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BUSINESS by EMERSON DAMERON Acoustic Syndicate 86ed its plans to play the Watt on Thursday, July 13, leaving Athens' f-holes to play three sets by themselves. Bring them tacos and Gatorade. Ween will also play sans opener on Wednesday, July 19, in support of its new, dis turbingly laid back record. White Pepper. Ween shows are always a blast, but be prepared to pony up 15 big ones. You've always got Simon Joyner and Empire State's Alex McManus at the Caledonia if you want to keep cable TV. You are about to be placed in a state of aggres sive paranoia and feral fury. As you grow more tense, prepare your intellectual fight-or-flight mechanism. Strain it Hold that strain. Don't let it escape. Cast aside any residual optimism and self- confidence. Let the self-hate cover you like a blanket. As you grow to loathe yourself and, by proxy, humanity at large, constrict every muscle in your body. Make a mental picture of everything you hear. Visualize your will power crushed to death under a mountain of demoralizing bullshit dumped on you by the sadistic cosmos. Now, take a rapid series of nervous, shallow breaths. There is a deep sense of doom descending on ycur entire being. You are completely giving in to your own helplessness and worthlessness. You are alone. So alone. Every part of your body is racked with ten sion. Now you are beginning to sweat hailstones. You are drowning beneath a sea of lava spit forth from the great volcano of hopelessness. Let the lava run over you and bum through your painted shelL Concentrate on it vividly. You are now in a state of complete distress. falls of getting the hex turned on you. As it turns out, Patti Smith will perform by her lonesome on Tuesday, July 25 at the 40 Watt Club. One-time perspective opening act Cat Power rescheduled for Monday, July 24, competing with slot car racing at the Caledonia Lounge. Tasty World is hosting an all-day punk fuckin' rawk showcase on Saturday, July 15, starting at 7 p.m. ('Cause punks ain't afraid of the sun.) Scheduled bands: Exit 86, Nutrajet, West Beverly, Code Name Chaos, Damad, Pretty Vacant and Shovelbam. Lecturer and entomology enthu siast Irene Moon is offering up her recent release entitled Floraloldehyde, with musical accompaniment from The Noisettes. Contact rield Station A: Irene Moon Laboratories, P.0. Box 211, Athens, GA 30603 if that sounds like it might flip your pancake. The Flicker Theatre is recruiting volunteers to spread its gospel 'ha flyers to all points far and wide. Tnose interested in wallpapering the UGA campus with Flicker propaganda are particularly welcome. Interested parties can contact the swank theater/watering hole after 5:30 p.m. on any non-Sunday at 546-0039. The Professor, Buzz Hagstrum, Dan Electro and Montague The Human Metronome (collectively known as A The Woggles) have just dropped their latest slice of garage-rock neo-classicism, Fractured (Telstar Records. As usual, its filled with heartfelt odes to dancing, dumb girls and the pit- The Sunny Day Real Estate gig slated for Saturday, July 15 looks like it might be a surreal experience for long-term Athenians, particularly those that have accepted their opening acts taking the stage around the same time that head liners everywhere else in the Eastern Time Zone are on their second encore. Opening act No Knife takes the stage at 10 p.m. “sharp," and SDRE fol lows promptly at 11:15 p.m. Also, there will be absolutely no smoking allowed—not even the wacky weed. Please keep to the right as you file out for smoke breaks so as not to obstruct the influx of freshly nic-fixed patrons to your imme diate left. Incorrigible coffin-tack freaks looking forward to that evening's Royal Trux gig at the Caledonia will be sad to learn that the band has canceled its entire national tour due to a medical emergency in singer Jennifer Herrema's family. If you can't abide being this far from the Equator by the end of the month, head to FL for Gainesville's Summer Music Showcase goes down on the weekend of Friday, July 28 and Saturday, July 29. The 'estival features music from Gainesville artists. (They could've called it GainsFest, if they'd been so inclined.) Scheduled talent includes Someday Soon The Whispers, Paco, Quenched, One Drop, Skywater, Pop Canon, The Libido Brothers, Love You Dead, The Root Doctors, Vir.i And The Demons, My Band Flare, Argentina and a score of other bands with unfamiliar (albeit groovy sounding) names. Ghostmeat Records has a new MP3 from Athens' power-poppers The Lures, "Dolores 1," at ghost- meat.com. The song will also appear on the forth coming revolver Dolores. Twenty-two-year-old idealist Wil Layng, a UGA graduate with a degree in Cultural and Applied Anthropology, can now add "Freedom Fighter Of The Month" to his credentials. Those commie bastards in Rage Against The Machine give the Fieedom Fighter ovation to one lucky pinko a month based on sa’d pinko's fan mail to the band detailing his or her efforts to pin-prick the System; Layng was reportedly chosen for his "commitment to envi ronmental awareness." Sadly, my efforts to save up enough bread for Loompanics' Guide To Lockpicking continue to go unnoticed. In less socio-politicaliy proactive UGA student news, the DAMN! comedy troupe, after promising to disappear for good, r eturns to the Georgia Theatre on Friday, July 28. For tne uninitiated, they ain't the Upright Citizens Brigade, who in turn ain't The Kids In The Hall, who in turn ain't Monty Python. That constantly metamorphosing organism Japancakes plans to tour the UK and Western Europe (you know, the nice part) from late November into early December. Fill out your Rocky's application now and you might still have time to become a member. Local dirty-ass rock and roll outfit Slackdaddy is ready to drop its second LP Supercell any day now. Meanwhile, Hayride's forthcoming record has been pushed back to January. Egghead pop legends The Go-Betweens have reunited to record a new album called The Friends Of Rachel Worth, due for a September 2000 release. Co founders Robert Forster and Grant McLennan will both be part of the action, as will all three members of Sleater-Kinney. From the completely-unrelated-to-Athens-or- music-but-I-put-it-in-here-anyhow-'cause-its- cooler-than-a-fucking- Anatarctic-ice-cube-tray file: Writer Catfish McDaris and small press comic artist Mike Tolento recently dropped a weird and wonderful collabo rative zine called Bitch- Slapped. It's a gumbo of poems, short stories, and Tolento's bizarre and unmis takable artwork, full of ruth less observational humor and an ultrasonic sense of absur dity. Contact Phony Lid Publications at P.0. Box 2153, Rosemead, CA 91770 if you'd like to eyeball it. Former Atomic Music Hall pro prietor Gabi Rynes and ex- Grit'n'Tasty World employee Mike Testo are pleased to announce the arrival of A Dominick Michael Testo, seven pounds and two ounces of special. Dominick popped out or Thursday, June 29. The family currently resides in upstate New York. Send local music news, threats, promises, accusa tions, apologies for wasting oxygen and desperate cries for help to omnivore@starplace.com, voice mail: 549-2630, fax: 548-8981, or by post to P. 0. Box 1027, Athens, GA 30603 Attn.: Emerson. As I count from one to ten, you will become increas ingly anxious. Your spleen will be tied in even tighter knots chan it is now. One, two, three, four... 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