About The times. (Gainesville, Ga.) 1972-current | View Entire Issue (Jan. 26, 2024)
FUN+GAMES Jim Massara Life Editor I 770-718-34211 life@gainesvilletimes.com She Stmes gainesvilletimes.com Weekend Edition - January 26-27, 2024 He’s angry daughter wrote a story of an absentee dad Dear Carolyn: My son and I are close, but my brilliant daughter has largely shut me out. She is 30 but, I believe, still nursing resent ment over my divorce from her mother when she was 4. We were very close when I had to move out. I also made some very bad choices in those early years after my divorce when my drink ing became a problem. Both my daughter and her younger brother have grounds to be angry about my behavior during that time. Yes, I made mistakes, but I also paid the consequences and turned myself around. I quit drinking 25 years ago and have always been an engaged, sup portive and loving parent. Both my parents were AWOL when I was young, as their parents had been, and I was determined to break that chain. And I did. My daughter has been casually hurtful in the past in ways that seemed deliberate, and I think she may be doing so again. Two of her short stories were recently pub lished in a prestigious literary magazine. She emailed me the stories a few days ago. Using a pen name, she falsely depicts me as an indifferent, uncaring, completely absent father. I'm not a character in the story, but my absence is a major element. It's brilliantly done, but it leaves a false impression of me as a deadbeat, and it's com pletely unfair. I'm thrilled and immensely proud of my daughter for getting published (and have told her so), but I'm deeply hurt. I hate to make it all about me, but did she depict me as a disengaged dad intending to be hurt ful? What other con clusion is there? Asking my daugh ter not to take cre ative liberties when writing about me is just part of my problem. My bigger problem is how to process my anger in a way that keeps the door open to a healthier relationship down the road. I really don't know how to talk to my daughter about this. — Feeling Shafted Short answer: You don't. You don't tell her what to write. You also don't assume she's writing about you. And you don't assume how she feels about what she writes, or what she intends you to feel. If you hate to make it all about you, then don't make it all about you. You may reasonably infer she is writing about you, and you may understandably feel hurt. That's not only fine, that's human. What you don't get to do — and still lay claim to being “sup portive” — is expect her to fix your feelings for you. You're the one who deals with those. Alone or with help, that's up to you. But you keep the two emotional paths sepa rate: She is on hers, and her art is part of that, 100 percent her business and her prerogative. (This includes her right to be wrong.) You are on yours, and your redemption is part of that. That's it. Your praise for her work is the best case you can make. Speaking of your redemp tion, the math is funky. If she's 30 now and was 4 when you divorced her mom, then you miscounted the “years” of either drinking or sobriety. A quibble, maybe, but it reminds me of players who flash the “who, me?” pose at the refs after obvious fouls. She “paid the consequences” of your actions, too, at a formative age. The best way to prop the door open to her trust is to rid yourself of any trace of defen siveness about your past. You did what you did. She feels what she feels. The only way forward starts there. Chat with Carolyn online at noon each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com. CAROLYN HAX Columnist LOS ANGELES TIMES SUNDAY CROSSWORD “THAT’S AMORE” BY GARY LARSON & AMY ENSZ ACROSS 1 Refrigerator handle 6 Rideshare updates, for short 10 Pencils that are hard to sharpen 15 In need of resupply, maybe 19 Asperity 20 TV producer Spencer 21 Put forward 22 Lacking a paper trail 23 About to explode 24 Blondie drummer Burke 25 Bit of support on the job? 27 Blues legend James 28 Partridge family member 30 Dune plants 31 Scottish herders, informally 33 Noble gas that’s roughly 1 % of the atmosphere 35 gin fizz 36 Arboreal marsupial 37 Hypoallergenic makeup brand 39 Bouillon 42 Leave everyone amazed? 47 Farm female 49 Glissade garb 50 Sushi roll topper 51 Tristan and 52 Like much of Montana 54 Dworshak structure 55 Gets a move on 57 Legal term that means “quilty mind” 60 Greets silently 62 See 58-Down 64 Broke off from a group 66 Supermodel Banks 67 In-house water source? 