MATTERS OF THE HEART AND LOINS
I wrote about a year and a half ago,
lamenting ihe lack of single women on this
planet. To review: I'm in my early 30s. not hor
rible looking, in great physical shape, decent
enough job, high morals and values, and no
girlfriend. I've followed the advice you gave
me: I've joined up with new clubs, have begun
attending church again, and have signed up
with the major Internet dating sites (eHar-
mony, Zoosk, OKCupid). I’m still running into
the same problems: every girl I
meet is already involved with
someone, and this even
extends to the dating-site
girls!
In the last year, a
buddy from work ran
domly met a supermodel-
quality girl; his traits:
out of shape, chain
smoker, general
asshole to everyone
around him. I know,
chemistry, right? What
made it worse was
when these two decided
to express their feelings
(very loudly) while I was
in the next room. They've been together over
a year now, and have only made one meager
attempt to hook me up with one of her friends,
someone who was NOT my type by leaps and
bounds. What good friends...
So... I hope I'm not just sending you this
letter to complain, but what othei choice do I
have? I can talk to women, but can't make that
leup to indicate that I'm attracted to them,
and when I do, they're already involved. I'm
trying to keep myself motivated and positive,
but I’m very lonely, and I just want what every
one else takes for granted.
Please, do you have any further advice? It
seems that the Internet and my friends have no
desire to hook me up with anyone meaningful,
and despite getting out more, I'm not meeting
any new single girls.
Nice Guy Who Doesn't Want to Finish Last
There is no shortage of single
women on the planet, NG.
And your love life is not
the responsibility of your
friends. I'm sorry, but
if you want something to
happen, you can't just sit around
and wait for it. Joining the clubs
and going to church isn't enough.
Signing up to the dating sites? Also
not enough. You have to make a
move. Ask some actual women out on
actual dates. Also, you might want to
indicate in your dating profile that
you need a woman who is going
to be more assertive, because God
forbid you actually hit it off with a
woman who is as passive as you are.
I'm just now reentering the dating scene
after six to seven years of being single. I'm try
ing out online dating, and I think I've found a
lady I like. We started talking about two weeks
ago, have many things in common, and, so
far, I think we've been able to make each other
laugh a little.
I really don't know how to proceed. I'd tike
to meet up, but I think I may have sabotaged
things; I had suggested I wanted to meet in my
third message, then later the same day thought
I might be taking things too fast and messaged
her that I didn't want to mess things up. She
appeared to share the same sentiment, and
we've been talking from there. So, novv I'm in
a quandary: Where do I go from here? I'd like
to meet/date her, but I don’t want to force the
issue and cause her to bolt, or worse, get put in
the "friend zone."
How should I play this? Confidently declare
my admiration for her and ask to see her? Wait
and see?
Jumping Back in the Pool
I assume that when you “met",
this lady over the Internet, it was
through an actual dating site,
right? And you were asked a
series of questions when you
signed up, one of which was
along the lines of "What are
you here for?" The answers
to those types of questions
on those sites usually range
from friends and networking
to dating, relationships and
casual sex. So, you said you
were looking for women to
date and her name came up,
right? Which means she is
also looking to date. It's time for y'all to take
the next step and meet in person.
Some friends and I were having a discussion
recently. One of them, I will call her Susie, has
a boyfriend that the rest of us can't figure out.
She is smart, pretty, driven and, basically, has
everything going for her. The guy, on the other
hand, while very, very pretty arid nice enough,
is not very br ight. They have been together for
over a year now, and'it looks like there is no
end in sight. We were all out together, and we
got drunk enough to start giving her a hard
time about it, and she said she just didn't
care that he wasn't that smart. None of us can
believe it. It set off a big discussion, and we
all argued about vjhether or not it was possible
to maintain a successful relationship with
somebody who is not your intellectual
equal. What do you think?
Mrs. Smartypants j
I think it all depends
on what's important to
you. Just because she's
smart doesn't mean that
having intellectual conversations
with her boyfriend is vital to her hap
piness. Maybe he has other qualities
that are more important to her—like
being kind, for example, or being
accepting of people who aren't like him.
(God knows she's not getting that from
y'all.) I imagine that two people who
are, say, deeply religious and share the
same beliefs and place that above all else
would have an easy enough time maintain
ing a relationship even if one of them had
dropped out of high school and the other had
finished college. If, on the other hand, two
people had the same IQ and very different
and deeply held religious beliefs, it might not
be so easy. It's all about priorities, MS, and I
think maybe you and your friends should pri
oritize Susie's happiness over your own opin
ions. She's happy. Be happy for her.
Jyl inov
Got a question for Jyl 7 Submit your anonymous query
via the Reality Cheek button at www flagpole com
vfJamen Uelpina woman.
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