About Flagpole. (Athens, Ga.) 1987-current | View Entire Issue (May 8, 1996)
■f r °M t-fie SeC r et n0t e (,00K S 0fr TiMof-ft* 2 r AC'i ■■ The Union - A Drama in One Act — (Thomas is an otherwise normal young man who suiters from a peculiar disability: the act of kissing triggers in him a condition similar to amnesia. He and Andrea, a charming young lass of 22, have just concluded a romantic evening on the town, and are now lying in her bed in the midst of an amorous embrace, it is their fourth date. The room is bathed in moonlight, and romantic music plays in the background) I Andrea (in the throes of passion): Oh, Thomas! Thomas stirs slightly, there is a period of silence. Andrea (passionately) Oh, Thomas! Thomas (suddenly puzzled): Yes? Andrea: Will you slay wilh me tonight? Thomas: What? Stay here? Andrea (passionately): Yes. Stay. With me. Thomas (baflled) When? Andrea: Tonight! Thomas sits up and begins jerking his head back and forth, looking frantically around in every di rection. Andrea (with concern): Thomas? Thomas (demanding): Where's my cane?!?! Andrea (reassuringly): You don't have a cane. Why don't you please just lie back down? There is a period of silence while Thomas attempts to get his bearings. Thomas (squinting, gesticulating): No, I don't think that would be possible. I don't think that would be possible at all. Andrea (incredulous, shaking her head): And for God’s sake, why not? Thomas (stammering): I... I feel intoxicated. Quite out of sorts. (He begins massaging his head.) It all seems so... who are you?!?! Andrea (exasperated): Thomas, what is the mat ter? Don't you see? It’s me, Andrea! Your girlfriend! Thomas (haughtily): Well, that hardly seems likely. Andrea (becoming angry): Oh, okay, so I'm not your girlfriend. Well, that's just fine. I suppose you're not “ready" to make a commitment. So let me ask you this — exactly what am I to you, Tho mas? Thomas (aghast and now completely disoriented, he begins to get up from the bed): Ma’am, to be perfectly honest, I haven’t got a good answer to that question. In fact, haven’t got the faintest idea what in the hell you’re talking about. Andrea (conciliatory, pleading): I know. I know what you mean. We've had what, only a little time, a couple of weeks together. Still, I feel so close to you. I think I might love you. I suppose you'd sim ply like to use me and then cast me aside? Thomas (recoiling in horror, his lace now a mask of sheer anxiety): I have no intention of doing any such.... How did I get here? Did you... did you hit me with something here, on my head? (He grips his temples) I feel such pressure... a pressure in my head! Andrea (sobbing): Oh, Thomas! Thomas (Making motions towards the door, mut tering): So you bash me with a candlestick, and then drag me haif conscious back to this gilded lust factory? I've never heard of something so de praved. It’s like the last days of the Roman empire. Andrea (utterly distraught): Thomas, this is the fourth time this has happ- 1 homas (interrupting, staggering aimlessly): Where's my cane?!?! Andrea: Won't you please have sex with ine? Thomas stops for a moment and stares intently at his tormentor. There is a tense silence. Thomas (shocked, indignant) I will not. Good God, woman, what would Abraham Lincoln say? Thomas exits, slamming the door behind him. Andrea (wistfully, to herself): What does he mean by that? II (The following afternoon. In a well-lit living room, An drea and her roommate, Molly, sit on the floor discuss ing the events of the previous evening. The room is deco rated with a sofa and love seat. The walls are painted a garish shade of lavender. A telephone lies on the floor between the two girls.) Andrea: I love him Molly: You love him? Andrea (dramatically, in a hushed voice) I love him. Molly: Are you certain? Andrea: Yes. He’s different. So different from the other boys. Molly: Different how? Andrea (rhapsodically). Oh, Molly, in so many ways! He has a real innocence, a child-like quality about him. He feels things very deeply. Molly: Yes, but does he feel deeply about you? Andrea (hopefully). Well, he hasn't actually spoken the words yet, but if my intuition is worth the paper it’s wrapped in, I'd swear that he loves me. Molly: So I take it the two of you are sleeping together? Andrea (indignantly) We are not! Are you having trouble listening? Thomas has a real innocence, a child like quality. He and I have talked it over, and we both feel that rushing into something like that after only a short time would be like, well, like having sex with a stranger. We need time. Time to let the relationship evolve naturally. Molly (unimpressed): I see... does he smoke pot? Andrea: You're missing the point! He's not like the other boys! Most boys, all they care about is sex and getting high and sex. Thomas, he has other interests. Molly (skeptically). Is that so. Other interests. Like what, for example? Andrea (pensively) Well, he seems to be very, very fond of Abraham Lincoln. Molly (finding the entire conversation to be increas ingly bizarre) Abraham Lincoln? (Andrea nods her head in affirmation) Molly (shaking her head) And just exactly what is it he likes so much about Abraham Lincoln? Andrea (in a plaintive wail) If he would only just tell me! (Just as Andrea completes this phrase, the telephone rings. She promptly picks up the receiver. Thomas, on the other end, appears spotlit on the opposite side of the stage.) Thomas (grimly) Hello, Andrea? Andrea (excitedly) Thomas! Thomas (with appropriate gravity) Andrea. I'm afraid I have some news. Bad news. I've been to see a doc tor. There is something terribly, drastically the matter with me. Andrea (in horror) No! Thomas: Oh, yes, Andrea. I’m going to Stockholm to receive shock therapy. When I return, chances are ex ceedingly high that I will have lost the ability to use both vowels and consonants in the same sentence. Andrea (sobbing) No, it can't be! I won't let you go. I’ll... I'll corne with you. Thomas: I'm afraid that would be entirely impossible. I need to go now; they've already become quite angry with me. I'll miss you, of course. Andrea (verging on hysteria) Thomas, wait! There's something I need to know before you leave me. It's... it's about Abraham Lincoln — why? Thomas (following a deep breath) Because there's a lot of babes in the woods, but "Honest Abe" was a man. He didn't take any guff from anybody. And remember, baby, he preserved the union. (Lights dim gradually as the curtain falls.) ammiewi TATTOOING Inc. 100% Sterile All Styles of Tattoo Artwork JOO's of Colors • Many Designs Most Modem Studio in GA • Appointment or Walk-In • Member of the National Tattoo Association & Alliance of Professional Tattooists cAihenj Cfirii, r s (Jinest 1989 Body Piercing (706)549-0190 • 283 W. 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