Newspaper Page Text
16
THE ATLANTIAN
Auditorium Pharmacy
DEALERS IN
Drugs, Stationery
Toilet Articles, Etc.
F. E. WALTHALL
Proprietor
122 Edgewood Avenue Cor. Courtland St.
Bell Phone Ivy 1531
Miscalled.
By J. D. Clark.
I am a private soldier,
Just as private as can be;
Every doctor in the army
Knows each wart I have on me.
I bathe with regiments of men,
Clothed in the altogether;
My modesty is like yon hill
Exposed to stormy weather.
My captain knows my history
From the cradle up to date,
And that my wife’s the skipper
While I’m her second mate.
So when they call me private,
It’s enough to make me merry;
For privacy I’m in the class
Of my Aunt Jane’s canary.
Professional Humorist: Don’t be
impatient, Marie; I’ve just thought
up forty dollars’ worth of automo
bile jokes, and I’ll buy you a new
hat.
“Ha! young man, how would you
like it is that pretty young thing were
your wife?”
“Well, it would be more interesting
if she were yours.”—Sans Gene (Par
is).
“Say, doc, if I told you I didn’t have
the money for an operation, would
you still think I needed one?”
Theory and Practice.
Sanders had a theory about women.
“If,” he said, “you spend a day with
a girl—go riding with her in the
morning, add a game of tennis be
fore lunch, see that she eats heart
ily; then in the afternoon take her
canoeing in the wind and the sun,
play some more tennis, and at night
order for her a man’s sized dinner,
dance until midnight, or take her rid
ing o nthe roller-coaster at Coney Is
land and have a hearty supper of
some sort, and if she still looks as
fresh and is as full of life and spirits
as when you met her in the morning,
and does not complain of being tired,
not threaten to faint, there’s a wom
an it would be wise ot marry. Her
beauty will not fade and she will be
young at forty.”
Sanders put his theory into prac
tice. He is now fifty and still un
married. C. G.
Conserving Talk.
“Mrs. Gabble and myself arc not on
speaking terms."
“Never mind, my dear. It won’t hurt
either of you to rest up a little.”
Golf is so popular simply because
it is the best game in the world at
which to be bad.—I; rom “Not That It
Matters,” by A. A. Milne (Dutton.)
Direct from Russia.
The newest Russian fiddler calls
himself Mischa Violin. The name
suggests all kinds of possibilities.
Why not, grabbing a leaf from Mr.
Violin, know all men by their call-
ins? To-wit:
George W. Newspaper.
Gregory C. Insurance.
J. Harold Broker.
John D. Oil.
James J. Playwright.
And then, of course, you would oc
casionally come across a man whom
a hard Fate had driven from one line
into another, and who would be pro-
portiontely hyphenated. For instance,
William E. Furniture-Chocolate Cara,
mels - Tar Roofing - Export - Book
Agent.
This little advertisement from the
Florida Times-Union will be appre
ciated by many absent-minded peo
ple:
Mrs. M. L. Simons left suit case
and child at some one house and una
ble to find where she left them, a
little boy by the name of t)rie Si
mon, her grandchild, i Please let her
know if any one sees it at 1202 W.
Ashley.
LET “DAD DO IT”
192 Courtland St.
The American Family Tree. • .
The American Forestry Association
has asked the people of the United
States to select, by 'popular vote,a
suitable national tree.
We venture to suggest that some of
the votes will be cast as follows:
The Bolshevist will vote for the
redwood.
The amateur distiller for the juniper
The severe school teacher for the
birch.
The chronic Brooklynite for the
rubber plant.
The bathing girl for the beech.
The baseball player for the willow.
The lady of fashion for the fir.
The susceptible youth for the peach.
The poker player for the pear.
The bellboy for the palm.
The railroad employee for the plum.
The professional humorist for the
chestnut.
I like a lord,
I like a crown,
I love the titles of renown;
And in my heart heraldic signs
Gleam with the lure of outlawed
wines—
But such fair things aren’t for me;
I’m pledged unto Democracy.
E. W. DeK.
Pollyanna Soda Shop
and
Tea Room
Grand Theatre Building
A Soft Drink Emporium
#
for discriminating people
who appreciate the best
Ice Cream and Soda de Luxe
GEO. S. COX, Proprietor