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KNOXVILLE, GEORGIA.
* *
Sunflowers are used in Wyoming Ter¬
ritory for fuel. The stalks, when dry,
make a.hot fire, and the seed-heads with
the seed in are said to burn better than
hard coal. An acre of sunflowers will
furnish fuel for one store for a year.
Wheat and flour have been * high
not so
in this country since 1880 as they are
now. The deficiency in the crop in
Minnesota and Dakota is estimated a t
35,000,000 bushels‘falling off from the
average yield. An exchange says we
may all have to fall back on corn bread
and hoe cake, the corn crop being mag¬
nificent.
Miss Colquitt and Miss Breckinridge,
one the daughter of a Georgia Senator
and the other of a Kentucky Congress
man, both rich and society belles, have
applied for positions in the public
schools of Washington city as teachers,
for the purpose of getting experience,
whioh they propose to turn to account in
the common schools of their States.
The Atlanta Constitution says: “The
St. Louis meat inspector has been to
Kansas City and Chicago to examine the
cattle pens, and he fills two columns of
his report with exposures of the abuses
in the cuttle traffic. He says that dis¬
eased and wounded cattle, sometimes in
a dying condition, were sold to butchers
who bought them at nominal prices and
sold the meat at their stalls. Benator
Vest and his committee will doubtless
give the matter such an airing that the
cattle business will be turned inside out.”
Some Western authorities claim the
potato crop of 1888 to be the heaviest
ever grown in the United Slates. Thus
the Namier'* Review estimates the crop
as 216,646,159 bushels, against 134,000,
000 bushels in 1887, 148,000,000 in 1886,
175,000,000 in 1883, 180,000,000in 1884,
and 208,000,000 in 1883. It is claimed
the average yield will be equal to that
of 1884, viz., 85.8 bushels per acre.
Among all the Western States Iowa
raises the largest crop of potatoes,
followed by Michigan, Ohio, Wisconsin
and Illinois. In this section of the
country some damage occurred from frost
and rot following excessive moisture.
In fact, we hear of serious losses from rot
throughout a large extent of country,
and we believe it is impossible to form a
correct estimate of the bushels of mer¬
chantable and marketable potatoes as the
outcome of the 1883 crop. In fact,
from what we learn, we imagine the
Western potato crop shows up better
than that of the East.
There has lately been invented a new
system of synchronism which, it is
claimed, will make it cheaper to tele¬
graph messages than to mail them. Dr.
J. Harris Rogers, of Washington, is the
inventor. The new system, he says, re¬
duces the English alphabet to teii ele¬
mentary characters. The messages are
prepared by means of a machine resem¬
bling a typewriter and manipulated in
the same manner. With the use of ten
keys—one for each character—any de¬
sirable message can be written. For four
years he has been trying to perfect syn¬
chronism, which signifies “at the same
time.” Its application in telegraphy i3
to make two wheels—one at each end of
the line—revolve simultaneously. Ac¬
cording to Dr. Rogers, over two hundred
■words can be transmitted in a minute by
his new system. A test of the new ap
paratus was held, and a message of
seventy-six words was sent over in
twenty-five seconds and printed on a
in plain Roman characters.
BUDGET OF FUN.
humorous sketches prom
various sources.
A Bit of Verse—His Itch for Office
Cured—A Perfect Pqem—Not^Iis
Fault—Before They Were
Boys Grown Tall, Etc.
for a bit of bright verse, the editor said,
He’d pay me five dollars or more:
I wanted five dollars’just then: so l fled
To my sanctum, and let genius soar.
wrote the bright verse,and that editor rare
Sent his check like a man for ray wit,
Vou can see the result in the bonnet X wear:
And as for the verse-this is it.
—Harpers Bazar.
His Itch for Office Cured.
Smith (to defeated candidate)—“You
don’t seem to be so tickled as you was
just before election.”
Defeated Candidate (gloomily)—“No:
I have been scratched by my friends.”—
Binghamton Republican.
A Perfect Poem.
“My dear, your mouth is a perfect
poem.” “Oh, how
can you say such a thing as
" *
that?”
“Well, it is like a popular poem, at
least. It is so widely red.”
And the matrimonial mercury fell
forty degrees. — Terre Haute Express.
Not His Fault.
Barber (to very tall customer) : “What
is the caus.e of yo’ extreme baldness, ’
Customer—t “My height; the sun burns
it off. The atmosphere in which I live,
my friend, is very different from that on
earth.”— Epoch.
_
Before They AVere Bovs Grown Tall.
Miss Grace—“Peculiar custom for a
man to wear, isn’t it!”
Uncle George—“Yes; but do you
known that at one time the men of the
United States wore dresses?”
