Newspaper Page Text
THE ATLANTIAN
19
THE ALARM CLOCK.
It never does get tired and quit,
And strong I Sometimes—why, bless
me!—
I fear 'twill leap right on the bed
And pull me out and dress me.
—Woman's Home Companion.
THE EFFECT OF GREEN
APPLES.
The ardent swain was doing his best
to “pop” the question. She repeatedly
put him off by changing the subject, and
thus broke in upon his urgent plea: ‘ * Oh,
listen to that apple tree, how it sighs
and groans. ’ ’
He was . cross by this time, and re
plied: “Yes, and if you were as full of
green apples as that tree is you’d grown
and sigh, too.”
HIS ORDERS WERE PER
EMPTORY.
Murphy was a new cavalry recruit, and
was given one of the worst horses in
the troop.
“Remember,”, said the sergeant, “no
one is allowed to dismount without or
ders. ”
Murphy was no sooner in the saddle
than the horse kicked and Murphy went
over his head.
“Murphy!” yelled the sergeant when
he discovered him lying breathless on the
ground, “you dismounted!”
“I did.”
“Did you have orders!”
“I did.”
“From headquarters!”
“No, sor; from hindquarters.”
A LEAP-YEAR PROPOSAL.
Place two chairs at modest distance;
look him squarely in the eye.
Then begin by complimenting on the color
of his tie.
Speak of other mon’s shortcomings, how
their careless way of dress,
And the lack of refinement oft has filled
you with distress.
Lightly touch on things of moment; say
you do not understand
What a woman wants with suffrage in
this well-conducted land.
Why she yearns to mix and meddle in
affairs of court and state.
When her place is with her children,
toasting bread before the grate.
Picture all those helpless wee ones, poor
abandoned little souls,
Waving moist “Good-bye” to mothers
who are headed for the polls.
Don’t forget to tell him sweetly, though,
the subject slightly shocks,
That a woman’s highest mission is to
darn her husband’s socks;
Also be his soul companion, share his sor
rows and his cares.
By this time, you ’ll note, there’s scarcely
any distance ’twixt the chairs.
When, with surreptitious motion, he es
says to strike his nose,
This denotes capitulation; ’tis the mo
ment—now propose!
—Florence Goff Schwartz, in Puck.
&SS3
Ella—There goes the luckiest girl
alive.
Bella—In what respect!
Ella—Nothing she eats makes her
fat.—Harper’s Bazar.
r
DK. THOS. P. H1NM AN, President PAUJ. McMICHAEL, Secretary V. T. BEACHAM, Mtnafer
TAXICAB OPERATING CO.
MAIN OFFICE: 12 Luckie St. GARAGE: 112 Ellis St.
Atlanta, Ga.
Bell Phone Main 990-991
Atlanta Phone 220
SHOPPING! THEATRES!
CALLING! RECEPTIONS!
/
TAXICAB RATES
DISTANCE
Firit half mile or fraction - - - - 50c
Each quarter mile thereafter - - - 10c
WAITING
Each lix minutes ------- 10c
. HOURLY
$4.00 for first hour, and $3.00 for each
additional.
MILEAGE
When a cab is O'dered or dismissed at a
point 2 or more miles from the center of
the city a charge of twenty cents must be
rung up as extra on the meter. These
rate, are for exclusive use of the TAXI
CAB. One, two, three or four passengers
for one charge. No m-re than four pas
sengers allowed. SAME RATES DAY
OR NIGHT.
TOURING CAR RATES
7 Passengers, $5 for 1st hour.
$4 for each additional hour.
5 Passengers, $4 for 1st hour.
$3 for each additional hour.
$3.00
Special flat rates and service involv
ing return trips or continued use of
Taxicabs to Theatres, Receptions,
Weddings, Balls, Parties, etc., may
be arranged at any time.
Quality remains long
alter price is forgotten
High Class Oxfords for Men
Oxfords that are built of the best material
and expert labor. Perfect fitting foot
wear guaranteed. That’s what you get at
No. 6 PEACHTREE
CONDITIONALLY.
(From the Louisville Courier Journal.)
“She accepted me on one condition.”
“And that is!”
* 1 That she doesn’t get a better
offer between now and spring!”
WAS SHE TO GO IT ALONE?
“Ellen,” said the mistress, “I should
like you to be all dressed by three o ’clock,
so that you can receive my friends who
will call.”
“Yes, mum,” said Ellen; “but,
Lordy, mum, ain’t you goin’ to be in!”
THE DIFFERENCE.
“Why, Johnny,” said his mother, “I
do believe you’re teaching that parrot
to swear I”
“No, I’m not, mother,” the boy re
plied; “I’m just telling it what it
mustn’t say.”
HOW HE ASKED HELP.
A Georgia man whose wife swallowed
poison through mistake sat down and
hastily wrote the following message to his
city doctor:
“Dear Doctor: My wife is at the
door of death. Please come at once and
see if you can pull her through. ’ ’
THE NEW MEDICINE.
“I hear that Doctor Smith is treating
you!” asked his friend.
“Yes,” said Dobson.
“What is he doing to you!”
“Well,” said Dobson, “we chat to
gether, he writes prescriptions for me, I
tear ’em up, and I get well.”
THE TURN ON MOTHER.
“Mother, turn the hose on me,” said
little Willie, as his mamma was dressing
him in the morning.
“Why, Willie, what in the world do
you mean!” cried his alarmed and loving
parent.
“Why, you’ve put my stockings on
the wrong side out”
HE DID!
The hour was late and the young men
at the dance had removed their gloves.
One girl present, fearing for her dain
ty gown as she glanced at the moist
hands of her perspiring partner, said
shyly: “Pardon me, would you mind
using your handkerchief!”
The young man hastily drew out his
handkerchief and blew his nose.
A QUESTION OF JUDGMENT
Two men were hotly discussing the
merits of a book. Finally one of them,
himself an author, said to the other:
“No, John, you can’t appreciate it.
You never wrote a book yourself.”
“No,” retorted John, “and I never
laid an egg, but I’m a better judge of
an omelet than any hen in the State.”
THE NEW COMPETITION.
You buy your oil where’er you please
To feed the evening flame.
The oil trust was an awful tease,
Now it has kids of all degrees,
And each is mild and tame.
There isn’t any way to lose
With thirty-five from which to choose;
The price is all the same.