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30 MINUTES OR LESS (R) 30
Minutes or Less, the second movie
from Zombieiand director Ruben
Fleischer, starts off pretty poorly
thanks to bad writing and a focus on
its two least appealing characters,
unfortunately played by the top-billed
Jesse Eisenberg and Danny McBride A
slacker (is that term valid for this gen
eration'?) who drives like Mario Andretti
(is that reference too dated as well?),
Nick (Eisenberg. who's a long way
from his Academy Award nomination)
is forced by two fledgling criminals,
Dwayne (McBride) and Travis (Nick
Swardson), to rob a bank after they
strap a bomb to his chest
APOLLO 18 (PG-13) Decades-old
NASA footage reveals the existence of
alien life on the moon. Wanted director
Timur Bekmambetov is producing this
quickie sci-fi flick from the Weinstein
Company The success of B-movies
like Apollo 18 is hard to predict (see
The Fourth Kind and Skyline), but
the combination of a viral marketing
campaign and Bekmambetov's guid
ing hand bode w°n Director Gonzalo
Lopez-Gallego is an international award
winner, his Nomadas and El rey de la
montana sound intriguing
THE BLACK POWER MIXTAPE
1967-1975 (NR) The Black Power
Movement is pieced together by con
temporary Swedish filmmaker Goran
Hugo Olsson (Am I Black Enough lor
You?) from footage shot by a team of
Swedish journalists between 30 and 40
years ago An official selection of the
Sundance Film Festival and winner of
their editing award. The Black Power
Mixtape 1967-1975 features all of the
major players Stokely Carmichael,
Harry Belafonte. Bobby Seale, Angela
Davis—plus today's perspective from
Erykah Badu. Talib Kweli, etc.
BUCKY LARSON:BORN TO BE A
STAR (R) Nerdy Bucky Larson (the
very funny Nick Swardson) leaves his
home in Northern Iowa and travels
to Hollywood after he learns that his
parents were 70s porn stars (Un)
Fortunately. Bucky meets up with a
down-and-out director (Don Johnson)
who thinks the young man might be
his second generation ticket back to
the top Tom “Not the two-time Super
Bowl MVP' Brady directs a script
written by Adam Sandler, Allen Covert
and Swardson With Christina Ricci.
Stephen Dorff and Edward Herrmann
CASABLANCA (PG) 1942 Thought
by many to be the greatest film ever,
Casablanca retains its cinematic
power to this day A perfectly written,
acted and directed. Casablanca stars
Humphrey Bogart as Rick, an American
expatriate who owns a bar in Morocco
In the early days of World War II.
Rick's life is complicated by his former
love, lisa (Ingrid Bergman), and her
husband Victor (Paul Henreid). a Czech
Resistance fighter wanted by the Nazis.
Winner of three Academy Awards
including Best Picture, Best Director
and Best Screenplay With Claude
Rains and Peter Lorre.
COLOMBIANA (PG-13) A revenge
potboiler about a hottie assassin
should be exploitation cake. Instead,
stale dialogue, terrible music cues and
perhaps the year's worst plot device (a
cell phone pic sent to a sister-in-law at
the police department breaks the case)
far too often breaks up the often exhila-
ratingly stealthy action Zoe Saldana
makes for one badass, gun toting chica
(though she could stand to catch up on
a few meals), who is seeking the drug
lord that killed her parents
CONAN THE BARBARIAN (R) Conan
(Momoa) seeks revenge against the
baddie. Khalar Zym (Avatars Stephen
Lang), that murdered his loving
barbarian papa (a heavily hirsute Ron
Perlman) Fortunately. Conan gets
an assist from his Malcolm Jamal-
Warnerbe pal, a pretty priestess (Rachel
Nichols) and a thief (Said Taghmaoui).
Conan might be content with living,
loving and slaying, but a movie needs
more than buckets of CGI blood and
topless extras.
CONTAGION (PG-13) Steven
Soderbergh's newest film has
assembled the boatload of stars
you'd expect—Mati Damon, Marion
Cotillard. Laurence Fishburne, Jude
Law. Gwyneth Paltrow. Kate Winslet—
for his latest, a medical thriller about
the Centers for Disease Control's
attempts to contain an airborne virus
threatening to spread around the globe
Screenwriter Scott Z. Burns wrote
Soderbergh's last collaboration with
Matt Damon, The Informant! Joining
the above-the-title names are Bryan
Cranston, John Hawkes and Elliot
Gould
CRAZY. STUPID, LOVE. (PG-13)
What a crazy, stupid idea' Write a
mature comedy sc r ipt Cast pretty,
talented, appropriately aged stars.
