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I STING- 'WHT.3RE X LIGHT—X LIGHT OFTEN.
VOLUME II.
ATHENS, GA., JUNE 21, 1893.
NUMBER I.
THE BUMBLE-BEE'S GREETING
I am Here at last, kiad friend, as you see,
And my name, you must knov , Is The Bumble-
Bee;
I do not come of .en, and, indeed, I may say
I come very seldom and on Commencement Day.
The last time I came was four years ago,
Since when the faculty have terrified so
The classes that they’ve been afraid to make
known
The wrongs and Injustices which they have
borne.
If you read all the articles which this rhyme
precedes,
You’ll find quite an assortment of unwarranted
deeds,
Committed by members of that august crowd,
With qualities here under mentioned endowed.
As for Boggs, he's a tyrant of so frightful a
mein,
As to be hated need3 but to be seen;
But seen too oft, familiar with his powers,
A student first endures, then fears, then before
him cowers.
But when at last from his powers the student
files,
And fears no longer to brave the tyrant's eyes,
He exposes unhesitatingly the hypocritical
■ nature
^ Of this the bootllck of the Georgia legislature.
isp,mathema't!clan of wisdom so pro
found,
That his equal on earth here can scarcely be
found,
But In his head this wisdom’s so tightly com
pressed
That it’s solidified and can’t be expressed.
At least that’s the reason the students ascribe
For the fact that they cannot his wisdom imbibe,
For. try as he will, old Dave don’t succeed
In teaching the students the math that they
need.
Some say that Dave has a deep laid plan,
Of throwing the students and then fleecing each
man
' • Who cornea to his summer school and pays out
the cash
That fills old Dave’s coffers an , pays for Dave’s
hash.
In cracking vulgar jokes.
I would not mention the fact so much
If his jokes were not so stale;
They are the same jokes cracked before the war,
When he was a student at Yale.
Proty is a unique specimen
Of the noble gunus homo,
And if put up in a county fair
Would surely take the chromo.
He’s a nervous, fidgety, half-crazy musician.
And of a little boy the proud “papa,”
But he’s a horrid infidel
And worships amphibia.
McPherson is a “rara avis,”
For he’s a “lulu” bird;
He has the most peculiar face
. Which God e’er on man conferred.
Coates is the most ignorant man
Who In our Faculty tarries,
And the reason the Trustees let him remain
Is because he’s a kinsman of Harry’s.
Harry is a society man,
And leads society here,
For he’s built on a society plan,
And for nothing else does he care.
He does not speak to Freshmen,
And scarcely ever to Sophs;
He sometimes smiles at Juniors,
But to Seniors his hat he doffs.
From this ’tis very easy to see
That a bootllck Harry is,
And the reason that he bootlicks Seniors
Is with an eye to future “ biz.”
Btrahan is a man—believe me or not—
I know It to be the case,
Although he Is a rather small
Representative of his race.
His ambitions are to go Into
Society and of whiskers to grow a pair
And take a mean delight In marking
Junior and Senior absentees from prayer.
Willcox is another little man,
And his whiskers he constantly strokes;
-.He occupies the class-room time
As for.the others, there are some, no doubt,
Who are tvorthy of being professors,
But the rest would do for tailors’ dummies,
Or, to the police force to he the successors.
AN OPEN LETTER TO PROFES
SOR BARROW.j
Dear Dave :
When the editors of The Bumble
Bee requested me to write you a let
ter and, in behalf of the students of
the University, demand your resigna-
nation, I refused ; but my great love
lor my Alma Mater and my regard
for the boys who are to come after me
finally overcame my objections. I
thought that if I could be of any serv
ice to the University in disabusing
your mind of the idea that you are a
great mathematician, patriotism de
manded me to do it. I was persuaded,
moreover, that if only you could be
brought to realize your woeful incom-
petenev as n. teacher, your high moral
sense would soon bring about your
resignation, and thus the University
would be rid of a useless and effete
encumbrance. If, then, a constitu
tional bias in favor of plain speaking
seems to conceal my kind intentions,
remember that they are, nevertheless,
really the motive power of this letter.
There are some men who have the
power of mystifying people by “look
ing wise.” They keep silent, assume
a mysterious air and give their opin
ions as if they had a source of knowl
edge beyond the reach of ordinary
mortals. The result is that most peo
ple, not being able to discover exactly I
what is in their heads, conclude that
they must be chockful of wisdom.
You, Dave, belong to that unfortunate
class. The paucity of your speech,
the numerous trips which your hand
makes across your forehead, suggest
ing the rubbing of Alladin’s lamp, and
the continued repetitions of “I think
you ought to understand that,” said
in a low voice, as if some “heavenly
light” had just streamed in upon you,
seem to testify to the existence of a
mighty something in your brain. At
the first glance we take that “some
thing” for wisdom, and go away im
pressed with the idea “how great is
the intellect of man.” But soon the
conclusion forces itself upon us that
we have mistaken wisdom for incom
petency—that the thing really behind
the aforesaid phenomena is ineorape-
tency of a most violent and malignant
type. The truth is, Dave, that you
do not possess a single qualification
for a chair in the ’Univ'crsity of Oooi*
gia. It is true that you set a splen
did example to those of us who look
at the religious part of your life. But
“that has nothing to do with the ease.”
Although a belief in the 13 Articles
may make you an orthodox Christian,
it cannot possibly make you an effici
ent professor. Faith, although it may
remove mountains, has never yet been
able to solve the problems of higher
mathematics. The “atoning blood,”
although it may blot out all your other
sinS, can never wipe out the sin of in-
coropetency. In a word, even though
you give “your goods to the poor and
your body to be burned, ” it availeth
nothing unless you have the power to
explain and elucidate your subject.
By your own admission you “throw”
more men than any one else in the
Faculty. It is notorious that you
always have more classes “making up”
last year’s work than any other pro
fessor in the University. What do
these things show ? They point to
something “rotten in Denmark.” To
put it plainly, Dave, they confirm the
fact that you are fearfully and woe
fully incompetent. Indeed, this is
strikingly patent to all of us who at
tend your recitations. Your efforts to
elucidate your subject would excite
our laughter if they did not’excite our
J
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