Newspaper Page Text
On the
Funny
QUITE IMPOSSIBLE
She was reeling off her troubles
to hubby at supper.
“That Mrs. Smith is a terrible gos¬
sip,” sbe said huftily.
He sighed resignedly.
“Why do you think so, my dear?”
he asked.
She sniffed.
“I simply can’t tell her anything
but that she says she’s heard it be¬
fore,” his wife replied.
Corrected
A fourth-grade boy was reading his
weekly composition in English class
for the criticism of his classmates.
One of the sentences he read was:
“Edgar did not hit airy one of the
birds.”
When he sat down, the teacher
asked for remarks about the compo¬
sition.
William jumped to his feet and ex¬
claimed : ‘‘He said airy when he
ought to said nairy.”
A* Time Flies
“Are you going to have much to
say in the next congress?”
“Yes,” answered Senator Sorghum.
“Of course you will think before
you speak.”
“When possible. The trouble is
that if you spend too much time in
preliminary cogitation, you are liable
to miss your turn.”—Washington
Star.
Evidently Not
“Well, ray wife has divorced me.”
“And I remember the time when
she used to wave her hand to you
every morning when you left the
house.”
“Well, you see, it wasn’t a perma¬
nent wave.”
TIME’S PASSING
James—Two months ago I never
dreamed that you would ever rest
this blond head on my shoulder.
Jessie—Nonsense, we were en¬
gaged then.
James—Yes, but at that time you
were a brunette.
Might Try Blindfolding
“Last week a grain of sand got
Into my wife’s eye and she had to
go to a doctor. It cost me three
dollars.”
“That’s nothing. Last week a fur
coat got in my wife's eye and it cost
me three hundred.”—Munich Jugend.
Bills and Bills
Mr. Zipp—Meet Mr. Zink, wifie.
You often heard me talk of old Bill.
Mrs. Zipp—You talk about so many
old bills I can’t remember them all.
Life’s Darkest Moment
“Pa, what’s dignity?”
“Dignity, my son, is what yon
think you possess until the boss says,
‘What is the meaning of this?’ ”
Real Tragedy
Pair Young Thing (to friend) —
Not only has he broken my heart
and wrecked my whole fife, but he’s
messed up my evening!
\6v e“ “‘0‘“: v
\53 ,/A ' S
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«EVERYWH 'R‘Ec‘ I
The SILVER FLUTE
By Lida Larrimore *
©. Macrae-Smlth Company
WNU Service.
CHAPTER XI—Continued
— 20 —
“A mutual discovery.” He smiled
and pressed her hand.
They had no opportunity for fur¬
ther talk. The front door opened.
There were sounds of footsteps in the
hall and shouts for “Uncle Stephen.”
The children and Barbara burst into
the room, laughing, eyes bright, their
cheeks nipped pink by the cold. The
quiet was broken by gay excited
voices.
“The elephant hud a baby, Uncle
Stephen! Its name is Annabelle.”
“Aren’t the monkeys lovely? They
look like weazened old men.”
“Will a snake’s hack break, Uncle
Stephen, if you make it walk in a
straight line? Kit says—”
“What makes bears smell so dread¬
fully? Don’t they ever take baths?”
“Aren’t zebras silly looking? Like
mules all painted with stripes!”
Stephen was lovely with the chil¬
dren, Natalie thought, watching them
surround him like a swarm of chirp¬
ing locusts. Did she imagine that his
eyes turned most frequently to Bar¬
bara, sitting demurely amused in the
big chair? Stephen was right. She
was a child. A lovely child. Stephen
was more than twice her age. Sbe
felt, all at once, close to Stephen,
afraid for him. There was something
In his eyes. She didn’t want him to be
hurt.
“Aunt Edith started something,” she
said to Bob as they drove home after
dinner. “She told Stephen that he is
in love with Barbara.”
“Is he?”
“I’m not quite sure.” Her voice
was troubled. “Yes,” she added, “I
think he is.”
“Don’t blame him. So am I. She is
a sweet kid, Nat.”
“But Stephen is twice her age.”
“Worried about it?”
“A little worried, Bob. Aunt Edith
says Stephen failed to do his obvious
duty.”
“Swell! Too much obvious duty has
wrecked many a good man’s life. . . .
They’re nice kids, Nat.”
"Yes,” she agreed. “I hope Stephen
Isn’t in love with Barbara, though.”
• •••***
The postman, one morning, brought
a note to Stephen from Emily—
“Dear Stephen,
“I have decided to take your advice.
We are packing up and will leave for
"The Elephant Had a Baby, Uncle
Stephen! Its Name Is Annabelle.”
Virginia very soon. Will you come to
see us before we go? Father will be
inconsolable if he does not have an
opportunity to bid you good-by.
“How are the children? I have
heard that you are to keep them. They
are lucky kiddies.
