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CLEVELAND COURIER
OUR COMIC SECTION
Our Pet Peeve
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PRETTY POLL
For a long rime the loquacious man
in the barber’s shop had made com¬
ments on me appearance of a parrot
standing on a ledge over a mirror, say¬
ing if was the worst stuffed bird he
had ever seen.
“Look at its tegs!" he scoffed. “No
parrot ever had legs like that. It
couldn’t stand on them fv
“Really?” said the parrot, lazily
scratching the side of its head.
CAUSE OF LONGEVITY
Vi
)l! A,
She—You say your dud is over a
hundred year old? To what does he
attribute his longevity?
He—lie was always a good dodger.
Night Clubber*
The lightning bug said to the owl,
"Though difference we display.
We sympathize. At night we prowl,
And stay awake all day.”
Division of Labor
“My friend," said the artist, “this
picture here has taken eight years of
work.”
“Right years? Why, It’s only a
small one!”
“Well, it took six hours to paint it
and the rest of the lime to sell It."—
Swindon Advertiser.
Emphatic
She was lecturing on the wrong of
poor down-trodden women. Finally
she put this question:
“Is there in this hall a single man
who has never spoken an unkind word
to his wife?”
At once an old man jumped up.
“Yes, I’m that single man,” he said,
“and 1 mean to remain so?’’
DOUBLE CROSSED
He—What was wrong in putting
those two X’s at the end of my letter?
She—That's double crossing me.
Onward and Upward
The aviator Is so proud.
He seeks a lofty form of mirth;
He’d rather hit a thunder cloud
Instead of coming hack to earth.
Appearance*
“Your daughters have all made
charming photographs.”
“Yes,” answered Mr. Curnrox, “1
have learned to recognize them by
their printed pictures. In order to be¬
come better acquainted I think I shall
request them to assemble at dinner in
their bathing suits." — Washington
Star.
Hubby'* Advice
Ben ham—1 wish you wouldn’t make
me pay so much for your complexion.”
Mrs. Benham—Why not?
Benharu—Do you want people to
say that your face is in your bus
band’s name?
Fired i
“It is said of tiie late Andrew Car
negie—” began the efficiency expert.
Impressively.
“1 won’t have this,” stormed the
self-made boss. “If he was late dis
charge him at once.”
Popular Place
“Where is the most popular place
live iD this town?" asked the new¬
comer.
“Weil,” replied the local agent, “I
should say, just off hand, beyond
means. At least that’s where
everybody seems to he living.”
Got His Ideas Complete
Father—I’m sure our boy did
inherit his silly ideas from me!’’
Mother (icily)—No, you've still
yours complete!
Point of Comparison
Hard on the Russians
Ronald McPherson, the rich Pitts¬
burgh promoter, said on his return
from Russia :
“The Russian government’s moral
sense is about equal to old Gobsa
Or -Id’s sense of etiquette.
“Old Gobsa Goald, the profiteer, was
eating dinner in ins tape^try-hung
dining room when the bishop called—
for a subscription, you know.
“The bishop came in timidly. The
butler and the four footmen in the
dining room awed him.
“ ‘Don’t let me disturb you, Mr.
Goald,’ he said. ‘I can call another
time.’
“ ‘No, no,’ said Gobsa. ‘Take a
chair, do.’
“And then he added with a polite
society smile:
“ ‘you’ll excuse me not eatin’ this
here rich puddin’ with iny knife, bish
—it's so darn thin and sloppy.’ ”
Wonderful
Tiie Princess Joachim Albrecht
about to sail from New York on the
Leviathan, said to a reporter:
“I think America is wonderful. You
pay the highest wages, yet you pro¬
duce the best and cheapest goods. I ;
think it is a miracle.’’
The princess smiled and added:
“It is like the German clerk’s land¬
lady. The German clerk said, you
know:
“‘My landlady is a wonder. We
had a 12-pound Westphalian ham for
supper last night, and she carved it
In such thin slices that after we were
all served the ham weighed 14%
pounds.’ ”
Fine* Returned to Speeder*
If you were fined for speeding,
knew you were guilty, and were just
succeeding in trying to forget it, then
received a letter of apology and the
amount of the fine front the govern¬
ment, how would you feel? That Is
what happened to a number of speed¬
ers in England recently. Scotland
Yard had caught (hem in a speed trap
and fined them. latter officials found
that the trap was five yards shorter
than it should be. Even allowing for
the error the autolsts were still guil¬
ty of speeding, but the British home
office decided to take the sporting at¬
titude, return the fines, and send let¬
ters of apology.
Rich Depo.it of Rare Ore
What is declared to be the only
known commercial deposit of brueite,
a rare mineral tiiat can be used where
other magnesium compounds are now
employed, lias been discovered and
opened to some extent near laming,
N'ev., says Popular Mechanics Maga¬
zine. A prospector accidentally stum¬
bled across the ore and at first had
no idea of its character or its value.
He had samples analyzed and the find¬
ings were that the deposit may yield
a fortune for the discoverer.
The Prophecy
Tiie late Avery Hopwood, the mil¬
lionaire playwright who was drowned
on the Riviera, was noted, of course,
for his epigrams.
At a luncheon in New York one day
a lady nodded towards an incredibly
pretty girl, and said:
“Don’t you think she’s lovely,
Avery?” i
"So lovely,” said the playwright,
“that I’m sure she’s got a past iu
front of her.”
Yegg* in Hard Luck
Two safe-crackers retained their
amateur standing when they attempt¬
ed to blow a strong box at Oakland,
Calif. They did not get Into the box.
Nothing was missing when company
officials checked up, and while one of
them was searching for clews, he
found a S20 bill one of the yeggs had
dropped in the excitement.
Inevitable
"I hear that young Whippersnap lias
inherited his father’s business. What's
he going to do with it?"
“Oh, tiie usual tiling, I suppose.
Start in at the top and run it down.”
—Life.
Thorough
“After my daughter finishes chem¬
istry we propose to give her a course
in electrical engineering.”
“That will be nice.”
“Yes, we want her to be a good
cook.”
j
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“What About Call Money?”
The first Inside story of the Gall Money
Market. Who fixes the rates, its machinery.
Its influence, dangers, etc., all interestingly
told. Ten cents in postage to
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Gigantic Cofferdam
The largest cofferdam ever con¬
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IfOTHER!
Child’s Best Laxative is
“California Fig Syrup”
*
Hurry Mother! A teaspoonful ot
“California Fig Syrup" now will thor¬
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a few hours you have a well, play¬
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Tell your druggist you want only
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which has directions for babies and
children of all ages printed on bottle.
Mother, you must shy “California."
Refuse any Imitation.
Worried
After a recent censor meeting in
Chicago, nil the picture pruners left
with newly sharpened scissors. Asked
if censorship was to he lightened or
not, one of the party replied:
“We cannot say, at present. We are
all looking forward with trepidation to
the first talkie of a golf match."
A misfit bargain isnt’ fit for any¬
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