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8
Sunbeams.
The baker is the only loafer entitled
to respect.
If you cannot lick a man be lenient
with liis faults.
A blizzard and a mad woman are apt
to ca’eli a man by the ears.
Tin* sedidi man has most presence of
mind. He never forgets himself.
“Tins is my sphere,” said a happy
wife, a< she patted herbaid-headed hus
band on the pate.
A wild Western poetess sings: “Oh,
hug me closer, closer still ” She must
take us for a hay press.
Women as a rule are not profane, and
yet a great many rip. tear and darn —
their husbands’ old clothes.
Bigamy is becoming such a frequent
crime that the only way to check it
seems to be to raise the cost of dry
goods and millinery.
When he was married he promised to
cleave to her to the end. And the very
time they visited the theatre he clove at
the end of each act.
Every man in this country would be
a millionaire if he would work with
half the energy that his wife does when
she starts out to catch a flea.
Flipkins was passing along the street
and saw a trunk outside the door of a
dealer, bearing the legend, “This size
for $10.” “So do I,” said Flipkins.
A fashion paper says seal sacques are
rapidly going out of fashion. It is
probable that by next Fourth of July
not a seal skin sacque will be seen on
the street.
Boarder—“l’m tired of eating cakes
three times a day.” Landlady—“l
should think you would be. No one
can carry all the load you do without
being tired.”
“Oh, mummy, dear, I do love you,
oh, so much!” said the bad boy. “No
one could tell you how much I love you;
no, not even the biggest story teller that
ever lived.”
Scene, Water Color Exhibition. Fail-
One — “I do loye water colors so much
more than oil paintings. You can
always see yourself in the glass.” She
has a soul for art.
“Have you any poached eggs?”
asked Jack Long of the sable waiter.
“I don’t know, sah, wedder de eggs am
roached,” responded the darkey; “but
knows de chickens is.”
In the class-room "Master 8.,” j
asks the professor, “what member of
the animal creation shows the greatest
attachment to man ?” Master 8., after
reflecting—“ The leech.”
“There are times,” says Gail Hamil
ton, “ when a woman does not feel like
learning a language or saving a soul.”
It is just after she has pounded her
linger with a tack hammer.
Love is said to be the motive power of 1
the world, and yet fifty-six women out
of every ninety- two will stick to it that
a well-seasoned broom-handle is more
reliable than moral suasion for immedi- ,
ate results.
It takes a very strong-minded young ;
Borneo to talk nonsei ce to a gentle
Juliet at 11 p.m. when the screams of a
collicky baby across the street are split
ting the stilly stillness of the night from
the cradle to the curbstone.
The Boston Traveler is authority for
the statement that at a recent enter
tainment in that city one of the young
women present said", referring to her
coffee: "‘I like to have all composite
parts of mv beverage both saturated and
coagulated. ”
It is said io have been discovered by
sei nee that the wind alwavs moves in a
circle, but no explanation has been
made as to how it happens that when
t he p ayful zephyrs seize hold of a man’s
hat, they always make a straight shoot
for the nearest mudpuddle.
At Lake Nyassa, Africa, a young man
can be bought for forty yards of white
cotton cloth. In America a young man
sometimes goes for a piece of calico.
So there isn’t much difference between
the youths of Africa and America —
merely a matter of color.
“ Bobby, whispered young Featherly,
“did your sister Sadie get a note from
me last night? It was written on pink
j>aj)er. ' “I guess she must have got
THE GREAT KENNESAW ROUTE GAZETTE.
WESTERN 4ATLANTICR.R.
THE GREAT
KENNESAW ROUTE.
CONDENSED SCHEDULES BETWEEN
ATLANTA and BOSTON, NEW YORK and the EAST,
—1 ■ ■ I —l
1 read down. VhTpENN. R. K. read up.
North-bound. STATIONS. South-bound.
i _ ..... ■
1.30 pml llJio pm Lv ATLANTAAr.| 2.25 pml 5.51 a m
2.41 pm 12.14 ain Lv Kennesaw Lv.; 1.0 pm LL am
7.00 pm 4.30 am Lv Chattanooga Lv. B.si> am 1.00 am
6.50 am 6.00 pin Ar CINCINNATI Lv. 8,47 pnr 8.0.) a m
~7\25 a m 84)0 Lv CINCINNATI. Ar. 4.45 pml 6.10 am
11.30 a m 11.45 pni.Lv Columbus Lv, 12.5-) pm 2.00 am i
7.10 pmi 7.00 am Ar. Pittsburg Lv. 6.30 a m 7.4.) pm ;
2.35 am 1.55 pm “ Harrisburg “ 11.50 pin 2.00 pm
5.30 a m 4.40 pm “ Baltimore “ 8.2.) p m 10.55 am
6.30 am 5.50 pm “ Washington “ ! 7.10 pm 9,.)<l am
5.35 am 4.45 pm “ Philadelphia .. “ 8.50 par 11.20 am
8.00 am 6.55 pm “ NEW YORK “ 6.00 pm, 0.00 am’
6.00 pm' 6.50 ain Ar BOSTON Lv. 10.00 am 10.30 pm j
Pullman Palace Buffet Sleeping-Cars between Cincinnati and New York, without
change; and lullman Palace Sleeping-Cars between New York and Boston without
1 change.
