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SATURDAY, JULY 8, 1876,
BL C DO IKS.
It was a rnaiter of much thought
To tell where it began ;
It was too large a mouth to be
Upon so small a man.
And were he coming up the road,
Far in the distanoe dim,
You'd see his mouth an hour be
, fore
You’d catch a glimpse of him.
Nature’s sublime economy
It showed without a <loubt,
For vast material was saved
Byleaviug that infioh out.
’Tis said by those who knew him
well
That from the very first,
He always used the largest words
Whenever he conversed.
Arid when bo bad to pay a pawn
With just one kiss or more,
The fair youug damsel would com
plain
That each one counted four.
• While for vain glorious form of
■ •. speech
He did not care a fig,
’Tis said because bis mouth was
large
He always talked quite big.
Bv men quite competent to know
It has been truly said,
His mouth could never grow un
less
They did enlarge his head.
I’ve often heard of men who cou’d
Speak volumes, but I’m sure
I never saw such facilities
For doing that thing before.
He had an alligator laugh,
Ard when he went to smile
The slit across his countenance
Coaid be seen,full half a mile.
Brit one day Blodgins disappeared,
’Twas thougnt he was gone
South ;
But hanged if I don’t now believe
He wWnt into his mouth.
QUEER COMP.ANIONSHIP.
A little girl in Eastman, taking
compassion on a sick chicken, placed
it behind the kitchen stove, where
a little pet kitten nestled down beside
it and afterwards became its com
panion, following it about and play
ing with it. After laying its first egg,
the chicken supposed it was not hen
like to sleep behind tlie stove, so it
selected a roosting-place in the shed.
Poor pussy was ijuite troubled at
first, but was found in the evening
quietly roosting beside it.—[Ex.
THE KENDRICK CASE .
The jury made up their verdict
yesterday morning at 7 o’clock. They
reported they had no poll during the
night, but the most of them slept
well. The members are ro'icent, but
the inference i9 clear that about half
the number, or more, desired to bus
taia tine charge of seduction.
the verdict in court.
At about 8 o’clock, Judge Craw
ford was sent for, aud soon appeared
and took bis seat. After the usual
preliminaries the verdict was receiv
ed and read in Bilence. Not many
were in the court room. The accus
ed was present, and the verdict of
“wc, the jury, Snd the prisoner guilty
of adultery,” was read.
Solicitor Little objected to the
form, aud stated that it should read
‘‘adnltcrv and fornication.”
Col. Hawkips, one of the counsel
for the defense, objected on the
grounds that no such charge had been
given the jury by the judge sustained
him and in that he had not so charg
ed.
motion for discharge of depend
ent.
The defendant filed in the olerk’s
office a motion to discharge him upon
the following grounds, to-wit: That
the verdict rendered in his case is
for adultery, wheu the indictment
does not allege that he was a married
man ; and further that the indict
ment does not oharge him with being
a single man, or that he was any oth
er than C A Kendrick, further, that
said verdict is for adultery, when it
appears that the girl mentioned in
said indictment is an unmarried fe
male.
THT SENTENCE.
The court over ruled the motion,
and sentenced the dofendent to pay
SSOO fine aud $53 costs. Kendrick
paid the fine and costs, and is now
preparing to move to the West.
HARD TO PLEASE.
No one noticed her particularly
until she punched the grocer in the
back with her umbrella and inquired:
“Didn’t you hear me asking for
dried apples ? And if you didn’t, do
you hear me now?”
“ I do, madam. I have some very
choioe dried apples at a shilling a
pound-”
“A shilling!’’ She screamed—why,
Ive bought ’em for seven cents!”
“Can’t be such apples as these,
madam. These cost me eleven cents.”
“Look here,” she continued, low
ering her voice aud laying her um
brella on her Moulder, „I know the
law as well do, aud I’ll either
protect my rights or put you where
you can’t try to swindle any more
innocent ladies !”
“Law! What law, madam?”
“The dried apple law, sir! A man
at the door told me the price was fix
ed by law at four cents a pouud.”
“Bosh, madam. There is no law
about dried apples any more than
there is about horse raddislr”
“Be careful, sir be careful!” Bbe
whispered lifting the umbrella over
bis head. “I’ll take two pounds at
four cents per pound.”
“Humph!” he growled, as be be
gan to move a barrel of potatoes.
“Does that allude to me?” she
shouted, bringing the umbrella down
on his back
He ran out to oall a policeman,
and she u p set a lot of pails, dodged
out of the back way, and climbed over
a back fenc ?, entered a harness shop a
few doors below.
“You don’t keep dried apples here
I she remarked to the pro
prietor,
They Dover had kept any, he repli
ed, and he didn’t know as they ever
would. He said* he didn’t believe
that harness—making and dried ap
pies were suited to each other,
“Ate dried apples up?” she asked,
reaching over tor a piece of wmt to
chew or.
He had heard they were, in fact,
he knew so. A few years ago his
family could have dried apples twice
a day all the year round; now the
children cried for dried apple pie,
and it made his mouth water to
think of one.
