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THE KNOCKER.
Knock, and the world knocks with
you;
Boost, and you boost alone!
When you roast good and loud
Yovj will find that the crowd
Has a hammer as big as your own!
—Troy Times.
AT LEISURE.
Mrs. Farmer—Have you no trade?
Tramp—Lady, I have ten—but
dere’s a strike on in each.—Puck.
EASY.
"The Czar of Russia may have abso¬
lute power, but he can’t mail any let¬
ters in our new postoffice.”
“Why not?”
“Because the postoffice is not open¬
ed yet.”—Cleveland Plain Dealer.
TIME’S CHANGES.
"It used to please me,” said Olden,
“to have the barber ask me if I wanted
a shave when I was a youngster.”
“Yes?”
“Yes, and now he sometimes flat¬
ters me fey asking if I want a hair cut.”
—Philadelphia Public Ledger.
WORTH WINNING.
"Did ypu win anything on the elec¬
tion?”
“Yes. The gratitude of a man who
wanted to bet me $50 it wouldn’t come
out as it did.”—Chicago Record-Her¬
ald.
SYMPATHETIC.
“You look awfully tried, young
man,” said the benevolent-looking
woman to the young man with the
books under his arm.
“Yes, ma’am,” replied the student,
“I’m studying for a doctor.”
“It’s a shame!' Why don’t ycu let
the doctor study for himself?”—Yonk¬
ers Statesman.
SUFFICIENT TO HIMSELF.
do say it myself,”!' remarked
ggV’she’s crazy for me.”
“What a work of supererogation!”
exclaimed Miss Kostique. “You don’t
need any assistance in that direction.”
—Philadelphia Public Ledger.
SOUNDED THAT WAY.
Mrs. Snappy—Was that the piano in
your house I heard yesterday?
Mrs. Navbor—Yes, my daughter is
taking lessons by the quarter now.
Mrs. Snappy—Indeed? I thought it
was by the pound.—Philadelphia Pub¬
lic Ledger.
AN ENCOURAGING PHRASE.
' “Did she really tell you that she lov¬
ed you?”
“Not in so many words. But when
I rocked over backwards in a con¬
founded little rocker that isn’t fit for
any self-respecting fellow to sit in, she
laughed and said: “This is so sud¬
den!”—Cleveland Plain Dealer.
FAR-FETCHED REASONING.
“Why do you say that Gambley is
no good simply because he wears a
suit with large checks?”
“Well, do you like the checks?”
“No.”
“Do you know anybody who does?”
“No.”
“Well, don’t you call a man ‘no good’
If no one will endorse his checks?”
—Cleveland Plain Dealer.
THE FASHIONABLE WOMAN.
Dr. Frank—There! I guess I’ve
taortally offended Mrs. Woodby.
His Wife—Why?
Dr. Frank—I told her she had noth¬
ing but a “common” cold. She was
very indignant.—Philadelphia Public
Ledger.
MAKES QUITE A DIFFERENCE.
Crawford—Did the coming of the
stork make much difference in his
home life?
Crahshaw—Yes. His wife changed
her love for him to the baby and he
transferred his to the nurse.— Town
Topics.
WISE PAPA.
Dorothy—Papa, the piano must he
tuned in time for the reception to¬
night.
Father—Nonsense. Play something
from Wagner, and they won’t know
the difference.—Philadelphia Bulletin.
AMONG THE GUNS.
The Shotgun—Here! You can’t
vote here. Get out.
The Rifle—Why can’t I vote here,
hey?
The Shotgun—Because you’re a re¬
peater! Git!
THE LAST REFUGE.
Margie—If you don’t quit teasing me
I’ll tell mamma and she’ll tell papa,
then papa will whip you.
Harry—Then I’ll cry and grandma
will give me some candy, and I won’t
give you any.—Chicago News.
NOT AT THE FRONT.
She—In case of war, would you go
to the front?
He—Well, no. I think I’d sooner be
a war correspondent.—Judge.
ALL DEPENDS.
Nordy—Say, they wouldn’t let m?
friend, Sadkins, register. An outrage,
wasn’t it?
Butts—I don’t know whether it was
an outrage or not. What ticket did
he want to vote?
THE FEMININE INTELLIGENCE.
“Why don't you insist on being the
head of the house?”
“I am the head of the house,” an¬
swered Mr. Meekton resolutely. “But,
as Henrietta says, a head is no good
without brains.”—Washington Star.
ANXIOUS.
“I hear that your wife has run
away from you.”
“Yes. I’ve offered a reward for her
capture, dead or alive.”
“How much?”
