Newspaper Page Text
November, 1921
fflR atlantiaN
11
James Cafe
37 and 39 NORTH PRYOR ST.
“The Cafe DeLuxe”
Quality, Service and
Popular Prices
□
Everything New and Up
to Date
THE MORAL AND MILITANT
SNICKERSNEE.
It was a saintly Snickersnee
That stopped a movie show;
"I want that kiss abridged," said he,
“Until it measures—so.”
With demon glee that Snickersnee
Cut down the kiss she got;
Which strengthened her morality
But sabotaged the plot.
It chortled when the villian drank
A drop of something blind;
One clip—and all was soon a blank,
Just like the author’s mind.
“Bring on some tea,” the Snickersnee
In cutting accents said;
“The mildest brew will set at sea
A movie villain’s head.”
The Snickersnee swooped down upon
A strong but hectic word;
“Vocabulary pale and wan
Is better,” it averred.
“The ‘Damns’ must be,” said Snick
ersnee,
“Forever damned; avoid
All bellicose profanity
In filming celluloid.”
“No flirt, no vamp, no deadly squeeze;
No lingering embrace;
No skirt that shows a maiden’s knees;
No paint upon her face—
That’s my decree,” clanked' Snick
ersnee.
“My shield is shears and bar;
When I click past, bow down to me,
For I’m the Movie Czar.”
RESPECTING THE LAW.
Recently one of the dealers in in
toxicants who carries on his business
with some of the best people in the
city, dropped in upon one of his cus
tomers and began to display his
wares.
“I have some very fine Scotch, some
vermouth, rye, bourbon, creme de
menthe, gin and a few quarts of
champagne today," announced the
bootlegger. “What can I sell you?”
“Have you any absinthe?” one of
his prospective purchasers inquired.
“No, indeed,” responded the boot
legger. “It’s against the law to sell
absinthe."
—New York Sun.
LET “DAD DO IT’
207 Whitehall St.
A FEEBLE-MINDED FELINE.
Teacher: If a cat in a well climbs
up two feet and falls back one, how
long will it take her to get out?
Son of an Efficiency Expert: I have
little or no interest in such a cat.
—Harper’s Magazine.
A SOFT ANSWER.
New Office Boy: A man called here
to thrash you a few minutes ago.
Editor: What did you say to him?
New Office Boy: I told him I was
sorry you weren’t in.
—Chicago Herald and Examiner.
THE COMPLETE GUIDE.
These are the days of Continental
tourists and the attendant guides.
In Rouen lately a party of simple
English were taken in hand by a Mal
tese who spoke half a dozen lang
uages with equal fluency and reckless
ness. He led them into the beauti
ful forecourt of the Courts of Justice
and vociferated: “ ’Eere you ’ave,
ladies and gentlemen, all sorts of ar
chitectures—all sorts. You don’t know
nothing about it and nor don’t I, so
come on.” And on they went.
—London Morning Post.
CAMPHODINE—for Colds
Manufactured by R. G. Dunwody
INFANT CURIOSITY.
“I’ve got to go home and lick my
boy.”
“Why, I didn’t know that was done
now.’”
“It isn’t; but he’s taking a course in
psychology and he said he wanted to
know how it felt.”—New York Sun.
RATHER SKEPTICAL.
“Pa, what is an ethnographic boun
dary?”
“It’s an imaginary line, my son,
that exists largely in the minds of
idealistic statesmen, but will never
figure to any great extent in either
history or geography.”—Birmingham
Age-Herald.
DIOGENES TO DATE.
“Pa, what is the duty of a dry en
forcement commissioner?”
“To reorganize his staff every two
weeks, my son.”
—Brooklyn Standard Union.
An Attempt to Forestall Curiosity.
The Visitor (on caravan tour): My
good woman, do you live in this vil
lage?
Resident: Ay, sir.
Visitor: And I suppose you know
everyone here?
Resident: Ay, indeed.
Visitor: Well, you can just tell them
my name is Frederick Smith, and that
I come from London, where I am a
solicitor. That lady there is my wife,
and those are my two children, Thom
as and Elizabeth. We are having a
holiday and intend staying here a
week. We have hired the caravan.
Last week we stayed at Invercauldy.
Resident: Ay, sir, I kent a’ that
frae ma daughter who lives in Inver
cauldy, but she was sairly disap
pointed because she couldna tell me
whit yer wife’s name was afore she
was marrit.—Punch.
LEARNING HIS TRADE.
“Johnny,” said the teacher reprov
ingly, “you misspelled most of the
words in your composition.”
“Yes’m; I’m going to be a dialect
writer.”—Washington Star,
Taylor Brothers’
Drug Store
Prescription Druggists
“If It’s Kept In a Drug Store, Phone Us”
Hemlock 188-189.
WE MANUFACTURE OUR ICE CREAM
AND ICES.