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HOW TO WIN GIGS AND
INFLUENCE DRUNK PEOPLE
you're ready to play out. All those
months of living on someone's
f floor, eating ramen and bologna to
save money for gear, punishing the neighbors
with late-night practices, and amassing snow
drifts of wadded-up lyric sheets have finally
led to a club gig. Your band has arrived.
Not so fast, Tex. Your band may be ready
to shred some licks and blow out some ear
drums (or expose the dark workings of your
tormented soul, depending on your genre),
but this is Athens. The Classic City is a music
town, and while that means there are lots of
venues to play, it also means there are more
bands than those venues can possibly show
case. Furthermore, it means that the local
club-going public is jaded, because they can
afford to be. No matter how good your songs
may be, the hard truth is that most bands in
this town have the life expectancy of a fruit
Jj Most people would rather dance than
w • groove on your jam. Be tight and prac
ticed. The place for fmprov is your living room.
5 * However clever or smart it is, never give
• your band a name drunk people won't
remember or sober people can't pronounce.
Jt The vocals need to come up. The vocals
9* need to come up. Vocals. Up.
7 ) Never stop your set to rant about poli-
• tics. Bono can get away with it. You are
not Bono.
tf Screw the "crowd energy." Play as hard
9 • for five people as you would for 50.
Those five are hardcore enough to come see
you, which means they'll be hardcore enough
to plug your band.
0 Respect the other bands. Watch their
w t sets and say good things. You may not
like them, but they may like you. It's called
networking.
Bubble Balls: Not for Beginners.
fly with a smack habit, so it's not enough to
play a great set. You need to play a set that
will bring them back, and you need to make
) sure you have something for them to come
| back to.
Until you're established, every gig is really
I an audition for the next gig. Here are some
pointers from the audience you want to rock
and the club owners you want to impress.
/ > If there's a cover charge, you're work-
• ing. Treat your gig like a job. Show up on
time. Start on time. Finish on time. Clean up
your workspace. Get loaded and hit on girls
after you punch out.
2 Unless you're Elvis Costello and have a
* big wheel of songs onstage, you have a
set list, so you know what the next song is.
Play it. Nothing kills the momentum of a show
faster than 10 minutes of banter between
numbers. Rehearse your set, not just your
songs.
Until you start selling CDs and down-
* loads, nobody is going to know your
songs. You have to sell them onstage with
your musicianship and your energy. Don't just
play—perform. Stop staring at your shoes.
tth ^ es P ect c ^ u ^* S ave your appetite
f for destruction for when you can
afford to replace things.
## Respect everyone in the club. You never
m know who's an owner, a booker or the
bed-partner of an owner or a booker. I know
bands who've gotten blackballed because
their friends insulted a waitress. The grape
vine works for you and against you, and it is
always fast, vast and unforgiving.
The bottom line is that while club owners
may like your music, they hire you to bring
in customers and keep them drinking. If you
can't do that, or if the cost of doing business
with you is greater than the returns, you're
not coming back. Gigging is work, and your
band is your company. Treat it as such and
you may just get to quit your day job. Don't,
and you'll be the most smoking guitarist work
ing the drive-thru window.
John G. Nettles
Having trouble booking that first show? Read our tips
for getting your foot in the club door on our music
blog, Homedrone, at Flagpole.com.
26 FLAGP0LE.C0M AUGUST 17. 2011
MIKE WHITE deadlydesigns.com
