Newspaper Page Text
. If You Have Not Started “CHEATING CHEATERS,” Read the Synopsis and ‘Then Follow the Exciting New Serial Day by Day
D ¢
THE GEORGIANS MAGAZINE PAGE==
. ’
‘Cheating Cheaters
(Novelized From the Broadway Success)
Ruth Is Taken Into the Palmers’ Confidence. Tom
Palmer Shows Ruth the Safe in the Wall.
A ——————
SYNOPSIS.
The story opens with a conference
among members of a party of thieves
who are planning to steal the “Pal
mer Jewsls” In this party are Ruth
Brockion, who poses as the daughter
of George Brockton, and is relied
to play the part of a society
ma the scheme to rob the Paimers
A rehearsal is put under way o
prepare the various members for the
parts they are to play. Antonio acts
the music master, Mrs. Brockton as
the mother of Ruth, and all go
through & polite scens so pmmg
themselves for a eall from the
- whose home is near by
Meanwhile they have a call from
Lasarre, & money lender, who ob
jects to giving any more cash 1t
finance the Rrocktons. He is finally
persuaded. and then the Palmers oall
and invite Ruth'to pay them a visii,
fust as she had planned. Tom Pal
mer makes love to her, but she turns
subject as & dummy telegram ar
oalling Brockton West. The
-my 'ioo‘-bc’ and tell Ruth |
will axpect her in the morning.
— |
By JANE McLEAN.
@%ovelized from the play by Max
Mavein, produced by A. H. Woods,
and now running at the Eltinge The
ater. New York. Copyright, 1916,
International News Bervice.)
HERE was stlence in the chintz-
T hung wing room. Nellle
stood fld motionless walt
ing for George to return, Ruth had
dropped Nimply on the pilano stool,
glad at last to be herself. Tony stood
-tmuo-.t-nflodmumpa on
s fat features. There was a sudden
nndatsmmrmmo-hnof
the outer door, and Brockton ocame
bounding into the room with a oy
of: |
“They're gonea™ |
Instantly the demeanor of the en
tre company changed. They all
berst into uproarious Wmughter, with
the exception of Ruth, who sat wtill
nhmmoluwln deep
thought. The rest were ke chiidren
freed from restraint. They had oply
to play a part when the occasion de
manded—she had to play & part all
the while. They all looked to her for
guidance; they were dependent on
her for advice. p
“It was perfect—perfect,” sald
Tony, gleefully, rubbing his hands to
gether.
“We're in society, Are we!” ex
claimed Nellle, In her usual toune of
volee. She tore off her gray wig as
she spoke and disclosed to view her
own tousled head, unkempt and with
straggly ends. “1 ought to paste this
snow mat on the top of my head and
stay in society,” she finished.
The settee presented itself, and she
dropped down heavily. She extracted
a wad of gum from under the arm,
and, putting it into her mouth, began
to chew contentedly. Steve was the
only one missing from the gay party,
and he entered in a few moments,
bearing a tray on which were five
whisky xlasses.
“Here we are” he sald, good-na
turedly, a welcome relief from his
former bearish attitude. “Liquor am
served, ladies!” With the remark he
moflhueoctqdwnwuons
chalr,
“Wilson, the new butler,” said Nel
le, laughingly pointing at him.
. Steve was dlsposed to be amenable
now that everythind was over and
there was no part to play. “The
frame-up worked, eh?” he remarked.
“Did it work?” sald George, com
”‘up and taking one of the glasses.
th Nan and the professof both on
the inside, that's what I call finished
gt. Nan, you go down in history
this.”
A Lot Yet to Do.
Ruth looked up wearily, “History
tsn't made till it's all over,” she sald,
ruefully.
The welcome drink had warmed
AfiE.&L“
SICIN WHITENER
e
Sweet Marie.
Whitens the skin without
causing pimples and blisters. ¢
A delicately scented vanish
ing cream. Not greasy.
If your druggist won't supply you,
send us 25¢ in stamps or coln for s box.
