About The times. (Gainesville, Ga.) 1972-current | View Entire Issue (Dec. 12, 2020)
FUN+GAMES W&t Srtncs gainesvilletimes.com Weekend Edition - December 12-13,2020 Shannon Casas Editor in Chief | 770-718-3417 | life@gainesvilletimes.com Who gets to keep our cat after the break-up? Q. Have you ever heard of people sharing an ani mal after they break up? My ex and I were together for 10 years. We got a cat right after we moved in together. We have now decided to live apart, but we can’t agree with whom the cat should live. I sug gested that the cat live with me for a week and him for a week. What’s good ex-etiquette? A. Many people think of their animals as family and when they break up, have the same issues with visitation or custody of the animals as parents have with their children — and I can tell you that I’ve heard DR. JANN BLACKSTONE dr.jann@exetiquette.com judges rule that the animals must go back and forth with the kids as often as I’ve heard them say the animal stays put. It seems it’s an arbitrary decision based on circumstances. When ever I answer an ex-etiquette question, I base the solution on the best interest of the children. That’s why the first rule of Good Ex-etiquette for Par ents is “Put the kids first.” If you do that, it’s easy to remove your own self inter est and use the kids’ welfare as the criteria to make the right decision. Since you did not mention you had children, I suggest you base your decision on what is best for your beloved cat. He is 10 years old. He probably has a routine, knows his space, and is com fortable in his home. I know from experience — my own daughter brings her cats with cat box, toys, and treats each time she visits. They are much younger; one is 3, the other is a year, and it takes them a few days to get acclimated, not to mention the car ride makes them crazy. I can only imagine what would happen if that was their way of life. They would never get acclimated and be hiding under the bed all week. The back-and-forth life is difficult on children — they may want to hide under the bed when they have to pick up and get organized at the other home, but you can explain what’s happening to a child. You can reassure them that both parents love them and work with them to make their life more com fortable. You can also see how they’re affected when the back-and-forth life is approached incorrectly. You can’t explain what’s happening to a 10-year-old cat, but using the same approach, I’d tell you to look what’s best for this cat and make your decision accord ingly. Being a sensitive ani mal owner is very similar to being a sensitive parent — you are as unselfish as you can possibly be and make your decisions in their best interest. So, rather than dig in your heels, I’d suggest you and your ex figure out who can spend the most time with the cat and where would he be the most comfortable for his remaining years. If you’re friendly, perhaps set aside a time that the non-custodial pet owner can visit. This is when people note that it’s ironic you can use this approach with an animal, but not with children. My answer? For all beings, look for the unself ish solution — not based in principle, but in love and compassion. That’s good ex-etiquette. Dr. Jann Blackstone is the author of “Ex etiquette for Parents: Good Behavior After Divorce or Separation,” and the founder of Bonus Families, www. bonusfamilies.com. LOS ANGELES TIMES SUNDAY CROSSWORD “PAPER TRAIL” By 84 Diminish 126 skills 19 Absolute ruler 59 “Give minute 88 Mount : GARRY MORSE 87 12th-century 127 Large chamber 24 Due times four ” Charley English king groups 28 Team in some 60 Glyceride, for Weaver’s home ACROSS 89 Place to park it 128 Americans in pickup games one 91 “Don’t go in 1 Springlike 90 Fulfill Paris, maybe 30 San Diego’s 63 Longtime “Band there!” 7 Word in France’s 92 it starts in the Park of Renown” 93 Grissom on national motto 60s, by most DOWN 31 Aquafina rival leader “CSI” 14 Scratched, say reckonings 1 Short cleaner 32 Newspaper for 65 “Ben-Hur” villain 94 Scholarly 20 Skin care brand 95 Mine car 2 “Casino Roy ale” hairstylists? 66 Ousted Iranian 96 “0, that way 21 Michelle’s 97 Wee bit (2006) actress 35 Doo-wop syllable 67 Bern’s river lies”: Lear successor 98 Newspaper for Green 36 Short seller’s 69 Caboose, for one 98 On : famous 22 Alpine climbing traffic cops? 3 High- monitor concern 70 Artist’s medium 99 Sloppy kiss tool 102 2010 health law: 4 Phobia, e.g. 38 Steamed 72 Angers 100 Had because of 23 Newspaper for Abbr. 5 Diarist first name 39 Reagan’s first 75 Clapton woman 101 Baggage porter jeans wearers? 104 Coal-rich valley with a diaeresis secretary of state who’s “got me 103 Foam footwear 25 Shake and 105 Cut 6 Glaudini of early 40 Photo-sharing on my knees” 107 Sole order bake, e.g. 106 Sad “Criminal Minds” app, briefly 77 Deceive 108 Tenth of 12 26 Rodeo ropes 107 Four-term prez episodes 41 Once called 79 Italian wine hub popes 27 Essen article 108 Auto repair bill 7 Consulate cousin 42 1992 Robin 81 2000 A.L. MVP 110 Nonstick kitchen 28 For example component 8 Artwork base Williams role Jason brand 29 “Leaves and 109 Seine summer coat 44 Part of un opera 82 Gideon Fell 111 Ex-Cub Navels” artist 110 Prefix with cycle 9 Bar order 46 Keats’ “Sylvan creator John Sandberg 30 Philippine money 112 Deg. for drillers 10 Frying medium historian” Dickson 113 Part of DOS: 33 General on a 114 Like an 11 Create 49 Where Coca- 83 Bk. fair Abbr. menu accomplice 12 Clothing store Cola is KO organizer 115 “Nuh-uh” 34 “A Beautiful Mind” 116 Make changes to display aid 51 Complain 85 Key of 117 Little dickens mathematician 118 Newspaper 13 Kernel holder 53 Newspaper for Schumann’s 118 Undergrad 36 At the discretion for Schwinn 14 “Look!,” to Luis metalworkers? “Spring degs. of owners? 