A Bad Gueti.
John Haw trey was oue of England’s
l-imous whipping schoolmasters. At
Eton In autumn the small hoys used
to buy chestnuts and roast them in a
nhovel over the fire. Oue day a boy
named F., who was a great favorite of
Hawtrey’s, had a lot of chestnuts and
as a special favor was allowed to make
use of the pupil room fire wkile the
boys were all studying. Hawtvey was
going in and nut of the room while
we were working, and on one occasion,
coming In rather quietly, he caught
sight of F. kneeling over the fire ar¬
ranging his chestuuts. The boy’s posi¬
tion was irresistible to any lover of the
art of chastisement. Not seeing his
face and supposing it was one of the
other boys stealing the chestuuts, John
Hawtrey quietly took his cane from
Ills desk and, creeping forward on tip¬
toe, gave the wretched F. a most tre¬
mendous whack. The boy jumped up
with a yell, his hands clapped behind
him. Then the tutor saw who he was
and said, embracing him:
“Oh, my poor boy! I am so sorry!
I thought It was another boy stealing
your chestnuts.”
We, of course, were all delighted and
roared with laughter.—London Graphic.
Little as you would think, the war¬
like ancient Briton and the peaceful
policeman have at least one extraordi¬
nary thing in common. The former
clothed his nakedness with the blue
juice of the woad plant, and the latter
proudly parades himself in a uniform
•f Nvoadcd cloth.—London Express.
The Greater Danger,
There was never a more conscien¬
tious young man than Eben Soule,
and when he found how much ab¬
sorbed he had become with the mere
idea of playing in the town band he
consulted his minister. “Do you reckon
I could give up all that time to music
without falling from grace?”,he asked
nnxiously.
The good old Methodist had a saving
sense of humor. He saw that his pa¬
rishioner was much distressed between
his wishes and His conscience, but the
minister smiled on him nevertheless.
“It’s the horn you’re asked to play, 1
hear,” he said. “Ever had much ex¬
perience with it, Eben?”
“Never tried it but once, but 1 like
the sound of it first rate,” said the
young man.
“M'm!” said the minister. “Well, I
think you needn’t be afraid of falling
from grace on account of it, but I do*
hope you’ll manage things so your fam¬
ily and neighbors won’t have to pass
through the fiery temptation of hear¬
ing you practice too often, Eben.”—Ex¬
change.
The Artless Red Indian.
The influence 'of the fur trader and
the mission schools lias had a marked
effect upon the Outario Indians. They
have to a large extent adopted modern
dress, and many of the young men can
be found at work in the sawmills and
as river drivers. The women, too,
manage to keep step with their lords
in this march toward civilized appear¬
ance. I have seen moccasincd feet
peeping from beneath the folds of vel¬
vet gowns of royal purple. On the
bank of Rainy river I came upon a
community of wigwams and tepees.
About an open fire crouched three old
hags, filthy and hideous, hut in the
door of a tepee not ten feet away
Btood a young squa vv, perhaps a daugh¬
ter of one of the 4 igs, doing her hair
with a curling iron.—Wide World Mag¬
azine.
Some Meteors.
One of the earliest known meteors
fell in 204 B. C. in Phrygia, where for
a long time it was worshiped. It was
carried to Rome and was supposed to
be a messenger from the gods. Livy
describes a shower of meteoric stones.
The people were greatly alarmed, and
tlieS senators were demoralized and de¬
clared a nine days' festival to propiti¬
ate the gods. There is at Mecca a
meteorite which fell In GOO A. D. and
Is still worshiped by the faithful.
Sacrificed to the Nile.
The ancient Egyptians, if they did
not worship the river Nile, held it in
great veneration and even dread. The
Nile had its appointed priests, fes¬
tivals and sacrifices, and if its rising
was delayed for a single day a beauti¬
ful young girl was thrown into its wa¬
ters and drowned in order to appease
the god's anger and secure his favors.
Waiting.
Jack—By the way. how is your suit
with Miss Cashleigh progressing?