LAXARET COMPANY,
Dept.B , Atlanta, Ga,
AGENTS WANTED
.4
25 e
; IR .fi...,, \ '1
%5, /- SWEET MARI s M
o iy
LTI (|
et ev/ | 8
A W Bk '»:f',_j“s'.".' _ P
P EDERRLES, I 'A«vw,r.';n;fi?/’;‘ %
\ pere eMR | In
e s AYAREECE N AT
B ‘«?% L
L:': ~‘% ’ _.f
. 'y
‘m‘ “‘ 'fi‘m “ m .h' l
he sald, genially, “Think of It, Nan!/
Half & million worth of jewsis In one
etip. Do you know what this onuh‘
prise is golng to de” It will uurhi
an imperishable luster to Lthe name of
Nan Carey. Nan, youll be the Na-|
poleon of Crookdom, and, if genius h‘
to be commemorated to posterity,
you'll have & tomb as big as Napo
leon's™
“What's that about the Tombs'™
querted Steve, suspiciously
“There ain't no ball, once you get
into one of those tombs he means”
sald Nellla, wisely,
Oeorge ignored this side-play and
raised his giass on high.
‘Here's to Nan Carey, our incom
parabie leader,” anncunced
Ruth still sat on the piano stool,
her head turned, her eyes gazing pen
sively Into space. She was thinking
of the ordeal before her. She was
sorry from the bottom of her heart’
that she had been given lhis respon
sibility. She didn’t wan! to be a lead -
er. She wanted to be 8 woman lsten.
ing to her lover. It was heard that
things had to happen this way.
Steve locked at her suspiciously
and his words were filled with signifi.
canoe. .
“I'm drinking.” he muttered, “bDut we
aln't got those rocks yer"”
Stove was suspicious of Ruth's ac
tions. Her silence meant lack of in
terast to him. He knew that she was
different to the rest of them, and he
really 4id not belleve that she would
stick by the ship.
“Always shoutin' calamity, ain't
you™ remarked Nellie scathingly.
“Well, we aln't spendin’ it yet,” per
sisted Steve
The rest plainly did not share
Steve's suspicion, and Tony came for
ward and remarked, with all the glee
fulness of a child: “1 know how to
spend mine”
‘Open a peanut stand, 1 suppose”
remarked Steve, who bore no good
will toward the little Itallan.
What Tony Meant to Do.
" There was a goneral laugh, and
Tony snapped his fingers belligerently
in Steve's face. o
“Peanuts? Bah!” he exclalmed.
“Well, what do you think you're go-
Ing to do?™
“What shall 1 do?" said Tony, draw
ing himself up majestically. “Ah! I
am rich. No meore | take the chance.
I live like a gemtleman. 1 go to the
opera, to the concert. [ devote my
self to my musie.”
“That's a fine future for & crook”
remarked Steve.
“You don’t understand the soul of
an artist,” remarked George.
“Huh,” sald Steve turning to him.
“l suppose you'll build a library or
something like that?”
“No,” returned George earnestly.
“1 shall merely settle down and be
come a nice, guiet hypocritical law
ablding citizen.”
“My God!" sald Steve despairing
ly, “another good man gone wrong!
Nan,” he remarked suddenly, certaln
that this young lady had been left
long enough to her own thoughts,
“what are you dreaming about?”
Nan came out of her absorption
with a sudden start. She had boen!
dreaming of other things than what
she would do with the money gleaned
from the Palmer jewels, but dreaming
was bad for her, and she must put It
aside and come down to the merry
prattle of the children about her.
“Oh, 1 was just thinking,” she de
gan. —
“Building air castles, too?" persist
ed Steve. /
“1 was just thinking," sald Ruth, re
solved once to tell the truth about her
thoughts, “if we applied the same en
ergy and resourcefulness and imagi
nation to some honest pursuit.”
“Honest pursult,” sald George,
“That's only a matter of viewpoint.”
“Sure,” agreed Nellle,
“T know, George,” sald Ruth ear
nestly, “but the world calls us thieves
and we have no answer.”
#No answer,” said George; ‘here's
our answer., The world calls us
crooks, rogues, scoundrela, and we say
to the world, “What are you? In what
way are you better than we are? In
what way is your schefming and con
niving better than ours, though you
practice as lawyer, doctor, merchant,
financier? What is your respectability
but a cloak of deception?
“In fact, you are not as honest as
we are, for we admit our dishonesty.’
No answer, eh? We say to all of them,
go where you will, roam far and
wide, but out of crookdom you will
never be. For what i{s all the world
but an empire of fraud?”
