Newspaper Page Text
BEACH PARTY!: CONLEY VS. DENNIS
Timi Conley can throw a beach party just
about anywhere. Remember that Kite to the
Moon show at Cine a couple of years back? It
was a sweltering affair complete with sand,
palm trees and bikinis... in January. So, we
knew he'd be game for this month's Mixtape
War, and we were pleased as Punch that he
was able to recruit Maserati guitar shred
der Coley Dennis as his challenger. Dennis
surprised us with a hip-hop mix inspired by
'"90s hip-hop beach parties" like the one por
trayed in the "Rumpshaker" music video, while
Conley's mix is predictably raunchy and wild.
Temperatures are rising fast! Strip down and
dive in...
Timi Conley's Beach
Party Mixtape
1. "Hey Ladies" by Beastie Boys
Timi Conley on why he picked the tune:
Who better than the B. Boys to be shoutin’
outta the boombox when the cooler hits the
sand and the volleyball net goes up? Game On.
Coley Dennis' reaction: It's never a bad
idea to start the party with a shout out to the
ladies, not to mention that it's probably the
best song on Paul's Boutique, in my opinion.
2. "Rock Lobster" by The B-52s
TC: 'Bout this time the tiki torches are get
ting unpacked and everybody is running into
the waves to get that first exuberant splash
into the ocean. No North American beach party
would be complete without mention of a bikini
whale, especially on the South Carolina coast.
Watch out for that piranha.
CD: "Hey, Timi. What about the voice of *•
Fred Schneider, how did it get so high? I heard
that he speaks like an ordinary guy." Timi:
"I know him and he does!" You're my fact
checkin' cuz...
3. "U.R.A.Q.T." by M.I.A.
TC: Back from frolicking in the waves, it’s
time to scope out the beachscape for hotties
and check the cell phone for messages, right? I
just love the laid-back flirty vibe of this track—
plus the "Sanford and Son" sample!? Good
times.
CD: I'd never heard this one before, but the
"Sanford and Son" sample is pretty sweet! I'm
not sure if it's my favorite M.I.A. song, but I
think for the party jams, it gets the job done.
4. "I Want Candy" by Bow Wow Wow
TC: I can’t get their 1982 beach-filmed
video outta my head when I think of beach
music. Pluses: rockin’ Bo Diddley beat, playful
singer who doesn't mind getting wet.
CD: This one is a total feel-good new wave
hit that I've heard a million times, but I still
kinda like it. File this one in the brain under
The Go-Go's.
5. "Hawaiian Boogie" by Hound Dog Taylor
and the Houserockers
TC: Not as well known or captivating as
his "Roll Your Moneymaker," but hey, it’s off
the same album AND it mentions HAWAII. It
sounds more Kalamazoo than Waikiki, but fuck
it, this tune says "party."
CD: This is definitely the deep cut of Timi's
mix. It's a pretty rockin' garage-blues jam, but
I don't think it really sounds that Hawaiian.
Maybe they just wore Hawaiian shirts all the
time, who knows...?
6. "Sex Machine" by James Brown
TC: If it’s a dance party, you gotta spin this
track. Make it loud enough to distort the stereo
speakers. The idea of a beach party just kinda
feels retro to me, so I plugged in some dirty
J.B. get-down fever. It was either this or "Super
Bad"... tough call.
CD: The theme from "James Brown
Celebrity Hot Tub"!!! I love this jam. What the
hell is James sayin'? I dunno, but he's paying
us. Keep sayin', yeah... yeah. Too hot in the
hot tub... HAAY V YYYYAHH, good gawd!
7. "Groove Is in the Heart" by Deee-Lite
TC: The ladies love it. You'd be a damn fool
not to play it at the beach party. The pop
ping champagne cork sound followed by Lady
Kiel's shivery "b-b-b-b!" stands out as one
of the sexiest moments in music as far as I'm
concerned.
CD: I heard a story once that James Brown
fired Bootsy from his band because he took
too much acid, and told James he couldn't go
on stage because he forgot how to play bass.
Good for us he didn't, because this bassline is
UNTOUCHABLE and is a total homerun for the
mix. BOOTSY'S FROM SPACE!!!
8. "Fat Bottom Girls" by Queen
TC: Bikini butt in full effect, and an invita
tion to elevated (or accelerated) debauchery.
Hopefully, everybody’s been partying already.
If not, this song *should* kick it in.
CD: I think as far as anthems
for the plus-size ladies go, only
AC/DC's "Whole Lotta Rosie"
comes out on top. FBGs gets
the silver...
9. "Girls Girls Girls" by
Motley Crue
TC: It's completely offensive
to marine wildlife and the
ecosystem, but if the wine
coolers have proven effective,
you're gonna want to hear this
anyway. Additionally, the ladies
might find a new use for the
volleyball net poles... one can
always hope.
CD: I think the only ties to the ^
beach this song has is that they St
ripped off the idea for the Beach
Boys' "Surfin U.S.A." by name drop
ping all the strip clubs they hang out at. That
being said, I still love this song, and it needs
to be played at maximum volume at all times.
10. "Big Bamboo" by The Jolly Boys
TC: Party's over. Hopefully, time for a tittle
moonlight makeout at shore's edge... and this
1989 track from the album Pop 'N' Mento would
be the perfect backdrop. "Pleases one and all."
CD: This one has that Harry Belafonte reg
gae-calypso vibe. I think these guys are from
Jamaica and started in the '50s. If you're look
ing to keep the beach party REAL old-school,
this is the way to go. Bring rum and cokes and
other stuff...'
Coley Dennis' Beach
Party Mixtape
1. "Miami" by Will Smith
CD: I was originally going with "Jiggy,"
but my hip-hop ladies said, "Nuh-uhh, shawty,
Miami is the one!"
