Newspaper Page Text
TI* T T
f) h m
MARCEL’S PORTION.
A HOTEL IN THREE PARTS.
B1 S4IOY DeTAVARKS.
[■WRITTEN rXIREi^LY FOR THE ATLAjlTAHKBAl,I>. t
but'as there is no such name as her’s cm the
, record. Mr. Van Dosen must have her con
fined in gome private house. ”
“Why don’t you get the pullis to search
for her T* asked Matilda.
“No,that would not do,” he answered. “We
, have no proofs that Mr. Van Dusen has kid
napped her. She may have gone off of her
own accord.”
“No sich thing; yoa know better,” put in
Matilda.
Jeered «cordu,g to Act of CongWM. by tbe Hfbald 1 , \} d <- bllt “J “fig “ * iU . d °, } a
Ptblishino coif pant, in the office of the Libra- law, he answered, and he added, Do not be
nan at Washington. ! uneasy, I will find her yet. I am as anxious
to know where she is as you are.” So Matil
da was obliged to rest satisfied with this
[continued from oub last Sunday's paper.] assurance.
Mr. Sniff’s inherited smartness had failed
CHAPTER IX. him in this instance. When searching the
( records he had looked for the name of Ara-
' bella Laurrissini and not for her assumed
“You think me mad, but I am not,” she | one. Thus when he came to the name “Mar-
replied. “I understand all that you say. ; i e n, A.” on the books he had passed it by
Before God, I assert that I have been brougnt j without thinking it was the one Belle was
here by tbe villainy of one man.” known by to the world.
“Get up, I tell you,” said the doctor. , But during the past few days Mr. Sniff’s
“Yours is the old story. Don’t talk any non- mind had been engrossed with another sub
sense before me. Won’t you get up ?” he ; ject G f importance. The primary elections
continued, observing that Belle made no mo- j for delegate to the Pious Fraud Congressional
tion to move. “Here, John,” and he beck-; Nominating Convention in his district were
oned to a man who had followed them from i t 0 held and he was interested in the result,
the wharf, “Won’t you get up now ?" ^ Several gentlemen had addressed a letter to
Belle turned impatiently as she replied: Mr. Van Dusen requesting him to allow them
“Can you not let me rest for a few min- bring his name before the Convention for
utes?” . nominaiion, and he had given a gracious con-
“Give her a touch, John,” said the doc- - sent. It was true, he said, that he cherished
tor. no political ambition, hot if his fellow-
A sharp blew upon her shoulder was the ; citizens saw fit to make hiui their representa-
first indication Belle had of the purpose with j tive in Congress, he did not think it his duty
which the huge ruffian at her side approach- I to decline the honor. The Pious Fraud
ed. As she started to her feet, a beam of ( Consol published the correspondence, with
light from the lantern fell upon her face, re- ( editorial comments, in which it greatly
vealing her features flashed and her black eyes pra ised Mr. Van Dusen and expressed the
sparkling with indignation. She clenched j hope that the Convention would arail itself of
her small, thin hands with anger, and then i the opportunity of making so talented, up-
pressed them to her bosom. j right and distinguished a gentleman the
“Shame !” she exclaimed, as well as her ! standard bearer of the noble party of Pious
quivering lips would permit her to speak. Frauds, in the approaching coutest, upon the
••Coward! To strike me in the manner you j result of which depended the future wel-
have.” fare and prosperity of the republic, as well as
“Go in the house or I’ll let him give you the Glorious Principles of Human Freedom
another taste of it,” said the doctor. “If she 1 and Great Moral Ideas.
don’t move right off, give her another, His name having been thus prominently
John.” brought before the public, Mr. Van Dusen
Bello turned and harried towards the house. ; se t vigorously to work to make certain of a
The doctor laughed. nomination. With as much zeal Mr. Sniff
“Brought you under subjection, hey ?” he worked to prevent him. Although his family
observed with a laugh. , resided on the river, Mr. Sniff’s legal resi-
“No, but you shan’t send me mad,” she j deuce was in the city, at the home of a very
answered. “I must keep sane, come what, Christian family, to the head of which he
will.” She clenched her hands again, then paid the liberal sum of three dollars and fifty
rubbed the shoulder on which the blow had j cents per week for his board and lodging, to
fallen. By this time they had reached the say nothing of more valuable compensation
portico of tne house, the front door of which | iu the shape of his moral society, conversa-
the doctor opened with a key which he took tion and example. Hitherto Mr. Sniff had
from his pocket. : been content to remain a simple voter of the
“Principles asserted, Morality vindicated,”
said the voice of Mr. Sniff who had just ar
rived in time to hear the last words of the
speaker.
The reporter turned around and looked
upon Mr. Sniff.
“You spoke, sir?” he said.
“Yes, sir, I spoke,” returned Mr. Sniff.
“I said that in addition to what you have
named we must have Principle asserted and
Morality vindicated. ”
“Very pretty sentiments, sir,” observed the
reporter, “but, d—n me sir, they wont do in
practical life. As sure os my name is Sucker,
they wont do. Do you remember how
Reaper got appointed to high office, although
he was notoriously known as a rowdy, a pimp,
a thief and a murderer? Its merely a ques
tion of policy, sir. Why, d—n me, it' we
were to rake up every mau’s character when
he appeared as u Candidats we would not find
men enough to fill half the offices in the re
public.
