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HOLIDAY CHEER: TOBIAS VS. LEWIS
If you dare step foot inside a shopping mall or big-box
store this holiday season, remember to wear protection.
Noise-canceling headphones are a good start—a hoodie or
earmuffs can also work in a pinch. Beware the beguiling hips
of dancing Santas and their mechanical ilk—avert your eyes
immediately lest you are drawn to push the shiny red “play"
button of temptation. It's not that Christmas music is categori
cally awful; it's just that the sheer repetition of the standards
is relentlessly taxing. Each December, hundreds of unwitting
victims are carted off in strait-jackets as a result of Muzak
Madness, jingling all the way to the asylum. But there's help.
The best way to stay sane this season is to look to the
fringes for fresh, diverse holiday jams, and nobody knows the
fringes of music like Flagpole writer, multi-instrumentalist and
all around jolly guy Jeff Tobias. For this Mixtape War we paired
him with Mat Lewis, who, besides looking great in a festive
sweater, also sings and plays a reverb-heavy organ in local duo
Grape Soda. He has also served as the little drummer boy for
punk rockers The Agenda and cute slingers The Buddy System.
And with that, here are some gifts that keep on giving...
JT: This is catchy as shit, and the weird strangled guitar
stuff on the second verse sounds like someone being electro
cuted by Christmas lights.
7. “Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney
ML: Best Christmas song of all time. Hands down. The layers
of synth weirdness may seem wholly inappropriate for a holiday
jam, but. dude, it's got sleigh bells. As for the subject mat
ter, I interpret it as a critique of Christmas music's banality by
embracing said banality. Heady stuff.
JT: Yes, very heady. This is the sort of Macca material that
makes you wonder if he wasn't the dead weight in Wings. As
always, he means well.
8. “Thank God It's Not Christmas” by Sparks
ML: The Mael Brothers take a much more straightforward
approach to hating on the holidays. But they contradict them
selves: How can a song about how boring Christmas is sound
so epic?
JT: Yeah! As you say, the lyrics are a bit grim, but the riff is
total Santa's-sleigh-over-the-horizon huge.
2. “Put a Little Love in Your Heart” by Annie Lennox A Al
Green
JT: This is the jam that everyone sings at the end of
Scrooged after Bill Murray, as Frank Xavier Cross, makes that
big, hysterical speech and ghostly taxi driver Buster Poindexter
gives him a thumbs up. "My brother, the King of Christmas!"
ML: OK, so those same people from the last track, the ones
by the fire, under the snowy rooftop? They've just spent eight
years under the crushing weight of the Reagan administration,
and they're searching for that glimpse of old-fashioned cheer
in a callous, indifferent world. It's somewhere in there if you
listen hard enough.
3. “Silent Night” by The Dream Scene
JT: This is one of the more tender moments on Javier
Morales' album of lo-fi holiday classics. The solid minute of
synth drone at the end is, I guess, meant to be a moment of
silence.
ML: This is how you cover a Christmas song! This version
sounds vastly different from how I normally hear this song,
but sticks to the original's solemn tone. Sure, it tempers that
solemnity with exuberant noise and cascading waves of synth,
but how silent do they really want it?
4. “Child's Christmas in Wales” by John Cale
JT: There's something about the chorale-style organ part
that really paints a picture. This is before John Cale went all
hockey-mask drugs-crazy, and is rather wholesome.
ML: Great song, all year 'round. A “Do They Know It's
Christmas?" for post-war Europe?
Mat Lewis' Holiday Mixtape
9. “Daddy's Drinking Up All Our Christmas” by Marshall
Crenshaw
ML: There are a lot of Christmas songs about drinking that
dad-rock stalwart Marshall Crenshaw could have chosen to
cover. He picked this Commander Cody tune, and now I'm pick
ing his cover. Pay it forward this holiday season.
JT: This is indeed a rich genre, the "Christmas is canceled"
Christmas song. Makes you feel about as warm as a howdy or
five.
10. “Reggae Christmas” by Bryan Adams
ML: When I think of Bryan Adams, the first two words that
come to mind are "reggae" and "Christmas."
JT: Ah, Bryan Adams. Face on that guy like a block of
firewood. They have reggae in Canada? Who knew? The most
implausible cultural crossover since Cool Runnings.
5. “Christmas Commercial” by BBC Radiophonic
Workshop
JT: There's something about the ringing of cash registers
that provokes a Pavlovian response in me; I immediately sense
I'm about to be pepper sprayed. You were crazy for this one,
BBC Radiophonic Workshop.
ML: A generation or two into the
future no one will remember what ringing
cash registers sounded like, but for now
it's clever.