He was an obliging man and soon
satisfied her tha*. there was no law
having a direct.bearing on dried ap
ples. The high price, he tb jught,
was caused by a scarcity, and the
scaroity,he believe 1, was owing to a
lack of fruit.
“Seems reasonable ’nuff,” mused
the woman, as she started for the
grocery. Boldly entering, she walk
ed up to the proprietor, held out her
hands and said:
“Forgimme, If you had explain
ed the dried apples was owing to the
scarcity of the lack of high prices,
why, I’d have seen through it in a
minute, and taken all you had. .1
won’t take anything this morning,
but if you have a bunch of onions lor
two cents here’s your cash, and I
would’nt strike you on the back again
for a whole bottle of catsup.” —Free
Press.
THE NEW YORK MAN AND
THE SITTING HEN.
A New York man who is spend
ing the hot weather season with a
family on Pine street, was asked by
the lady of the house if he would
take a hen off the nest, as it wanted
to sit and she didn’t want it to.
“Certainly,'* said he, aud immedi
ately started out to the barn where
the hens were kept, to crush out the
maternal prospects uf this particular
one.
He went straight for the nest to
lift her off, and reached out his hand
for that purpose, but immediately
drew it back again and tucked it
up under the other arm and squeezed
it a little, while he drew up his lips
as if about to whistle something.
Then he stood there aud starea at
the hen, and she lifted up her head
and stared back at him, -winking her
eyes with singular velocity.
“Get off,won’t you?” said he after
a pause.
She made no response. Ho drew
out his band and looked at a red
spot on oue of the knuckles, and
then put the knuckle in his mouth to
cool it, looking all the while at the
hen, and wondering how od earth she
moved so quickly. The longer be
eyed her the less inclined he felt to
touob her, aud finally he climbed up
a post to a beam which ran over the
nest, and working his way out till he
got just above the hen,took off his
hat and shook it at her, and advised
her to ‘ get,” But she only looked
up at him one eye at a time and
eluoked ominously, He told her if
she didn’t leave he’d edrne down
there and kick her through the barn,
but immediately gave up the blood
thirsty design when ho reflected that
it was a dnmb animal, aud couldn’t
reason like a human being.
Then he happened to think of his
trousers, which were white linen, and
nibbed his fingers ou the beam to
find them full of black dust, which
led him to work his body around to
look at his pants, and while making
this very natural move he suddenly
slipped) made a plunge to renew his
hold, shrieked for help, slipped again
and then camo down on top of the
hen, smashing them both to the floor
upsetting a barrel and filling the air
with dust, feathers, hen nrises and
shrieks.
When the family reached the barn,
the unfortunate man looked some
thing like a circus poster on legs, had
got on his feet and was turning round
and rubbing bis bead in an abstracted
manner and.every time he turned, an
omelet on a white linen base came to
view, while the hea stood up in the
farthest corner ou one leg with alook
of miogled astonishment and re
proach on ker countenance. — Dan
bury News.
The National Board of Trade,
New York, July Ist.—The Na
tional Board of Trade adopted a res
olution asking 0 ongress to amend the
Bankrupt act and make it uniform.
Also for a thourough revision of
the tariff not made in the interest of
any c lass or classes of producers,
manufacturers or merchants. Also
a revision of the Internal Revenue,
with a view to securing the largest
revenue from the ‘ fewest articles
The Board visits Washington the
middle of January. Adjourned sine
die.
That woman was a philosopher who,
when her husband died, said she was
consoled by one thing—she knew where
he was at night.
SOME THINGS WE NEVER
SAW.
We never yet saw a man but what
would pass off his ragged money
first. They likewise give scraps to
the pour and then give their con-
Feiences credit for dispersing choice
cuts.
We never saw a little girl just
learning jo put on her stockings, but
what she got the heel part ot the
stocking on top of her foot, and then
cried. We never saw a big girl put
on her stockings atall but we suppose
they wear them. In fact we believe
they do.
We never saw a stout, healthy
man banging around a grocery door
waiting for somebody to treat, cuss
ing the niggers because they w ouldn’t
work, tut what we felt sorry for
that man—sorry that lightning
wouldn’t strike him,
We never saw a boy with a stone
bruise on bis foot that kept him
from school, but what could make
things bowl with an Alabama sling,
When a lady faints what figure
does she need? You must bring her
2.
—- T—■ *
“The times are hard, wife, and I
find it difficult to keep my nose
abovo water.”
“You could easily keep your nose
above water, husband, if you didn’t so
often keep it above brandy.”
During the Mexican war one of the
generals came to Captain Bragg and
said—
Captain, the crisis ha3 arrived! fire!’
Whereupon Captain Bragg sain to
his lieutenant —
i “You hear what the general says—
fire!”
The lieutenant said —
“But, captain, I don’t see any
thing to fire at!”
“Fire at the crisis!’’ ?aid cap
tain Bragg.
Sarah Bernhardt, the famou
French actress, is almost supernatu
rally ethereal —or, to state the truth
plainly, thin. It is reported thrt
Alexandre Dumas, when he saw the
picture in the salon representing the
actress, with her great Russian grey
hound lying at her feet, remarked
thoughtfully; “Ah, yes, I see—a
dog keeping guard over a bone.”
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