Direct them with care, humanity and
simplicity. Who would ever think those
actions would develop into the sum
mer's most charming wide release?
Only almost everyone who doesn't
greenlight studio projects. Steve Carell
stars as Cal Weaver, whose wife. Emily
(Julianne Moore), suddenly bombs
him with a divorce pronouncement
that leads him to a local bar where
Cal meets inveterate womanizer Jacob
(Ryan Gosling). While Cal the nice guy
is learning to objectify women. Jacob
the man-whore is falling for law student
Hannah (Emma Stone).
• THE DEBT (PG-13) An above-aver
age old people action-thriller that could
have been so much more. The Debt
boasts an Academy Award nominated
director John Madden (Shakespeare
in Love), a script by X-Men: First
Class's Matthew Vaughn, music by
Thomas Newman AND a cast of Helen
Mirren "It Girl" Jessica Chastain, Sam
Worthington, Ciaran Hinds and Tom
Wilkinson. Still, the film didn't get
pushed back to near September for
no reason. The action may be taut and
thrilling as a two-man. one-woman
Mossad team attempts to kidnap Dieter
Vogel (Jesper Christensen. Casino
Boyale/Quantum of Solace), the feared
Surgeon of Birkenau who performed
sadistic experiments on Jewish prison
ers during the Holocaust, from Soviet-
controlled East Berlin. Too bad David,
Stephan and Rachel's predictable
human frailties—everyone suspects
a love triangle—detract from the high
tension stoked by any scene including
Christensen's Vogel. He's a truly chill
ing sociopath with the medical insight
of Hannibal Lecter. He's just not in the
film enough. Thankfully, the modern
day denouement, during which an aged
Rachel goes all Salt (and pepper), has
a lot of Helen. That woman can truly do
no wrong
DON’T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK
(PG-13) Don't Be Afraid ot the Dark
isn't a hard command to follow while
watching the Guillermo del Toro writ
ten and produced update of the 1973
TV movie The horror movie opens
with some of the worst parenting I've
ever seen Off-screen mom sends
her depressed little girl, Sally (Bailee
Madison), to live with daddy (Guy
Pearce) and his new girlfriend, Kim
(Katie Holmes), in the old. dark house
they're restoring in Lovecraft's very
own Providence. Rl No shocker here;
Sally's depression does not improve
when ancient little creatures that
can't stand the light escape from the
basement.
GREEN LANTERN (PG-13) The
movie version of DC's second-line
superhero, a ring-equipped interga-
lactic policeman, lacks the nostalgic
baggage checked by the big two, Supes
and Bats Test pilot Hal Jordan (Ryan
Reynolds) is chosen to join the Green
Lantern Corps just in time to battle
Parallax, a world-devouring baddie
who uses the yellow power of fear
to turn Peter Sarsgaard from a John
Carpenter doppelganger into an evil,
bloated alien John Carpenter Lantern's
ring is energized by the green power of
will, which allows him/her/it to create
any construct imaginable The movie
could use a little more creative pizazz,
judging by his constructs, this Lantern
is a prefeen boy (I kept waiting on the
tart construct).
THE GUARD (R) Brendan Gleeson
and Don Cheadle star in Ned Kelly
writer John Michael McDonagh's
feature debut, an '80s-sounding buddy
cop-corn. He's an unorthodox Irish
policeman (Gleeson); he's an uptight
FBI agent (Cheadle). International
cocaine smugglers better watch out
when they begrudgingly team up This
Sundance Grand Jury Prize nominee
won the Berlin International Film
Festival s Honorable Mention for Best
Debut Film and the Audience Award
from the Sarajevo Film Festival. With
Liam Cunningham. Fionnula Flanagan
and Mark Strong.
HARRY POTTER AND THE •
DEATHLY HALLOWS: PART 2
(PG-13) It's over. The final battle
rages over and through the hallowed
halls of Hogwarts as Harry (Daniel
Radcliffe). Hermione (Emma Wafson)
and Ron (Rupert Grint) attempt to end
Voldemort's (Ralph Fiennes) evil reign.
The last few Horcruxes must be found
and destroyed if Harry is ever to truly
defeat You-Know-Who.
THE HELP (PG-13) An audience-
wooer a la The Blind Side, this ‘60s
Mississippi set melodramedy will draw
raves from your mother, grandmother,
aunt, thp ladies of the church, etc., but
the whitewashed world of The Flelp
lacks the proper depth to feel real.
