About Flagpole. (Athens, Ga.) 1987-current | View Entire Issue (Aug. 17, 2011)
MATTERS OF THE HEART AND LOINS I wrote about a year and a half ago, lamenting ihe lack of single women on this planet. To review: I'm in my early 30s. not hor rible looking, in great physical shape, decent enough job, high morals and values, and no girlfriend. I've followed the advice you gave me: I've joined up with new clubs, have begun attending church again, and have signed up with the major Internet dating sites (eHar- mony, Zoosk, OKCupid). I’m still running into the same problems: every girl I meet is already involved with someone, and this even extends to the dating-site girls! In the last year, a buddy from work ran domly met a supermodel- quality girl; his traits: out of shape, chain smoker, general asshole to everyone around him. I know, chemistry, right? What made it worse was when these two decided to express their feelings (very loudly) while I was in the next room. They've been together over a year now, and have only made one meager attempt to hook me up with one of her friends, someone who was NOT my type by leaps and bounds. What good friends... So... I hope I'm not just sending you this letter to complain, but what othei choice do I have? I can talk to women, but can't make that leup to indicate that I'm attracted to them, and when I do, they're already involved. I'm trying to keep myself motivated and positive, but I’m very lonely, and I just want what every one else takes for granted. Please, do you have any further advice? It seems that the Internet and my friends have no desire to hook me up with anyone meaningful, and despite getting out more, I'm not meeting any new single girls. Nice Guy Who Doesn't Want to Finish Last There is no shortage of single women on the planet, NG. And your love life is not the responsibility of your friends. I'm sorry, but if you want something to happen, you can't just sit around and wait for it. Joining the clubs and going to church isn't enough. Signing up to the dating sites? Also not enough. You have to make a move. Ask some actual women out on actual dates. Also, you might want to indicate in your dating profile that you need a woman who is going to be more assertive, because God forbid you actually hit it off with a woman who is as passive as you are. I'm just now reentering the dating scene after six to seven years of being single. I'm try ing out online dating, and I think I've found a lady I like. We started talking about two weeks ago, have many things in common, and, so far, I think we've been able to make each other laugh a little. I really don't know how to proceed. I'd tike to meet up, but I think I may have sabotaged things; I had suggested I wanted to meet in my third message, then later the same day thought I might be taking things too fast and messaged her that I didn't want to mess things up. She appeared to share the same sentiment, and we've been talking from there. So, novv I'm in a quandary: Where do I go from here? I'd like to meet/date her, but I don’t want to force the issue and cause her to bolt, or worse, get put in the "friend zone." How should I play this? Confidently declare my admiration for her and ask to see her? Wait and see? Jumping Back in the Pool I assume that when you “met", this lady over the Internet, it was through an actual dating site, right? And you were asked a series of questions when you signed up, one of which was along the lines of "What are you here for?" The answers to those types of questions on those sites usually range from friends and networking to dating, relationships and casual sex. So, you said you were looking for women to date and her name came up, right? Which means she is also looking to date. It's time for y'all to take the next step and meet in person. Some friends and I were having a discussion recently. One of them, I will call her Susie, has a boyfriend that the rest of us can't figure out. She is smart, pretty, driven and, basically, has everything going for her. The guy, on the other hand, while very, very pretty arid nice enough, is not very br ight. They have been together for over a year now, and'it looks like there is no end in sight. We were all out together, and we got drunk enough to start giving her a hard time about it, and she said she just didn't care that he wasn't that smart. None of us can believe it. It set off a big discussion, and we all argued about vjhether or not it was possible to maintain a successful relationship with somebody who is not your intellectual equal. What do you think? Mrs. Smartypants j I think it all depends on what's important to you. Just because she's smart doesn't mean that having intellectual conversations with her boyfriend is vital to her hap piness. Maybe he has other qualities that are more important to her—like being kind, for example, or being accepting of people who aren't like him. (God knows she's not getting that from y'all.) I imagine that two people who are, say, deeply religious and share the same beliefs and place that above all else would have an easy enough time maintain ing a relationship even if one of them had dropped out of high school and the other had finished college. If, on the other hand, two people had the same IQ and very different and deeply held religious beliefs, it might not be so easy. It's all about priorities, MS, and I think maybe you and your friends should pri oritize Susie's happiness over your own opin ions. She's happy. Be happy for her. Jyl inov Got a question for Jyl 7 Submit your anonymous query via the Reality Cheek button at www flagpole com vfJamen Uelpina woman. 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