Ruth could not help smiling at
George's philosophy, and she reflected
that it was the crook with brains who
felt justified, the ignorant were al
ways fleeing detectives. While George
was certain they were safe, Steve was
eternally suspiclous. ,Well, it ‘took all
kinds to make up a Lémpmy like this
(To Be Continued Tomorrow.)
Helen Knew All Right.
“Helen,” said the teacher, '‘can you
tel! me what a ‘myth’ 18?"”
“Yeth, ma'am,” lisped Helen: “it ith
a woman that hath not got any bhuth
band.”
Discord!
~ -
’ /"‘\\
3 (B
YR
. \.. P -
STet o\ XLV L)
T '-',"sh".’:‘:z'."!rf (BT S e
AL ..I‘-“‘,'3!l-?.5". o Y ‘/fl!g\ . {.( "J‘/fl R/; 4
. -., -u:.‘.."\ ? o g NT -~ -. /1 - 2 "".’
o % ‘“.,: PSk N __:-‘\e‘fi‘ 3"5 r_;‘_;’/";;/ ; ,4‘7 /\,
Nsk 8 00, L™ { e R > A %
S .. o,.."::‘.!';:{' . "P3/’ NL P r.’/r \‘|((. !\\‘;\ < ",..‘ ."' 4‘
ei A RN e SN wxR =g
< "N -g i A ] { Pz -t gl/ S“w \ l’, ]
/r‘_,\-»\-\‘\' 5 fl"/ —-\‘ ‘:_-'”‘ ho“‘ ‘\"r v \‘! - , '... )
CLEo B ol AL Y ) ~NB
~; > .:“&\é‘;;;, ‘_‘Q A\\ ‘7‘/// ;‘; V/% \:...4
( J SIS >e o &\ \" 4PI ‘
)A NS [ TG 2T
V=4 NS e - Fpil ol RSN
' e eLRek )LS NSNB e F )
i/‘ //}‘!/‘ ‘,» y ‘ -.:'.“r. T ; \ — ",.-—:“ \?_/',«,y’,} ';;;:l ‘ "‘:‘\;".
(A NPR ST S Y
&5 W 'fi!“ M-l .~ M 2 \
(l, ;' e 9 .';f"\‘é"/ //‘/fi/"%’,f:&'),‘}’wt ‘?‘f'\u
v .y IR i T . — / _:.";
TT W L SN P:’%\‘\ TN e’ /:\,L
Tl RE N
e ‘ "':. » 'r‘_(. .'\ '.‘v:'\.’\“r «\/ é .t‘\\__ s '; ’;,//J‘,'. o \
~A "f'(\\ - S%:fl“»tex\ o 7 P ibt
NS ANk S 5 -*’,'é T N \
- / . A : 7,’% -"_ -:-__ < N ¢ &3 —— L :;
LSS p e
A i - NSV ) e s
Lt NN/ "Z/\ IS eR/ 7 \
-, e\ eN & ReIAR T &
NT ey =g ST R Ae 5
i B A (72 vl et =
— : . ! V ‘/,& wrad !1] $v L Y s
o . )‘\i-i' y T s '\, b KRN e F "4"'¢'—'*‘;
— & T K 4 /'fi'[ /0! -SRA Tk ""-.-g:.;;_'
QP 2 ,flj - :g;/‘, R £ 'y ey S"A AL
i US4 . T
7 e EESEE: %, TR S
A v e YPR B ’J‘/“‘ e™ 7 o -’\(.,' L \‘L “..’fi.