Every black servant is a saint; every
white employer a demon Thankfully,
college-educated Eugenia “Skeeter"
Phelan (the extremely likable Emma
Stone, who grows into her accent)
comes home to Jackson to save its
minority population through bestsell
ing pop fiction. She collects the stories
of long-serving maids Aibileen (the
wonderful Viola Davis), Minny (Octavia
Spencer, who shines as a lead rather
than her typical small supporting
player) and more into an illegal (in
1960s Mississippi) tome that scandal
izes the gentry represented by Hilly
Holbrook (Bryce Dallas Howard). A
well-meaning movie, The Help serves
up two-plus hours of laughter and tears
with a pinch of moral outrage, mostly
thanks to the top-notch source material
and performances.
LAUGH AT MY PN,A (R) Familiar
funnyman Kevin Hart (Soul Plane, The
40 Year Old Virgin, “Party Down,'' Little
Fockers and more) went on a tour in
2011 Laugh at My Pain captures the
funny on film. Director Leslie Small is
a veteran of the comedy show movie,
helming several for Mike Epps, Eddie
Griffin, DeRay Davis, Bruce Bruce.
Earthquake. Aries Spears and several
All-Star Comedy Jams. Hart is funnier
than two-thirds of the comics just men
tioned, but paying to see something
that belongs on Comedy Central just
doesn't leel quite right.
MIDNIGHT IN PARIS (PG-13) Owen
Wilson stars as the latest Woody
stand-in, Gil. a Hollywood hack try
ing to finish a novel while on a family
business trip to Paris with his fiancee's
(Rachel McAdams) family On a magi
cal midnight walk, Gil runs into Scott
and Zelda Fitzgerald (Tom Hiddleston
and Alison Pill), gets writing advice
from Papa Hemingway (Corey Stoll)
and Gertrude Stein (Kathy Bates) and
falls for Picasso's girlfriend, Adriana
(Marion Cotillard)
• ONE DAY (PG-13) One Day. adapted
by author David Nicholls from his own
novel and directed by An Education's
Lone Schertig. is a thoroughly
unappealing romance about two Brits
whose entwined lives we see on the
same day, July 15, each year. Emma
(Anne Hathaway, wasted as yet another
ugly duckling waiting'to blossom) and
Dexter (the bland Jim Sturgess, an
actor I'm too bored by to actively dis
like) meet on their graduation night and
spend most of their lives engaged in
an unrequited love affair. Unfortunately,
she's boring; he’s boorish I have no
clue how my wife made it through an
entire 435 pages with Em and Dex I
could barely stand the 148 minutes
I had to spend with them. Nicholls’
script could use an injection of Nick
Hornby-an humor and mundane li
ability. This is One Day I'd like to have
back, thanks.
OUR IDIOT BROTHER (R) Is there
anyone as charming as Paul Rudd?
(I’m not actually asking; the answer
is clearly no.) As beatific, honest
and kind to a law-breaking fault Ned,
Rudd beams and ''aw, man"s his way
through a twee indiecom from former
Lemonhead Jesse Peretz (he also
directed The EX) After being tricked
by the douchiest dickhead cop ever,
Ned goes to prison. Once he’s released
(early for good behavior), his organic
girlfriend (Kathryn Hahn) kicks him
out and keeps his dog, Willie Nelson.
Forced to live with his sisters—
homemaker Liz (Emily Mortimer),
professional Miranda (Elizabeth Banks)
and free spirited lesbian Natalie (Zooey
Deschanel)—he wreaks havoc on their
lives with his chronic honesty and
guilelessness I enjoy these kinds of
genial independent comedies much
more than their more riotous, raunchy,
plentiful kin. Our Idiot Brother glides
lazily along on the heavily hirsute
Rudd's charisma and little else.
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN:
ON STRANGER TIDES (PG-13) You
would think Johnny Depp's Captain
Jack Sparrow would soar to the surface
now that he's shed of the dead weight
that was Will Turner (Orlando Bloom)
and Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley).
Instead, the fourth adventure of Captain
Jack is terribly unexciting and, worst
ot all. boring, as he canters frantically
about for no reason more dramatically
pressing than box office booty,
RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE
APES (PG-13) The apes return in this
remixed mash-up of Escape from the
Planet of the Apes and Conquest of the
Planet of the Apes. I loved The Planet
of the Apes series when I was growing
up Just ask the Ape bust watching
over my DVD collection While Tim
Burton's damned dirty apes disap
pointed heavily, this new Apes prequel
has my inner Dr. Zaius all a flutter
A super smart chimp named Caesar
(Andy Serkis in yet another motion
capture performance) leads a primate
revolution. James Franco stars as the
human scientist that created and raised
him With Brian Cox, Freida Pinto and
John Lithgow. .
