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. $ air <£xu n ,. • iJW “ft,- ‘w?’® SAVANNAH MORNING NEWS, Jr. Voi.. I. A SCIENTIFIC MADRIGAL. If Congress were but kinder. ’T would banish from our ground The Italian organ grinder. Who carries the monkey round. For it makes me feel quite funky When you think, if Darwin’s true, That you might have been tin' monkey— And the monkey might have been you! ODDITIES OF THE DAY. The fairest of the Fair—your sweetheart. An unsatisfactory meal—a domestic broil. The worst thing “under the canopy”—A mosquito. Detroit is having a fowl fair—Savannah darkies are raiding for the fair fowl. The articles in this journal are not entered with the hope of obtaining prizes. The “ early bird” gets the first drink. Early risers are proverbially dry. “ This is the rock of ages,” said a father, rocking two hours and the baby still awake. Prominent among the curious things with which the Fair is inter-larded, is the Fat Woman. Texas complains of having too much corn on hand, and is getting cotton crops on foot for next year. A Georgia exchange acknowledges a visit from an Atlanta man who is “deeply interested in guano.” The latest definition of a gentleman is •• a man who can put on a clean collar without being conspicuous.” Rome has had a heavy freshet, and “Bill Arp" refuses to attend the Fair because he would have to wade to the depot. Fitch, of the Gridin Star, is knocking around the Fair to day. It is rumored that he will endeavor to carry off a prize. In Columbus, it requires the united efforts of an organiza tion, known as the “Stubbs’ Club.” to get up a pyrotechnic display. The city editor of a paper in Ohio has been nominated for Mayor. Will some son-of-a-guu rise and inform us what the country is coming to ? Any person who sends us two dollars and a nice eight-dollar cliromo, will receive this mammoth sheet for the week, and no questions asked. Another California widow claims the sympathy of Pacific jurymen, on account.of five grains of strychnine found in her dead husband’s stomach. A ruan advertises for a competent person to undertake the sale of anew medicine, and a ids that “ it will prove highly lucrative to the undertaker !” SAVANNAH, GA., JAN. A 1873. This question agitates Lawrence. Kansas: “Should a young man leave his music lesson to split wood, when his mother is at home and in perfect health ?” A young man on Liberty street, who proposed to a hand some but heartless creature tin* other evening, suggested the very popular poem—The beautiful's No. Anew father in Savannah seriously objects to his wife call ing tin* “young un” a•• precious little lamb.” because in what kind of light does that place him before the world ?” It is suggested that the disappointed candidates for the county offices present tin horns to the children of tin* suc cessful ones. This will soothe their lacerated feelings. The weather bureau at Washington has been secured by an enterprising showman, and will be put on exhibition at tin; Fair. Thunder and lightning furnished at short notice. A contemptible young friend of ours, alluding to his sweet heart, remarked: “ With all her false 1 love her still*' lie has since been divadiuht mangled by a ferocious poodle. We can state authoritatively that there art* only three him dred “Oolqnels” in attendance at the Fair to-day. Two him /-* dred and ninety of whom have •* snuffed the battle—from afar.” A man in Salem, who lost his right arm recently, now sues for a divorce trom his wife, on the ground that the hand lie gave her in marriage is lost, and that the contract is there fore void. Voting ladies now tie up their taper lingers, and, when the young gentlemen callers in the evening inquire the cause, blushingly reply, ** I burnt them while broiling the beefsteak this morning.” A Pennsylvania editor, who lias been to Virginia astonishes his readers with tin* thrilling news, that •• Pocahontas was a noble-looking man.” But then there is no accounting for tie views of these editors. Elegant people will in the future desist from describing suddenly cold weather as a ** cold snap” or a “ cold spell.” The proper English for the occasion is that we are experi encing a•• polar wave.” An enthusiastic Savannah man. in coming out to the Fair to-day. got off the cars too soon. After turning his fourth somersault, he rose and announced his intention of enlisting with an acrobatic association. Some men never lose their presence of mind. In Milwau kee last week a man threw his mother-in-law out of a window in the fifth stor\ of a burning building, and then carried a feather bed down stairs in his arms. The boy who was bathing in the canal as tin* cars passed this morning, with nothing to conceal his nakedness but a wart on the bark of his neck, is earnestly desired to either give up that habit or change that wart to the l'roi#. A curious visitor at the stables this morning thrust his fingers into the mouth of one of the trotters to see how many teeth he had. The horse casually dropped his jaws to sec how many lingers tin* man had It is reliably stated that the curiosity of each was satisfied. No. 1.