The Savannah morning news. (Savannah, Ga.) 1900-current, November 24, 1901, Image 24

The Savannah morning news., November 24, 1901, Page 24, Image 24

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Newspaper Page Text24 NEW YORK TOPICS. DRIFTS AN DUNDER CURRENTS OF THE METROPOLIS, Bomt Platt Being Succeeded by * New Political Triumvirate—Ph>- Ical Side of High Speed Record*. Death of the Hobo Club's Presi dent-Hospital Perquisites for the I Ambulance Slen—Wall Street News •and View*. York. Nov. 22 —Predicting the jwMfrfloal downfall of Senator Platt is a perilous form of prophecy. It has been done so often—and just as often the prophets have been confounded by the slight of the astute “boss serenely eeaited in the place of power, after the dust of battle had rolled away. But now it looks very much as if Platt's bossship were nearing its end, and for tbe very good reason that there is no dust of battle —no battle to raise an> dust. The "Old Man" has been quietly but firmly thrust Into the background by the new triumvirate, Roosevelt, Odell and Low, and the siren-song of the local press, ringing the changes on the theme of "Republican haitnonj has apparently soothed him into un consciousness of what is happening to him. The local Republican newspapers haven't so much as hinted that any thing of importance underlies the per sistent disregard of the Senior Senator in party matters. But the facts speak for themselves. Questions of policy in New York state matters come up. Gov. Odell goes to Washington to see Pres ident Roosevelt. Important city ap pointments are to be made: Mayor elect Low goes to Washington to see President Roosevelt. The question of retaining Collector of the Port Bid well, Senator Platt's man. in office, arises. Gov. Odell comes out against him. Senator Platt sends his factotum, Mr. Quigg, to flee the President. Mr. Quigg returns with his ear harboring what strongly resembles a flea, and State Senator Stranahan, who, Senator Platt had declared, was "needed at Albany,” supplants Collector Bidwell. Again in municipal appointments, the "Old Man” is disregarded. Mr. Low's appointments thus far have been, if not anti-Piatt, at least non-Platt. All thait the Senior Senator can do is to sit back and announce to the reporters, in somewhat dolorous tones, that the ap pointments are satisfactory. He is be ing shorn of all but the flimsiest trap pings of power: but he does not fight. Perhaps he sees that the triple combi nation against him is too strong. Or possibly he is one of those optimistic souls who will not believe bad news until it is forced upon them. Even in these days of chronic rec ord-breaking such a performance as that of Fournier, the French chauffeur, who drove his heavy French racing machine a mile in fifty-one and four fifths seconds on the Coney Island Boulevard last week, is notable. Two of the other contestants came in well under a mile a minute. Experts now predict that an automobile can be built for a speed of two miles a min ute. Whether this speed will ever be achieved, they say. is largely a matter of strength and endurance on the part of the automobilist. At a mile a min ute the strain on both nerve and mus cle is terrific. It is notable that the three leading contestants in the Coney Island Boulevard race are men of un usual physical endowment. Fournier, for years, held many of the French bicycle records. Foxhall Keene, who came In second, Is rated as the best polo player In the country and a not able all-around athlete: and A. C. Bostwiok, the third to finish, while small and light, is an unusually pow erful man and a fine horseman. It is only a man of this stamp who can withstand the tremendous air-pressure incident to a speed of more than a mile a minute, even though encased as the racers are, in the toughest of leather uniforms and face guards. It is suggested that a two-mile-a-minute machine would have to be fitted with a shield lor the chauffeur, from be hind which, looking through glass-fit ted eye-holes, he would operate the levels and steering gear. The appreciative mind can hardly fail to be delighted with the ambulance system as it Is carried on in this city. You may look for without finding in stances of sprightly playfulness to equal that of our hospital customs. One of their most engaging customs is known as "rushing the stiff.” It is common to nearly if not quite all of the hospitals in Greater New York. The rules of the game are sweet and simple. If the surgeon on ambulance duty brings in a “stiff” (a dead man), to the hospital he must buy a keg of beer for his fellow doctors and the drivers. 