SHARK NIGHT 3D (PG-13) I wish
this SyFy-sounding Hick had kept
its original working title. Untitled
3D Shark Thriller, and gone for an R
rating PG-13 sounds like a waste of
time This genre movie could be an
in-spirit sequel to the surprisingly
effective, kind of dumb Deep Blue Sea.
Revelers on a lake near the Louisiana
Gulf are attacked by freshwater sharks
Director David R Ellis is a B-movie vet
(FinalDestination2, Cellular. Snakes
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on a Plane. The Final Destination).
Hopefully, this movie will generate
proper cheesy thrills a la Piranha 3D
Lay on the genre cameos, please!
SPY KIDS: ALL THE TIME IN THE
WORLD (PG) Robert Rodriguez’s
family espionage franchise is reborn,
and Miramax is hoping for this flick
to be a big hit. A former spy (Jessica
Alba) returns to battle the villainous
Timekeeper (Jeremy Piven) who is
plotting to rule the world. Expect
appearances from series regulars.
THE SMURFS (PG) The live action/
CGI hybrid version of The Smurfs is
not as bad as its atrocious trailers
would imply, thanks largely to the
smurfish talents of Neil Patrick Harris.
Thanks to the clumsy plotting via
Clumsy Smurf (v, Anton Yelchin), Papa
Smurf (v. Jonathan Winters), Smurfette
(v Katy Perry), Gutsy Smurf (v. Alan
Cumming). Grouchy Smurf (v. George
Lopez). Brainy Smurf (v. Fred Armisen)
and Clumsy are chased to New York
City by Gargamel (Hank Azaria) and his
cat. Azrael.
SUPER 8 (PG-13) J J. Abrams and
Steven Spielberg team up for an hom
age to the sort of wide-eyed, wonderful
extraterrestrial adventures that made
Spielberg a box office sensation in
the 70s and '80s. This retro take on
the found footage subgenre is set in
1979 when an alien being transported
cross country from Area 51 escapes.
Hopefully, Abrams won't allow human
stars Kyle Chandler and a bunch of
kids, including Elle Fanning, to be
swallowed up by what is sure to be a
special effects spectacle. Number one
on my list of must-see summer movies.
THE TRIP Steve Coogan really
doesn't mind coming off as an asshole
(see also Our Idiot Brothei) Playing
himself in The Trip, Coogan goes on
a dining tour of northern England with
his buddy, Welsh comic Rob Brydon.
The duo get into all the typical road
movie shenanigans—the first inn
only has one room with a double bed
available—but amidst the silliness are
moment of weighty clarity, regarding
aging, stardom, fleeting greatness and
friendship. Originally a six-episode
BBC program, acclaimed filmmaker
Winterbottom must have kept all the
brilliant bits when he cut it down to
a compact sub-two-hour sojourn
because The Trip is funny enough to
produce tears.
WARRIOR (PG-13) A former
Marine, Tommy Riordan (Tom Hardy,
Inception), seeks to win the top prize at
an MMA tournament. To reach the top,
he will need the help of his dad (Nick
Nolte), an alcoholic former coach,
and have to defeat his older brother,
Brendan (Joel Edgerton). Hollywood
keeps trying to turn mixed martial arts
into a box office smasti. but they have
yet to find the right vehicle. Could
this flick from Pride and Glorfi Gavin
O'Connor be it?
WINNIE THE POOH (G) Disney
brings Winnie the Pooh and all the
other denizens of the Hundred Acre
Wood back to the big screen in the
hand-drawn animated tradition of old
Walt himself.
X-MEN: FIRST CLASS (PG-13)
X-Men: First Class is what the third
X-movie should have been. A prequel
to the preceding cinematic issues,
X-Men /O explains how Professor
Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) and
Erik Lehnsherr aka Magneto (Michael
Fassbender) came to be friends and
then mortal enemies.
ZOOKEEPER (PG) Kevin James
seems like a nice enough guy, and
Paul Blart: Zookeeper rides that nice
train for a little over 90 minutes. James
is Griffin, a nice guy who nicely lakes
care of nice animals for a nice living
A pretty girl, Stephanie (Leslie Bibb),
broke his nice heart
Drew Wheeler
10 FLAGPOLE.COM ■ SEPTEMBER 7.2011
