at Mr. Van Vechtea's crystallized around
two who were standing before the min¬
ister. Susy and Alice Fairfax stood
beside them. Susy’s white dress, brides¬
maid gear though it was, could, even
maimer now, hardly rival Kate Stevens’s in the
of tucks and ruffles. But her.
eyes had grown clearer with two whole
.years of open vision, and her mother’s
sense of the fitness of things had began
to dawn in her own brain.
When the last words of the ceremony
died on the air, the congratulations
hung fire a little, till Davy Stevens,
slowly and painfully rising, began to
take the few . steps that separated him
from the newly made husband and wife.
Susy rushed forward to help him, and
Gov. Fairfax, stooping a little as ba
warmly shook hands with the boy, re¬
marked,; “But for this young man,
Anna, I might never have known you.”
“Oh, Uncle Chari js 1” Susy gasped
and stumbled over the name, but got it
out mother’s bravely; making “if it hadn’t blue been for
me wear that g'ng
ham you ” wouldn’t ever got acquainted, I
am sure.
“I think, Sue,” laughed Aunt Anna,
“that it was because your mother didn't
make you wear the blue gingham to the
Fourth ot July that it all happened.”—
Fmnces Cole.
A National Museum.
“There is a movement on toot to es¬
tablish a great national library aid
museum pertaining to Amo Ceram ican reinl his¬
tory, ’’-sa d a New Yorker to a
Advertiser reporter. I have just learned
that the idea is assuming something of
a deflnite character, and that several
wealthy gentlemen have become interest¬
ed in it and have promised substantial
assistance. Brielly, the plan, as outlined,
is to establish in New Y'ork a great
library that shall contain every book or
paper relating to discovery American history from
tho time of the of the conti¬
nent, covering the military operations,
civil. administration and travels; the
formation of the several states, territo¬
ries, cities and civil divisions, and every¬
history thing, in of fact, touching all parts of the
this country.
“The museum is to contain relics,
souvenirs, documents and everything
of interest relating to the growth and
development be These of the new world evidences that can
secured. material of
historical facts are always interesting and
become more valuable as time progresses.
The Military Service Institution of the
United States, of which JVKjor-Gcneral
J. M. Schofield, United S/ites army, is
president, has already got ' n rare collec¬
tion of books, trophies and relics which
are at presenton Governors Island, where
the war department has set aside for
them such rooms as could be spared for
the purpose. This collection might,
perhaps, become the nucleus of the
library museum. Then there is thc-col
lection of the New York Historical So¬
ciety. The society has outgrown its
present change quarters location. and is looking for a
of
Big Carolina Pine Trees.
In a private letter to a gentleman in
this city from Col. John D. Whitford
there is an account of some forest giants
lately measured in Greeuc and Wilson
Counties on Contentnea Creek. One
pine and tree measures 22 feet in circumfer¬
ence would make a stick of timber,
solid heart, G feet square and 35 feet
long, or straight-edge plank 0 feet wide
and 35 feet long. Another pine meas¬
ured 18 feet in circumference and 103
feet to the first branch. Some white
oaks were measured and would make a
plank pine which 2 feet wide and GO feet long. A
was felled for making shin¬
gles measured in 4J- feet in diameter and
142 found feet abundantly length. These immense trees
are in that section and
will some day command a good price.—
Raleigh News.
Dispersing Beggar Children.
Children are very annoying as beggars
in the south of Italy; for half a dozen of
them will sometimes cluster around a
something. stranger, imploring of him to give them
One the St. Nicholas
artists traveling in Italy had a curious
way of ridding He carried himself toy-watch of these young¬
sters. a which
was a little out of order, aud the hands
of which, when it was wound up, would
go round with a buzz, until it ran down.
He would fix this in one eye like an eye¬
glass, and turn fiercely upon the import¬
revolving unate youngsters. and buzzing The sight scared of this the
fled eye
little rascals, and they in every di¬
rection. They thought it was the “Evil
Eye,” of which they are very much
afraid.