Via BEE LINE and NEW YORK CENTRAL.
1.30 pm 11.00 pmLv ATLANTA Ar.; 2.25 pm 5.51 am
2.41 pm 12.14 am “ Kennesaw.... Lv 1.17 pm 4.47 am
7.00 pm 4.30 am “ Chattanooga “ 8.55 am 1.00 am
6.50 am 6.00 pin Ar CINCINNATI Lv. 8.47 p m 805a in
7.15 ami 7.02 p miLv. CINCINNATI Ar. I 6.35 pm 7.55 am;
9.00 ami 8.50 pm “ Dayton Lv. 1 4.40 pm I 6.00 am
2.35 pm 2.50 am Ar Cleveland “ 10.45 am 12.25 am
8.00 pm 7.40 am “ Buffalo “ ; 5.20 am 7.45 pm
11.05 pm 10.30 am “ Rochester “ I 4.00 ain 6.50 pm
6.10 a m 4.00 pm “ Albany “ 10.15 pm 1.15 pm
10.30 a m 7.30 pm “ NEW YORK “ 6.00 pm 9.50 am
10.57 am 12.40 am “ Springfield “ 6.05 pm 9.00 am
2.45 pm 6.25 ain Ar BOSTON Lv. 3.00 pm 5.00 am
Elegant Wagner Drawing Room Sleeping-Cars between Cincinnati and New York, and ;
between Cincinnati and Boston without change. All connections made in Union Passen
ger Depots.
Via N. Y., P. & O. andERIE RAILWAYS.
1.30 pm 11.00 pmLv ATLANTA Ar.' 2.25 pml 5.51 am
2.41 pm 12.14 am “ Kennesaw Lv.; 1.17 pm! 4.47 am
7.00 pm 4.30 am “ Chattanooga “ j 8.55 am 1.00 am
6.50 am 6.00 pin Ar. CINCINNATI Lv. 8.47 pm 8.05 am
7.50 am 10.00 pmLv CINCINNATI Ar. 6.45 pm 6.45 am
9.52 am 12.30 am “ Dayton Lv.i 4.40 pm 3.25 an. j
10.43 a m 2.50 am Ar Springfiefd “ ; 3.47 p m 2.10 am I
I 9.45 p m 5.23 pm “ Salamanca “ 4.40 a m 10.25 a m
2.47 a m 10.25 pm “ Elmira “ | 1.44 am 5.48 a m
4.26 am 12.07 am “ Binghampton “ 12.15 am 3.53 am
11.25 a m 7.30 am “ NEW YORK .. . . “ 6.00 p m 8.00 p m
2.15 pml 6.45 am “ Albany “ 10.45 p m
i 3.00 pm Ar BOSTON Lv. 3.00 p m
Pullman Palace Sleeping-Cars between Cincinnati and New York without change;
and between Cincinnati and Boston without change. All connections made in Union
Passenger Depots.
Via B. & O. R. R.
1.30 pm 11.00 pmLv ATLANTA Ar. 2,25 pm 5.51 am
2.41 “ 12.14 am “ Kennesaw Lv. 1.17 pm 4.47 am
7.00 “ 4.30 am “ Chattanooga “ i 8.55 am 1.00 am
6.50 am 6.00 pm Ar CINCINNATI Lv.i 8.47 pm 8.05 am
8.25 am 7.20 “ Lv CINCINNATI Ar. 5.15 pm 7.45 am
12.38 pm; 10.25 “ “ Chillicothe Lv 1.00 pm 4.40 “
5.10 pm 2.30 am Ar Parkersburg “ 9.40 am 1.40 “
1.13 a m 9.25 “ “ Cumberland “ 2.43 a m 7.45 p m
3.35 “ 11.24 am “ Martinsburg Lv. 12.28 am 5.29 “
6.00 “ I 1.15 pm “ Washington 11 10.10 pm 3.30 “
7.10 “ 2.15 “ “ Baltimore “ ; 9.00 pm; 2.30 11
10.47 “ 6.11 “ “ Philadelphia “ ; 4.02 pmj 10.16 a m
1.20 pm 9.20 pm Ar NEW YORK Lv.; 1.00 pm! 8.00 am
Elegant Palace Sleeping-Cars between Cincinnati, Washington and Baltimore, without i
change. All connections made in Union Passenger Depots,
Through Palace Buffet and Alaim Boudoir Sleeping-Cars
between Atlanta and Cincinnati without Change, Connecting
with above Through Sleeping-Car lines for New York and Boston.
r I rilßm ■ I ■ Il
I
Only via the Western and Atlantic
railroad can you go to Elizabeth, “the
marble city of Georgia. ’’ where there
is the most wonderful marble cutting
machinery in the world. Tourists
; will miss it if they do not stop at Ma
rietta and go up to Elizabeth, only
two miles distant, immediately at the
foot of the famous Kennesaw Moun
tain.