“Always your friend,
“EMILY.”
Stephen meant to call at the apart¬
ment on the outer fringe of Ititten
house square. But there were many
things to claim his attention besides
the work at the office. He interviewed
decorators. He carried in his pockets
samples of chintz and wall paper,
which fell out at unexpected moments.
He shopped with Gay and Barbara. It
was amusing. It consumed a great
deal of time.
And then there were the relatives.
He dictated to Miss Finch soothing let¬
ters to Uncle Herbert and Aunt Lola
and Cousin Julia in Maine. He felt
that, on the whole, they were relieved.
Aunt Lola wrote plaintive letters
to Gay. But Gay liked being at Uncle
Stephen’s. Aunt Lola’s letters made
no impression.
Then, too, there was Aunt Edith.
She let him feel daily the weight of
her disapproval. If it hadn’t been for
Barbara, Stephen thought, she would
have accepted the situation. She
was fond of the children, especially
fond of Gay. But she resented Bar¬
bara, She told him that she planned
to visit her friend Fanny Poole in Cali¬
fornia as soon as arrangements could
be made.
Stephen felt guilty about Aunt
Edith. He brought her gifts. He tried
to interest her in his plans for the
children. Aunt Edith did not relent.
So the busy days passed and Stephen
did not visit the apartment on the
outer fringe of Rittenhouse square.
Then, one day, a branch of white lilacs
in a florist’s window reminded him of
Emily. He watched the clerk pack it
Into a box with layers of paper. He
walked out of t he shop and hailed a
cab.
But the apartment was vacant. A
aeat “To Let" card was tucked in the
CLEVELAND COURIER
frame of one of the dusty windows.
That evening when Miss Finch
reached her sister’s home she carried
under her arm a slim white florist’s
box.
CHAPTER XII
“Thornhedge,
“February 15th.
“Darling Bruce,
“It’s so odd to think we are going
to stay. , I can’t make it seem real at
all. But we are. Isn’t Uncle Stephen
lovely? Gay and Jamie are going to
school. Gay goes to Miss Carey’s and
Jamie to a boys’ school, sort of in the
country not far from here. Thomas
takes them every morning and goes
for them in the afternoon.
“Kit is going to art school in the
city and he’s so happy that it makes
me want to cry. I hope Mother knows
about us. And Father, too. We can’t
be grateful enough to Uncle Stephen
if we all live for a hundred years and
try as hard as we can.
“I loved your Valentine. Where
did you ever find such a quaint one
with lace paper and rosebuds and
that cunning silver arrow? But I must
make a confession. I slept with it
under my pillow last night and now
it’s all crumpled. Will you forgive
me? It was because I wanted so
much to see you.
“Your Babbie,
“who loves you very much.”
“Thornhedge,
“February 20th.
“Bruce, darling,
“No, I haven’t told Uncle Stephen
about us yet. It wouldn’t be consid¬
erate. He’s had so many things to
bother him. His Aunt Edith has gone
to California with three trunks and
Bessie her maid and I’m sure it was
because of us, though Uncle Stephen
pretends it wasn't.
“I must say it’s a relief to have her
gone. She didn’t like me very well.
Or any of us, except Gay. But it’s
hard for Uncle Stephen, because she
is his aunt and she has lived here ever
since his father and mother died. Now
I sit at the head of the table and pour
Uncle Stephen’s coffee and remind the
children of their manners and ring the
bell for Henry. I do my hair up now.
I simply couldn’t sit at the head of
Uncle Stephen’s table with it all tum¬
bling around my shoulders.
“And something else has happened
to bother Uncle Stephen. Miss Trent
and her father have gone to Virginia
to live. Uncle Stephen isn’t going to
marry her, after all, I guess, and that’s
because of us, too. If you don’t care
for children (and I’m sure Miss Trent
doesn’t) and they come anyway, you
‘fold your tents like the Arabs and
silently steal away.’ That’s what Miss
Emily and her father did. I think it
bothered Uncle Stephen. He never
acted very ‘loverish’ to Miss Emily but
I guess older people don’t and he’s j
probably ‘grieving in silence,’ so that
we won’t feel bad.
“So you see, darling, I can’t tell him
about us just yet. He depends on me I
for everything about the children. It j
wouldn’t be fair to run away and leave !
him, especially since it’s my fault that j
we’re here and his Aunt Edith has ;
gone to California and he has lost his !
love.
“When having a family isn’t so new
and strange and his Aunt Edith corues |
home or he finds somebody else to
You marry who likes children, I’ll tell him. j
do understand, don't you, darling? \
You do know that I love you.
“BABBIE.”
“Thornhedge.
“March 1st.
“Dear Bruce,
“Please don’t consider writing to me
a duty. I know that you are busy and
can’t be expected to answer three let¬
ters in a row.