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
A Lawyer’s Courtship—The Euro
pcan Situation—Incredulous
Mamma—Bookishness—
A Combine,Etc.
“My errand here to-night,” said a
young lawyer to a darn el on whom he
had called, “reminds me of the cry of an
owl.”
“Indeed,”said the maiden; “what is
your “Courtship—To errand here to-night?” wit,
to woo.— Mer¬
cury.
The European Situation.
Foreign Prem or—“Your Majestv, the
people are grumbling about the military
taxes.”
The Jving—“What children the people
are 1 They ought to know that the army
cannot live on less than it does.”
“They know that, sire, but they say
the army can be reduced. They want it
reduced one half, if not more.”
“Very well. Declare war.”
Incredulous Mamma.
A Young School Girl—“Oh, mamma!
please mayn’t I read romances? Lucy
Jones does, aud she isn’t a day older than
I am. I peeped into her book the other
day and the first two and lines read: ‘And
they were married lived happily ever
afterward.’
Mamma—“That wasn’t a romance, my
dear; it was a fairy ta'.e.”— Judge.
Bookishness.
Lieutenant Boxer—“I’m ordered to
Morocco, Miss Elson. We're likely to
have trouble there, you know,”
Miss Elson—“Youmust be careful not
to get captured.”
Lieutenant Boxer—“I’ll try not to.”
Miss Elson—“I would. Just think
how ridiculous you’d look bound in
Morocco. ”— Tid-Bits.
A Combine.
Lady Time—leap Angela—“Wha^^ujjagji year. Scene—atete a tete.
tell me,
are these ‘trusts’ one reads so much
about lately?”
for Adolphus—“A mutual advantage, ‘trust’ is a combination
Angela (confusedly)—“Adolphus—e so to speak.”
r
—that is—Mr.-”
Angela—“Why Adolphus—“Yes ?”
may we not form a
trust
They combine. Tableau .—Loicell Citi
sen.
An Expert Stock Waterer.
Jay Gould—“Mustapha, what is the
price of your camels s"
Mustapha — “Twenty-five dollars
apiece, your serene richness. I couldn’t
take a cent less, bi.-m Hah!”
J. G.—“Cheap enough. Ship me
two to New York by the first vessel.
Pigs 1 I never in my life saw stock absorb
water do?”— so magnificently as those camels
Springfield Union.
On tho Santa Fc Trail.
Hospitable ?” Native, producing flask—
“Irrigate
Temperate Tenderfoot—“No.”
H. N., producing pipe—“Fumigate ?”
T. T.—“No.”
H. ?” N., producing Navy plug—“Masti¬
cate
T. T.—“No.”
whip—“Castigate Disgusted Native, uncoiling mule
?”
Timid Tenderfoot, flying—“Evac¬
uate!”
Wrathful Native, pullihg iron—“Per¬
forate 1”— Burdette.
The Real Calf.
Quaker wit is not aggressive, but one
who is rash enough to scratch a Quaker
generally old finds a wag—to his cost.
An Quaker went into a bookstore,
and an impertinent salesman, wishing to
have some sport at his expense, said to
him, “You are from the country, aren’t
you ?” “Yes,” quickly answered the
Quaker. “I hen here’s just the thing
for you,” book. responded “What the is clerk, holding
up a it?” asked the
Quaker. “It’s an essay on the rearing
of calves.” “Friend,” said the Quaker,
“thee had better present that to thy
mother 1 ”—Ocol Cheer.
A Fatal Delay.
The young man had been trying to
tell her how madly he loved her for over
an hour, but couldn’t pluck up the
courage. “Excuse
me a moment, Mr. Featherly,”
she said, “I think I hear a ring at the
telephone.” And in her queenly way she
swept into an adjoining room.
mad Presently she returned and then his
“I passion found a voice.
am sorry, Mr. Featherly, ” she said,
“to cause you pain, but I am already
engaged. here, Mr. Sampson, learning that
you were has urged his suit through
the telephone."— Epoch.