TC: Party Tymez!!!!! Ahhhh, when rap was
still goofy... I loved that time. Is anyone mak
ing raps as fun as this anymore? This track
just makes ya feel all groovy inside with its
feel-good vibe, and the female backing tracks
rock my world. Great kickoff to a super-fun
party, C Master D.
2. "Big Pimpin'" by Jay Z
CD: Cmon, dudes, you cant have a crunk-ass
beach party without this jam; it's ESSENTIAL! I
wanna recreate this video at a secret location
this summer; lemme know if you have a hook
up on Cristal.
TC: The first thing that impressed me about
"Big Pimpin' is the tasty Middle-Eastern flute
and percussion-loop production. It's cheerful,
which I dig a lot. Keeps the mood up nicely
after Miami. (Rumor has it, the Saudi Royal
Family loaned him that yacht for the video,
so that's the reason for the Fertile Crescent
flava... it was in the contract.). Don't look
for no deep meaning or intellectual adventure
here, just spank it good.
3. "Nuthing but a G Thang" by Dr. Dre
CD: This is a classic that makes me think of
having a fake ID in high school and buying a
case of St. Ides 40s from the 7-Eleven. Anybody
got a good fake ID?
TC: Nuthin' but a G STRANG, yo. So, my
question is, when Ore's partyin' seaside, how
does he conceal his firearm? In his board
Shorts? Aw, heck, I guess it's probably just
laying out on the table next to his stacks of
$1,000 bills as a warning to all the bitches to
keep in line.
4. "California Love" by 2Pac
CD: Kinda felt like this one was a
deeper cut—for me at least—but I
had to represent my boi PAC on
TC: Zapp's Roger Troutman is the man
responsible for some of the deepest dance
tracks I can think of—namely, "More Bounce
to the Ounce," which is one of my absolute
faves. It's cool to see him in the mix with
these "youngsters," adding the funky, trippy
talk-box trademark he's known for. This track
also achieves the hypnotic effect of his best
earlier work with its throbbing repetitive bass
and kick. Hypnotic and possessing—cool jam.
When it's over, you kinda wake up and go,
"Huh? Oh, wow." Bumpin'. I'm definitely on
the dance floor.
5. "Gin & Juice" by Snoop Dogg
CD: Don't be messin’ with the 8-track! Loan
me five dollas...
TC: The ominous tone of this cut seems
more conducive to slipping into the shadows
than dancing out in the open, so maybe it's
a good time to sneak off the dance floor and
score a "q.p." from that dude in the Pittsburgh
Penguins cap in the lounge chair off to the
side... Whatever the case, ol' Snoop is drop
ping hooks like a deep-sea fishing boat here.
(BTW: Stakes at the poker tables back in the
hotel casino just quadrupled.)
6. "Rumpshaker" by Wreckx-n-Effect
CD: If you haven't seen the video, lemme
sum it up: Girl comes out of the ocean wear
ing a bikini playing a saxophone... get some
dudes that look like they are in Boyz II Men,
some hyper-color shirts and a ton of girls with
big booties. This is what happened in the '90s,
people.
TC: Before there was "It's getting hot in
here" there was "All I wanna do is zooma
zoom zoom zoom and a boom boom." I
believe the video for this track spurred the
phrase "off the chain." Bikini explosion
(splat!). Right about now, Coley's pile of poker
chips is getting pretty huge, and he ordered
a round of Mai Tais for the crowd at the pool
without even looking up from his hand... or at
least if he did look up, you wouldn't be able
to tell because of the mirrored sunglasses.
7. "Fantastic Voyage" by Coolio
CD: "If anyone found a treasure map
labeled "DA BEACH" lemme know.
TC: Right on, bro. Everybody is invited to
Coolio's imaginary party world. This is prob
ably my favorite track on the mix, especially
considering the video (in which Coolio trans
ports hundreds of party people to "DA BEACH"
in the trunk of his '65 Impala convertible).
The tune reminds me a lot of Funkadelic some
how; f unky bass and the "everybody on board
the Mothership" vibe (plus the slippity slide
chorus!) makes for an awesome get-down.
8. "Spottieottiedopaliscious" by
Outkast
CD: I knew we had to have a
sweet booty jam on here some
where, not to mention Andre kept
calling and harassing me about
putting them on the mix.
A'ight, you're on, son!
TC: This is a make
out jam, no beans
about it. Time
to quit fuckin'
*7-T rfS 4 around and make
a move, and for
God's sake don't
end up at water's
edge next to a
dead fish—it'll
ruin the flow. If
you're a nerd at
the party and
this song comes
on, AND you're
wondering where
everybody went
all of a sudden...
you can still listen to this track by yourself
and enjoy it for its imaginative lyrics and chill
production. Bust some nerd-ass moves on the
dance flo' all by your lonesome, and you just
might getchoseff somethin' goin' despite your
wackness. (Sand in your crackness.)
9. "Wild Thing" by Tone Loc
CD: This song is so stupid. I have no idea
why I chose it.
TC: 1988, baby. Is it the bone density in
my forehead increasing or just that the blood
supply to my cerebral cortex has just been
diverted as red blood cells flock en masse to a
destination south o' the beltline? It don't mat
ter, homes! I remember thinking this song was
dumb as shit in my stuck-up younger years
(Timi C. be buggin'!), but now I'm on board
with the Loc. It's brilliant, really. Sometimes,
ya gotta get dumb to start havin' fun.
Conclusion: I'ma say this is a non-stopper
party mix, beach or no beach, solidifying
Coley's party status as "Playa AKA Goldtoof
Sly" or "The Mack." ©
14 FLAGPOLE.COM-MAY 25,2011
