About Flagpole. (Athens, Ga.) 1987-current | View Entire Issue (June 14, 2000)
Never fall in love with the Bidness. The Bidness is a ruthless, sofipsistic trollop: simultaneously feared, loathed and desperately coveted by all who lock pupils with it. The Bidness had already slept with your two best friends (at the same time, natch) before it even heard of you. The Bidness is at least 30 minutes late for everything. Always. It's the old pusherman/make 'em wait roll, and it dissolves your will to live, before tong. The Bidness has sexually charged, barely platonic friendships going with every lead singer and bassist in the city limits. The Bidness treats you tike an insect in front of its friends and treats you like gold when it gets you alone. The Bidness was bom in that house in New Orleans... what's it called?.., that's right, the House Of The Rising Sun. Its sexual history would make every skeleton in Pere Lachaise blush with shoe 1 : and envy. As it drags you out of the bar at 45 minutes past dosing, the Bidness will make sure to give the bouncer a big hug and a pelvic thrust on the way out. The Bidness will drive you home, which, in your pathetic, deluded, subhuman state, will make you smile. You'll fall asleep next to the Bidness, double in a single bed, soon after which the Bidness will get up, get dressed, stub its cigarette out on your beanbag chair and sprinkle your flower bed with kudzu seeds. The Bidness won't even say good-bye. You'll wake up at 7 a.m., smack in the middle of the wet spot, wondering how you'll ever face the world again. Then, at about 11 a.m., the Bidness wiU phone you up out of the blue, insisting that it blacked out at 10 p.m. list night and remembers nothing. I know, 'cause I skipped to the tast chapter. I'm telling EMERSON DAMERON you, 'cause I know. Never, ever fall in love with the Bidness. The lineup for The EYEBALL Music Video Showcase 2000 is scrawled in stone and ready to roll. 22 audio/visual montages will be shown "in competition," and eight videos will be screened "out of competition." The action goes down on Thursday, June 22, at the 40 Watt Club at 11 p.m. And, yes, the results are in, and the 2000 Flagpole Athens Music Awards kick off AthFest with a star-studded evening of celebrity presen ters, band performances and other entertainment in the Morton Theatre on Thursday, June 22 at 7:30 p.m. Tickets are on sale at Big Shot, the Morton and the Flagpole office. AthFest, is, of course, that gala music festival you may have heard of, occupying our downtown Friday, Saturday and Sunday, June 23-25. Wristbands are on sale now for easy entry into all the music and other events. See story on pp. 8- 9. If you missed out on the Great Depression, make up for it on Thursday, June 22, when the ultra-authentic swing jazz cats collec tively known as -< The Asylum Street Spankers hit Atlanta's Star Bar in support oF their latest platter Spanker Madness, a tribute to Mary Jane, the only girl who never cries when 8-Real hits her. You may remember the ASS from their difficulty-riddled show at Athens' High Hat Club last July, which res onated (in the memory, not acoustics-wise) for its complete lack of amplification. Don't bring young, irritable children, that's all I'm saying. The Caledonia Lounge will provide all sorts of family fun through the purgatorial summer months. Slot Car Racing, organized by Jack Logan, Mark Logan and Pauly Wasxlo, got started on Monday, June 12 and will likely become a weekly tradition. Super Saturdays are a particularly cool idea: from 4 to 7 p.m. every Saturday (weather permitting), anyone can sign up to OJ on the deck outside the bar, bring down his or her record collection and let it rip in any style be or she chooses, no scratching, beat matching or breakbeats required. (If no one else is doing a Swans showcase, it might have to be me.) local characters Deonna Mann and Irene Moon were first up to bat on Saturday, June 10. Other stern-stomached record raccoons can e-mail caledonia256@hotmail.com to set up a gig. Finally, Tuesday, June 20 is Bingo Night, pretty much a straight-up bingo game