Delights in Iniquities.
Mrs. Greenapple was exhibiting her
daughter’s collection of curios, and was
dilating “They thereupon with maternal pride.
observed are certainly very interesting,”
Colonel Mooney. “Some of
them appear to be exceedingly rare.”
“I should think so,” smirked the old
lady. “I can assure you that Gertie de¬
lights in iniquities!”
And then there was a sudden silence,
and the Colonel was just about to vamp
up a few new and original remarks about
the weather when harmony was restored
by the explanation of the younger Green
apple.
“Mamma means antiquities !”—New
York Mercury.
AVillins to Oblige Him.
The young man had asked him for the
hand of his daughter, and a pang wrung
the fatherly heart of Mr. Kajoncs as he
looked at the youth for some moments in
silence and thought of the bitterness of
parting with his well beloved child.
“I suppose, Oliver,” he said at last,
“it is only natural and right that when
the young birds become old enough to
fly they should leave their parental nest
and go off with their chosen mates to
build nests of their own, and yet it
hurts, Oliver; it hurts when I think of
fly one of ray ” fledgelings getting ready to
away.
“This seems to be a good sized nest,”
suggested the young man, anxious to
soften the blow; “perhaps you’d rather
have me aud Alvira stav right here.”—
Chicago Tribune.
Female Suffrage in Kansas.
First Kansas Woman—“Were you at
the polls yesterday, Minnie?”
Second Kansas Woman—“Oh, yes, I
was out at the dear little polls. Isn’t it
just too nice to vote ?”
“How did you vote?”
“Really, “Well, dear, I don’t remember.”
you remember that they had
two “Oh, kinds of tickets, white and red?”
I remember now. It was the
lovely little red ticket that I put on the
polls.” “Why, I
am surprised. That was the
opposition ticket.”
“Well, I did’t ask. I saw that the
color of the ticket was a delicate red,
and that it exactly matched my dress.”—
Corn mercial Adve rti ter.
Rebuked.
“Well, Bertie, dear, were you a good
boy at school to-day?” asked a Kalama¬
zoo mother of her son of ten years.
“You can jist bet I was,” replied
Bertie. “The boy that's perfect in onr
room for a month is going to get a pri e
and I'm going to freeze onto it myself.”
“ Bertie,” cried his shocked parent, “I
words want you and to st“p using those vulgar slang
phrases. Where you catch
on to all of them is a mystery to me.
Every other word you say is a slang ex¬
pression. and I want you to drop it, sir.
Talk about ‘ freezing’ on to a thing!
What you giving us, boys? Do you ex¬
pect me to tumble to any such vulgarity
as that? Not if I know myself, I don't.
Now you light out, and let it be a cold
day before I hear any more such talk
from you, and don’t you forget it. ”—
Detroit Free Pres>.
Time's Changes.
Good Citizen (bedtime, 1788)—“IL.ve
you left the latchstring out? ”
Wife—“Yes, my dear.”
“And placed a candle in the win¬
dow?”
“Yes.”
“Let us pray.”
Good citizen (bedtime, 1888)—“All
the doors and windows locked? ”
Wife—“Yes, my dear.”
“And the burglar-alarm set?"
It look- ail right.”
And the dogs untied?”
Yes.”
“Is my Winchester under the bolster
and a revolver under each pillow?”
“ Of course, dear.”
“ Let us pray ."—Omaha World.
A Lesson in Etiquette.
“Melissy,” said a Dodge City woman
to her daughter, “I l>en reedin’ that
book on etiketty that your paw went a*’
fooled a dollar an’ a half fer on the train
that time he went to Topeeky.”