Py -b 'j "," 2/? -:‘ % P ’,,’ s A »\.‘.4;‘\. &" ’c(:".",“’
AT, AR T Ri
s aeT gt O ) .L S t‘.‘.'. -/ e‘e | ‘-‘~:¢'..' &3
. £ . L 4 ~_f' \‘.OC'\:" <3 !9 Nyt AN o st Nl% %
o ‘\. \ 5 ?fi\ A 3 @ Sigly 09 . .c':'.\’.'.‘y_vo- \syo ya
7k j’ - \f;’ /'., [p fn B . .':'.'-,' pese '-“' X e :E’,'f"
Ve AT AR (aoy i g, T P
N SPP S 2 .4 RIS, @S v e
S \ J e .—‘;,,' RN e N 25 SR
-y SRS A W A2N NN 2 ee A f
O AR R - e
N 3 \ .!K. bV “._ "~‘ P H“—“a «,,YU'_: -P ~) .; " ’—é b
i . N IP X . =SB SRS
”.fl:, \w., e\ fi.nN- )‘ P < \‘. > ~;"Mr >’ _S'f:f ’5 /{i
C'T"%\\;f’/' eP W “ i"‘fifi‘m.‘? * (ST kS £
PAR wtf//t N\ A 8 N ==V &ey
SN, #) T . e
’*'l.\4s-‘.'. A e, (o Sr o =Rk @o
%LR LIRS . iy LS ol k] 53 -S\\'\ 3
e “'\,' ) '..flutt-- . z__: ’l\\\ \
.‘.‘-\'fiu" AN 0o \ lr'ifig :pu-}; 3 =57 3BN
D A o 51) RS R N
s S (5 RAN
7 o R SEHL PR KN
/ 2 s“» > 4 Siy JAT AT : 3
N & Tt = P s SR
’ k\b’ y.* A :};,l ‘tV‘ i 'rvi:;';éf‘ Q‘ . Y
N: > “ \‘/ s Q:."" »_‘;{\\ o ..pr:‘. w"\ g
N, A S fi'ii:’"" S
& v/c://f—' )o~ . 11 \\\lp_‘:‘.\:v):\‘(. &2:7‘4 =3 :’ /
ML 7e N PNN <y
~Ve Tg, TS S
S = T . e TSk
L 7 4:' . o Z “/‘M“. o e \’Qy,u u\ \m}fiz\t\%\m\muhfg\\ii\~f\\\ v,',
Nt <’; o 172 ,4‘* ol "“"i"‘)‘;‘-“~ W «l&"fld{h R L (&‘\‘{% *:‘\\ y wé'\’
{Wi L/ =P%‘ i "AR %‘,‘ 3y
& W, [ 3oy~ e Lil‘ & %wt&s}
'.:/V/- 1 ; g v, & ey
.'_‘,.Q.’ - L 4‘) -l -
Cm to our tadle a girl lghted a match. It made a bright, golden !
spark close to her face. In its upward-shining light her eyes |
glowed alfishly, a flake of light caught under the lashes, the warm |
color seemed deeper in the shadow above her cheeks and the hair that |
sprayed out around her forehead glittered goldenly. We watched with |
smiles—tor she was so lovely a thing! And then all of us registered a ;
shook as the golden spark caught the end of a cigarette, was drawn pale |
and blown out with a breath! The girl with the glowing eyes and the |
glittery, baby halr around her brows looked us over calmly and blew a |
thin vell of smoke in the shining air betweem us.
Baby-Girls and Bluff-Boys with the swagger of a pirate going out |
{nto the world away from his mamma, would never take into account the l
opinion of a Stay-at-Homel N |
But listen you respectfully to this—for the man who said it, watching }
the mistaken little beauty at the strangertable, has trotted the world
over until it 1s all Home; he has found a welcome on a frozen Iceland
bay; he has curled up under the flare of the Worthern lights as a boy
baok to the old picture of “Wide-Awake” that hung over his bed; he has
found the Jungle of South America a retreat with four walls because it |
was Home again; he has set his bag at the door of the South Seas and |
Hatened With & glow for the footstep within—so a girl who smoked was '
pot new or strange or horrific to him! t
Yet this he said, with a musing smile on his thin, not young, face:
Matrimonial Fables
By DOROTHY DiIX.
NCE upon a time there was a
O Man and his Wife who Ilived
together In great Peace and
Happiness.
The Wife was one of thoge-Delight
ful Dames who consider Cookery a
Fine Art Instead of Drudgery. She
could make Sauce Hollandaise that
did Not taste like Bill Sticker's Paste,
her Roasts were Dreams, and her
Entrees Things to Eat on your
Knees. :
Every day she set before her hus
pand a Dinner that made life Worth
Living, and as she was also Fond of
the Eats she had the Cheery Outlook
on the World, and the Amiable Dis
position of those who are Well Nour
ished and have no Grouch against
their Stomachs.