Tom—Slowly. I’m playing a waiting
game just now. Jack—A waiting
game? Tom—Yes: I’m waiting for her
to change her mind.
punishment.
‘Top!”
“Yes, my son.”
"Did mamma ever punish you?”
she married me, my boy.”—
Yonkers Statesman. —- •••-■*
The *f 0 o! who is 'silent passes for
wise.—French Proverb.
Wanted a Bargain.
Cracked eggs are sold in soldiers
canteens at a reduced price, and,
Tommy Atkins Is not a man of
there is a fairly good demand
these damaged articles. One day
Scotsman walked into the canteen
asked for twopence worth of
eggs.
“We’ve got none,” said the steward.
“Weel.” said the Scot, “ye
just crack us a few, then.”—Tit-Bits.
Danton and the Organ Grinders.
Paris has more than once made war
on organ grinders. There, as here, they
have their enemies and also their
champions. The war, however, is an
old one, and politicians had time to at¬
tend to it even at the height of the
revolution.
No less a man than Danton then took
the part of the musicians.
“Citizens,” be cried from the tribunal,
”1 hear that an attempt is being made
to prevent the organ grinders of Bar¬
bary from playing their tunes as usual.
Do you think, then, that the streets of
Paris are too gay? Have the people of
Paris too many songs on their lips?
One after another our liberties are be¬
ing wrested from us. Leave us at
least the liberty of listening to the or¬
gans of Barbary, of hearing from them
our favorite songs and refrains.”
Danton was guillotined for reasons
with which this speech had nothing to
do, but the oration containing these
sentiments was the last that he had
the opportunity of delivering as a
member of the convention.—Westmin¬
ster Gazette.
Hotel Accommodations In India.
All over the world Indiau hotels
have a bad name to any one who has
been used to a moderate degree of com¬
fort and good feeding. They are for
the most part a disgrace. Why people
should have to pay from 10 rupees to
25 rupees a day in the cold season and
from 7 rupees to 12 rupees a day in the
hot season without receiving comfort
and good feeding seems at first difficult
to answer. As a rule, the feeding is
most inferior, badly served up, table¬
cloths and napkins frequently dirty,
not to speak of the knives, forks,
spoons and tumblers. Bedrooms are
badly looked after, and unless oue has
a very smart bearer it is difficult to re¬
ceive proper attention. All this should
not be for such prices as people pay.
In many third rate boarding bouses in
England one could get presumably as
good as what is got in some of the
so called first class hotels in Calcutta.
—India Public Health.
The Artistic Poison.
Passing by other drugs, each of
which has its own way of making peo¬
ple crazy, we come to what may be
truly termed the artistic poison. This
Is, says Dr. William H. Thomson in
Everybody’s Magaziue, the mescal but¬
ton, which grows on a low cactus in
the valley of the Rio Grande and for¬
tunately is scarce and hard to get
Chewing this button causes the most
gorgeously colored scenes to appear be¬
fore the entranced vision, far surpass¬
ing. according to descriptions, the most
magnificent sunsets, it would seem to
be the drug for landscape painters,
but unfortunately, whatever other
things drugs do, they never increase
efficiency. It was first discovered
among the Kiowa tribe of Indians,
who used it in their religious rites till
missionaries induced the government
to remove the Indians from where they
could get it.
Lightning and Thunder.
By counting the number of seconds
the interval between lightning and
it is possible to figure approxi¬
mately how far from the observer is
the scene of the storm. Sound travels
1,100 feet a second, so multiply the
number of seconds by 1,100. which will
give the distance in feet from the point
where the lightning flashed. For ex¬
ample, if ten seconds have elapsed the
distance away will be 11.000 feet, or a
little over two miles. It might be add¬
ed that, as light and lightning travel
so much faster than sound, if one sur¬
vives after hearing the crashing peal
he can be sure he is safe. Remem¬
brance of this will dissipate terror.
No Cause to Be Discouraged.