“Hev?”
girl’s “Yes, ingaged-to I hev; an’ it says that when a
a feller they should con¬
duct theirse) yes in public with the same
in ‘reserve gaged.” and dignity’ as if they war’n’t
“Well?” ,
“Well, then, you an’ Hi Dagget ail
makin’ plumb fools o’ yerselves.”
“Haow?”
“Why, at the party at Bill nob
son’s stuck las’ night when Hi come in you
out yerfoot a-purpose, an’ tripped
Hi up, jist fer a joke, an’ Hi he up
an’ chased you three times around th’
house, three an’ kctched you, an’ kissed you
times, before ev’rybody. Ev’rv
body’U know you’re ingaged, if you
The carry on that-a-way; an’ it ain't etik
book says so.”— Tid-Bits.
Breaking Bad News.
They are telling a story on a well
known and now wealthy Irishman of th's
city, which, it is said, happened before
he was either so wealthy or so well
known. had Judge McCartv, so the story
goes, been killed by an accident,
and the problem was how to break the
news to bis wife. The Irishman in ques¬
tion volunteered to break the news so
gently that it would not jar on the most
sensitive feelings. Putting the body in
a wagon he started for Mrs. McCarty’s
res deuce.
‘ 1 Does the Widow McCarty live here ?”
he asked siguificautly.
“She does not,” said Mrs. McCarty.
“But indade she does. The Wiloio
McCarty does live here!” he insisted,
with more significance and greater em¬
phasis But on she the does “widow.” not,” replied Mrs.
“ Mc¬
Carty.
Disgusted at her lack of perspicuity
the bearer of the bad news asked in dis
spair: “An’faith, does live
Judge McCarty
here ?”
“He does.” i
“ Well, I’ll bet yez tin dollars he doe3
not.” 3
“ But he does,” insisted Mrs. McCarty.
“But he does not,” insisted Pat. ‘ I'll
bet yez tin dollars be does not,” and then,
in utter despair he added; “for I’ve got
his corpse in the wagon, and a foiner
wone was niverseenat a wake .”—Kansas
City Times.
An Abundance of Glasses.
Some forms wh'cli human eccentricity
takes are decidedly amusing and instruc¬
tive, too. It is somewhat rare, however,
to find mental eccentricity combined
with aud wedded to physical infirmity.
There is an old gentleman in this city,
who, at the ago of seventy-five, rejoices
in remarkably good eyesight, which is,
however, subject to the weakness of age. "see
clearly It is peculiar that, although iiis he can
without enough kind to read newspaper
any of artificial aid in the
early morning, as the day wears on he
needs increasingly stronger assistance
from his glasses. Instead, however, of
having he a properly graded scries of
lenses, is satisfied at. 8 a. in. with
none,, at 10 a. m. with a pair of pin
cenez, at noon a s cond pair placed in
front of these, at 2 p. m. a third pair are
fixed on the nose and held by long arms
over the ears, at 4 p. m. another pa;r are
added and held in place by a ribbon sur¬
rounding the fiend, and when the gas is
lighted another the old “nippers" geatlman quietly ilic holds
pair of before rest
to enable him to glance o.cr the “latest
quotations” in the evening papers.—
New York Press.
Queer Funnily Traits.
One of the most singular instances of
inheritance is that recorded by Dec.tn
doile. There was a family in France of
which the leading represviuatKe could,
when a youth, pitch several books from
his head by the movement of the scalp
alone, and he used to win wagers by per¬
forming this feat. His father, uncle,
grandfather, aud his three childrrn pos¬
sessed the same power to tho same un¬
divided usual degree. This family became
eight generations the ago into two
branches, so that head of the above
mentioned branch is cousin in the
seventh degree to distant the head of resided the other
branch. This cousin in
another part of France, nnd, on being
asked whether he possessed the same
faculty, immediately exhibited his
power. Haller, the celebrated physiologist,
records that the family of tho Benti
voglio swell all possessed a tumor, which used
this to when peculiarity a damp wind blew, and
strange was transmitted
from father to son.