80, on every emergency call the staff waits eagerly in the hope of drinks to come. Should the patient breathe his last as he is carried into the hospital, the ambulance surgeon is saved; but though the vehicle be at the receiving door, if it is a corpse that is lifted out, the joyous cry arises “Set 'em .up. Doc.” and the order goes to the corner saloon. Naturally, the surgeon becomes particular as to the cases he loads into his ambulance. Sometimes he finds the stricken man almost gone. Then he patiently waits for him to die, and the dead wagon gets the body. Sometimes a case which gives promise of holding out, develops alarming symptoms on the way to the hospital. Then the order goes to the driver to make all speed In the race with death. Should death win. the joke is on the ambulance sur geon. If he gets there In time, the joke is on the thirsty souls in waiting. If the patient dies from the jolting and shaking of the ride, a result by no. means uncommon, the joke ia on— well, I suppose It is on the. family and friends of the deceased. If he has any. Occasionally there are protests, but nobody pays any attention to them, and the public eye is daily enlivened with that thrilling scene of an am bulance at full speed, gong clanging, driver shouting, vehicles and pedes trians wildly scattering from its path as It makes its breakneck race—to save the patient's life? Not exactly. To save the fledgling doctor the price of a keg of beer. Entirely unbiased by the Important consideration of beer, the young doc tors of the hospital staffs put forth DON’T GET MALARIA Don't get run down. Keep up your ap petite Keep up your atrength. Don’t get malaria. Take Dr. W. N. Van Brederode’s urtu.im.i4 etkg run Malaria, Chills, Few and Ague. It make* you strong It glvag you •n appetite. It make# your work eeay. It baa a leputatiou and to in 4<eae4 by thousand* who have uae4 It Malaria vanishes netoie it like 4ew* ♦tele betoia tbe morning eun Tiy u •04 you will be <oimn,g gua. only la tlw tabor atoriM of The Lti w m Vm oi4fgt t'ornpanr | i4*-pai* **••* t*mt, f •.•at nab, li*. MR. DOOLEY AS SHERLOCK HOLMES. “Dorsey an' Dugan are havin' throu ble," said Mr. Hennessy. "What about?” asked Mr. Dooley. "Dorsey,” said Mr. Hennessy,” says Dugan stole his dog. They had a par ty at Dorsey's an’ Dorsey heerd a noise in th’ back yard an' wint out an’ see Dugan makin' off with his bull tar ryer.” “Ye say he see him do it?” “Yis, he see him do it/’ “Well," said Mr. Dooley." 'twud baf fle th' injinooty iv a Sherlock Holmes.” “Who's Sherlock Holmes?” “ale's th' gr-reatest detlctive that iver was in a story book. I've been r-readin’ about him an' if I was a criminal, which I wud be K I had to wurruk f’r a livin’ an' Sherlock Holmes got afther me. I’d go sthraight to th' station an' give mesilf up. I'd lay th' goods on th’ desk an’ say: ‘Sergeant, put me down in th' hard cage. Sher lock Holmes has jus’ see a man go by in a cab with a Newfoundland dog an' he knows I took th’ spoons.’ Ye see, he ain’t th’ ordh'nry fly cop like Mul cahy that always runs in th’ Schmidt boy f'r ivry crime rayported fr’m steal in’ a ham to forgin' a check in th' full knowledge that some day he'll get him f’r th’ right thing. No sir; he’s an injanyous man that can put two an' two together an’ make eight iv thim. He applies his brain to crime, d’ye mind, an' dlvvle th' crime, no matther how cunnln' lt is, will escape him. We’ll suppose, Hinnisey, that I'm Sherlock Holmes. I'm settin’ here in me little parlor wearln’ a dhressin’ gown an' now an' thin pokin' mesilf full iv morpheen. Here we are. Ye come in. 'Good mornin', Watson.' ” “I ain't Watson,” said Mr. Hennes sy. “I’m Hinnissy." “Ah,” said Mr. Dooley, “I thought I'd wring it fr’m ye. Perhaps ye’l like to know how I guessed ye had come in. ’Tis very simple. On’y a matther iv observation. I heerd ye’re step; I seen ye’re reflection in th' lookin' glass; ye spoke to me. I put these things to gether with me thr&ined faculty f’r observation an’ deduction, d'ye mind. Says I to mesilf: 'This must be Hin nissy.’ But, mind ye, th’ chain iv cir cumstances is not complete. It might be some wan disguised as ye. So says I to mesilf: 'I will throw this new comer, whoiver he is, off his guard, be callin’ him be a sthrange name!' Ye wuddn't feel complimented, Hinnissy, if ye knew who Watson is. Watson knows even less than ye do. He don't know annything, an’ annything he knows is wrong. He has to look up his name in th’ parish raygtsther befure he can speak to himseilf. He’s a gr-reat friend iv Shelock Holmes, an’ If Sherlock Holmes lvir loses hitn, he'll find him in th’ nearest asylum f’r th’ feeble minded. But I surprised ye’re secret out iv ye. Thrown off ye're guard be me Innocent quest'on, ye popped out, ‘l’m Hinnissy,’ a./ in a flash I guessed who ye were. Be th’ same preess iv raisonin’ be deduction, I can tell ye that ye were home las’ night in bed, that ye’re on ye're way to wurruk an’ that ye're salary Is two dollars a day. I know ye were at home las’ night because ye ar-re always at home between Uivin an sivin bar Path rlck's night, an' ye're wife hasn’t been in lookin’ f’r ye. I know ye're on ye'er way to wurruk because I heerd ye’re dinner pail jingle as ye stepped softly in. I know ye get two dollars a day decisions, in cases of life and death, that are often, to say the least, re markable. Instances where the am bulance surgeon declines to take a case on the ground that it is “just a drunk,” and where the man dies of fractured skull, are of almost weekly occurrence. In justice to the hospitals it is only fair to say that the symp toms of alcoholic coma and of fracture at the base of the brain are almost ex actly similar, and that some degree of alcoholism aften accompanies this kind of 'injury. But it would be hard to find excuse for the Williamsburg Hospital surgeon who declined to take a sick and homeless girl Into his am bulance on the ground that she had “only a slight attack of gastritis”; still harder in the case of a St. Cath erine’s Hospital surgeon, who was called four hours later and gave the verdict “nothing the matter,” for when the girl finally reached a haven in St. Mary's Hospital she was dying of typhoid pneumonia. A Brooklyn Hos pital, only a short time ago, left a woman patient lying for three hours in a cold hallway of the building be cause there was no cot ready for her in the wards. When the cot was ready it was too late; the woman and her baby died that night. Roosevelt Hos pital, supposed to be one of the finest institutions in the city, recently had a hurry call from a policeman who had found a poor woman very ill in a tenement. For an hour and a half the policeman stood by; then he sent around to find out what was wrong. Nothing was wrong the hospital au thorities assured him. The motor-man of the new automobile ambulance and the surgeon on duty were at supper, that was all. There was righteous in dignation at the hospital when the policeman ventured to suggest that the patient was more important than the supper. In the course of two hours they got the patient—too late as usual. These are not isolated cases. Similar instances are of weekly occurrence. Yet nothing is done. The city helps to support these hospitals, but has no hand In the management. Some day a grand Jury will take up one of these cases and there will be charges of criminal negligence and a wild howl from the extremely respectable mem bers of society who run the institu tions, and undoubtedly It will hurt their feelings, but It will have an im proving eftect upon vital statistics. However the Bowery may have de teriorated since the day* when Wel land Strong sang "1 11 Never Go There Any More.” It la atill the backwater into which drlfta the strangest wreck age of human kind. One of the moat noted of its quieter characters died last week. Capt. William Baker "padded the hoot" along one track too many. A trolley car hit him and he died a few days later, after seventy years of wandering. For the last live years he has been notable chiefly as president of the Hobo Club, an organization pur porting to be made up of hobos, which it Is not. Its members are mainly beg gars, song-peddlers, dabsters at odd )ol>s, and outworn practitioners of va i ions Bowery arts, who would feel lost If they ever found themselves mors than ten blocks distant from that busy thoitiughfare. The real hoboa deapise them, because they work when they get a cbaine. But the ltobo Club an - Jy itself In Its quarters behind the little saloon in Mulberiy street and alien any member falls behind in hts dues of two cents a day, there are many candidate# waiting ta take his place aiming the Afty to which mem bersinp is limited < apt Baker was the cm gums* i end tlt* leading spirit uf the organisation Kvery evening tie! mold he fof-nd In t ire little, low ceil I ua*d loom matodhe wue of had tuba, co abb stale haer. epcUsaely leal In his | THE MOKNING NEWS: SUNDAY. NOVEMBER 24. 