About The times. (Gainesville, Ga.) 1972-current | View Entire Issue (June 23, 2023)
FUN+GAMES She Sftnes gainesvillelimes.com Weekend Edition-June 23-24, 2023 Rachel Estes Features Editor | 770-718-3421 | life@gainesvilletimes.com Pushing divorced mom to see ‘upside’ of past marriage Dear Carolyn: My mom refuses to acknowledge the upside of her marriage to my dad. He was not the best husband or father, I’ll be the first to admit that. He was wrapped up in his work and left everything else to her. But now that I’ve entered the same branch of science he was in, I get it. It had to be that way for him to make the breakthroughs he did. My mom divorced him two years ago, and he hasn’t really gotten over it. He asks me when I see him if she misses him, and I don’t know what to say. I’m not saying she can’t be happy, but she makes it all too clear that she doesn’t miss him and talks endlessly about this guy she’s dating CAROLYN HAX tellme@washpost.com like he’s Mr. Wonderful. I know my dad can’t see it, but it’s kind of sicken ing that my sister and I can, though my sister says my mom is entitled to be happy. I’m not saying she isn’t, but tone it down a little, you know? I tried talking to her about it, presenting the good of her 23-year mar riage, saying she played a part in my father’s work; she enabled him to do that research and write those papers, and she can be happy and proud of that. She said because of her children she wasn’t sorry she married my dad, but she wasn’t sorry she divorced him, either. It’s like she didn’t even listen to me. So frustrating. Should I try another way to get through to her or just let it go? — Frustrated Here are some things to say when your dad asks you if your mom misses him: ■ I am sorry you are hurting. Asking me to be your go-between will not make things better and is not fair to me. ■ Please stop trying to put me in the middle. ■ You will have to ask her that yourself. ■ I am not your carrier pigeon. ■ Dad, stop. (Change subject.) ■ Dad, stop. Here is why I opened my answer that way: The things you are look ing for are not yours to have. Your mother’s feel ings about your dad and her former marriage are entirely her own to have. It’s not appropriate to try to influence her feelings to make yourself feel better. She “didn’t even listen to me” because you crossed into subjects that were very distinctly not your business. It’s easy to see how you might believe they are your business. Your parents’ divorce obviously affected you in all kinds of ways. But if you try to make sense of what happened and how you feel about it without clear, logical boundaries in place, then you’re going to end up frustrated and confused. So draw lines where they belong. Your feelings are your business, your dad’s are your dad’s, your mom’s are your mom’s and your sister’s are your sister’s. How you interact with your dad is your business. How you interact with your mom is your business. How your mom and dad interact with each other is not your business. How your mom interacts with her new love interest is not your business unless and until it crosses some kind of line in your presence. If you’re uncom fortable around them, then it is your place to speak up and/or leave the room. Gaining new perspec tive on your dad from a career angle is interesting and valuable, but it doesn’t redraw any of those lines or make your mom retroac tively any less lonely. It may seem compli cated, but it’s actually a simple system for navigat ing human complexity. You do you. That’s it. As well as you can. Chat with Carolyn online at noon each Friday at www. washingtonpost.com. SUNDAY SUDOKU LOS ANGELES TIMES SUNDAY CROSSWORD “STATE OF DISREPAIR” BY DAN SCHWARTZ & SHANNON RAPP ACROSS 1 Landlocked African nation 5 Teng known as the “Eternal Queen of Asian Pop” 11 Broker’s charge 14 Shadow 18 Basketball Hall of Famer Leslie 19 Spotted cat 20 Spanakopita cheese 21 Jasmine 22 Natural wonder that’s roughly 1,100 times bigger than the Grand Canyon? 25 Neighborhood 26 scheme 27 Afro puff, for one 28 Actor Holbrook 29 Post-breakup parties? 