Newspaper Page Text
SUNDAY 1 , AFlklL 11.
LITTLE STORIES OF BIG
BILL TAFT
“ How should this letter be address
ed, Mr. Loeb?” a clerk in the white
house executive office asked one day
last December. “Should I say ‘The
Honorable William H. Taft.’ *J i Wil
liam H. Taft, ‘William H. Taft, Enquire.’
or President-elect William 11. Taft?”
NAME IS WILLIAM, BUT
THEY CALL HIM “BILL.”
i resident Roosevelt had quietly en
tered the room and was standing unob
served at the speaker’s shoulder.
“Oh, just call him ‘Bill,’ ’’ he sug
gested, with the famous “Teddy’’ grin.
“He’s big enough to stand it.’’
And it is, beyond doubt, saying much
for the natural dignity of the Dig pres
ident that he ha 6 been able to arrive at
las fifty-first year without suffering the
slightest loss of dignity, though known
almost all* his life to almost
.'.s plain “Bill Taft.’’
Of course, there was a family attempt
soon after his advent on September 15,
1857, to launch the great-man-to-be with
the goold old-fashioned “Wiliam,” but
his son shrank, injo u*e diminutive “Wil
lie,” and as such he was known to his
boyhood friends in Cincinnati, It ap
pealing 1o their sense of humor to apply
such a designation to so robust a youth.
“Bill” was regarded as the proper thing
by his classmates at Yale, and “Bill”
he has been ever since.
ALWAYS HAS
BEEN CLEVER.
When Mr. Taft’s name was first men
tioned in connection witbr the presi
dency. doubt was expressed in some
quarters as to whether he could secure
the nomination.
“Oh, he’ll get it —don’t worry,” an
old-timer Ohio politician spoke up, “and
there won’t be any hard feeling— he has
always been clever enough to get what
V»e wanted and generally to cause a
smile at the same time. 1 remember
I was taking dinner with the family
when -Bill w r as a little shaver, maybe
4 years old—it was a very Vnformal
family affair, and I w r as the only guest.
I .it tie Willie had made away with his
helping of roast chicken in quick time,
bu. evidently hesitated to ask for a sec
ond portion. Presently looking nowhere
in particular, he began to crumble a
cruet oi bread upon his plate, at the
same time whispering softly, ‘Come, bid
Packey McFarland TeUf
How He Keeps Strong
How You Can Do the Same
Packey McFarland, the famous pugil
ist, Is a specimen of a perfect physical
condition. Why he is different from an
other man of his weight and build is
oeM told in his own words in a letter
written by him from San Francisco,
Cal., dated April 14, 1908: “While train
ing I at times became fatigued and fifad
splendid use for Make-Man Tablets, as
1 found them, from personal use, the
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Make-Man Tablet Co.,
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r A * 1 hav « never used Make-Man
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through my druggist
(Druggist’s name)
(Address)
a full size 50c box Make-Man Tab
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enclose fc to partially pay mailing
expense.
My name
Address
(write plainly. Only one box to
each family.)
The Grand
WEEK OF APRIL 12TH.
THE HOUSE
OF ‘‘BILLIXEKI."
CONTINUOUS
PROPER VAUDEVILLE.
Extra Special Feature
ADELE PURVIS ONRI TRIO
Sensational European Novelty.
HAOGARTY A LECLAIR
Real Irish Entertainers, Presenting
"A Bit of Human Nature,”
BILL JONES
Comedy Character Musical Com
edian.
Special Added Attraction
SANDFORD A DARLINGTON
The Kirfgs of Funnydom, In a Lit
tie Bit of Everything.
Bijou graph—Llfe-slae Pictures that
Don’t Flleker.
Two Afternoon and night perform
ances Dafly. Afternoons, 3.30 to
6.30. Nights, Bto 11.
ANY SEAT 10c. CHILDREN AT
MATINEES, 6c.
6 REAL ACTS 6
REAL ACTS
SURERBA
THIS
WEEK .
Same Prices
6 REAL ACTS 6
dy, come, bicdvl’ Of c : im. ~e got a
second helping, and a generous one.”
It whs when-lie was about the same
age that Willie one (lay came Hurriedly
to the table, having overlooked the per
formance of that bane if boyhood—the
act of hand-washing. His father re
garded ills gravely.
“Willie,” he suggested reprovingly,
• you never saw my hands as dirty as
that.”