All of this made Matrimony a glad
sweet song for the Husband, and he
Never Noticed that as the Years
wegt by his Wife lost her Girlish
Pigure. All that he thought of was
how much Better Home Cooking was
than the Messes you get in Swell
Restaurants, and what a Nice Tmnqg
“oOf the Noble We
Expect Much”
it was to have a Jolly Wife to go
home to at Night when your day's
Work was over, and you couldn’t have
Pulled him away from his own Fire
side with a Team of Oxen.
So all went well with this Fortu
nate Couple until by chance one day
the Wife met a Friend she had not
seen for a long Time.
“How Well you are looking,"” ex
claimed the Friend, who was a Fe
male Cat; ‘“you must have put on
about Forty Pounds since I saw you
last.”
Some “Catty” Advice.
“Do you think so,” cried the Wife
aghast.
“There is nothing that makes a
woman look so old as Fat,” continued
the Friend, “and while I do Not Wish
to Implant any Suspicion in your
Mind, I fee! that it is my Sacred
Duty to warn you that the Only Way
a Wife can Retain her Husband's Af
fections is by keeping a Svelte and
Willowy Figure.”
“1 Trust my Husband,” moaned the
Wife feebly.
“They all do,” continued the Rriend.
“but vou will observe that ail Affin
“Somehow it doesn’t look right—there's something queer, out of harmony
about it. I never get over a crawly little feeling; the ‘part of me that
adores women, from my lttle old mother down, always throws up its
hands before it thinks! At least it is so when I see it in an American
girl. And the American girl knows all this as well as you and I. Whether
it is the root, stalk and branch of tsgdition that {s in ouns very cell-fibres
or not, our training, our ideals, which have said always a woman must
be fragrant, may sew, cook, smile, fiirt and baby the world, but she cannot
smoke llke a man and still be all woman, I do not know—but there is a
look of unease about the girl in our country who smokes and the man
who sees her do it. We don't like her quite so ardently, and she secretly
doesn’t like herse!f entirely!
“For the Russian, the countless races of the Oriental, who may smoke
as unconscioudly as & child dresses her doll, for whom a cigarette is, nor
ever has been, no more strictly masculine than the ripe fig or the coffee
after dinner—why ghould their womap look odd when she is doing
something about which she has no secret feeling? But our girls—ah-h-h!
There's a rub somewhere! A string gone off in tone in the rhythm of the
Jute. The music’s awry and spoilt by a persistent little discord in the
cadence—a flaw in the perfect line, a break in the pure, clear color. We'd
just rather she wouldn't: Woman is nobility! And ‘noblesse oblige'—et
the noble we expect much.”
So what do you think of that? —NELL BRINKLEY.
The Wife Who _ |
Acquired Slenderness |
ities are built on the Architectural
Lines of a Snake, and that when a
Married Man Elopes he always does
it with Somebody who does not Weigh
more than half as much as his Wife
does. Heed my Warning, and you
may Save yourself much Misery.
Farewell.”
Now, the Wife was Deeply Enam
ored of her Husband, and so, as the
best Feminine Dopesters had figured
it out that the Measure of a dius
band’s Love was in Direct Ratio to
his Wife's Belt Measure, she hied her
self forth to the Places where they
Practice the Torture known as Re
ducing.
.They Boiled her, and they-Beat her
until she was black and blue. They
Rolled her and they Pounded her,
and they put her on %Dlet of Three
Prunes and a Glass of Water, and,
by sticking to this Regime, it was not
long before the Wife got & Thin and
Haggard Look, and a Disposition like
a Basket of Lemons.
‘Not being able to Bat anything
good herself, she lost Interest in her
‘Housekeeping. Her Dinners, instead
By NELL BRINKLEY
m’tw.—-“
of being Gastronomic Poems, became
Culinary Outrages, and she Flavored
them up by handing ogt a Line of
Talk that Hammered the Universe,
and made the Husband afraid of his
Life.
“What is the matter with you?”
asked the Husband, when he could
Endure it no longer.
“I am Hungry,” wailed the Wife.
“Then Eat,” said the Husband.
“I dare not,” replled the Wife, “be
cause I am trying to Reduce in order
to Retain your Affection.”
“Go to,” cried the Husband. “I am
not one of those men who have a
Morbid Interest in Livlngvskeletons.
