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MAHERS OF THE HEART AND LOINS
So, I have a crush on a girt but here's the
kicker: it's a total friend-crush thing. It's not
that she's unattractive to me, but cool, on the
contrary. She's actually very cute, but I just
don't think of here in "that" way. Don’t know
why. I just want to know how to go about this
without her thinking I want to get it on.
Thanks,
wannabeBFF
Ask her to hang out. Maybe have other
friends in the mix so it doesn't feel like a
date. Don't tell her you're not interested "in
that way," because I suspect that you may
find yourself interested eventually. But for
the moment be neutral and natural. You have
other female friends, right? Treat her the way
you treat them. Don't be confusing. If you are
concerned that something you do might be
confusing, consult one of your other female
friends and make sure. Don't be a dick. If she
seems like she might be getting the wrong
idea, be honest. That's what a friend would
do.
I love my boyfriend. A lot I think he is The
One. We get along like gangbusters, and the
sex is fabulous, and he's funny and smart and
adorable, but there is one thing, one difficult,
annoying, possibly ridiculous thing, that is
driving me crazy, and I don't know
what to do about it I hate the
way he eats. I am super
happy that he loves food,
and he isn't picky and he
even cooks sometimes.
He loves my cooking and
he likes to go out to eat
and he is adventurous
and he will try new
things. But his table
manners are terrifying.
I don't even know how
to bring it up, because
it has gone on so long
that I think I might
hurt his feelings if I said
something, but he is very
difficult to eat with—especially in public. He
scarfs his food: he licks his fingers more loudly
than anyone I have ever met. He doesn't know
anything about what fork to use, which water
glass is his, or how to use his cutlery properly.
He has elbows all over the table, he eats with
his hands, he occasionally talks with his mouth
full. He loves food, but perhaps a bit too much.
He isn’t fat, nor do I think he will ever be.
The problem is that I was raised in a very
proper Southern way, with strict rules of eti
quette whether we were at home or the nicest
restaurant in town. It is difficult for me to
stand by and watch him behave in this way, but
since I love him so much I hcve just ignored it.
Recently he met my parents, and they took us
out to a nice restaurant, and the whole thing
was fairly mortifying. My parents acted amused,
but I know them well enough to know that it
will become an issue down the line. How can I
broach the subject with him without sounding
like a total bitch? I will love him whether he
can get it right or not, but I know that it will
be stressful for me dov*n the line. Help!
Not Mrs. Manners, But STILL
The best thing you can do is fess up. Tell
him that you adore him and enjoy his enthu
siasm for food, but that having been raised by
the Etiquette Police, you have certain needs
in the manners department. In other words,
blame your parents. Ask him if he would (at
very least).mind brushing up on his etiquette
for the next time you eat with them. Explain
to him what rules were instilled in you and
how, and then see if you can't get him to go
along with the program. Also tell him that
this has been on your mind for awhile but
that you were afraid to bring it up. He should
know that this isn't easy for you, and that
you aren't being judgmental. In a way, you
are asking for his help. It will be difficult,
but most things that are worth doing are.
Hopefully, he will realize that you are actually
helping him. Keep in mind that you probably
won't be able to fix it all, so you should focus
on the most important things. In other words,
prioritize. And remember: baby steps.
I have a co-worker whom I see socially on
a fairly regular basis. We aren't really friends,
but we have a mutual friend whom we are both
fairly close to. So, this woman and her husband
and their kid are often around my wife and me.
I actually like her husband a lot, and we often
end up talking at these social functions for a
long time. I recently noticed that my co-worker
has a completely inappropriate relationship
with another guy at work. They often slip off
alone together to get high, and knowing her
husband and her kid I am starting to feel weird
and a little guilty about knowing this. Should
I say something to him? Should I say
something to my co-worker? I don't
know for sure what is going on, but
I know it isn't good either way.
In the Know
In a word, no. The hus
band is a nice guy, but he
isn't really your friend. You
don't seem to particularly
like your co-worker, but there
is no reason to stir anything
up at this point. You will only
end up making things uncom
fortable with your mutual
friends, and it might be over
nothing. What you mighty
do, though, is make sure that your co-worker
knows that you have noticed. I'm sure she
knows you're chatting up her husband at these
gatherings. Subtly letting her know you see
what's up might head off a bad situation at
the pass.
Confidential to the Eff word: Are you sure you
don't want me to print this? Sounds to mb like
maybe your idiot "best friend" needs a wake
up call. You aren't cleaning up shit, by the
way. Her messes keep getting messier, and no
matter what kind of maid costume you imag
ine yourself in, it's completely useless. Since
your help isn't helping, the only other answer
I have for you is to run, not walk, away. Do
not pass go. Do not interfere. Do not bail her
out. You have done your best for 20 years to
no avail, and at this point all she can do is
drag you down. She can't be bothered to do
the right thing, even with a kid on the way, so
why should you worry? Follow the lead of your
other, real friends. This is no longer your prob
lem. If you keep going like you are, you aren't
only enabling her, you are basically becoming
codependent.
Jyl Inov
Got a question for Jyl? Submit your anonymous query
via the Reality Check button at www.flagpole.com.
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