6. “Christmas in Hollis” by Run-DMC
JT: I have a very fond memory of
Supercluster covering this at a WUOG
Christmas party at Cine. I feel like I
remember a lot of people were throwing
candy around.
ML: Was this the first hip-hop Christ
mas tune? The instrumental Christmas
medley in the middle is like that outta-
left-field surprise gift. I didn't know I
wanted a garlic press, but now that it's
right in front of me, it looks pretty good!
7. “Jingle Bells” by Puttin' on the Ritz
JT: More Christmas music should be
this true to life: the sound of a bunch of
drunks doing it wrong. Oh, what fun is
right; these jazz weirdos sound insane!
ML: Wow, this song is spinning wildly
out of control from start to finish. The
only thing moving those drums is cen
trifugal force.
8. "One Special Gift” by Low
JT: Taking it in the exact opposite direction, this captures
the vibe of post-holiday depression real well. You're a huge
drag, Low, and I love you for it!
ML: I don't find this depressing at all! After a while, all
that goodwill and cheer starts to seem less genuine. This feels
like someone pressed mute on all the seasonal commercials,
radio jingles and holiday music to let me know the real world is
still out there.
1. “Santa Claus Goes Straight to the Ghetto” by The Dogg
Pound
Why Mat Lewis picked this track: Snoop Dogg, Nate Dogg
and friends give the "Christmas in the ghetto" premise the G.
Funk treatment, in the process making
one of the funkiest holiday jams I can §j
call to memory. *
Jeff Tobias' reaction: Rhyming "gifts" ^
with "spliffs" about says it all. The video g-
features Snoop sporting some kind of £
weird ZZ Top beard.
90
3
2. "Home for the Holidays” by The 1
dB's
ML: Sometimes I just want to hear a
standard Christmas tune. Sleigh bells?
Check. Mandolin? Check. Saccharine lyrics
about family and general cheer distribu
tion? Double check.
JT: I agree. Here, The dB's embody
the conservative spirit that Christmas is
really oil about.
3. “Santa Dog for Gamelan Orchestra”
by The Residents
ML: Sometimes the last thing I want
to hear is a standard Christmas tune. This
sparse, sprawling gamelan arrangement
is an excellent palate-cleanser to the
normal fare you hear in stores and on the
radio.
JT: This rules. I'm totally seeing indoor snowflakes falling
from the ceiling at Ralph Records HQ while dudes with eyeball
heads wearing Santa hats build a snowman.
4. “The First Noel" by Masters of the Hemisphere
ML: This is probably my favorite traditional Christmas carol,
and one I'd never heard before these hometown heroes did a
rendition of it.
JT: Much more festive than Je Suis France's cover of "No
Christmas for John Quays," this conjures images of friends
huddled around the four-track for the holiday. Thumbs up.
5. "Christmas Trees Everywhere" by Jonny Cohen
ML: What longtime indie-pop songwriter Jonny Cohen lacks
in classical training he makes up for with spirit. Holiday spirit,
in this case. Lines about the White House Christmas tree, sung
in his trademark caterwaul, make me nostalgic for winter in
metropolitan D.C.
JT: Jonny Cohen, eh? I've never heard of this guy, but I'm
getting a sort of "A Very Jad Fair Christmas" vibe.
6. “Holiday Road" by Lindsey Buckingham
ML: I think this song is about trying to get out of the Mall
of Georgia parking lot in December.
Jeff Tobias' Holiday Mixtape
1. “Peace cn Earth” by John Coltrane
JT: While not strictly Christmas music, I think "Peace on
Earth" is a universal tenet of the holiday spirit no matter
what holiday you celebrate. If everyone on the planet stopped
what they were doing to blast this posthumously orchestrated
Coltrane hymn, we could get there for real—I believe it!
ML: This is totally setting the holiday mood. Everyone
bundled up by the fire, snow on every rooftop and Coltrane
jamming with an orchestra of harp-slinging cherubs. Coltrane
has wings, is what I'm seeing.
9. “Skating” by Vince Guaraldi Trio
JT: When I got to interview George Winston, he hipped me
to the invention and intuition of Vince Guaraldi in terms of
how he could work out music that was perfect for all ages. The
descending piano is nothing so much as falling snowflakes.
ML: I am a terrible ice skater and a terrible jazz pianist.
This song has nothing for me.
10. “My Christmas Memory” by Patton Oswalt
JT: This makes me laugh until I cry. Merry Christmas, ya
filthy animal.
ML: This guy can alternately scream and say, "OK," over and
over again for two minutes and make it funny.
DECEMBER 21, 2011 FLAGPOLE.COM 13