Personally, I prefer a ife who
shows that I am a Good Provider, and
1 apprehend that most Men are in the
same Boat. /
“Take it from me that after -a~man
{s Married he is more Interested 'in
the Way his Wife Treats him than
he is in her Looks, and ‘that the
Right Way to Reduce so as to Retain
a Husband’'s love is for a Woman to
Cut Down op her Nagging, and her
Temper, and her Nerves.”
Thereupon the Wife fell to and Ate
everything that Fattened, and they
Lived Happily Ever After. :
Moral—This fable teaches that it is
better for a woman t% be Fat and
Jolly than Slender and Fractious, and
that the Perfect Thirty-Si_xu are not
Always th; Best Loved Wives.
’ ’ ’
Their Married Life
A Narrative of Everyday Affairs
Carrie Seolds, Winifred Has To Be Punished and
Warren Makes Helen Weep. !
(Copyright, 1914, International News
Bervice) l
ELEN had had a very trylng
HM‘ She hadn't slept well, &
trouble that was becomink
entirely too frequent to sult her. Mary
had broken one ‘f her Dest salad
plates, half the canned things ahe had
ordered were missing., and Winifred
had told a le.
From the time Winifred had be
gun to talk, Helen had tried to incul
cate truthfulness in her. The fact that
Helen and Warren differed so radl.
eally in the punishment of ehildren
had made Helen almost fearful for
possible consequences. Helen had
resolved before zm become A
mother, that she M try to profit
by the mistakes she Bad notioed In
the behavior of other parents, Many
young mothers have ressived the same
thing before, only to find things hfo
der in their own particplar cases.
Warren's wsister, Carrie, thought
Helen extremely lenfent and had
expressed herself actdly on more than
one occasion—in fact, a great deal of
Helen's dlaltke of Carrle had come
about through meddling In the matter
of Winifred's upbremying, and Helen
felt that there were some things she
could never overlook.
Winifred had joined g small Friday
dancing class. It was the pride of
the ch!ld’'s heart, and she looked for
ward to it more than anything else,
but this week Helen had deprived her
of the pleasure so long expected, as
punishment for the umtruth. Helen
had tried to be as fair as possible.
She had told Winifred that there was
nothing more wicked than to tell an
untruth. But Winifred had been too
bitterly hurt to listen to argument
and had wept herself almost fil. In
the midst of the excitement when
Helen was trying to pacify the child,
the bell rang and Carrie arrived
Helen left Winifred lying on the bed
sobbing and met Carrie In the llving
room.
“Well, how are you, Helen?" Car
rie observed tartly. “I must say you
don’t look up to the mark. I was In
town buying portieres and I thought
I would come up and see you for a
few moments.”
~ Helen murmured something about
being glad to see her and told Mary
!ln an inside to keep an eye on Wini.
fred. But at that moment the child
‘broke into fresh weeping and Carrie
ever on the alert for something to
talk about, turned to Helen inquir
ingly.
“What's that, Helen? Winlifred ery
ing? What's the matter with the
chila?
i “Oh, she told a story to me this
‘morning, and I was obliged to pun
ish her,” Helen. returned, a little
wearily.
Carrie Interferes.
“A story? I see; well, what did you
do—give her a whipping?”
“I don't believe in whippings”
Helen returned, certain that Carrie
knéw all the views she entertained
Anecdotes of the Famous
Caruso tells the following: The wife
of an American millionaire went to a
friend of his, a well known singing
Ynaster, to train her voice,
She explained that she was in a hur
ry, as she was going abroad in a week
or two, and would he please start teach
ing her at once.
“I want,” she said, “twenty-five les- |
sons before I sail."”
“Phat is Impossible, madam,” replied
the master. ‘You can not hurry the
voice in that way.”
“Why not?”’ demanded the lady. *“Tl've
got plenty of time, and I can take two
lessons a day.”
The horrified master tried sarcasm.
“Or, perhaps,’” he suggested bitingly,
,‘:you _would llke to take the whole
twenty-five lessons right on end, one
after the other.”
“Splendid!” exclaimed the delighted
lady. ‘“When shall we start?"”
- - .
One of Harry Lauder's most amusing
stories concerns an Englishman and a
Scotsman who were on a walking tour
in the Highlands when they came to a
sign post which said: “Five miles to
Stronaclachar,”” Underneath this was
written. “If you can not read, inquire
at the baker's.”