For a moment Willie squirmed tin com-
; :-f.. • ... y : / N
! s' . ' -
fortably, then . a roguish smile dimpled
his cheeks.
“But, you see, papa, I never saw you
when you were a little boy,” he sug
gested.
WILLIAM TAFT
HAS GOOD APPETITE.
Dike all healthy youths, William Taft
had a good appettte, and the hour
preceding the noon recess at school
sometimes seemed long. It therefore
somewhat tried his patience when one
day a visiting official began a little talk
a few minutes before the bell should
have tapped, and continued to talk for
some time thereafter.
“I wish he;d cut it short—l’m as
hungry as blazes!” William ventured to
whisper to a schoolmate, but, unfor
tunately' the visitor was possessed of
unusually keen ears.
“Young man,” he remarked, “over
looking the fact that the remark was
somewhat rude, and that talking is' an
infraction of the school rules, I would
suggest that your comparison is silly.
What connection can ‘blazes’ have with
hunger?”
“Why, sir, I think I have read of ‘the
devouring element?’ ” "William suugest
ed respectfully.
“Very good, rnv lad,” the visitor said,
and smiled t!fe same yoju've made-a
friend smile that Big Bill has been caus
ing ever since.
TAFT ALWAYS
GENEROUS.
He was always generous—has even
alllowed his friends, in his good nature,
to impose upon him. A Yale man of
Bill’s class of ’7B says that once he
dropped into the later’s room and
found him in a dressing gown and as
near a fit of sulks as lie ever got.
“What you doing?” the visitor de
manded cheerfully. “Nothing? Come on
to a dance.”
“Can’t,” was the laconic reply.
“Oh, come on—why not?”
“Borrowed out,” Bill explainedfl “They
have got everything—l can’t do any
thing!” plaintively.
“Oh talk sence!” the friend suggested,
rudely.
“Fact. That raacal Tom has worn
my dress suit off somwhere—that let
me out of going to any social stunt
Then I thought I’d do a little grinding
and was about to settle down when 1
remembered that I’d lent my notes to a
fellow across the square, and some oth
er fellow has my text-book. So I
thought I’d just loaf around town—until
I discovered that Jack hadn't returned
my razor, so I couldn’t shave, and I
couldn't go out looking like a fretful
porcupine, and. besldep. It occurred to
me all of a sudden that Charlie had
borrowed my last cent to buy flowers for
BETTER THAN SPANKING
Spanking does not cure children of
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Send no money, but write her today if
your children trouDle you in this way.
Don’t blame the child, the chances are
It can’t ,help it. This treatment also
cures adults and aged people troubled
with urine difficulties by day or night.
REAL ACTS
WILLIAM HOWARD TAFT
it 13 all a mistake —quite wrong, in
facl.” Mr. Taft once sum, with :i
twinkle in his eyes. “Why, 1 did. I got
a job almost immediately on a Cincin
nati paper, as court reporter, at a larg
er salary.”
"How much did you receive. Judge?"
some one with a thirst for exact sta
tistics asked.
"Six dollars a week.” was the grave
reply.
TAFT WAS READY
TO “MIX IT UP.”
Bill Taft did not hesitate upon what
he regarded as a suitable occasion to
“mix it up,” and citizens of Cincinnati
still tell with a chuckle of the occasion
when Bill called upon a certain editor
who had printed articles reflective upon
Bill’s father, the Hon. Alphonso Tuft,
some girl. Would you care to take this
dressing gown along—it’s all I "have
left ?’’
SIX-DOLLAR-A-WEEK
REPORTER ONCE.
r ‘You see a good many jokes about
fresh college graduates not being able
to get a job paying over $5 a week, but
who, by the way, preceded his son in
holding the portfolio of the secretary
of war, having been appointed to that
office by Presidest Grant. Bill first
stated his views of the editor’s course,
and then, in the language of an old fel
low who was employed by the paper at
that time, proceeded to give the offend
ing editor “the all-flredest, gosh-blamcd
est, up-an’-down and round-an’-roundest
lickin’ that I ever saw a man get, an’
I’ve seen an old-time Mississippi river
steamboat mate lick as impudent deck
hand.”
* In 1880 Bill graduated in law from
Cincinnati college; was admitted to the
bar in the same yar, and was appoint
ed assistant prosecuting attorney in
HAD TILT WITH
NEGRO WITNESS.
