About The times. (Gainesville, Ga.) 1972-current | View Entire Issue (Feb. 2, 2024)
FUN+GAMES Jim Massara Life Editor I 770-718-34211 life@gainesvilletimes.com Sfitics gainesvilletimes.com Weekend Edition - January 2-3, 2024 Couples relationship buckles under moms indiscretion Dear Carolyn: My mother has caused innu merable problems in my 15-year relationship by violating my partner's boundaries. I thought that we had largely resolved this situation and that all parties had come to an understanding, but my mother did it again. My partner has been having some health issues, and she's only recently confided in some friends and family about it. I confided in my mother because the situation impacts my abil ity to visit my parents and their ability to visit us. My mother has been emotionally supportive, but she told another relative about my partner's health problems. That relative — whom my partner has met only twice briefly — called my partner four times in one day to discuss her health issues. My partner is cur rently annoyed, but that will turn to anger within the next 48 hours. My mother gets offended when I tell her she has crossed a boundary, and I've lit igated this topic with her dozens of times. I feel like the only path forward is to not tell her anything that could result in a boundary later being crossed and instead say something to the effect of, “I can't discuss a visit right now because of some things going on,” and leave it at that. But that seems like an invi tation to open up a whole new can of worms. — Child of a Boundary Crosser It's only a new worm can if you engage with the worms, or with the person holding the can opener, or with this whole metaphor. Plus, if you do choose to engage, then it's your worm can to deal with, not your partner's. That's the real point here: When you share your partner's private busi ness with your mom knowing full well Mama can't keep a lid on the news, you're prioritizing your mom over your partner out of expediency. You know your mom will make it difficult for you if you say, without details, ‘‘It's not a good time to visit.” (Wrongly, by the way; it's your business, and you're allowed an unexplained ‘‘no.”) You know your partner won't like it, but you're gambling that your mom might maybe possibly keep her mouth shut this time, so you might get away with it. And you're calculating that even if you don't get away with it because your mother blabs, then your partner will be the easier person to deal with when ticked off. Like I said, it’s expediency. You're caving to your mom at your partner's expense because your mom is more of a handful. The answer to that is clear and straightforward: 1. Stop caving to your mom at your partner's expense. 2. Take your worms ... lumps ... instead of dumping them on your partner. Bonus unsolicited advice: I can't say I'm delighted to read that your partner slow-burns from annoyance to anger so predictably that you factor it into your cost-benefit analyses of what to tell whom. But as the child of a parent who leverages information and emotions for power, you were probably bound to operate with a version of ‘‘normal” that has this behavior woven through it. To help you navigate your mom and partner — and, more important, just be yourself with out fear of touching off some bad reaction in somebody — I hope you'll consider working with a therapist. Think of it as training to recognize why a worm can isn't a threat, but re litigating your boundaries, at the first sign of outside pressure and knowingly at others' expense, is. Chat with Carolyn online at noon each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com. CAROLYN HAX Columnist LOS ANGELES TIMES SUNDAY CROSSWORD “SIGNS OF THE TIME” BY ZHOUQIN BURNIKEL ACROSS 1 Muscles toned by planks 4 Does, e.g, 8 Goes out swinging? 