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THE UNIVERSITY BUMBLE-BEE.
6.
was it that advised the total aboil
tion of Literary Societies as being
utterly useless and out of date?
Who, when instructed by the True
tees to publish and enforce certain
regulations designed to revivify
the Societies, published only a
portion of these rules and failed
to enforce any? Who has allowed
those who wished to do so to re
sort to any unheard-of expedients
to avoid attending their debates
and has never inspected the roll-
book since the first month? Whose
. own sons have never been seen
within the halls of either Society
for years? To all of these ques
tions any student will answer
“The Chancellor.”
Gentlemen of the Board of
Trustees, you credit our honored
Chancellor with a great many
abilities which he does not pos^
sees, but you fail to give him
credit for astuteness, cunning and
trickery, with which he is remark
ably endowed. He has misled you
and played with you all the while
he has been steadily underhand-
edly carrying out his avowed pur
pose to destroy the Literary Socie
ties, and he has almost succeeded;
one more year of his methods, and
the Societies in which Hill and
Toombs, Cobb, Stephens and Gra
When Georgia’s glory was the pre-
But leave we Adam, we don’t care
cious store
Adam,
Of learning locked within this insti-
Whether he goes to Birmah or Siam,
tute, !
Ceylon or Hammerfest, Kamtchatka,
All unpolluted by the impious hoot
Borneo,
Of the owlet ignorance; then like a
Or on the banks of the yellow
rich light
Hoang-Ho.
Her glory shone far out into the
Let him go; perchance if he could
night,
board
And shining as a beacon on a mount,
Among the jibbering, jabbering, howl-
Her ’varsity, at once a temple and a
ing horde,
fount.
Of hooting heathens, he himself might
But now that temple’s turned into a
find
den
His tongue, and learn to talk. His
Of filthy bibkerings among truckling
mind
men,
Might grow, and in his awkward way
And her full flowing, rich wine run-
He might learn to ride, the cycle of
ning fount.
Cathay.
Is muddied at the source like that
And we m[ust leave thee Boggs, ’tis not
upon the Mount
our plan
Of Caerleon, at which Sir Dagonet
To lavish too much space on one lone
stood,
man;
And stooping, drank, and found the
Others deserve a notice and to let
draught was mud.
them rest
Oh, what a change from that which
Wi hout a sting or two would not be
once hath been,
best.
My Alma Mater—if my halting pen
Vain were our writing, vain as Harry
Gould catoh one tithe of that which
White,
man must feel,
Fruitless as thy moot parliament, so
Whene’r he sees the dear and sacred
light,
weal
Vain as thy etesian visits to the Leg-
Of what he loves turned to a ruinous
islature,
end,
Worthless as that strange, stammer-
And that by him who should be naught
ing freak of nature,
but friend—
The consul-seeking, erstwhile Captain
And could my pen but catch one only
Co. B.—
spark
If we do not devote space to all three.
Of genius’ leaping flame, ’twould leave
If I could picture to the world thy
a mark
course
Shining and scorning, blighting ev-
’Twould not take long to grant thee
^ry name
thy divorce
That gives this Dunciad both its birth
From that high office which thou now
and shame.
^^U&UlTiiU , ,..,J
genius, will be things of the past,
dead through the machinations of
a crafty enemy.
The Ox, The Iss and The Calf.
Muse of the Dunciad that didst lend
thy strain
To England's Byron and Augusta’s
Bayne,
Attend me now and help me with thy
darts
Of pointed truth to pierce into the
hearts
Of men, perchance to waken them
that sleep,
And into hidden places let them peep.
I.
Cano virumque or rather cano Boggs,
Illustrious Boggs, and one whose men
tal cogs
Are ill adapted to the sphere he fills,
And are the cause of many grievous ills.
I would that all could know him as we
know,
To see how fast his course is bringing
woe
Upon our own and once all Georgia’s
pride,
But so no more and justly. I have
sighed
To see the change wrought by the
hands of them
That should have brought but honor.
Now the hem
Of her rich garment is all trailed in
dust
Of things that waken in all men
disgust.