Like ail young lawyers—Bill was then
25 —he had much to learn of the art of
examining witnesses. Upon one ocoa*
sion he had an old negro upon the stand,
a witness an experienced attorney would
have disposed of with two questions,
but Bill seemed possessed of the Idea
that the old fellow knew more than he
admitted, and determined to get It from
him. His question it must be admit
ted, were both relevant and otherwise.
“Have you a profession?” he de
manded.
“’Deed, sah, dat depends on de pint
ob view/’ the witness temporized.
“Answer yes or ns! Have you a pro
fession ?”
“Well, sah. Ah's a sort ob carpenter.”
“That Is no profession—carpentering
is a trade,’’ Bill informed him with fine
distinction. “You say you are ‘a sort
of carpenter.* What sort of carpenter?”
“Well, sah, yo’ might say er jackleg
carpenter," the old man replied un
happily.
“And what Is ‘a jackleg carpenter?' ”
Bill thundered In a tone that Indicated
that the whole dark secret would not be
revealed. , •
“It’s hard to 'splaln, sah," the witness
replied, “and’ de beet Ah can do am
to say dat dare Is do same difference be
tween er jackleg carpenter an’ er sho
nuf, fust-class carpenter as between you
an’ er shonuf, fust-class lawyer.”
"Step down,” Bill directed, frowning
darkly.
TAFT LIKED
LAW PRACTICE.
In 1882 Bill resigned an internal reve
nue collectornhlp, to which he had been
appointed by President Arthur, to prac
tice law. and one of hie very first caeei
wa, the defense of a man charged with
having stolen an umbrella from a stand
full which a merchant had placed Just
£lde his store door on a rainy day.
merchant was placed upon the wit
stand, and Bill asked:
"How do you identify the umbrella al
leged to have been found In the de
fendant's possession?"
THE AUGUSTA HERS*D
Some New Herald Models
TWO STYLISH COAT SUITS
In one of the exclusive shops on Fifth Avenue, New York, the other
afternoon, the fair purchaser wore h stunning coat, of Ottoman silk in
the model here illustrated. Effectively designed with collar and cuffs
of contrasting color. New flat collar ending at high waist, line giving
double breasted effect. Two large (jrouchet buttons. Pointed sides
slashed and laced with silk edged with tassels. Pointed back and open
seams.
“By its general appearance—it 1b one
of a special lot 1 have others with which
to compare it,” the witness replied.
“That proves nolhing.’’ Bill eomment
eu airily. “It is a very conventional
type; in fact, I have one just like it,”
offering an umbrella for comparison.
“And does that prove anything?” the
witness Insinuated. ”1 have lost more
than one umbrella from that stand!”
SKINFLINT WOULDN’T
FAY BILL HIS FEE.
Soon after this Bill was much pleased
to be visited at his office by an old
fellow', a notorious skinflint, but known
to be very wealthy, and who was eiv
gaged in almost continuous litigation. He
informed Bill that lie would like him to
look after his legal Interests thenceforth,
and this Bill proceeded to do, with much
success. All w'ould have been w’ell but
for one small fly in the ointment—the
old fellow could not he persuaded to com
pensate Bill for his services. Bill did
not like to resort to a suit, so tried a
little strategy. FYom a young physician,
a friend he, borrowed a skeleton and
placed It in his office at a time when he
was expecting a visit from his import
ant but non-paying client. The old
man came in, seated himself and was
beginning to discuss one of his cases,
when 7i7k eyes fell upon the skeleton.
“Why, er, whkt is that, Mr. Taft?” he
gasped, growing pale.
“Oh, that?” Bill answered indifferent
ly; “that is a client who wouldn’t pay
me my bill. When he died I seized his
hones—guess I can sell the thing for a
small sum. Now, about that case of
yours—”
The next day he received a check
covering nil services up to date.
TAFT MADE
RAPID RISE.
■Events moved swiftly for Bill Taft
from now on, and Iri rapid succession he
was Judge of the superior court of Cin
cinnati, solicitor general of the United
States, United States circuit Judge, dean
of law in the University of Cincinnati,
president of the United States, Philip
pine commiasion, first civil governor of
the Philippine Inlands, and secretary of
war. No man ever had such a training
for the presidency, or knew such a va
riety of people, or probably had so many
amusing little adventures, for “Big
Bill’s” good nature has always made
a Joke of the little annoyances that upH*t
people of smaller caliber.