Miss Grace—“Why, no. When was
Uncle , George—- _ When they were in .
(ants. harper s Bazar.
~ '
A , Dandy Appetite.
Tramp—“Do fodder?” you people eat this kind
ov
Benevolent Dressmaker—“Yes, we do.
Ain’t it good enough for you?”
good Tramp—“Hardly, mum, hardly. It’s
enough, I suppose, for people who
have to work for a living, but not for a
person like me, traveling merely for re
creation.”
Taking Her Seriously.
He (ou the brink of proposal) — “I
like your charming sex so much, you
know; but really, I don’t know how to
take a woman.”
She (willing to help Dim out)—“1
think I can tell you.”
“How?”
“For better or worse .”—New York
! 'Tribune. '
No Doubt. About It.
Lawyer— “Have you anv doubts as to
the honesty of Mr. Wiggins?”
Witness—“No, sir.”
lately Lawyer—“And you believe lnm ahso
truthful!”
Witness—“No, sir; I haven’t any
doubts as to liis honesty because I have
more than once proved him to be a con
summate liar.”— Time.
Full of Business.
Wife (at supper)—“Oh, I was so an¬
noyed at the drug store this afternoon.”
Husband—“What was the trouble?”
Wife—“There were six or seven ahead
of me as usual; one wanted a ten-cent
box of wafers, another an equal amount
of tooth-powder, still another five cents’
worth of tutti-frutti gum—oh, I should
thiuk with these poor trifling druggists custom.” would go
crazy such
Husband—“And what did you buy,
my dear?”
Wife—“Atwo-cent postage stamp.”—
Epoch, '
The Public School Question.
“The examination you undergo for
the position of teacher is very severe, is
it not?”
“I should say so!”
“Whit are the branches?”
“Well, to-day we were examined in
psychology, integral calculus, divinity, mathe¬
matical astronomy, polemic and Greek versifi¬
metaphysical analysis
cation.”
“Indeed! "What position are you
competing fori”
“Instructor of the ABC class.”—
Time.
A Surprise Party.
.lings—“I heard that Addle had one of
those alleged surprise parties at ids house
last night.”
.Tangs—“It was a genuine affair, I as¬
sure you.”
dings—“Oh. come oil! He knew they
were them.” coming, and had a big spread for
they Jangs—“Precisely. His wife heard
were going to give him a costly
gold chronometer, and after the party
prised ate everything him in the house they Loicell sur¬
with a Waterbary. ”—
Citizen.
Thought She Had a Bargain.
An irate woman entered a dry-goods
store the other day and accosted one of
the clerks: “I’ve come to find out what
Saturday vou mean by charging me one dollar,
and selling night, for that table spread,
Mrs. Ferguson one just I ke
it on Monday for sixty cents. Didn’t
yon say it was my last chance to get one
so cheap:”
“Vou mistook me. madam,” responded
the ready clerk. “I said it was your last
chance to get one for a dollar. And it
was, for we put them down to sixty
cent Call. s Monday morning .”—Bhilaielphia
How He Managed It.
“George,” said the young girl shyly,
“do you not find the time from Wednes
da an J* ^ ^ning drear y* until Saturday evening dull
George was a little absent-minded ....... at
th ? “XT?. 4 f d said: “ N °'. r ‘ ot «/•’
“What ” she exclaimed, . 1 “can you go
thr ee "'hole days without seeing me and
not * count the absence long:” ,
“Ah, no, darling,” he cried, “Ididn’t
ri night .8^T when c ? tch ihe y°" twilight 'lotion. begins Why to every fall
and the birds flutter to their nests, I
take a quarter gra n dose of morphine,
hypodermically administered, to seek
oblivion.”— Epoc’.
He Appreciated Her.
“It is too bad,” said young Mrs. Cook,
with big tears in both eyes, as she and
tier husband were seated at the supper
table.
“What is the matter, dearest?”
“The cake.”
“Oh, well, never mind. We needn’t
ea t it, you know.”
“But it is dreadfully discouraging to
f sobbed. in d that vour cake is dough,” she
‘
“Yes; but a little thing like that is
more than compensated consideration.” for by your rare
good sense and
“In what respect ?”
“In not trying to convince your hus
band that dough is cake. ” — Merchant
Traveler.
The Calisthenics of Vanity.
“My dear,” a fond husband remarked
the other day, “I have talked with Dr.
Mildew about your case, and so I have
you a pair of diamond car
rings.” “Oh, how lovely!” she exclaimed; and
then after a moment of ecstatic admira
tiun she udded, “but I don’t see what
this has to do with exercise.”