’Twere not so once in golden days of
yore,
“Oh, Adam, my son Adam, I would
make
Of thee a consul, so we will betake
Ourselves to Washington and see what
chance
There is to get thee off to France,
Or other seaport town. Keep up your
pluck,
Who knows what chance or fate or
luck
May have in store for thee. I’ve known
bigger fools
Than even thee to get good office
stools.
For instance, Coates. Come, don’t be
so shy;
A^ou must think you’re on the campus
as my spy.
If I had but the appointing power,
thou shouldst be
Installed in the best office under me.
That is my style; I look out for my
kin,
And when I’m in office, always put
them in.
Don’t you remember, Adam, how I
made of thee—
And all unmerited—Captain Co. B ? ”
So spake Sir Boggs, and speaking hied
away
To Washington with Adam. He did
stay
Eight days, neglecting duty all the
while, •
But what cares he for duty? That’s his
style.
When he came back he wore that wor
ried look,
Whioh told that Adam was like Riley’s
book
On “ Slavery ”—unavailable/ I^ien
wept he hard,
Did Bogg-, and in his bosom {Jain was
lord. I
And holding, lowerest. Thou hast let
the mold
Of stagnation, favoritism, nepotism
mark
Thy pathway; and with many a dark
Plot and intrigue hast wrought last
ing woe
Upon the college thou abusest so.
Hated, despised, sans influence, sans
respect,
Loved by none, and shunned by every
sect,
Save by some sycophantic craven
bootlick knaves
Who feed upon thy favoritism, and are
slaves
Tp the eye only—soon as you are gone
They are the foremost in the one sthat
scorn.
II.
Now glance we at the semblance of a
man
Who fills the chair of English; what a
ban
Must have been placed upon good men
when he
Was chosen for the place—but that
D. D.
Hitched to his name is quite a power
ful thing,
And hides a brood of follies ’neath it’s
wing.
He teaches English; yet the strangest
freak
Is that himself has not yet learned to
speak;
And by the gods, ’tis said that he
could not
Describe a dog-fight so that one would
wot
Which was the winner. And yet he
Lectures on “eloquencewhat a
travesty 1
When blind men tell us of the beaute
ous sky,
And the deaf are raptured with the
melody
That thrills in music—then can Riley’s
mind
Know what true eloquence is; for
deaf and blind
Are not more blind and deaf to sight
and sense
Than Riiey is to real eloquence.
From Morris to Riley! what a slump
was there,
My countrymen. ’Twould make Bru
tus swear,
And Thersites grin, and Timon fairly
screech
With goodly laughter, to hear Riley's
speech.
Ah, loved lamented Morris, let me now
This tribute lay upon thy stainless
brow,
Though passed away. ’Twere a pleas
ure then
To listen to thy noble teachings, when
Thou wert in Riley’s place; for thou
didst teach
The broad great fundamental rules of
kingly speech,
And truths that shown like tropic
stars—but uow
Oh, what a difference—Riley tells us
how
To wear our collar, and what we should
eat,
And how many inches we should hold
our feet
Apart, when we get up to make a
speech—
What sort of underwear is best-
each
Sort of harangue—but these
.» enough _ ; .
To show what sort of silly hyper-as
inine stuff
He bodies forth. Shades of Mirabeau,
Webster, Demosthenes, Burke and
Cicero,
Rise up and smite this huckster from
his stool
Of stuffed-up folly, to the Nadir
pool
Of death-dumb desuetude. Oh ye sto
ried rooms
That listened to the voice of Hill and
Toombs,
Stephens and Grady, now what fate
is thine
To harbor this strange maundering
divine,
Who, although not quite what we call
a fool,
Is yet unqualified to teach a oountry
school.
We say, “not quite a fool,” in deference
to that sect,
The Baptists of our sister state who
did select
Riley to grind out a book for them for
pay,
“The Alabama Baptists,” and the Bap
tists they
Will pay him two thousand, quite a
neat little sum
To pick up these dull times, and it will
come
Outside his regular salary. So you see
He has a private snap; yet he would be
Better prepared for his classes weal
If he would forthwith drop ^is Ala
bama deal
And devote his nights in a studious
way
To the lessons which he teaches the
next day.
This advice is gratis. We wish him
all luck,