“Ten dollars alive and a thousand
dollars dead.”—Judge.
TAKING CARE OF THE PENNIES.
Pincher—I believe in that old saying
about, taking care of the pennies. Yon
know it, don’t you?
Spenders—Oh, yes. “Take care of
the pennies and the dollars will take
care of your heirs.”—Philadelphia
Press.
Don't Read Their Polici
“What the average purchaser of
life insurance doesn’t know about the
thing he is purchasing would fill a
good-sized book pviulbd with very nar¬
row margins,” says an insurance ex¬
pert. “For instance, I talked not long
since with a man who fancied he was
insured for $10,000 on the fifteen year
endowment plan. That is, he thought
he had to make payments for fifteen
years—which was true—and that at
the end of that time he could get $10,
000, or any part of it, for a good many
years more. No insurance company in
the world will permit the fooling of a
patron like this if it can help it, and
yet to attribute such a mistaken idea
to fraudulent misrepresentation on the
part of an unworthy agent would not
always he fair. Many men who take
insurance, and especially those who do
not decide to go in until they have
looked at it a long time, go in finally
with a rush. They don’t give the
agent time to tel! them what they are
getting, and often don’t find out for
years afterward. Another thing that
many insured persons do not know is
that a rebate on the first payment,
arranged between the insured and the
agent, sometimes renders the whole
transaction invalid.”—Philadelphia
Record.
Vast orders for Scottish tweed ma¬
terials have been placed with various
manufacturers in Scotland by the Jap¬
anese government, says an Edinburgh
newspaper.
WiT.! •MV
mi
4* mm $hm
ISM
■•„ '- V:
Miss Rose Peterson, Secretary
Parkdale Tennis Club, Chicago, from ex¬
perience advises all young girls who have
pains and sickness peculiar to their sex, to use
Lydia E. Pmkham's Vegetable Compound*
How many beautiful young girls develop into worn, listless and
hopeless women, simply because sufficient attention has not been paid
to their physioal development. No woman is exempt from physical
weakness and periodic pain, and young girls just budding into woman¬
hood should be carefully guided physically as well as morally.
If you know of any young lady who is sick, and needs motherly
advice, ask her to write to Mrs. Pinkham at Lynn, Mass., who will
give her advice free, from a source of knowledge which is un¬
equalled in the country. Do not hesitate about stating details
which one may not like to talk about, and which are essential for
a full understanding of the case.
,re- i"
552-;
write and tell you of the benefit I have derived from your advice and
the use of Lydia E. Pinkliam’s Vegetable Compound. The pains
in my back and womb have all. left me, and my menstrual trouble is
corrected. I am very thankful for the good advice you gave me, and I
shall recommend your medicine to all who suffer from female weakness.”
— Miss Fannie Kumpe, 1922 Chester St., Little Rock, Ark. (Dec. 10,1900.)
Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound will cure any
woman in the land who suffers from womb troubles, inflamma¬
tion of the ovaries, kidney troubles, nervous excitability, nervous
prostration, and all forms of woman’s special ills.
ApAAA FORFEIT we cannot forthwith produce the original letters and signatures of
dyliUU VkllSIll above testimonials, which will prove Lydia their K. absolute Pinkham genuineness. hied. Co., Lynn, Maiil,
Gantt’s Planters and Distributors
WE GUARANTEE THEM.
BEWARE OF IMITATIONS.
Write for Prices and Catalogue.
GANTT J1FG. CO., flacon, Ga.
Miss Hannah E. Mershon, Collings
wood, N, J., says:
“I thought I would write and tell you
that, by following your kind advice, I feel like
a new person. I was always thin and delicate,
and so weak that I could hardly do anything.
Menstruation was irregular.
“I tried a bottle of your Vegetable Com
Dound and began to feel better right away. I con¬
tinued its use, and am noiv well and strong, and
menstruate regularly. I cannot say enough for
■"w what your medicine did for me.”
How Hrs. Pinkham Helped
Fannie Kumpe.
“Dear Mrs. Pinkham: — I feel it is my duty to
CURED
Gives
Quick
Relief.
Removes all swelling in 8 to 20
days; effects a permanent cure
in 30to 60 days. Trialtreatment
given free. Nothingcan be fairer
Write Or. H. H. Green’s Sons,
Specialists, Box 8 Atlanta, Qa.
•o PISO’S CURE FOR
„ Best WJnto Cough WHERE ALL ELSE FAILS.
in time. Syrup. Tastes Good. Use
Sold by druggists. ®
CONSUMPTION f*
If with eyes, afflicted weak use Thompson’s Eye Wafer