starting around 6:30 p.m. If the cats over at the VFW put you on edge, come on down. .In other Irene Moon news, the entomologically inclined lecturer/performance artist is playing the Super-Sized Sound Extravaganza 2 at Eyed rum in Atlanta in the company of Robert Duckworth, Erik Hinds, Julie Powell and Helton Bragg. It starts at 8 p.m. on Saturday, June 17. A $5 dona tion gets you in. Wade to eyedrum.org for infor mation and directions. (It's kinda hard to find, ensuring a small, discerning crowd,) Mealtime Brown, AKA Parakeet Nelson, AKA Chris Cates, is cutting a laid back swath through Europe this summer in the company of Phallic Phungus. The Brown/Phungus juggernaut wilt pass through Germany, Holland, and Belgium. The Coloring Project shall henceforth be known as Sonic Transphonic. The band plays its first gig under the new moniker at lunch Paper on Wednesday, May 14, with Slab in tow. The Stagger lee is offi cially "not playing AthFest" and has taken a break after only one gig, possibly beca use of a certain tortured genius's recent run-ins. Big Atomic has dropped its rhythm section. 8A ringleader Wes Yoakam has vowed to carry on atone. Emperor Norton Records is releasing Logan's Sanctuary: The Original Motion Picture Soundtrack, volume two in its "fake soundtrack" series. Volume one, you may remember, was a musical accompaniment to the apocryphal, psy chedelic blaxploitation flick Soul Ecstasy, which turned out to be a well-spun hoax by tumtablists DJ Me DO You. Logan's Sanctuary is a far-fetched sci-fi thriller; the music is played on vintage instruments by Roger Manning (Jellyfish, Moog Cookbook) and Brian Reitzell (Air). Stay tuned for volume thiee, the score from a Mexican version of Planet Of The Apes, set for a 2001 release. The Josh Joplin Group (To be confused with The Josh Joplin BancR I ain't got a clue, honey) is slated for three gigs at Smith's Olde Bar in Atlanta on Friday, June 16, Saturday, June 17 and Sunday, June 18. The Sunday show is alt ages, the others are 21 and up. A took at joshjopLinband.com should answer the rest of your questions. Before and after embarrassing sincerity was cool, Athens' Vigilantes Of Love stuck to their guns and picked at their scabs in public. You can show them some love at Eddie's Attic in Decatur on Friday, June 30. The Lyndon House Arts Center is hosting RockArt Showcase, a chance to glimpse visual art from folks who also happen to be musically inclined. The show begins with an opening reception on Saturday, June 24, and runs through Saturday, July 29. The free-jazz/improv powerhouse Peter Brotzmann's Chicago Tentet +2 is gracing Atlanta's Variety Playhouse with one of its rare and beautiful Southeastern appearances on Wednesday, June 28. Reed virtuoso Ken Vandermark, bassist Ken Kessler and drummer Hamid Drake (collectively known as The DKV Trio) will all be helping Brot2mann out. In other ATL news, < MOFMK (the band for merly known as Kill Mother fucking Depeche Mode) brings its new lineup to the Masquerade on Saturday, June 17. In non- ATL news, Frank Black & The Catholics return to the 40 Watt in Athens on Wednesday, June 21. Reid Pa ley will get things rolling. By the time this ink smudges on your deli cate fingertips. III be combing the streets of Chi- town, the city of brotherly wind, with the Bidness far from my mind. I suppose that pinko Lesemann wilt be filling in on the 21st. Send local music news, shameless, masturbatory self-promotion and my missing granddaughter's pinky finger to omni vore @ starplace.com, vojee mail: 549-2630, fax: 548-8981, or by pony express to P. 0. Box 1027, Athens, GA 30603, Attn: Emerson. You didn't listen to me. You fell for the Bidness. Fool y®ur Day I Necktlei £ Umderwear -who need* them? Create art from the heart this Fathers Day. We have the perfect pottery for Pop! Paint your Pappy something between June 5th & June loth and receive 20% off. present this ad fn order to receive discount $ Reservations required Sc Do you want to know who all the local bands are, what their sounds like, and where they’re playing next? We thought so. m PLACPOLE JUNE 14, 2000