15 Sore 54 Emmy winner Symphony” 119 Friend of Fidel 37 Preceding 123 insect-sized 16 King of Spain Kay 86 Joyce , 120 Dockworker’s gp. periods superhero 17 NY/NJ’s 55 Wafflers brand Winona Ryder’s 121 CPR expert 38 Apple platform 124 Puts away Mountains 58 Singer Turner’s “Stranger 122 Blog feed format 39 Newspaper for 125 Poetic Bible book 18 Applies memoir Things” role letters newlyweds? 43 Venetian Renaissance artist 45 Chinese currency 47 Six-time NBA MVP, familiarly 48 Hi-tech medical image 50 Investor’s concern 52 Like a solid theory 56 U.S. maritime agcy. 57 Newspaper for attorneys? 61 Notstd. 62 Div. that, in its first year of existence, produced a World Series champ 64 Best poker pair 65 Phnom Penh river 66 Saltimbocca spice 68 Company whose spoofed horror film ad has the line, ‘Why can’t we just get in the running car?” 71 Swimmer Ledecky 73 Racer Ferrari 74 Paperwork, often 76 Get exactly right 78 Fake 80 Island with Dutch as an official language 81 Newspaper for chefs? 12/13/20 xwordeditor@aol.com ©2020 Tribune Content Agency, LLC. SOLUTION, 2C a 1 * Sponsored by: /\ /'--J /^-\ 4^-N -4— /~\ I it 1 NORTH GEORGIA /\QOPt mei kPet Cremations EGA 770-540-2076'33- Why would wife keep love letters from her exes? Dear Carolyn: Why would my wife keep love letters and other keep sakes from past relationships and not tell me about them? I happened upon these boxes in the basement after a recent flood. It’s very confusing, especially since I told her all about my life before her. — Confused Are you asking this as a rhetori cal question? It sounds that way — like a why-me cry of anguish. If so, then I understand. Even when we can think rationally about our current loves’ past loves — and past lives, the “before,” whatever it con tained, because there had to be one to make them the people they are — seeing something in hard copy can still have a visceral punch. If you’re actually looking for reasons, then, OK: Throwing things away can feel just as wrong as keep ing them. These are artifacts of a life. Her life. Boxes in basements in flood zones are as good a compromise with herself as any. Or, she decided to decide later what to do with it all, then forgot about it. (That’s my signature move.) Or she’s more private about and possessive of her past than you are. It doesn’t have to mean anything bigger than that. Or, she actively, fully intends to go through this stuff and dispose of it thoughtfully, and has intended to since she first stashed it, and procrastinates the task. Or she harbors a secret longing for each of these past loves. These possibilities are in roughly descending order of likelihood. Especially since the keepsakes represent relationships-plural, not just one, I find it hard to imagine they have meaning beyond nostalgia — and even then, it’s probably nostalgia more for her youth than for the exes themselves. Seeing as she left them all behind but still has herself. And you. Dear Carolyn: I’ve been sheltering in place for nine months now, venturing out only to the grocery store, pharmacy and a monthly haircut (in masks always). With the spike in infections and deaths, I decided not to join family from four households for Thanksgiving. I got a lot of negative feedback about my decision and feel really bad about it. I’m scheduled to host Christmas this year — and fam ily members are telling me they won’t follow my desires for separation and the like. Am thinking I ought to pull out from hosting. Your thoughts about all of this? — Over 65, Overweight, With Underlying Condition Yes, cancel Christmas. I am sorry for that. I am sorry for your past nine months of restricted living. I am sorry your people are acting like toads when all they have to do to show their love is assure you they’d rather have you around for a long and fulfilling life than get their way for one stupid day. I am sorry I called Christmas stupid. But, wow. I hope the toadishness is really that they all miss you and are upset they won’t spend time with you and are just saying this badly. Keep exercising your freedom in service of commu nity health and against recklessness. Heroism wears a mask and follows guidelines and cancels group Christ mas and stands up to the misinformed. Thank you for being brave. CAROLYN HAX tellme@washpost.com From the Humane Society of Northeast Georgia 845 Ridge Road, Gainesville | Phone: 770-532-6617 | website: www.hsnega.com Chat with Carolyn online at noon each Friday at www. washingtonpost.com. Meet Mama Cat Need someone to remind you to eat your veggies? Or to nag you into putting away your socks? Mama Cat won’t do that, despite her name. This 6-year-old will be your FURever friend though! ID number: 45323423 45928470 From the Hall County Animal Shelter 1688 Barber Road, Gainesville | Phone: 678-450-1587 | website: www.hallcounty.org/276/Animal-Services Meet Helga Hufflepuff Helga Hufflepuff is the very definition of a loyal friend! In fact, with this 3-year- old Labrador Retriever mix’s black coat, she’ll practically feel like your shadow. She’d love to be your one and only! ID number: \ V 7* ’WTy 9 <? Featured animals were not submitted by the Hall County Animal Shelter this week. SUNDAY SUDOKU 1 5 7 6 6 8 9 7 4 2 5 7 8 2 8 7 4 1 6 7 9 7 6 4 7 9 8 2 6 3 5 DIFFICULTY RATING: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ SOLUTION, 2C