190 L BY F*. F*. DUININ E. Copyrighted, 1901, by Robert Howard Russell. because ye tol’ me ye get three, an’ I deducted thirty-three an’ wan third per eint f’r poetic license. ’Tis very simple. Ar-re those shoes ye have on ye're feet? Be hivins, I thought so.' "Simple,” said Mr. Hennessy scorn fully; "tis foolish.” “Niver mind,” said Mr. Dooley. “Pass th' dope, Watson. Now bein’ full iv th' cillvbrated Chow Sooey brand, I ad dhress me keen mind to th’ discussion iv th' ease iv Dorsey's dog. Watson, look out iv th’ window an’ see if that’s a cab goin’ by ringin’ a gong. A throl ley car! So much th' betther. Me obser vation tol’ me it was not a balloon or a comet or a reindeer. Ye ar-re a gr-reat help to me, Watson. Pass th’ dope. Was there a dog in th’ car? No? That simplifies th’ thing.l had an idee th’ dog might have gone to wurruk. He was a bull-tarryer, ye say. D’ye know annything about his parents? Be Mulligan's Sloppy Weather out iv O’- Hannigan's Diana iv th’ Slough? Iv coorse. Was ayether iv thim seen in th' neighborhood th' night iv th’ plant? No? Thin it is not, as manny might suppose, a case Iv abduction. What were th' habits iv Dorsey's coyote? Was he a dog that dhrank? Did he go out iv nights. Was he payin’ anny par ticular attintions to anny iv th’ neigh bors? W&s he baffled in love? Ar-re his accounts sthraight? Had Dorsey said annything to him that wud’ve made him despondent? Ye say no. He led a dog’s life but seemed to be happy. Thin 'tis plainly not a case iv suicide. "I’m gettin’ up close to th’ criminals. Another shot Iv th’ mad mixture. Wait till I can find a place in th’ ar-rm. There ye ar-re. Well, Watson, what d'ye make iv it?" “If ye mane me, Dugan stole th’ dog.” "Not so fast,” said Mr. Dooley. “Like all men Iv small minds ye make ye'ers up readily. Th’ smaller th’ mind, th' alsier ’tis made up. Ye'ers is like a blanket on th' flure befure th’ fire. All ye have to do to make It up Is to lave it. Mine Is like a large double bed an' afther I’ve been tossin’ in it, 'tis no aisy job to make it up. 1 will puncture me tire with th’ fav’- rite flower lv Chinytown an’ go on. We know now that th’ dog did not elope, that he didn’t commit suicide an’ that he was not kidnaped be his ray turnin’ parents. So far so good. Now I’ll tell ye who stole th’ dog. Yisther dah afthernoon I see a suspicious look in’ man goin’ down th’ sthreet. I say he was suspicious lookin’ because he was not disguised an’ looked ivry wan In th’ face. He had no dog with him. A damning circumstance, Watson, be cause whin he'd stolen th' dog he niver wud’ve taken it down near Dorsey’s house. Ye wudden’t notice these facts because ye’er mind while feeble Is un thrained. His coat collar was turned up an’ he was whistlin’ to hinisejf, a habit iv dog fanciers. As he wlijt be Hogan’s house he did not look ground or change his gait or otherwise do an nything that wud indicate to an un thrained mind that there was anny thing wrong, facts in thimsilves that proved to me cultivated intilligence that he was guilty. I followed him in me mind’s eye to his home an' there chained to th’ bed leg is Dorsey’s dog. Th' name iv th' criminal Is P. X. O'Hannigan an’ he lives at Twlnty wan hundherd an' ninety-nine South Ilalsted sthreet, top flat, rear, a plum ber be pro-fission. Officer, arrest that man!” "That's all right,” said Mr. Hennes sy; “But Dugan rayturned th’ dog las’ night.'.’ “Oh. thin,” said Mr. Dooley calmly, , "this is not a case Fr Sherlock Holmes, well-worn clothes and white shirt. His particularity in the matter of linen earned him the nickname of “Old Boiled Shirt.” He was cleanly in his habits and possessed refinements of speech and manner that suggested an inter esting history; but of his past he could never be persuaded to speak. One part of it is certain; he was a soldier in the Civil War, for he drew a pension of $6 a month—boundless riches in his community. Now that he is dead the club threatens to disintegrate. This would be a pity, as its membership is probably unique. It includes on Us roster a dealer In fake monsters for dime museums; a “barber” for an ana tomical exposition:” the inventor and peddler of an overnight