy n
We carT
We have a blast them
problem.lt with grub
looks like mh. s P r ^Y-
RODRIT
v y Y ^
MTTCOA
\&L-
JZ
7
THE LANPSCAPERS AT
NASA'S JOHNSON SPACE
CENTER SPECIALIZEP IN —
©2018 Tribune Content Agency, LLC
All Rights Reserved-
Now arrange the circled letters
to form the surprise answer, as
suggested by the above cartoon.
Yesterday's
(Answers tomorrow)
Jumbles: PANIC TENTH PEBBLE PLURAL
Answer: They built the castle on the highest point so their
enemies would have an — UPHILL BATTLE
SUDOKU
DIFFICULTY RATING: ★★★★☆
9
9
8
1
9
1
8
1
1
HOW TO PLAY
Each row, column and
set of 3-by-3 boxes must
contain the numbers
1 -9 without repetition
12/7
© 2018 Dist. by Andrews McMcel Syndication for UFS
PREVIOUS SOLUTION
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