Mr. Youngpop— My little girl is near¬
ly two years old and hasn’t learned to
talk yet Mr. Henpeckke— Don’t let
that worry you. My wife says she
didn’t begin to talk until she was near¬
ly three, and now—
—Philadelphia Record.
Impostor and Malefactor.
Carlyle used to tell of an old Scotch¬
woman who, speaking to her family,
said: “There|p twa sons, baith doin’
weel in Glasgie. 'Fane's an impostor,
hud t’itiler’s a .malefactor.” It
found that she meant
and "manufacturer."
Good Intentions.
“The question is as to the intent
the law.”
“That’s easy. The intent of the
is to make business for the
Syracuse Herald.
A Surprise.
There is a law in Italy forbidding the
deportation of paintings of the old
masters. Once, says the Paris Gaulois,
a French artist discovered an interest¬
ing Titian In what appeared to be a
good state of preservation and paid a
good round sum for It. in order to
smuggle it out of the country he con¬
ceived the idea of painting over the
original a portrait of„Victor Emmanuel
in full uniform. The trick was suc¬
cessful, and the Italian In disguise duly
arrived In Paris. The climax, how¬
ever, came when the artist started to
restore the Titian to its original condi¬
tion. With a pad of cotton wool
steeped In alcohol he effaced the Victor
Emmanuel, when, to his horror, the
original Titian began to peel off. Much
puzzled, he continued the washing un¬
til finally a portrait of Garibaldi was
disclosed. The valuable Titian was a
forgery.
A Tooth Point.
Dentists' children rarely have filled
teeth for the reason that they are
taught to use the toothbrush with a
circular tuition. The brush, as In the
ordinary motion, goes back and forth,
but it also goes round and round. Thus
it finds out all the crannies Dentists
say that the circular motion applied
both to the front and back of the
teeth will keep them absolutely clean,
and absolutely clean teeth cannot de¬
cay. The teeth should be brushed after
each meal, and especially at bedtime.
The morning brush before breakfast.,
which is the only one commonly ap¬
plied, does scarcely any good at all
since the teeth immediately after it
become clogged with food.—Exchange.
The Flight of a Great Nebula.
One of the most striking spectacles
revealed by telescopes is that of the
great nebula in Orion. In the com¬
plexity of its glowing streams, spirals
and strangely shaped masses, inter¬
cepted by yawning black gaps and
sprinkled over with stars arranged in
suggestive groups and lines, it has few
rivals in the heavens. The impres¬
sion of astonishment made by tho sight
of this nebula is heightened by knowl¬
edge of its enormous size. The tu.l.v
solar system would appear as a tiny
speck beside it. Yet this tremendous
aggregation of nebulous clouds and
starry swarms has been proved by the
researches of the astronomers of the
Lick observatory to be flying away
from the earth and the sun at the rate
of eleven miles in every second. But
so vast is its distance that a hundred
years reveal no visual e.ueets of the
great nebula’s swift retreat. If it were
near by It \ i: seem to become rap¬
idly smaller. Chicago Record Herald.
Wiat He Did Know.
St. Thomas’ Episcopal church, iu
Fifth avenue, has under its jurisdic¬
tion an east side chapel. One of the
features of the chapel is a gymnasium,
in which boys are trained in all of the
brauches of physical culture. Some
of the boys are quicker iu this sort of
training than they are iu the more
polite talk of the west side boys.
The rector of St. Thomas’, the Rev.
Dr. Stires, visits the chapel frequent¬
ly and is fond of talking with the
lads about their work. He said to one
little fellow who hails from near the
East river:
“Well, my son, they tell me you won
quite a victory iu your last contest
with the boys of a rival school.”
“I don’t know ’bout that, but w’en
we went up ag’in dat bunch from St.
Fat’s we put it all over ’em, and dey
ain’t never peeped since.”—New York
Sun.
The Ugliest Beast.
Probably the ugliest beast in th§
world is a monkey, a grewsome look¬
ing animal called the bearded saki.