cancer cure; a watcher for a crimp's joint where sail ors are Shanghaied; a compounder of "knock-out drops;” an Instructor in the gentle art of picking pockets, a tat tooer of indecent designs, and three composers of blind men’s begging verses. All the technical signs In Wall street are those which usually precede a boom. Most of them are little disap pointments. Everybody thought that the announcement of the Northern Pa cific-Great Northern settlement would start a rise, but the rise was begun In anticipation of this and a great many of the traders meant to realize the day after. Now it is a common saying in Wall street that it is “al ways the unexpected that happens.” and it is true; and it isn't a matter of natural forces or of chance either. Big manipulators used public, expecta tions to carry out their speculative plans. In this case they did not want the rise to begin so soon; they meant to check it before It had gone very far In order not to strain the monev mar ket at this time. The public cannot be got into a movement of this sort until the rise is well advanced, and as a preliminary the people who have been holding the stocks for a long time with paper losses to wear them out, must be disappointed again, again and again In order to be "shaken out.” Thus It came that with the announce ment of the big news, the disappoint ment of a decline was planned, and. Cockroaches, Rah, Mice, WATER BUGS, CROTON BUGS, sod all other Vermis cat Stearns’ 1 Electric Rat and Roach Paste sod die, testing no odor, sd one ingredient dries up their bodies. It has been m general use in bouses, stores, hotels, factories, office*, public buildings, etc. for a 5 years. Absolutely guaranteed. Caution ■ irr.'R.Ct Brtfa,S SSSSt M casts • has at Druggist* ana or taut direst by Capras* prspstt. STEARNS* ELECTRIC PASTE CO., CMce—, Ittft. but wan f’r th’ polis. That’s th’ throu ble, Hinnissy, with th' detictive iv th’ story. Nawthin' happens in rale life that’s complicated enough f'r him. If th’ Prisident iv th’ Epworth League was a safe-blower be night th’ man that’d catch him’d be a la-ad with gr-reat powers iv observation an’ thrained habits lv raisonin - . But crime, Hinnissy, is a pursoot lv th’ simple-minded—that Is, catchablo crime is a pursoot iv th' simple-mind ed. Th’ other kind, th’ uncatchable kind that is took up be men iv intellict Is called high fl-nance. I’ve knowed manny criminals in me time an’ some iv thim was fine men an' very happy in their home life an’ a more simple, pasth'ral people ye niver knew. Wan lv th' ablest bank robbers In th’ coun thry used to live near me—he ownded a flat buildln’—an’ befure he’d turn In to bed afther rayturnin’ fr’m his night’s wurruk, he’d go out in th’ shed an* chop th’ wood. He always wint into th’ house through a thransom f’r fear iv wakin’ his wife who was a delicate woman an’ a shop lifter. As I tell ye he was a man without guile an’ he wint about his jootles as modestly as ye go about ye’ers. I dont’ think in th’ long run he made much more thin ye do. Wanst in a while, he’d get hold iv a good bunch iv money but manny other times afther dhrillin’ all night through a steel dure, all he’d find’d be a short crisp note fr’m th’ presidint lv th’ bank. He was often discouraged an’ he tol’ me wanst if he had an income iv forty dollars th’ month, he’d retire fr'rn business an’ settle down on a farm. “No, sir criminals is th’ simplest cra thers in th’ wide-wide wurruld, in nocent, sthraight-forward, dangerous people, that haven’t sinse enough to be honest or prosperous. Th’ extint iv their schamin' is to break a lock on a dure or sweep a handful lv change fr’m a counter or dhrill a hole in a safe or administher th’ sthrong short arm to a tired man takin’ home his load. There are no mysteryous crimes excipt thim that happens to be. Th’ ordh'nry crook, Hinnissy, goes around ringin’ a bell an’ disthributin’ hand bills announcin’ his business, he always breaks through a window instead iv goin’ through an open dure an’ afther he's done annything that he thinks is commindable, he goes to a neighborin’ liquor saloon, stands on th’ pool table an’ confides th’ secret to ivrybody within sound iv his voice. That’s why Mulligan is a betther detective thin Sherlock Holmes or me. He can't put two an’ two togother an’ he has no powers lv deduction, but he’s a hard dhrinker an’ a fine sleuth. Sher lock Holmes niver wud’ve caught that frind lv mine. Whin th’ safe iv