Straight from the bowels
of the New South
(Mississippi), cums a new
band of renown: $hackler!
They've recently decided to
settle in Athens after a
grueling 9-month tour
throughout Mexico with none
other than Wendy O.
Williams herself. Wendy's
beginning to look more and
more like a roadkill left in
the sun to dehydrate, and
her music is decomposing in
a similar fashion. But lead
singer $hackler, (where the
band gets its name) says
Wendy can still fuck like a
diesel chainsaw in high
gear.
When asked: "What was the
best part of touring with
Wendy 0.?" Shackler
replied: "I liked it when
she bent me over an oil drum
behind a tavern in
Chihuahua, Mexico, and
fingered my hungry butthole
with her thumb. Then she
whipped out that greasy,
studded dildo she carries
everywhere and rammed it up
my sweet little rectum as
hard and as far as she could
— It went so deep my
tonsils and eardrums felt
the surge! It was almost as
good as the surge from
$hackler music A real
Nazi-sex-drive surge!"
The other members of
$hackler (Kragg - drums,
London Frog - guitar, Skull
Mange - bass) all agree:
"Our music has a powerful
Naxi-sex-drive surge to it."
As Kragg said, "Feels sorta
like the time I pumped my
dick into Wendy O.'s pussy
while a blonde, 6'6" 17 year
Flagpole • June 15/ 1988 Page 7/
old neo-Nazi squeezed my
balls between the heels of
his black leather boots."
London Frog added, "Yeah, and
the whole time that anorexic
Hitler youth was stroking his
9 1/2 inch, uncut knockwurst
with both hands, polishing
the head of that pink, greedy
pig as it pushes in and out
of the foreskin what a
rush!" But as Skull Mange
pointed out, "The best part
is when our music hits a
climax; like cumming in O.'s
-pussy while that fascist kid
started spraying his juicy
hot jism all over my ass-
crack, rolling his eyes to
the back of his head,
psychotically screaming "Ja,
Ja. Zieg Heil. Blut and
Ehre, Blut and Ehre, Blut and
Ehre" over and over like a
good Aryan should hot as
shit!" And $hack.ler himself
summed it up best: "Yeah,
dude, we may be homo-racists,
S&M/B$D addicts, but that
little Adolf sure could shoot
one hot, creamy load. And
$hackler music is definitely