The Englishman Ildughed heartily
when he read it, but refused to tell
the Scotsman the joke.
That night the Englishman was sur
prised at being awakened by his com
panion, who seemed much amused at
something.
Asking the reason, the Scotsman re
plied, ““Och, mon, I hae just seen the
joke—the baker might not be int"
* * .
George Robey, the actor, telis the fol-‘
lowing: ”
A certain man who returned to Lon
don from South Africa a multimillion
-aire after five years' money-mnkinf.
invited a friend to visit his mansion in
Park Lane.
The friend was expatiating to other
friends upon the glories of the estab
lishment—the marble walls, the Turkish
carpets. the gold plate, {
“And, my ooy, he said, ‘he’s fit a
mint o’ money. Why, he got a Rubens,
a Vandyke and a Landseer.”
_*“Extravagant bounder!” said one list
ener. “What does he want three cars
for?"’
‘ - . -
The Duchess of Westminster, who has
been .nu‘ing the wounded in her own
lbeaunlul ospital “somewhere in North
ern France,” since the commencement
of the war, has the reputation of being
sbout punishing children, and was
only drawing Helen out %oo t
herself again.
“More's the pity~ Carrie returned,
“May 1 ask what you 44 doT™
“l kept here away from dancing
school,” Helen confessed, simply.
“Well, 1 must say that's & fine way
of punishing & child. When Roy e
disobedeint I always tell his father,
and Fred thinks an occasional spank«
ing Is good for a child.® ’
Helen had & sudden vision of whim«
‘Mu Moy, who was one of the most
‘dmblo chlldren she bad ever
met, and then she thought of kind,
gentle Fred, who would never harm a
thing If he could help it. It was rather
diicult to limagine him whipping'
Roy, although Helen had frequently
seen Carrie administer punishment of
this kind, and it invariably rendered
Roy sullen and unmanageable
“lI mnever tell Warren anything
adbout Winitred™ Helen =i,
quietly.
“That's wrong.” declared Carrie. I
always sald you had queer ideas,
Helen. 1 think a father should have
something to say about the upbring«
ing of his own child.”
“1 do, 100,” sald Helen, “dut I pune
ish Winifred myself if she needs it. ¥
)don'l want her to think of her father
’un person who gives her only the
disagreeable things. Winifred needs
‘corr-cuon 80 seldom that I was sur
lpmod to have ber tell me an wun
truth.” .
‘ “Well, these perfectly brought up
‘chlldnn are frequently a surprise™
remarked Carrie, “and Winifred is
encouraged in so much nonsense that
1 am not surprised that you hawe
trouble with her.”
Carrie made several more remarks
before she finally rose to go, and
Helen was nearly wild with nervous
ness, for she was forced to ait and
listen unless she wanted a garbled ao
count of the afternoon wrongly mig
represented to Warren, who had an
idea that Helen had taken an übac
countable dislike to his sister.
When Warren came In at 5 o'clock
Helen was lying down in the living
room with a handkerchief soaked in
cologne over her forehead. Warren
bustled in excitedly, with a good nad
tured—
“l havewews for you, kitten. The
Gregorys want us to come out te
Mount Vernon for Christmas. Isn'%
that great?”
The Gregorys were business friends
of Warren, very important people—in
fact, Mr. Gregory could do a greas
deal for Warren at the office, and It
was a great feather in his cap to have
been accorded an invitation to dine at
their home.
“But we cant,” Helen protested,
sitting up and looking at Warren,
“Mother and father will be here.” And
at Warren's suddenly disgusted
she dropped back on the pulowm
burst into tears.
(Watch for the next installment In
this interesting series.)
the wittiest woman in soclety. The
Duchess tells an excellent story about an
ex-Shah of Persia who was very fond
of paying compliments to English wo
men.
When the Duchess of Westminster
was presented, he greeted her heartily,
“I have heard much about you,” he said.
“Your worthy name is well known even
in my country.”
The Duchess was surprised at first,
then a light dawned upon her. *‘Grae
clous me! I do belleve he mistakes m“
for Westminster Abbey!” ghe sald,
What was more, she was right.
(uficura Drives.
D
e
And Keeps Your
in Clear_