“Gay is to be ‘Celia,’ own cousin to
‘Rosalind’ in ‘As You Like It’ which
the girls at Miss Carey’s are going to
present in May. She’s so excited
about it that she can’t sleep at night.
Uncle Stephen took Gay and me to
the theater last night to see ‘Hamlet.’
He was a very gloomy person, wasn't
he? No wonder Ophelia went crazy.
He’s going to take us to see ‘As You
Like It’ Saturday afternoon so Gay can
get some pointers.
“I hope you are well. Don’t work
too hard.
“Your friend,
“BARBARA THORNE.”
“Atlantic City,
March 3rd.
“Darling Bruce,
“Can you ever forgive me for writ¬
ing such a snippy letter? But I hadn’t
heard from you for more than a week
and I was worried and hurt and dread¬
fully unhappy. You imagine all sorts
of things when you wait for letters
which never come and, besides, I
haven’t a nice disposition.
“You should have had measles long
ago. They aren't one of the pleasures
to be reserved for old age. And to
think of them putting you in the chil¬
dren's ward at the hospital!
“I felt so mean when your letter
came. I wanted to fly to New York
and sit by your bed and feed you
things with a spoon. But we were just
leaving for Atlantic City and so I
couldn’t very well. Uncle Stephen had
to come on business and he brought
Gay and me because Gay was so dis¬
appointed about missing ‘As You Like
It’ and Uncle Stephen thought I looked
sort of pale. That was because I’d
been worrying about you. But I didn’t
tell him that. I said it was ‘growing
pains’ because, you know, Bruce, I am
growing up. I can feel it.
(TO BE CONTINUED. |
Poise Named as
Secret of Charm
But It Must Be Admitted
Pleasing Quality Is
Hard to Define.
On behalf of a well known charity
there is to he a series of lectures
given in New York on the intriguing
subject, “What is charm?”
“Experts” on the subject of charm
have been recruited to talk on their
specialties. There is to he a well
known beauty specialist, an actress,
a society woman, an important
dressmaker, a poetess and “promi¬
nent women from the world of art.
home decorating and the screen”!
And they will endeavor to answer
the question, "What is charm?”
I doubt if they can—if anyone
can. Tlie moment you try to track
down the quality to definable terms
it eludes you. “That sounds like it,”
you will say, “but So-and-So would
not answer quite to such a descrip¬
tion, and yet siie has charm.” Or
someone who does answer doesn't
have quite that something that sets
her apart and makes everybody,
men, women and children—oh, yes,
the women and children, too, recog¬
nize real charm—her slaves.
A woman may be very beautiful—
and not have charm. A woman may
be very brilliant—and not have
charm. So many brilliant women
don't. A woman may be very good—
and ditto! A woman may have clev¬
erness or vivacity, even “personal¬
ity”—and not have charm!
And yet you have met women who
are neither beautiful nor brilliant—
nor even too good—who had charm.
What is it? It reminds r e of that
famous question of Mrs. Teall of
the Newark Evening News. “What
quality do you vibrate?” It is a
quality that some women vibrate,
but I doubt that any one “specialist”
can quite catch it—it is compounded
of so many things. Something of
goodness, of course, of charity and
understanding, and something of
humor and calm and objectiveness—
of interest in other people and a
stability and sufficiency within one¬
self—a sort of Inner hold and con¬
trol that can maintain always the
same poise, that vibrates strength
and gives help, but never needs it.
That is the reason for the air of
mystery that one sometimes feels
about women with real charm. They
are so self-sufficient they never re¬
veal themselves, never state them¬
selves, so to speak. They have the
maternal receptiveness that obliter¬
ates itself. Their own problems the
world never knows. They have
charm.
©, Bell Syndicate.—WNU Service.
Your local dealer carries Ferry’s
Pure Bred Vegetable Seeds. Now
only 5 cents a package. Adv.
The Main Thing
It matters less to a man where he
is born than how he can live.
Dr. Pierce’s Pleasant Pellets are the orig¬
inal little liver pills put up 60 years ago.
They regulate liver and bowels.—Adv.
Needn’t Pity Sensitive
Sensitiveness is one of the dis¬
guises of pride.
To Clear, Whiten
and Beautify
Dull, Dingy Skin
Here is an inexpensive, quicker
way to skin beauty—a way that has
been tested and trusted by women
for over a generation.
You can whiten, clear
and freshen your com¬
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trace of blackheads,
freckles, coarseness in
ten days or less. Just
apply N adinola Bleach¬ ifli ilSi
ing Cream at bedtime
tonight. Nounassaging,
no rubbing. Nadinola
speeds Nature, purg¬
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muddy freckles, sallow blackheads,
color. Y y ou see day-by¬
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all you long for; creamy-white, satin
smooth, lovely. Get a large box of
NADINOLA, only 50e. No long
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guarantee.