71 From Perth to Sydney 75 Sanctimonious sort 78 Southern staple 81 Goes after 84 Woodstock sextet 88 Being 89 Sleep cycle 90 Not quite foggy 92 Goodyear offering 94 “ -in-the-Mist”: novel by Hope Mirrlees 95 Purple bloom 97 Post-dubbing 129 Coarse file 28 Adds criticism to 59 DVR button 86 “If I Ruled the title 130 Conquers criticism 61 “All the Light We World” rapper 98 Collect music 29 North Sea: Cannot See” 87 Infomercials, e.g. publishing DOWN Kazakh lake novelist Anthony 91 Gluttony, e.g. copyrights? 1 Astrological ram 32 Island of French 63 Ring bearer, 93 Creeps 101 Like 101 courses 2 Jollity Polynesia maybe 96 Risk territory 103 “Honest” 3 Rock collector? known for black- 65 Camera type, 98 Close 105 Light cigar 4 Very little sand beaches briefly 99 Self-referential 106 Letter-shaped 5 “Blessed the 34 Language of 68 Casual cafes 100 Eggy bun beam meek” central Mexico 69 Anthem opener 102 “Tar” Oscar 108 Sealy rival 6 Stingy sort 38 “Programs! Git 70 TV room nominee 110 County officers 7 Chronicles programs 72 Row in Petco? Blanchett 113 Daughter of 8 Length x width, here!” 73 Use elbow 104 Abate Cronus and for a rectangle 40 Nouveau- grease on 107 Get-well Rhea 9 Kafka Mexique, par 74 Cares for program, briefly 116 One well-versed protagonist exemple 76 Alter, in a way 109 “Waves of grain” in competition? 10 Sequin 41 Japanese 77 Clearance rack color 118 Balder’s father 11 Snareless drum wrestling caveat 110 Takes off 119 Legislative 12 Make the most 42 Buddhist who 79 Shoulder 111 Boneless cut branch that is of has attained ornament 112 Bygone blades mindful and 13 Google nirvana 80 California beach 113 Carpentry slot introspective? alternative 43 Buzz Lightyear’s town with a 114 Farm females 121 Bent 14 Rating units pal historic racetrack 115 Tire swing 122 “Middle Child” 15 Steps aside 44 Shade tree 81 Nursery piece holder rapper 16 Stood up as 45 Laudatory poem 82 Daughter of 117 12-point type 123 “Being the friends? 46 Cross product Cronus and 120 Winner of all but Ricardos” role 17 Scarce 48 Tech startup? Rhea three Olympic 124 Basilica areas 18 Group with 52 Actress Russo 83 Mixture for a women’s 125 Almond shade lodges 53 “hehe” Pennsylvania basketball 126 “Shucks!” 26 Mineral replaced 56 Smacks Dutch brewer? championships: 127 Labor agcy. by cornstarch in 58 With 62-Across, 85 Longtime Notre Abbr. 128 Vegetarian most cosmetic barbershop Dame coach 122 Indeed.com source of protein powders standard Parseghian listing 1/28/24 ©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC. SUNDAY SUDOKU 2 1 6 8 2 7 1 3 8 4 3 9 4 5 6 2 9 5 2 6 5 4 1 9 2 6 DIFFICULTY RATING: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS 6 7 4 3 1 2 5 9 8 9 8 5 6 7 4 2 3 1 3 1 2 5 9 8 4 7 6 5 6 8 2 4 9 7 1 3 2 3 7 8 6 1 9 4 5 1 4 9 7 5 3 8 6 2 7 2 1 4 3 5 6 8 9 8 9 6 1 2 7 3 5 4 4 5 3 9 8 6 1 2 7 T O Y S N O R I R E C O N A C C R A S H O O B R A N B L I N ' N I L E S A S Y o u C A T S L I K E I T D R A N O R O O T s E E O R O I ■ c Y A N T H E O D D C O M P A N Y C O U P L E C A R E s T O T K O S K A s I E R I S O W N A S W A N H A G U E D O C T H E D O U B T P R O D U C E R S A S K M E L A M B M U I R T O G S R E S I S T N E M O B s A N E o T H E H A I R S P R A Y W I Z A S A M O W S N E E S N O R E R D 0 L E P O O R R I S K N E O N s D A M N W I C K E D Y A N K E E S M T V S K O S H H E N I E A N T S E E p S H O E S T A B D A S T A R D A S T R A N G E C H I C A G O L O O P D I D I ■ D U N E A R E B O P I T A T O N E p L A Y W I T H I N A P L A Y P A N E L P A S S E A R C O T E M P T R E S S Y I E L D B Y E S O S S O 1/21/24 WEDNESDAY ANSWERS ■ H E Ml G A P E D L I L 1 A M A Z E O D O R l L A 1 R S G E N 1 A L R A p p E S T A V O N L E F T 0 R T M M A C B E T H C E R E A L A S H 1 C R O C K 1 P A N E R 1 T E T O S E E U S E D S L 1 D S T E E D s E W ■ 1 -25-24 ) 2024 UFS, Dist. by Andrews McMeel for UFS N Y L T Y E N J U S T A O Y Z N Y L T S U S T N L L E J U R A D 0 A W Y Z S G O G U J I M B R G B L J B x j) N D S J w Z U J N J u N 1 O O C T Mr y A B M A J/ s V A s 1 W ? <j B C R J T B L T T 4 'H D L B D/ T 1 0 N Z R B/Jy t> V 1 A L, y P B W L B V A O L j C W Y/ W E J F J D G L B A E J, E L Y N H C G R 1 U R C / C U E L B J Y B/ B L G, 1/ 4 J H T W R S C <J U \/ T Y R B L Y T 4 A O J J D Z \ L A B A d <j O N 1 4 7 8 5 3 9 2 6 8 2 5 9 1 6 7 4 3 9 3 6 4 2 7 8 5 1 3 6 1 5 4 8 2 7 9 2 7 8 6 9 1 5 3 4 5 9 4 3 7 2 6 1 8 4 1 2 7 8 9 3 6 5 6 5 9 2 3 4 1 8 7 7 8 3 1 6 5 4 9 2 Jumbles: BLURT PRIMP CANNON GOVERN Answer: Sometimes Jumble wordplay is so “stinky” that it’s - PUNGENT Answers to Wednesday's Boggld BrainBusters: DOHA ROME OSLO RIGA CAIRO SOFIA