th’ Ninth Rational Bank was blowed, he wud’ve put two an’ two together an’ ar risted me. But me frind wint away lavin’ a hat an’ a pair lv cuffs marked with his name in th’ safe an' th’ polis combined these discoveries with th’ well-known fact that Muggins was a notoryous safe blower an' they took him in. They found him down th' sthreet thryin to sell a bushel bas ket ful lv Alley L stock. I told ye he was a simple man. He realized his ambition f’r an' agaracoolchral life. They give him th’ care iv th’ cows at Joliet.” “Did he rayform?” asked Mr. Hen nessy. “No,” said Mr. Dooley; “he escaped. An' th' way he got out wud baffle th’ injinooty iv a Sherlock Holmes.” “How did he do It?” asked Mr. Hen nessy. “He climbed over th' wall,” said Mr. Dooley. having planned it, manipulators real ized the day before the traders meant to and left the traders high and dry with no market to sell on. Stocks went off under them. Everybody was depressed and there was a great deal of long and short selling. Two davs later prices were advanced again; and again everybody thought that the movement was on. Stocks rose Fri day and Saturday and opened pretty well this morning. It looks like an other false start. Still one can never tell, and at any rate all that seems certain and important is that stocks are “well held!” the big fellows have them and they market them with the new securities of the new Northern Pacific Company. Some experts think that the insiders will be able to sell only on a very long continued boom; a bigger boom than any of those of the last two or three days. Others think that the realization will be managed on a series of short-lived advances. Duane. —A product known as the Mond fuel gas Is exciting much interest in Eng land. It is made from the cheapest kind of small coal and coal dust, call ed bituminous slack, and the cost Is only about 4 cents per 100 cubic feet. It is not an illumjnant, and its heating power is not so great as that of illum inating gas, but it is so cheap and so good for the use intended—in furnaces and gas engines—that it seems destin ed to be generally introduced. An Im portant point in its manufacture is the fact that a large proportion of the ni trogen of the coal is recovered In the form of sulphate of ammonia, which brings about $2 for every ton of slack used in the process. —Maxim Gorky, the Russian novelist, is so popular with his countrymen that on every possible occasion they give him an ovation. Recently, when he at tended a theatrical performance, he was cheered so frantically by the audi ence that he stood up and shouted, “I am not a ballet dancer nor a Venus de Milo. What are you staring at me for? Keep your eyes on the stage.” Crutch-bound The man wi* the crutch never fails to arouse the deepest sympathy and IJI awaken the tenderest emotions of his more fortunate fellow being. The hazard lUS countenance, swollen joints and twisted and deformed limbs tell a pathetic story of \y suffering such as Rheumatism alone can inflict. Only those who are painfully A\ and slowly hobbling through life can fully realize what it means to be crutch-bound j\ They feel most keenly their helpless and dependent condition when it dawns upon jl n them that they are no longer workers but unwilling drones in the busy world ** \ Rheumatism should not be neglected because the pains at first are wander ingand slight. These are only the rumblings of an approaching storm of pains' \ and aches that may transfer you from a life of activity to the ranks of the crutch bound cripples. Rheumatism is due to acrid gritty particles being deposited in the joints muscles and nerves by an impure and too-acid blood, and the strongest constitutions or musN cles of iron and nerves of steel can long withstand these corroding poisons They penetrate to every fibre of the body, and no liniment, lotion or other external application can reach and dislodge them. Finally the natural oils are consumed when there Hel r >1 ** from Rheumatism, is a creaking, grinding noise with every movement of the fori&K limbs, the joints become locked and immovable, the mus cles wither or contract, the nervous system gives way u wa ! h fo s T * yßar in “ uch * hel P 1 * corn!": and the patient becomes a physical wreck and crutch bound cripple. Rubbing with liniments may produce £* r d .i& counter-irritation and afford temporary ease, but thev s - s - “ and ftr .t cannot reach and destroy these corrosive particles, which Aft#r **!