31 Front-of-the- rack sizes, often 33 “Show Me where I went wrong!?” elicitor, maybe? 37 it first!” 39 Reservoir creator 40 Family member 41 “You one job!” 42 Muscat’s land 45 Speech fillers 47 Good at repairs 50 “Too bad” 52 Hawkeyed writer of “To the Lighthouse”? 56 Scolds harshly 58 Deux halved 59 Large chau gong 60 Tartan pattern 62 Title of honor 63 Tablelands 65 Body art 67 Listens to 69 Question before making a Pine Tree disappear? 77 Finish (as) 78 Pro vote 79 “Metropolis: The Chase Suite” artist Janelle 81 Bigelow product 83 “August: County” 86 “Thank U, Next” singer Ariana 90 Tiny ammo 91 Insect marching in a column 93 The NHL’s North Stars in 1967, for one? 96 Draws from a Juul, say 97 Heavy-duty cooler brand 99 Big name in cheese balls 100 Inactive 101 Writer/activist B. Wells 102 Actress Fey 104 Place for a mineral scrub 107 Stitched 109 Wolverine’s snack dispenser? 114 California wine valley 118 Woodland deities 119 Prefix with tourism 120 Broadcasts 122 Some spouses 123 “Smooth Operator” singer 124 Secluded place in Lhasa to think about Treasure? 128 Italian automaker since 1899 129 Big personalities 130 “Turn it up!” 131 Encourage 132 Ish 133 Wages 134 Size up 135 “Don’t dele” DOWN 1 Applauds 2 Start of a call home, perhaps 3 Yoga position 4 Truly brilliant 5 Unit of measure for elephants or cargo 6 Neutral shade 7 Harvests 8 Skipped over 9 Chihuahua neighbor 10 DOJ arm concerned with explosives 11 Are blue 12 UFO pilots, probably 13 Uses Blue Apron, say 14 Land parcel 15 Carrier in French Polynesia 16 Olympian Nathan Chen, notably 17 Grazing ground 20 German woman 23 Aromatherapy array 24 “Lookee here!” 30 Counterpart of “ser,” in Spanish 32 Steamy spot 34 “If u ask me” 35 Spanish “Very good!” 36 Slow Churned brand 38 Caprice 42 Egg cell 43 Went for the gold? 44 Playground retort 46 Convened 48 Swiss peak 49 Super Bowl org. 51 Complete a Monopoly circuit 53 “Showtime!” 54 Cry miserably 55 Luxury hotel chain 57 Mild Dutch cheese 61 Pacific tuna 64 Lemur with long fingers and ratlike teeth 66 Tab, for one 68 Shio or shoyu dish 70 Noodles served in dashi 71 Lowering in rank 72 Clean air agey. 73 Star in Lyra 74 Deserve 75 Retired, maybe 76 Group of schemers 80 “Twilight” vampire 81 Industry-wide expo 82 Latin American pastries 84 Ultrasound goop 85 Outer: Pref. 87 Sparky the Sun Devil’s sch. 88 Minor criticisms 89 Naps 91 Tel , Israel 92 Sean of “Stranger Things” 94 Swanky 95 Condition sometimes treated with hearing aids 98 Handheld Nintendo system 103 Arched foot part 105 Duelers at some bars? 106 III will 108 Amazes 110 Because of 111 Scores 100% on 112 Foldable bed 113 Wear with time 115 In the open 116 On-ramp sign 117 So far 121 Mario Kart console, for short 123 NorCalhub 125 Two-time French Open winner Swiatek 126 In the style of 127 Technica: tech news website 6/25/23 ©2023 Tribune Content Agency, LLC. 8 3 6 2 5 8 9 3 2 7 9 3 2 6 5 7 5 4 6 9 3 3 1 5 4 1 6 9 7 9 4 LO § 3 f L > u 2 (A i W\ST WEEK’S ANSWERS 1 4 8 7 2 3 9 5 6 9 6 5 4 8 1 7 3 2 7 3 2 5 9 6 8 1 4 4 7 9 8 6 5 1 2 3 5 2 6 1 3 9 4 7 8 3 8 1 2 4 7 6 9 5 2 9 3 6 1 4 5 8 7 8 5 4 9 7 2 3 6 1 6 1 7 3 5 8 2 4 9 6/18/23 WEDNESDAY ANSWERS Y O R E 1 N D 1 A M O T E U R A L M 1 E N S A P E D K A T E B L U S H R E T E S L E A z 1 E S T L 1 N E N N 0 B P A N S W O O N E D F E D E R A L M A D R E ■ A F A R ■ s A G A O R o ■ | s N O R T ■ s 1 C K E R R A T O M ■ A P P L E E S S E N C E S A M 0 Y E D N O S V O L D R I E D L 0 u 1 S 1 A N A R A N G B O s s A ■ c L A D E R I E A B L E R E T N A G E T S G O O D Y D O O M 6-22-23 © 2023 UFS, Dist. by Andrews McMeel for UFS M O D A L E T C R T A E D T A E T D EC/I E C H D A N Q GAS YTCQ GAO A F E S I D R M E L E C I I P R 4 1 6 7 9 3 5 8 2 5 8 3 1 2 4 9 7 6 7 9 2 6 5 8 1 3 4 9 2 4 5 1 7 3 6 8 6 5 7 3 8 9 4 2 1 8 3 1 4 6 2 7 5 9 2 6 5 9 7 1 8 4 3 1 4 8 2 3 5 6 9 7 3 7 9 8 4 6 2 1 5 Jumbles: FRAUD VISOR INFUSE GULLET Answer: The hike was going well until the path they were following began — TRAILING OFF Answers to Wednesday's Boggld BrainBusters: EMU OWL DUCK LARK CRANE EAGLE