WNU—7 9—34
Fruit Growth Without
Seeds Now Predicted
“Because certain fruits do not con¬
form to Nature's laws, humanity is
able to enjoy their dessert without
the nuisance of pips.” Such was the
interesting statement of an importer.
“Sex laws apply to plant life just as
they do to the rest of nature,” he
went on. “Speaking generally, no
fruit can grow unless it has been
fertilized. Where no such ‘marriage’
has taken place, the fruit withers
FOR BETTER GARDENS FERRY’S
PUREBRED VEGETABLE
S - El S
NOW
REMEMBER THIS CROSS
It Means the REAL ARTICLE
GENUINE Of Bayer
ASPIRIN Manufacture
When you go to buy aspirin, Remember this for your own
just remember this: Every protection. Tell your friends
tablet of real aspirin of about it for their protection.
Bayer manufacture is Demand and
stamped with this cross. No get Genuine
tablet without this cross is Bayer Aspirin.f(
GENUINE Bayer Aspirin.
Safe relief for headache, colds, sore throat,
pains of rheumatism and neuritis, etc.
Genuine Bayer Aspirin Does Not Harm the Heart MEMBER N. R. A,
Will Need Super Race
A much quoted biologist foresees
a super race in another hundred
years. For our part, we foresee
some super problems for tiiese fel
lows.—Detroit News.
I keep it
“... in these days of recovery... if I don’t, some¬
one else will have my job.” How? “Well, I learned
years ago that work ... wear and tear ... takes some
tiling out of men and women- -particularly those who
work indoors.
“I tore down those precious red-blood-cells faster
than my good body could rebuild. A friend told me
the story of that grand medicine S.S.S. Now at 4
P. M. I am fit to still ‘carry on’.”
If you feel weak... lack a keen appetite... or if
your skin is pale... try S.S.S. Unless your case is
exceptional, you should soon notice a pick up in your
appetite... your color and skin should improve with
increased strength and energy.
S.S.S. is not just a so-called tonic but a tonic spe¬
cially designed to stimulate gastric secretions, and
also having the mineral elements so very', very neces¬
of sary the in rebuilding the oxygen-carrying hemo-glo-bin
blood to enable you to “carry on” without
exhaustion asyou should naturally. At all drug stores.
Quite Open Original With Her
It is still an open question wheth¬ Mary—I didn't know Ted had any
er the gift of gab is really a gift.— idea of marrying you.
Lafayette Journal and Courier. Ann—He didn’t. It was my idea.
¥#Ii©s@ Fault?
jg| m J 1
jjl if
lifif
m
When Little Girls Show Temper
A quarrelsome child is a sick child, Good health and good behavior go
mothers! A bad bowel condition hand in hand. With inner health,
means bad behavior. And it doesn’t come smiling faces and sunny dis¬
help matters to give bilious boys positions. And keep it’s children’s really so bowels simple
and girls some them powerful cathartic When regular. a matter The to only “medicine”
that upsets for days. most
you see a coated tongue, dull or youngsters ever need to promote
yellowed eyes, or other signs of thorough bowel action is pure Cali¬
sluggishness, there’s always a little way fornia this fine, Syrup fruity of Figs. laxative The senna in
to cleanse and sweeten that never
system without violence; next day weakens them, or takes away their
you have a happy, contented child. appetite. Syrup But Figs; get real Californin it
This common-sense treatment of you can get
is explained on the right: anywhere; it isn’t expensive.
The Cuiicura, medicinal which and emollient the skin properties'of
protect and prevent
skin irritations so common after shaving, are
found only in Csiticwra Shaving Cream.
The medication of the Cream comprises fra¬
grant, oriental, balsamic essential oils which soothe, cool and
comfort tender, sensitive skins.
At your dealers or sent postpaid on receipt of 35c.
Address: Cuticura Laboratories, Malden, Mass.
and dies. Eons ago, certain fruits,
including the banana and the bread¬
fruit, rebelled against these laws,
and for some reason unknown to
scientists the trees were capable of
producing sexless fruit. That is the
reason why there are no pips in
bananas.
Horticultural experiments in this
regard were undertaken some years
ago with oranges, grapefruit and pine¬
apples ; and after years of unsuccess¬
ful trials the seedless fruit was at
last produced. It is now only a mat¬
I Wasps and Golf
Texas golfer, Stung by a wasp,
made ttie hole in cne. The trouble
with this system is in getting the
I wasp timed right.—Little Icock Ga
zette.
ter of time for growers to discover
methods whereby seeds can be com¬
pletely eliminated from all kinds of
fruit.”
Situations
“What are you going to do about
the political situation?”
“I am in melancholy doubt,” an¬
swered Senator Sorghum. “When
appointments are demanded by my
constituents, the trouble seems to
be that there aren’t enough political
situations to go ’round.”