Sam Jones, the evangelist, lives on
the Kennesaw Route.
Sixty-eight different kinds of miner
als and ores found on the line of the
Western and Atlantic railroad.
Only via the Western and Atlantic
railroad can you get to the healthiest
1 county in Georgia, if not in America.
it,” said Bobby, “’cause when she came
down to breakfast this morning her hair
was done up in pink curl-papers.”
Mistress (to Mary, who is wearing
soft shoes)—“ How you frightened me.
Mary, walking about so quietly. I wish
you would have some nails put in your
shoes.” Mary “Please niinn. there
are nails in am.” Mis ress—“Are you
sure?’ Mary—“ Yes, mum, me toe
nails. ”
Little Edith—“ Mr. Sapley, why does
my sister pray when you come to see
her?” “Surely she doesn’t. What do
yon mean?’ “Why, every time you
come here and the servant comes upto
tiie library to say you are in the parlor,
Clara just shrugs her shoulders and
says: 'Oh, Lord!’”
A Hoboken father, who has a beauti
ful daughter, has replaced the “God
Bless Our Home’’ motto, which hung
in the parlor, with an illuminated card
bearing Ingersoll’s remark: “When the
Dog Barks It Is a Sign that I am Mov
ing On.” Its effect on Sunday nights is
quite thrilling.
A Normal teamster who bumped up
against the business end of a mule one
day last week, remits seventy-five cents
and the following: A mule can’t vote
nor sing but one note, which he war
bles the livelong day, but he can kick a.
man hence, over a ten-rail fence because
he’s built that way.
You look tired, Miss Golightly.”
“Doi? Getting old, I suppose. You
know the saying, ‘ A man’s as old as he
feels, and a woman’s as old as she
looks.’” “Well I’m sure the saying
does not hold good in your case.” (And
then he smiled his killing smile, as
who should say “ I have fetched her !”
but she withered him with a glance,
and the conversation suddenly flagged).
A celebrated scientist has been trying
for several years, without success, to
discover a means of making the shells
of eggs transparent without injury to
their hatching qualities. It is needless
to say that he has not taken the right
course. What he wants to do is to
stop fooling with the eggs and persuade
the hens themselves to use gelatine or
something else for shells that a bodv
can see through.
. “ Willya-a-m! Wilya-a-m! Come
right along in here now and stop playin”
with them bad Smith boys, ur I’ll thrash
you within an inch of your life.”
“Yessum, mother, purty soon.” Then
he adds an aside to the boys : “Don’t
mind what she sez. She’s off her nut.”
Young Mrs. Vassarline—“You are
sure this is the regular English break
fast tea, Mr. Grocer?” “Oh, yes, wo
warrant it. ” “Well, I will take a pound,
if you are sure. Our visitors are from
London, and I should be dreadfully
mortified to give them Japan tea by
mistake.”
“Do you allow drunken people on
the train ?” asked a fussy clergyman, at
the City Hall elevated station the other
day. “Sometimes, but not when they
are too drunk, ” replied the brakeman.
“Just take a seat near the middle of the
car and keep quiet, and you’ll be all
right. ”
When Brown opened the front door
one morning and found a strange baby
in a basket on the front steps, he picked
up the bundle, and, as he carried it
his wife, he was heard to remark:
“ Some men are born babies, some
achieve babies, and some have babies
thrust upon them.”
Somebody says that a healthy infant,
cooing in a cradle, is a sight that makes
angels lean over the battlements of
heaven and gaze longingly toward earth.
The idea is poetic, but the cold facts in
die case are that life is full of howling
discord to the inexperienced father of
colicky twins.
French Visitor—“ I call to see Mon
sieur Bollard. ” Maid—“ You can’t ses
him, sir; lie’s not up yet.” French
visitor —“Vat you tell? I com yester,
and you say can’t see heem because he
not down; now you say can’t see heem
because he not oop. Ven vill he be in
ze middle, mademoiselle ? I no
compr’end!”
“Did he pop the question last night?”
eagerly asked the mother, as the daugh
ter caifle down late to breakfast. “No,
not quite.” “What did he say?”
“Why, lie squeezed my hand twice and
said he believed I’d make some man an
excellent wife if the fellow had sense
enough to take me so far that you
couldn’t visit me more than once in
twenty vears. ”
