FUN+GAMES
®he Sftnes
gainesvilletimes.com
Weekend Edition - March 8-9, 2024
Jim Massara Life Editor I 770-718-34211 life@gainesvilletimes.com
Wedding guests upset over which kids get invited
Dear Carolyn:
My youngest cousin got
engaged. My daughters and
nieces (ages 14 to 26) were
excited for another family wed
ding until we learned from his
mother no older children are
invited. Not even teenagers.
This means pretty much every
“kid” on my cousin's side is
excluded, while the bride's family
has all younger children. She is
afraid they won't make the trip if
their kids aren't invited. So it's the
reverse of the “no children” wed
ding where young children aren't
invited.
I've never heard of this. I told
my mother that while I under
stand the bride wanting her family
at her wedding, the point they are
missing is that “family” is on both
sides. And also that these older
children will not only know they
weren't invited to the wedding,
but also will remem
ber, while the younger
children won't ever
know or care.
My aunt is dis
traught over this whole
thing. They are paying
for half the wedding,
but now most of our
side of the family
won't be able to attend
or is choosing not to
because their kids are being pur
posely snubbed.
I don't even want to attend,
and neither does my brother, but
we will probably go without our
spouses mainly for my aunt's
sake.
Have you ever heard of this,
and what is your advice on how to
handle it? Should we say some
thing to our cousin?
— C.
I thought I had
heard every inclusion
or exclusion tactic for
a wedding guest list,
but this is a new one
for me. I tip my hat to
the happy couple.
I'm not as unsympa
thetic to their decision
as you are, though. I
don't agree with their
logic, because they're
excluding family who are excited
to be there in favor of family
who'd be fine with a nap and a sit
ter—but having to limit guest lists
is simply reality for most couples.
Whether it's due to cost, space
or hassle issues—or all three—
they're focusing on the adults of
your generation and above, from
both sides of the family. That's a
fair target, like it or not. Plus set
ting limits is their prerogative, and
I respect that.
I urge you to respect it, too. But
not by showing up grudgingly and
stag just to make your aunt happy.
Call it a grow-up-and-show-up:
Accept that weddings are stress
ful and expensive; accept that
couples face impossible choices;
accept that some of the choices
they make under pressure may not
be the greatest; accept that some
sub-great choices don't make
them bad people worth alienating
with a huffy reciprocal snub.
Think about it for a second.
You've taken offense on the
grounds that “family” is para
mount—but counter-snubbing
your cousin and his bride is not
exactly the way to claim the high
ground on family warm fuzzies.
So my advice for handling this
is for you to attend graciously
and with your plus-one. And urge
your kids to release any hard feel
ings. And make one calm and
kind attempt to talk boycotters
from your side of the family off
the ledge. Advocate for the couple
as follows:
•Remind them that event plan
ning is stressful and couples
aren't perfect. For all you know,
the bride did this in the first place
to appease boycotters on her side.
• Remind them that couples
don't always respond to pressures
the way bystanders want them to.
• Remind the boycotters they
have choices, too. They can get
offended and blow it all up, or
they can assume the exclusions
aren't personal and have some
grace and show up.
Keep family unity alive to fight
another day. Or something like
that.
Chat with Carolyn online at noon each Friday
at www.washingtonpost.com.
CAROLYN HAX
Columnist
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Jumbles: FURRY LAUGH EXTENT ACCESS
Answer: The dinosaur that knew lots of synonyms was
a - “THESAURUS” REX
Answers to Wednesday's Boggld BrainBusters:
PEAR LIME LEMON MANGO ORANGE
WONDERWORD Answer: Loyalty
