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2012: THE YEAR IN REVIEW
No one likes to be behind the curve, and
in the age of instantaneous reporting, fall
ing behind is par for the course. So, in an
attempt to alleviate our shared conundrum of
perpetual disappointment, I wanted to give
everyone a leg up on the new year. Clip this
out, hang it on the fridge and stay cool in the
knowledge that you've got 2012 covered.
JANUARY: The Drive-By Truckers' three-night
stand at the 40 Watt was almost canceled
when the club couldn't get tne band's catering
requirements correct. One intern, who spoke
under assurance of anonymity, said, “I have
no idea what a Stuckey’s Pecan Log is! Is that,
like, old people food?" The event was saved by
a quick-thinking Ba r rie Buck, who dispatched
Zack "Z-Dog" Nosey to South Carolina to grab
a case of the sticky treat. Twenty flea market
stops later, Hosey arrived back in Athens, and
the shows went off without a hitch.
FEBRUARY: Although every local musician gave
lip service to looking forward to Valentine's
Day, none were able to commit to actually
being anywhere with anyone. That one band-
member you were interested in wound up tell
ing me to tell you that they might be at that
place you said you were going to but didn't
know when they were gonna arrive, so it was
probably best to just plan on maybe meeting
up later that night.
MARCH: Officially selected Athens bands,
young hopefuls and self-assured pundits made
the trek to Austin, TX this month for South by
Southwest. Those left behind in Athens spent
the month complaining that their Facebook
and Twitter feeds were totally clogged by the
following postings: "TACOS!," "wait
ing in line" and blurry, off-center
Hipstamatic photos. Most were heard
saying that they "couidn't care less"
about whatever was happening in Austin
and that people should just shut up.
Upon returning to town, the travelers
were asked by everyone how it went,
and they answered, "Awesome," To
which the inquirers replied, "Awesome."
Thus, the scene's passive-aggressive
equilibrium was maintained.
APRIL: Local instigator Mercer West
pulled his biggest coup yet with his
"April Foolin'" lineup of $20 shows. West
said at the time, "These people have gotten a
free ride for, what, seven years? Time to get
paid, homey; time to get paid!" Local bands
Mouser and Bubbly Mommy Gun, having
never seen actual dollar bills, went through a
tough transition a la The Gods Must Be Crazy.
MAY: Several local musicians graduated from
the University of Georgia this month and were
relieved that they were able to get the entire
day off of work. A few packed their bags
immediately and moved to Brooklyn, but most
decided to hang around for at least the sum
mer. A few briefly mentioned graduate school,
but the conversation ended abruptly when
word spread that there was this party over at
that house where that one girl lives.
JUNE: AthFest, in its 15th year, expanded
its scope to include potato-sack races down
Washington Street and a Ferris wheel on North
Campus. In a related item, scene booster
Daniel Peiken celebrated by snapping his
1,000th photo of Bloodkin.
JULY: Local maestro Adam Klein promoted the
the first "Freedom Isn’t Free" festival at Little
Kings Shuffle Club. The revolutionary, iTunes-
inspired event was the first to ever charge
patrons 99 cents per song. Sadly, the revolu
tion was cut short when it was discovered that
Klein had neglected to bring enough pennies
to make change.
AUGUST: It was too hot to move in August, so
no one did anything. Oh, really? Well, then
you tell me what they did, 'cause I don't
remember anything happening at all!
SEPTEMBER: Tunabunny released its latest
album, We Can Hear the Footsteps Out Along
the Walkway. Although ostensibly inspired
by Germany's Can, the band finally admitted
in an interview with Boise Public Radio that
Tom Cochrane was its most unifying influence
and that, indeed, they had taken the title for
the album from Red Rider's 1981 hit "Lunatic
Fringe."
OCTOBER: The Athens PopFest celebrated
its annual event in style with sponsorships
from Old Spice, The Glenlivet Distillery and
Gulfstream Aerospace. Speaking from his hide
away luxury condominium on the third floor
of the Shackelford Building, festival founder
Mike Turner said, "Glenlivet is classy. Private
jets are classy. What's wrong with being classy
and smelling good, too? If Puffy can do it, so
can I."
NOVEMBER: Fresh from playing their annual
Halloween cover band gigs, every musician
in town took what they considered to be a
well-deserved three-week break. Then, just as
UGA classes let out for Thanksgiving, every
one wanted to play shows again. This glut
of performances, matched with the suddenly
dwindled local population, left every club
floor bare. That guy in that one band who
never goes to any shows but his own declared
loudly to no one, "Wow. I guess no one cares
about live music anymore!"
DECEMBER: Growing tired of twiddling his
thumbs for a little over a year after his band
broke up, Athens resident Michael Stipe
announced, "This retirement thing is for the
birds. And I should know because I'm the king
of birds." Other fo r mer members Peter Buck
and Mike Mills seemed to be plenty happy
with the band's closure. Taking a cue from
his hero, George Clinton, Stipe made several
phone calls and assembled his new hits-only
combo: Michael Stipe & The R.E.M. All-Stars.
The band first took Manhattan, then it took
Berlin.
Gordon Lamb threalsandpromises@flagpole.com
Bubbly Mommy Gun
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