Newspaper Page Text
18
THE ATLANTIAN
THE-
AMERICAN NATIONAL BANK
OF ATLANTA
Our Commercial Deparment
Affords exceptional security and service as a deposi
tory for the accounts of individuals, firms, corpora
tions and banks, and offers the advantages of all
facilities consistent with sound and conservative
banking.
Our Savings Department
Pays interest on saving deposits of one dollar and
upwards. Interest compounded semi-annually. De
posits received by mail. Open afternoons until 5 p. m.
Our Foreign Department
Is prepared to render service in all matters of foreign
exchange. Letters of credit and travelers’ cheques
issued, payable in all'parts of the world. Atlanta
representative, Tlios. Cook & Son.
Our Safe Deposit Vault
Is located on the main floor of the banking room.
Absolutely fire and burglar proof. Boxes leased at
$3.00 to $12.00 per annum.'
WE INVITE YOUR PATRONAGE
STILL HOPE.
Looks as if I’ve got to resign, boys,”
remarked the roller towel sadly. ‘‘The
Spotless Towners have got me going, I
guess. ’ ’
“Don’t be a quitter,” said the soap.
“Why, a glad-handed mixer like you
ought to be able to put up as good a
defense as Lorimer’s! ’ ’—Puck.
THE SAUCY PERSON.
“Where,” asked the female suffrage
orator, “would man be today were it not
for woman!”
She paused a moment and looked
around the hall.
“I repeat,” she said, “where would
man be today if not for wpmanf”
“He’d be in the Garden of Eden, eat
ing strawberries,” answered a voice from
the gallery.—Tit-Bits.
WHY IT IS.
“These certainly are delicious snails,”
commented a diner at a New York hotel,
as he eagerly devoured a dish of the
toothsome morsels.
“First you have eaten, sir!” politely
asked the waiter.
“No, but we don’t get them where I
live,” said the diner.
“No!” asked the waiter. “And
where is that, may I ask!?’
“Philadelphia,” was the laconic an
swer.
“Why,” said the astonished waiter,
“have you no snails in Philadelphia!”
“Oh, yes,” answered the man, “we
have them, but we can’t catch them.”
QUITE A DIFFERENCE.
“Is your Mississippi River very much
larger than our Thames!” asked an
English lady of a Western visitor.
“Larger!” answered the Westerner;
“why ma’am, there ain’t enough water
in the whole of the Thames to make a
gargle for the mouth of the Missis
sippi.” •
SHE CLASSIFIED HERSELF.
A woman with little wit sat at a public
meeting between a bishop and a rabbi.
She thought she would be clever, and
said to the rabbi: “I feel as if I were
a leaf between the Old and the New
Testaments. ’ ’
“Yes, madam,” said the rabbi, “that
page is usually a blank one.”
SHE FINALLY FOUND OUT.
One hostess who lacked tact at dinner
placed a learned and somewhat deaf col
lege professor beside a debutante. The
girl found the professor very unrespon
sive, but finally she noticed a dish of
fruit, and in desperation asked if he
liked bananas.
After being asked several times to
repeat the question her voice being raised
each ’time, attracting the attention of the
whole table, she was horrified when the
learned man riveted her with a disap
proving look, and remarked very dis
tinctly: “My dear young woman, I had
hoped that I had misunderstood your
question; but, since you persist, I must
say that I prefer the old-fashioned night
shirt. ’ ’
SHE WAS STRONG.
“A bar of soap, please!” she said to
the drug clerk.
‘ ‘ Scented! ” he asked.
“Why, no,” she replied; “1 can carry
it.”
NOR NEAR LIKE IT.
“ In my mind, ’ ’ said Puff ham, blowing
out a dense cloud or smoke, “there is
nothing like a good cigar.”
“In your mouth, too,” growled Ros-
tham, “there’s nothing like one.”
IF HE WERE NOT.
An English clergyman turned to a
Scotchman and asked him: “What
would you be were you not a Scot!”
The Scotchman said: “Why, an
Englishman, of course! ’ ’
Then the clergyman turned to a gen
tleman from Ireland and asked him:
“And what would you be were you not
an Irishman!”
The man thought a moment and said:
“I’d be ashamed of meself! ”
SHOT WITH A KNIFE.
Years ago in a stock performance of
a famous old melodrama, the villain,
Charles Wolcott, suddenly discovered that
he had left his revolver in the dressing
room. In much confusion, he fumbled
in his pocket and found a penknife which,
he figured, would do just as well for the
bloody deed. Imagine his consternation
when, after plunging the blade into the
hero’s breast, that player failed to change
his lines and screamed at the top of his
voice: “Heaven forgive you I I’m
shot!’’
IN DEAD EARNEST.
The funeral procession was moving
along the village street when Uncle Abe
stepped out of a store. He hadn’t heard
the news.
“Sho,” said Uncle Abe, “who they
buryin’ today!”
‘ ‘ Poor old Tite Harrison, ’ ’ said the
storekeeper. >
“Sho,” said Uncle Abe. “Tite Har
rison, hey! Is Tite dead!”
“You don’t think we’re rehearsin’
with him, do you!” snapped the store
keeper.
SOME OF THESE DAYS.
Some of these days all the skies will be
brighter;
Some of these days all the burdens will
be lighter;
Hearts will be happier, souls will bo
whiter,
Some of these days!
Some of these days, in the desert’s up-
springing,
Fountains shall flash while the joy bells
are ringing;
And the world—with its sweetest of
birds—shall go singing
Some of these days!
Some of these days! Let us bear with
our sorrow!
Faith in the future—its light we may
borrow;
There will be joy in the golden tomor
row—
Some of these days.
—Frank L. Stanton.
SENATOR HOKE SMITH.
A Strong Supporter of Woodrow Wilson.