6B Friday, December 14, 2018
The Times, Gainesville, Georgia | gainesvilletimes.com
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New home, new rules for holidays:
CAROLYN HAX
tellme@washpost.com
Dear Carolyn:
We are in our 30s,
financially independent
with young children, in
our own home. When we
go to my in-laws’ house
for holidays, we always
abide by their rules, as
in, no football-watching
because the TV can’t be
on during family time,
games must be played after dinner,
etc. They’re annoying and my hus
band would make comments about
missing whatever game, but we went
along with it.
Now my in-laws are coming for the
holiday, as it’s much harder for us to
travel with the kids. The in-laws have
strongly hinted they want their tradi
tions and rules, but in our house.
I think because it’s our home, we
should be able to add my traditions
and do things that make husband
happy — like watch football while
we make dinner. Husband agrees
but is not thrilled about an argument.
Thoughts?
— My House, My Rules?
Your becoming our-house-our-
rules-type hosts would indeed be a
replica of your in-laws’ holiday tra
dition, so, yes, please do something
different.
A good place to start would be to
approach good hosting as the overlap
between self-expression and an effort
to make your guests feel comfortable
and welcome.
Singing “Ding-dong, your rules
are dead!” over the blare of multiple
screens, even just figuratively, does
not fit that description.
Nor would it be in the holiday spirit
to do things you know
will irritate them just
(or mostly) because
you can.
But having a game
on, one you actually
care about and not just
for the sake of a game
on, and only during
meal-prep or hangout
time and not when
you’re gathered for the actual feast,
and only in one common space versus
all of them? Sure. That’s fair.
So is incorporating your family’s
traditions.
Where reasonable, adapt things to
their sensitivities — and make flex
ibility the biggest new idea you’ve
got. If your in-laws challenge even a
mindful, limited deviation from their
norms, then they’re being rude. They
can ask for lowered TV volumes, but
they can’t ask for their recipes over
yours. Not politely.
That’s actually both grounds for not
arguing, and a template: “Our host
ing is a big change for all of us. We’re
glad you’re here, and hope you’ll give
it time.” Go, Team Progress, go.
Hey Carolyn:
My boyfriend and I are commit
ted to each other, but he’s terrible at
being reassuring. When we talked
last week about moving in together,
he said, “Well, we spend most nights
together anyway” — whereas I would
like some reassurance that it’s a step
toward marriage. He’s open to it, but
seemingly incapable of verbalizing it
the way I need to hear. Is this a deal-
breaker? I want to accept him for
who he is, but after years of breakups
and near-misses, I guess I need a bit
of reassurance.
— Go With the Flow?
Reassurance, even if you got it,
would just be words.
The “breakups and near-misses”
and “we spend most nights together
anyway” and your daily lives together
are your reality. Stop listening for the
words, and hear what reality says.
Is it a reality you’d marry as-is? If
no, then break up with it, because it’s
not changing; if yes, then propose to it
yourself.
Chat with Carolyn online at noon each
Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.
DAILY CROSSWORD
ACROSS
1 Safety elevator
inventor
5 Pleasure boat
10 Active volcano
14 — Raton
15 Foul-up
16 Emir or sheik
17 Bond’s alma
mater
18 Feminine side
19 Plump and juicy
20 Over there
22 Deprived of wind
24 Little creek
26 Hire a decorator
27 Ottawa’s
province
30 Patted on
34 Soap ingredient
35 Over
38 Join forces
39 Under the
weather
40 See the light
(2 wds.)
42 “Exodus” hero
43 Europe’s
longest river
46 Toss out
48 So far
49 Naval officer
51 Dry
53 Neighbor of
Thailand
55 Cry of dismay
56 Uncultured ones
60 Sinew
64 Away from the
wind
65 Riyadh resident
67 Type of ranch
68 Tolerate
69 “Maria —”
70 “Iliad” or
“Odyssey”
71 Variety
PREVIOUS PUZZLE SOLVED
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DOWN
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2 Oz canine
3 Computer
graphic
4 Dee or Bullock
5 Young horse
6 Aleta’s son
7 Corn storage
8 “Iliad” writer
9 Tracked down
10 Hoop site
11 Decorate the tree
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21 Blarney Stone
locale
23 Famous rib donor
25 Mine finds
27 Uniform color
2018 UFS, Dist. by Andrews McMeel for UFS
28 Chute material
29 Relates
31 Donkey noises
32 Wading bird
33 Zeus or Odin
36 List shortener
37 Smudged
41 Papeete native
44 — and Sullivan
45 Petri-dish
medium
47 Plumbing need
50 Lasso parts
52 Give, as a verdict
54 Marshy tract
56 Chocolate-
colored dogs,
briefly
57 Bogus butter
58 Get threadbare
59 Took legal action
61 Cat’s-paw
62 Garfield’s
canine pal
63 Bottle part
66 Spiral molecule
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BRIDGE
OPENING LEADS
North-South vulnerable, Hast deals
NORTH
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EAST
WEST
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The bidding:
EAST SOUTH WEST NORTH
1A 30 34» 40
All pass
Opening lead: Six of *
Many of today’s tournament
players use a lead agreement known
as “third and fifth.” They lead the
third highest card from an even
number of cards in the suit and the
lowest card from an odd number.
This helps them get a quick count
on the hand but can cause problems
when they need information about
the location of high cards. Other
players use “second and fourth.”
They lead their second highest card
from a worthless suit, defined as
holding no jack or higher, and their
fourth highest card from an honor,
giving their count on the second play
in the suit. “'Third and fifth” players
claim they can often work out where
the high cards are, and indeed they
can — sometimes.
“Second and fourth” players
wouldn’t even consider today’s deal
as a problem. West’s lead of the
spade five would promise an honor,
on this deal the queen, and East
would routinely return a low spade
at trick two to partner’s queen for a
heart shift to defeat the contract.
“Third and fifth” players would
have a problem. They would solve it
correctly on this deal, as they can see
that partner must be put on play for a
heart lead through the dummy before
the ace of clubs is knocked out. They
would win the king of spades at trick
one, take a deep breath, and return
the jack of spades, hoping partner
had the queen. West would know
what to do — overtake the jack
with the queen and shift to a heart.
Problem solved on this deal.
(Bob Jones welcomes readers’
responses sent in care of this
newspaper or to Tribune Content
Agency, LLC., 16650 West grove
Dr., Suite 175, Addison, TX 75001.)
(OTiiQIBSyS
Unscramble these Jumbles,
one letter to each square,
to form four ordinary words.
THAT SCRAMBLED WORD GAME
By David L. Hoyt and Jeff Knurek
DWNOU
TURET
Y y
STOAMC
L^
EYTPRO
^2
©2018 Tribune Content Agency, LLC
All Rights Reserved.
WHEN THE BALLET SCENE
FEATUREP A PUO OF
BALLERINAS, ALL EYES
WERE PRAWN —
Now arrange the circled letters
to form the surprise answer, as
suggested by the above cartoon.
Arts.
here:
2^.
Y'Y"
Yesterday’s
(Answers tomorrow)
Jumbles: PRAWN ALIAS BIGGER USEFUL
Answer: When the spies securely placed the hidden
listening device, it was — SNUG AS A BUG
SUDOKU
DIFFICULTY RATING:
8
9
1
1
1
8
8
9
8
8
HOW TO PLAY
Each row, column and
set of 3-by-3 boxes must
contain the numbers
1 -9 without repetition
12/14
© 201B Disl. by Andrews McMecl Syndication for UFS
PREVIOUS SOLUTION
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