While United Rtates circuit Judge, a
washout on the railway once marooned
him in a small OMo town, to the “hotel”
of which he proceeded in search of
breakfast, there being no dining car at
tached to his w-aiting train. The land
lord himself waited upon the table.
“I'll have,” Mr. Taft sold, his appe
tite sharpened by a. fast,
“some broiled steak, scrambled eggs,
smelts, broiled kidneys, hot rolls, buck
wheat cakes, breakfast bacon, and, of
eourse, you will first bring some grape
fruit or oranges—and coffee ”
“Do you really cn Inflate to get all
that, stranger?” the landlord asked
curiously.
“flurely. Why not?” Bill naked.
JarntHy. “Isn’t this a hotel?"
“Wall, yes, it is a hotel,” the respon
sible party replied, “an’ I’ll git you your
breakfast- codfish#-balls, doughnuts an’
< offee this mornln'.
“He turned away, but paused to re
mark solemnly:
“An’, say. stranger, es w* did have
all that you wouldn't get It.”
“Why not?” the astonished guest de
landed.
“ ’Cause I’d cat It myself,” was the
concluflve and emphatic reply, a long
ing expression spreading over his Mice.
GASTRONOMIC
ADVENTURES.
Another little gastronomic adventure
occurred in a southern town, where Mr.
Taft wan apparently the only guest at
the hotel Ills first meal was breakfast,
and two liinber-backed darkles vied with
each other as to which should capture
complishcd, the victor rushed off, soon
the big man. When this had beon ac
relurning with a huge waiter filled with
dishes.
“But I say, Sam,” Mr. Taft protested,
gently, as the contents of the tray
was being transferred to his table,
“haven’t you any breakfast, food?”
Sum rolled his eyes wildly.
“ Deed an’ wo is, sah!” ho exclaimed.
“We got fried ham, fried chicken, fried
steak, fried tish, fried sweet potatoes,
reed birds, frog-lalgs, hot cakes, corn
bread, w'afflcs, biscuits, Ilghtbread, eggs,
honey, coffee, an’ milk. Ah dun brung
all dat, sah, an of dat ain't, ’nough
breakfast food, ’deed Ah don't know
what. Ah gwlne do, sah, 'knse ain’t nigh
hog-killing time yet.”
There have been a thousand Jokes con
cerning Mr. Taft’s size, but probably the
best of the lot was gotten off by a man
who is not generally regarded «s a hu
morist —Kllhu Root. When Mr. Taft
went to the Philippines all civil govern
or, he wan In rather poor health and his
friends doubted whether the climate
would agree with him. A short time
after his arrival, however, Root, then
secretary of war, received the following
cablegra rn:
’Rode twenty miles up mountain on
horseback yesterday. Feel flue. Taft.”
Secretary Root smiled, reached for a
telegraph blank, and wrote:
“How Is horse? Root. *
TAFT’S RETORTS
ALWAYS READY.
Though beaming with good humor, Mr.
Taft always bus ready a keen retort, If
he thinks It needed, and during the
campaign he was forced, once or twice,
to “corne back.” He was speaking in a
little Indiana town when some one In
the audience Interrupted rudely:
“Oil, cut that out and talk sence!”
“But I wanted you to understand me,
rny friend,” she big man responded, and
the Interrupter was effectively “shut
up.”
Mr. Taft believes 4n the old-fashioned
womanly woman, so when a young lady
“OLD HOMESTEAD" Bread is better-different-be
cause we make it so. Different—better materials—Better
bakers—white men, artists who study bread making the same
as your lawyer studies law. With as mttch intensity as your
physician studies medicine.
Result is cleanliness, purity, goodness and health. Are
you using our bread ? Practically every good physician in
Augusta does.
Hollingsworth & Co., Bakers of bread and cake.
weenie thus
man hits
Was Assisted By Them
When He Was Thrown
From His Horse in Wash
ington.
Mr. W. K. Nelson, one of llie mem
bers of Camp 436 U. C. V., has re
ceived a letter from Mr. Telamon
Cuyler, of Wayside, Ga., a gentleman
who was on the staff of Gen. Howard
during the inaugural parade. Mr. Cuy
ler was unfortunately thrown from
his horse and his leg was very badly
injured during the parade.