“Why, in the first place,” was the
answer, “you will go out more, and get
much more fresh air; and in the second,
hands you will continually yourself be putting that the up your dia
to assure
mondsare not lost; and in that way—”
She interrupted him with some saucy
remark, but his impudence was for¬
given for the sake of his gilt.—Boston
Courier.
Influencing an Arkansas .fury.
“Gentlemen,” said the Arkansas law
yer to the backwoods party, Tooling “it is a fact
that my client was caught mules. around
another man's span of But while
he mav be mistaken when he says that
he took tlio mules out of the stable to
water them, because their brutal owner
had negleeied to attend to their wants,
I tell you, gentlemen, that my client can
outshoot with a rifle any man within the
sound of my voice.”
“That’s a lie!” yelled the jury in a
chorus,
“Very well,” gentlemen,” said the
lawyer. “If you send my client to prison
you give him no chance to prove his
claims, ft you are generous and want
to see some of the best, shooting ever
done in the Ozarks you have only to ac¬
quit my client and set up a mark for him
to shoot at.”
The prisoner was found not guilty.-—
N*<a I.
A TAP AT THE DOOR.
A hand tapped at my door low down, loar
down,
I opened it and saw two eyes of brown*
Two lips of cherry red,
A little curly head,
A bonny, fairy sprite in dress of white,
Who said, with lifted face: “Papa, good¬
night!”
She climbed upon my knee, and, kneeling
there,
Lisped softly, solemnly, her little prater;
Her meeting linger tips,
Her pure, sweet baby lips,
Carried my soul with hers, half unaware,
“Into some clearer and diviner air.
I tried to lift again, but all in vain,
Of scientific thought the subtle chain,
So small, so small,
My learning all;
Though I could call each star and tells its
place,
My child’s "Our Father”, bridged the gulf of
space.
I sat with folded hands at rest, at rest,
Turning this solemn thought within my
breast:
How faith would fade
If God had made
No children in this world—no baby age—
Only the prudent man or thoughtful sage.
Only the woman wise, no little arms
No clasp around our neck; no baby charms,
.
No loving care,
No sinless prayer,
No thrill of lisping song, no pattering feet,
No infant heart against our heart to beat.
Then if a tiny hand, low down,
Tap at thy heart or door; ah! do not frown;
Bend low to meet
The litt'.e feet,
To clasp the clinging hand; the child will be.
Nearer heaven than thee—nearer than thee.
—Lillie E. Barr, in Bouton Times.
PITH AND POINT.
Not a political heeler—The
Beware, as the potter said to the clay.
wife. •A tidy fortune—An orderly house¬
Railroad smash-ups are a wreck-crea¬
tion.
South American tails—Monkeys’ ap¬
pendages.
An impecunious young man refers ■ to
his “uncle” as a very dear relative.—
Merchant Traveler.
It hurts a man just about as much to
burn him in effigy as to have his shadow
on a wall butted by a goat .—Toledo
Blade.
Nothing Simply in my hand 1 I bring,
Soaring to pheasant, my gun wait cling;
for me—
Let me get a shot at thee.
—Oil City Blizzard.
Goodfellow Philadelphia quite Girl—“I hear that Mr.
is attentive to you.”
Chicago Girl—“Oh, week.”— not at all. Philadelphia.- He only
comes five times a
Record.
“Why did you leave your last place?”
“Sure I worr “Where discharged for doin’ “I well,
mum.” were you?” worr
in the harspital, mum.” —Harper's
Bazar.
A French humorist says he has no
superstitions, and that the only fear he
ever has of being only thirteenth at table is
that there is enough to eat for
twelve.
Burton—“Paperwate must he getting
up in the world. Did you notice how
politely his tailor bowed to him?”
Bolton—“Humph! civil, The if poor he fellow
knows he’s got to be ever ex¬
pests to collect a cent .”—New York Sun.
Brannigan was injured in a railway
accident, and received from the company
a life-pass over the road in settlement for
damages. “Be gob,” said he, “it’s a
lucky thing that Oi wasn’t killed; for if
Oi had been, Oi’d have niver saved all
this money in fares.”
“Youshouldbearin mind, rayfriend,”
said the kind-hearted visitor, consol¬
do—Ido,” ingly, “that replied your loss the is bereaved his gain.” cousin “I
addressed, as he shook his head mourn¬
fully, “I cannot forget it. He had given
his note for $175, due next week, and I
am the security .”—Chicago Tribune.
Kentucky Coroner—“Yes, the papers
round upon the deceased prove that he
ivas Colonel Blood. Witness—“There
was also a quart bottle found in one of
his pockets.” Coroner—“Was the bot¬
tle full—hadn’t empty?” been Witness—“No, touched.” sir, it was
Coroner—.
“Poor fellow; he must have died with<
*>ut a moment’s warning.”— Life.