■ two bottle, i found > S are daily forming in the blood. one*Uu£“ and 1° £ The correct treatment—the true cure for Rheu- rtVrt'y matism —is a remedy that will dissolve and wash out t ?* oto T n i, y wo £ k,atwhtchl h * VB b6a * this inflammatory matter and expel it from the system, “o^To t and no medicine does this so promptly and thoroughly * ev * a year * a *°‘ Youi j.’o'k2i!lby as S. S. S. It neutralizes and eliminates from the blood 2138 N- Benat# At ®- mdianapoiu, ind. current all poisonous, noxious substances and makes the blood pure and strong again and as it circulates through the body, all effete matter is gathered up and sent out through the proper channels. This rich new blood cools the feverish, throbbing muscles and joints and refreshes the tired nerves, and welcome relief comes to the wretched sufferer. S. S. S. contains no Potash, Opium, Anodyne or mineral of any description, but is a Guaranteed Purely Vegetable Compound. The strong minerals that are usually prescribed * n Rheumatic cases act very injuriously upon the lining of the stomach, causing inflammation and a most dis- S. S. S. not only purifies the blood, but at the same J J time invigorates and tones up the whole system, increases the appetite, strengthens the digestion and restores the rheumatic sufferer to sound health again. Send for our special book on Rheumatism, which is free to all who desire it. Write our physicians about your case, and they will cheerfully furnish any information or advice wanted free of cost THE SWIFT SPECIFIC CO.. Atlanta. Ga. MODERN FABLES BY GEORGE ADE. Once there was a Man who had an Itching to be Governor of the State. He wanted to be the real Rinkaboo and sit on a S6B Leather Chair up at the Executive Mansion and make the Country Politicians crawl into his presence. The Man with the ingrowing Ambi tion did not let on that he was out for the main Plum. He dipped into Party Work because he believed in Honest Government. For fear that the Public would not know this, he spoke of it 12 or 14 times every Day. But he was good and careful to Solidify himself In his own Bailiwick, so that when the time came he could have the Home Delegation under his Thumb. He had heard that the Office should seek the Man and not the Man the Office, but he felt certain that when the Gov ernorship came seeking him, it would not have to carry a Search-Light. As soon as the Hon. Trimmer had got well started In Politics, he went to a Surgeon and had his Back-Bone re moved. He had seen a lot of Spineless Statesmen copper the big Lozenges while the Stiff-Necks and the Bull- Heads would Fan Out when they came .before a Convention. He had read In History that Clay and Calhoun and Webster fell down on their High Ambi tions because they had too many Posi tive Convictions and aometlmes rubbed the kittenish Voter the wrong way of the Fur. The Hon. Mr. Trimmer re solved to be different from Clay and Calhoun and Webster and It did not come hard to him. He could have been Different without trying. He resolved never to have Opinions that would grate on the Prejudice of any Voter, white or colored. He was going to lie Kverybody's Friend Bo he became a Hand-Shaker and a Whis pering Jelly-Fish. All duiing hta Wak ing Hours he wore a Smile that would melt Butter. He look the dusty Agri culturist to his Bosom and tried fo plant a Kiss of True Affection on the Brow of the t’nion Workingman Whenever he found himself In a t’rowd ! lie passed out Wheeling Teaches that | had is be choked a < ouple of tunes be | tore the Mai* h could be applied, if asked to give an Opinion on any I Issue be either ba< ked into hie knell or else got upon hts Hind laage and d< mended that the whole matter be le f*n*4 to the I'eepul He never declay. I ed lumaetf until the Hotaes Eysw were 1 l eel sod kU the Be* k 1 seiulnys wets j 3 Copyright, 1801, by Robert Howard Russell. in. and then he would be found in Seat No. 1 of the. Red Band Wagon doing an Obligato on the Brass Drum. He did the wide Straddle until he was as lim ber as a Rag. He carried WateT on both shoulders. Every tinme the Wind shifted 'he luffed his Sails. His Right Hand never knew what the Left Hand was up to. One Evening he would preside at an Endeavor Meeting so as to keep himself Strong with the Milk-Drinkers and the Early Closers. Next Evening he would slip out and Bombard the Alcohol in order to square himself with the Saloon-Keep