Some of the Augusta Veterans
were passing and had Mr. Cuyler sent
to the hospital. The following is a
letter of thanks that he has soul to
them:
Wayside, Jones Co., Ga.
Mr. YV K. Nelson,
Dear Sir:
1 wish to tel! you how very much
! appreciate the kindness of yourself
and comrades in sending me to the
hospital. When 1 was injured on
March 4th In Washington City. 1 was
cared for there and then came to At
lanta. Please assure your comrades
that 1 was most anxious to show m.v
respect for thorn —ray father's cont
panlons-ln-arms that, day and 1 regret
that they did not march in the after
noon parade.
My leg yet keeps me in the housu.
but there will be no permanent injury
1 am with much respect,
Yours sincerely,
TELAMON CUYLER.
MR. JAMES U. JACKSON
TO RETURN SUNDAY
Meetiug of Fair Associa
tion Will Be Called Fol
lowing His Return.
Mr. James U. Jackson is expected
to return Sunday morning from New
York. His visit was on personal bus
iness. although it Is altogether prob
able that he will come back with en
couraging reports about the develop
ment of the Railway Company’s
power plant on the canal.
In a few days a meeting of the di
rectors of the Gcorgla-Caroltna Fair
Association will be called, as it. was
only postponed until Mr. Jackson’*
return.
('apt. Frank E. Beane, secretary of
the association, states that ho expects
the premium list, to he out, by April
16. They are now In the hands of
the printer. The booklet will conslßt
of about 76 pages, attractively hound
and neatly printed. It contains a list
of all prises to be awarded, the con
dition of entry Into every department
of the fair, a list, of the officers and
directors of the association, lists of
the various committees, and valuable
Information for prospective exhibitors
A meeting of the executive commit,
tee of the Savannah Valley Assoclat
ed Farmers’ Clubs will be hold In Au
gusta on April 26, for the purpose of
dividing and apportioning the space
for exhibitors in the agricultural and
horticultural departments of the fair.
Other Important, matters will be gono
over.
on the golf links at Augusta remarked
In a, shocked tone:
"Oh, Mr. Taft! Isn't It disgraceful the
wny Mrs. Blank Is flirting with Mr.
Brown! But perhaps you do not disap
prove of flirting?*
"I do disapprove of a woman’s flirt
ing.” was the H*ri4un reply.
“Oh! You disapprove of only a wom
an's flirting—how about the flirting
mu n?”
“Wall, Umt’s aomethlng elßc,” Mr.
Taft begnn, his eycn twinkling. “I man
has excusoH
“Oh. I entirely disagree!” the girl re
joined warmly. “Whaf excuse has a
man that a woman ha a not?”
“The hast—the extreme attractiveness
of woman,” Bill explained, with n bow.
Mr. Taft’s good nnturod thoughtful
nesss waa never hotter illustrated than
at the Inn ugu rat lon. The fleventh New
York raiment had Intended to partici
pate In the parade, but « blizzard de
layed their train and they arrived too
late, bitterly disappointed.
f *Te|l the to parade on the Rth.
I’ll review them,” the president said.
80, on March 5, the Seventh New York,
all alone, marched proudly through the
court of honor and past the reviewing
stand, before the chief executive, who,
though the busiest man In the world
♦hat day. had time for that.
“Now, wasn't that Just like Big Bill?”
a mllltlnman naked fondly.
It was moat typical in fact.
PAGE SEVEN
LYNHURST NEWS
The farmers in this section are
well up with their work. Corn is com
ing up and some cotton has been
planted Winter lingers long in the
lap of Spring and the weather is cold
enough for fire.
Mrs. F. H. Ganot and Miss Minnie
Hay are visiting relatives in Beau
fort and will not return till after
Easter.
Miss Bertha Winter of Hephzibah
was here on Sunday. She visited here
several years ago and her many
friends were glad to see her.
Mr. Jack Owens of Allendale waa
here one day last week.
Fishing seaspn is on now, but there
are more fishermen than fish.
THE MAN WHO WON.
“I despise that fellow over there/’
said Mr. Ponsonby.
“And why?”
“Well, he was my defeated rival
for the hand o! Mrs. Ponsonby.”
“i see; and you can’t forget, it.”
“Confound the luck, he won’t let
me forget it! Why, every time ha
sees me h<‘ grins!”—Exchange.
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