13 Longest reptile in the world 19 “Gosh, that was a long time ago” 21 Buck in the Baseball Hall of Fame 22 Bring back on board 23 ‘Canaries 24 ‘Bar food served with blue cheese and vegetable sticks 26 Gets slippery 28 Patronize, as a hotel 29 Hush-hush docs 30 Bundle of hay 32 Caustic cleaners 34 Enter stealthily 36 ‘Orange flowers that represent wealth in some Asian traditions 40 Domani: Italian wine brand 41 Promising letters? 42 Really bothered 43 “‘Peace Train” singer 49 ‘Atlanta event for sci-fi fans 52 Actress Shawkat 53 Museum item 54 “Thumbs up” answers 55 Smashing success 56 Provided at no cost 59 Wealthy 60 “r u coming soon?” 62 Call to the on-deck circle 64 Beads on blades 65 ‘Sacred Hopi ritual 71 ‘Western, slangily 73 “One Mississippi” star Notaro 74 Dulse and nori seaweeds, e.g. 76 -mo video 77 Coup target 79 “You can’t do that!” 80 Aggravate 83 Top-tier celebs 87 Basic font 89 Window shade 90 ‘Absurdly chaotic situation 92 ‘Playground fixture 95 Russian crepes 96 Short “Stop!” 97 Vinaigrette acronym 98 ‘Spray behind a speedboat 101 Act omnipotent 104 Burkina 105 Assns. 106 Some ballpark figs. 107 Total accord 109 Mogadishu resident 113 ‘Sheet with a folded corner 116 ‘Ashtray for trash, e.g. 120 “Let me rephrase that... ” 121 Appointed 122 Soul mate 123 Sandwiches made with bolillos 124 Secret rendezvous 125 Black bit inside a papaya 126 Vietnamese New Year, which is represented by the Zodiac animals at the starts of the answers to the starred clues DOWN 1 Cause of inflation 2 Graphic designer’s deg. 3 Part of a match 4 Deli apparatus 5 Fine-tune 6 Community group with a deer logo 7 SoCal campus with Mission Revival architecture 8 Lump of goo 9 Heavy loads 10 Some boxing punches 11 World Cup overseer: Abbr. 12 Leaves in stitches 13 Safeguard 14 Tree with flexible wood 15 Weigh, in away 16 Main language of India 17 Heart, but not soul 18 Legendary loch 20 UseTurboTax, perhaps 25 Pool divisions 27 Easily influenced 30 “Free your pores” brand 31 frescas: fruity Mexican drinks 33 So far 35 Maker of eco- friendly Vero computers 36 Neat and clean 37 PC hookup 38 Rash symptom 39 Sainted pope called “the Great” 43 Put into gear? 44 Have the intention of 45 Thin candle 46 Drop in pronunciation 47 More pleasant 48 Phonetic symbol 50 Squad: Best Buy tech support team 51 KitchenAid rival 52 Covered California statute, for short 57 Critical-care ctrs. 58 Club fees 61 Major Yemen port 62 Starts 63 Quite cold 65 Cook dim sum, say 66 Part of TNT 67 “Encore!” 68 Big deal 69 Trade pact from 1994 to 2020 70 Debussy’s “ de lune” 72 Casual collared shirt 75 Sketchy subject? 78 Waiting room directive 80 Digs in the snow 81 Versailles residents 82 Philosopher Immanuel 84 Pet pendant 85 Tractor-trailers 86 Plug away (at) 88 Impose, as a tax 91 Hair 93 Cultured products? 94 Bret with four Gold Gloves 95 Red Sox, on scoreboards 98 Hot spots 99 Got going 100 “Judge Judy” event 101 Product pitch 102 Light brew 103 Failed to 104 Like bubble baths 106 Make a long story short? 108 Trade jabs 110 Makes a choice 111 Bog down 112 Shivering fit 114 “Blonde” star de Armas 115 Summer hrs. in Philly 117 Kiddo 118 “Or so heard” 119 Pickleball need 2/4/24 ©2024 Tribune Content Agency, LLC. SUNDAY SUDOKU 8 9 2 4 8 1 3 8 9 3 3 2 1 8 5 5 6 2 1 1 7 3 5 6 9 DIFFICULTY RATING: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ LAST WEEK’S ANSWERS 2 9 4 5 7 1 6 3 8 5 6 8 9 2 3 4 7 1 7 3 1 6 8 4 9 5 2 8 4 6 3 9 7 2 1 5 9 2 7 4 1 5 8 6 3 3 1 5 8 6 2 7 9 4 4 8 3 7 5 6 1 2 9 6 5 2 1 4 9 3 8 7 1 7 9 2 3 8 5 4 6 CO 1/28/24 WEDNESDAY ANSWERS 2-1-24 ) 2024 UFS, Dist. by Andrews McMeel for UFS RIA M A RIDI A D I L A E R WEANOISIMSNAR 2 5 4 3 9 7 6 8 1 6 1 3 5 8 2 9 7 4 9 7 8 6 1 4 2 3 5 5 9 2 1 7 6 3 4 8 1 4 7 2 3 8 5 6 9 3 8 6 4 5 9 7 1 2 8 2 5 7 4 3 1 9 6 7 6 9 8 2 1 4 5 3 4 3 1 9 6 5 8 2 7 Jumbles: POUND TIGHT LONELY WILLOW Answer: To learn about the Mariana Trench, you can go online to - GET THE LOWDOWN Answers to Wednesday's Boggld BrainBusters: DOLPHIN LEMMING LEOPARD