ers' Protective Association. He knew it would mean his Ruin if the White- Ribboners ever caught him going into a Life-Saving Station, so when he wanted to buy a short line of Fusel OH for the organized Hoboes he would sneak up an Alley and crawl over the Transom. In order to get a better side-hold on the untrammeled Voter, he Joined all the Secret Societies that are mention ed in the back part of the Directory. He took anew kind of Blistering Oath Every Night. When he got through he had Badges enough to fill a Show Window and he couldn’t have thrown a Brick out of a Window without hit ting a Brother. As soon as he had the Church Peo ple and the Liquor Merchants and the Grangers and the Fraternal Orders and the Labor Organizations friendly to him, he was ready to begin Trad- vJISu Ing. The Slate Makers who get Into a Back Room and anticipate the Wish es of the Rank and File, found that they could not side-track the Claims of the Hon. Trimmer, so he butted Into ! the Pow-Wow. The Game they play ed Is called, “You scratch my Back ; and I'll scratch yours." The Hon. Trimmer learned that In order to keep the Ring with him. he would have to herd ail the Delegates from his Neck of (he Woods and de liver them for any Candidate who wore , the Machine Label. Accordingly he smothered his Conscience and gave hts Support to a wooly assortment of Low- Brows, tie* ond-Htory Workers, Ple * Grafters, Hain-Resters and Taz-Kat ers. hornet lines he would awake in ths Night and remember the Teachings of his Childhood In the M K. Sunday School snd shudder at the Thought of what the Recording Angel had chalk ed up against him. Rut he would console himself with the Itsftsctien that many 01 lists had traveled the l same Rv< ky Road and all's fair In Lavs. War, Burglary and Politics, In order to have all Classes with him, he signed Bail-Bonds for Crs p-hi tool - SM WSNM , i tan* es and C9Mm|MMI PlfßtS WgM St SIIIUStIMM Punstsis I aud Subscribed for every jerk water The Modern Fable of the Up-Hill Climb and the Toboggan Finish. Newspaper that could give him * friendly Boost. He was a Mark fol the cadging Pan-Handler who needl Two Bits to carry him over Night. Foi he knew that even the Floater has a Ballot of the ordinary Size. For years he spread his Piastres, strung his Wires, repaired his Fences and kept himself in the Public Gaza with the Spot Light turned on him. At last it came time for him to take his Reward. He had earned Recog nition and the Ox that had trampled out the Grain was not to be muzzled, He wanted to be Governor. The thous ands of Friends for whom he had been slaving were now urged tocometoth Front. He began to call in his Notes and foreclose Mortgages. His Picture was on many a Banner. With the Fol lowing that he had recruited, it seemed that his Nomination was a Moral Cer tainity. He went to Convention Hall with ■ r Speech of Acceptance already prepared. The programme had been cut and dried. All would have been Lovely if the Chairman had not stubbed hid Toe. While the Body was waiting for tht Committee on Resolutions to patch up a Platform that would guarantee a Millennium in less than 19 Months, a Delegate from Basswood County sug gested that they listen to a few Re marks from the Hon. Homer Hitch cock, the silver-tongued Orator of F°* River. Thereupon a tall, pale Young Man with a heavy Forelock and hypnotic Eye stood before the Conven tion and began a low, sweet Siren Song that soon had every Country Delegate sitting on the Edge of his Chair. As he warmed up he reached Into the Azure Dome and begun plucking out the Stars of Glory, which he Juggled, keeping si* In the Air at the same time- He unfurled the Emblem of Liberty and raised it on a Metaphorical Fl** - Btaff, which he twined with all th Flowers of English Speech. Then h touched off the Fireworks and there wa# a Stampede. The Delegates climb ed up on top of one another, whooped, howled, broke the Furniture, frothed at the Mouth and fell over In Convul •tone, The Reporters broke their P*"* ells trying to describe the Scene After the Storm broke, the Hon Trimmer had the earn* f‘hanee that a Lead t Straw has when it meet* a Cycloa* * uffilni In the opposite Isirs* Hot* Ta* Roy Orator was nominated by A''* la (nation and the Veteran Party Worker found himself In live Aah Heap tor the Rule Is, only one Try foe Goal MORAL When s Ma'i get# what t* < •■inina to him. It la soswetlasea van* Lilts* oil ta* ilk* Bt so# B 14 (&*♦ Light.