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THE ATLANTIAN
19
fr
ATLANTA BAGGAGE & CAB CO.
ESTABLISHED 1865
BONDED AGENTS OF ALL RAILROADS
Telephones: Main 204-205-260-1000-4500
Railroad, Passenger and Baggage Trans
fer Largest and finest equip
ment in the South
NICE CABS ON CALL AT ALL HOURS
Baggage Checked Direct from your residence to destination.
Baggage Transferred from one part of the city to another.
When ticket is purchased request ticket agent to check your bag
gage from hotel or residence direct to destination
OFFICES AND AGENTS AT BOTH STATIONS.
AGENTS ON ALL INCOMING TRAINS.
W. C. WILSON,
President and Gen'l Mgr.
A. N. COOK,
Supt. Pass. Dept.
7^
CIRCULATION EVERYTHING.
(From Lippincott’s.)
“Aren’t you afraid you will catch
cold on such a night as this, my boy!”
“No, sir. Selling papers keeps up
the circulation. ’ ’
SO ANNOYING,
(From Sketch.)
The First Chauffeur: “I ran over
another baby this morning.’’
The Second Chauffeur: “Phew! That
was unlucky.’’
The First Chauffeur: “Yes, rotten!
Their darned feedin ’ bottles cut the
tires up sol’’
GRAMMAR AND FOOD.
(From the Yonkers Statesman.)
I’m very fond of Boston;
How much to me it means
To get some real good grammar
With every plate of beans!
But when I’m in Milwaukee
’Tis very far from fun;
The victuals and the grammar
Are never quite well done.
CAUGHT IT.
(From Judge.)
One evening last week, when 1 called
on Babette,
I found her with whoop ( ing cough badly
upset.
She said, “It’s unpleasant, now, take it
from me! ”
I did—and I’m whooping this morning,
you see.
CHANGED THE NAME.
(From The Denver News.)
Hilo: “Have you still got that pet
cat you used to call Angora!”
Bilo: “Oh, no; I had it made into
this woolly hat, so now it’s a fedora. ’ ’
AS TO SPOONS.
(From Judge’s Library.)
“So Billie Jones and Daisy Juniper
were married at last, eh!’’
“Yep. Worst case of spoons you ever
saw. ’ ’
“Well, why not! That’s the‘way it
ought to be. You wouldn’t have a case
of knives, would you!’’
“They got seventeen dozen desserts,
four dozen soups, fifteen sets of coffees,
eight dozen tables and thirty-two sal
ads. ’ ’
TOOTHLESS.
(From the Boston Transcript.)
Willie: “Pa, have you ever had a
tooth out!”
Father (unthougbtedly): * ‘ Hundreds
of ’em, my son—hundreds!”
A HUSBAND’S RIGHTS.
(From the Los Angeles Examiner.)
According to a Missouri court, a hus
band has a perfect right to spank his
wife. Sure, and he has a perfect right
to pull a lion’s whiskers if he feels like
it
GETS IT FIRSTHAND.
(From the Cleveland Plain Dealer.)
“Does your course of home reading
include the profane authors!”
“No, I don’t, need ’em. I belong to
a golf club.” •
THE WRETCH.
(From Tho Chicago Record-Herald.)
“Now that our wedding day is draw
ing near,” she said, nestling a little
more closely in his arms, “I am begin
ning to be awfully frightened. Some
times I almost feel tempted to run away
and never come back.”
“I didn’t intend to tell you about
it,” he replied, “but I frequently feel
that way myself.”
“Why, Fred! I don’t believe you
really love me. You—you heartless
wretch! I shall never speak to you
again. ’ ’
GETTING EVEN.
(From the Milwaukee Sentinel.)
J. Henry Peck emerged from the vot
ing booth with a triumphant smile.
“This equal rights stunt is a great
business,” he remarked to a friend.
Then, glancing around carefully and
drawing nearer, he whispered: “I voted
against my wife! ’ ’
WHOA, EMMA!
(From The Cleveland Plain Dealer.)