This is so utterly grotesque a beast
that it would scarcely he safe to let a
child or nervous person see it. The
ugliness is not of an amusing kind, but
of an evil, sinister nature. The beast
has a sort of beard and a countenance
unlike anything else iu shape and
lines. The monkey itself Is not partic¬
ularly savage, but is so hideous that
the natives of its country. South Amer¬
ica, say that no beast of prey, however
hungry, will tackle it. Even a hungry
jaguar will starve in a eageful of sakis.
Missed a Chance.
“But, Tommy.” said bi ; mother, “you
asked for two cakes and I gave them
to you. Aren’t you satisfied?”
“No, 1 ain’t,” growled Tommy. “You
was so easy I’m kickin’ meself now
'cause I didn't ask fur four.”—Phila¬
delphia Press.
Driven to Drink.
Artist—My next picture at the acad¬
emy will be entitled “Driven to Drink.”
His Friend—All, some powerful por¬
trayal of 'u.ibd passion, I suppose?
Artist—OU. u’s a k: rse approach¬
ing a water Trough!
No Her:;’ily /’.bent It.
Gerald—My rather was an old salt
Geraldine—That’s funny. You are a
young fresh. *
A covetous man makes no friends,—
”rr-erb.
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pressing-down pains, and could hardly walk. At j
[last I took Cardui, and now I feel good all the time,
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”i ........... ••• • v
been a pretty bad boy,” said one young
«ter.
“Why?" inquired the other.
“Because he knows just exactly what
questions to ask me when be wants to
know what I have been doing.”—Wash¬
ington Star.
Martin's Way.
Irishmen are inclined to word per¬
version; but, says a writer, the follow¬
ing description of slow speech which
often degenerated Into a stammer
shows that occasionally they use the
best words possible in explaining a
thing:
"It’s a quare sort uv way Martin
talks,” said Pat. “It’s as if he tuk the
wards out uv his mout’ an’ luked at
’em before he gives ’em to yez.”
A Bibulcus Lord Mayor.
Any 0110 with a love of queer names
should study the names of past lord
mayors of London. Besides one or two
that are merely uncommon and did
not belong to men of any distinction,
such as Sir Richard Spaa, mayor in
1482, there are some that deserve no¬
tice also for the sake of those who bore
them. There was Sir John Brugges in
1520, whose ancestor fought at Agiu
eourt, when, curiously enough, the
name had the more modern form of
Brvdges. There was Alderman Mica
jah Ferry in 1739, who laid the first
(tone of the Mansion House, and Sir
Benjamin Hamet. who was fined £1,000
in 1707 for refusing to act as mayor—
positively a cheap way of getting out
of it.
The most appropriately named lord
mayor seems, however, to have been
the cheerful Sir Robert Viner. who en¬
tertained Charles II. and drank the
king’s health so often as to become un¬
duly merry. The king tactfully sought
to retire, but Viuer plucked him by
the sleeve and vowed he should “stay
and take the other bottle!” Charles
II.. never at a loss, complied, murmur¬
ing, “He that is drunk is as great as a
king.”—St. James’ Gazette.
Awed by the Beau.
When Beau Brummel, the celebrated
dandy, was, in consequence of his
fallen fortunes, residing at Calais, he
had occasion to visit Paris. Through
the kindness of the consul at the for¬
mer place he was enabled to accom¬
pany a king’s messenger to the capital
and thus travel free of expense. When
the messenger returned, the consul was
curious to know how he and his aris¬
tocratic companion had fraternized
upon the road. “What kind of a trav¬
eling companion did you find Mr.
Brummel?" asked he. “Oh, a very
pleasant one, indeed, sir; very pleas¬
ant,” replied*thelinesseiiger. *Vht And
what did he say?” “Say, sir? Noth¬
ing! He slept the whole way.” “Slept
the whole way! Do you call that be¬
ing pleasant? Perhaps he snored!"
The messenger acknowledged that
Brummel did so, but immediately, as
if fearful of casting an improper re¬
flection upon so great a personage, be
added, with great gravity, “Yet Lean
assure you. sir, Mr. Brummel snored
very much like a gentleman!”—Argo
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