Emma Calve, greatest of Carmens, is
charged with saying: “An intelligent
woman can’t have too much freedom, be
she married or single. There is no such
thing as too much freedom for her.”
PREPARING ALGY.
(From the Brooklyn Life.)
Her Prospective: ‘‘ There are no
grounds on which your father could
throw me out.”
His Prospective: “No, not in the
front of the house, but there is a bed
of gladiolas in the back yard which looks
quite soft.”
IN THE TRUST’S HANDS.
(From the San Francisco Examiner.)
“Ma, do cows and bees go to
heaven!”
“Mercy, child, what a question!
Why!”
‘.‘ ’Cause if they don’t, the milk and
honey the preacher said was up there
must be all canned stuff.”
THE PARABLE.
(From the New York Sun.)
Stella: “Did she ask for bread and
get a stone!”
Bella: “She asked for dough and
got a solitaire.”
FIGURING ON THE RETURNS.
(From the Louisville Courier-Journal.)
“How do you think things would go
if the election were to be held today!”
“ I ’ll take that matter up later. I’m
busy now, figuring out what might have
happened if the baseball season had
lasted a little longer.”
ECCENTRIC SUBURBANITE.
(From Judge.)
* ‘ Snaggs is a most eccentric chap! ’ ’
“Yes!”
“Sure! He has named his place Pine
Terrace. ’ ’
“Well, what of it!”
“Why, he has pine trees and a ter
race.”
A DUCAL MELON LOVER.
(From the Pittsburg Dispatch.)
The Duke of Sutherland, at a dinner
in New York, praised ardently the icy
and delicious watermelon.
“I better understand now,” he said,
“a story that I heard on the voyage
over.
“This story was told me by an inter
esting Southerner. Ho said a colored
preacher in his town cried vehemently
one August Sunday in the course of his
sermon:
‘ ‘ ‘ Breddern an ’ sistern, Ah warns yo ’
against de heinous sin o’ shootin’ craps!
Ah charges yo’ against de brack rascal
ity o ’ liftin ’ pullets! But above all else,
breddern an’ sistern, Ah demonishes yo’
at dishyer season against de crime o’
melon stealin’!’
“ ‘Ch—’
“A brother in a back seat made an
odd sound with his lips, rose and snapped
his fingers. Then he sat down again with
an abashed look.
“ ‘Whuffo, mah frien’,’ said the
preacher sternly, ‘does yo’ r’ar up an’
snap yo’ fingahs when Ah speaks o’
melon stealin’!’
“ ‘Yo’ jes’ reminds me, pahson,’ tho
man in the back seat answered meekly,
‘whar Ah lef’ mah knife.’”
LITERATI.
(From the Kansas City Journal.)
“Did Algy make a hit at the literary
club!”
“I guess he did! He pronounced
‘Les Miserables’ in a brand-new way,
and then alluded to it as Victor Her
bert’s masterpiece.”
ESPECIAL ADVANTAGES.
(From the Philadelphia Record.)
Subbubs: “I believe Swamphurst is
unhealthy. Since we have lived out
there my wife can scarcely speak above
a whisper. ’ ’
Henpecke: “Do you suppose I could
find a house there!”
NO OTHER BOSS.
(From the Catholic Standard and
Times.)
“Dubley is his own boss now.”
"Indeed! I didn’t know he had been
so successful.”
“He isn’t. He’s looking for a job.”
MAKING UP.
(From the Brooklyn Life.)
“Why does that old maid use so mucii
paint.on her face!”
“She’8 making up for lost time.”
MATERNAL OPPOSITION.
From the Boston Transcript.)
Her Father: “My boy, I like you and
I want you to marry my girl. But.
have you spoken to her mother about
it!”
Suitor: “No, sir.”
Her Father: ‘ ‘ Then to make it a
Bure thing for you, I ’ll oppose the
match. ’ ’
THE CHEAPEST WAY OUT.
(From the Boston Transcript.)
He: “I told your father I could
not live without you.”
She: “And what did he say!”
He: “Oh, he offered to pay my
funeral expenses.”