“Itmay be so among the Repeaters,” said
Mr. Sniff, “ but I am happy to know that the
great majority of the Pious Frauds are men of
high moral characters. There are some bad
men among us, I admit, and it is because one
of them has dared to appear before us as a
candidate that I am here. I recret, my friends,
then refilled his glass, drank its contents, j “Read what it says on that card. I
pulled a note book out of his pocket and j believe my eyes.”
throwing his legs on the back of an adjacent Mary Jane reads.
c , t ir ' looked at Mr.^ Sniff. Elderly lady goes off in a dead swoon,
* " e 7 r f, begm, he said, puffing his cigar , murmuring incoherently about divorces and
and watching the smoke as it escaped from alimony,
his mouth in wreaths. “I may as well tell you
that the lady directed me to receive*fifty dol- YET AN0THEB -
lars from you.” 1 The urbane postman halts in front ot a
bmff moved uneasily m his chair and pretentious-looking three-story edifice. No.
that I cannot support Mr. Van Dusen.
the father of daughters—small, it is true, but j name correctly
still daughters—I cannot agree to support the j you SDiff ?”
seducer of Innocence.” j Mr. Sniff intimated that such wa
“You are a Jackass,” said a voice at the spoken by the editor,
door, which all recognized immediately as “ Is your full name Ezekiah Sniff
that of Mr. Greenmount. Mr. Sucker.
For Heaven’s sake, polite reader, do not j
blame the writer of this veracious history for I
all the profanity and rode language indulged
in by sundry characters herein described. It
must be borne in mind that the author did
not create the society of the times. If Brown,
Jones and Robinson choosed to utter impolite
words, I cannot be held accountable for them.
Besides, Brown, Jones and Robinson were,
and are, distinguished members of society—
men of noted respectability, whose social cir
cles were of the very highest character.
When, therefore. Mr. Greenmount declared
Mr. Sniff to be the animal mentioned in the
foregoing lines, no person present accused
him of impoliteness. All merely glanced iu
the direction of the door.
“ You are a greater fool than Sucker here,’'
continued Mr. Greenmount, pointing to the
seedy looking reporter. “What do you
know about Mr. Van Dusen’s character ? He
is as moral a man as auv of us here.”
“I assure you he is not,” said Mr. Sniff*.
But the editor cut him short, saying, as he
gave a pull at his saspenders:
Shut up, man ! ** then, addressing the del
that he was a filthy beast, took another glass
of lemonade and prepared to leave. As they
issued from the lager beer saloon, Mr. Sucker
ran after them and caught Mr. Sniff by the
arm.
“ You most give me your name,” he said.
“As you are the only opponent of Mr. Van
Dusen it will be necessary to publish your
name and remarks.”
“Not for the Consol, Sucker,” interposed
Mr. Greenmount, “I won’t have a word of
his remarks published. His opposition was
disgraceful and unpatriotic. He has made a
fool of himself enough without adding to it
by publication.”
“But there’s the Repeater, Mr. Greenmount,”
said the Reporter, “D—n me, Mr. Green
mount, there’s the Repealer, you know.”
Mr. Greenmount polled at his suspenders
and turned away in disgust.
“There now,” he said to Mr. Sniff.
“haven’t yon made a nice mess of it?
Couldn’t you keep your infernal nonsense to
yourself? Of course it will all go into that
nigger hating paper, and a fine row there will
be. I always thought you a fool, Sniff*. ”
“But, Mr. Greenmount,” that gentleman
began, “it is a question of mo—” j Sucker never breaks his word. Here’s I puts fresh caps on it, and at the appointed
Here Mr. Sucker suddenly interrupted ■ the article, 111 read it to you os it is written.” j time may be seen slowly pacing up and down
llim * 1 [to be continued in next Sunday's PAPER.] j ? eaT the corner of Eighth and Olive, watch
ing out for some fellow to drop a hand
kerchief. Tne tellow who sent the card
t as a joke, slides around the corner, catch -
es a glimpse of the irate hnsband
INCIDENTS OF THE CHEAP DIFFUSION OF INTEL- chuckles to himself, and leaves
licence. for down town. Husband paces up and down
until near nine o’clock, when finding that he
From the St. Lonis Republican. was attracting the attention of the police,
That new device of Postmaster General i and the consciousness that he is sold begin!
Creswell, tbe postal cards, went into circula- ; ning to dawn upon him, he skulks off home
tiou yesterday. As they have beeu somewhat I by another street, and says nothing to any-
elaborately described in the Washington ! tody. There is no tableau,
special dispatches for the last several weeks, ! Mr. Cresweli’s ingenious but simple device
it is not necessary to go into particulars here. ; for the cheap diffusion ot iutelligenceiswork-
Besides, nearly everybody has seen them, and ing admirably. Black mailers, deadbeats
knows how to describe them himself. But for ; and divorce lawyers contemplate the postal
a general description it might be said that' cards, and visions of gold harvests shimmer
Mr.
looked at the door.
“ Don’t be afraid,” said Tom, laughing, “ I
don’t intend to rob you. D—n me, sir, I’m a
gentleman, every bit of it.”
“You cannot expect me to pay you money
without knowing for what,” remarked Sniff,
somewhat assured by tbe manner of the re
porter.
“Of course not,” returned Tom, stretching
out his arm and reaching for the bottle.
“But 1 like to have these little things under
stood. No work, no pay. Besides which I
actually lost a handsome sum of money by
not publishing the facts. I wrote out a quar
ter of a column about it for the Repeater, but
I couldn’t send it op before I saw you. D—n
- W~ n avenue. The'head of the
family brushes past him and starts up the
steps. Postman hands him a package of
letters and postal cards. Head of family
glances at them and sees one addressed to
the wife of his bosom. Turns it over and
reads:
Ht. Louis, May 17.
Dearest—Meet me at half-past seven this
evening, corner Eighth and Olive streets.
Will drop a handkerchief for signal. Wear
heavy vail. Yours till death. B. B. B.
Husband crushes postal card in his clench
ed hand. “Ha !” he ejaculates, “this is the
way of it, is it? I’ll take a hand in this bus
iness myself.’.’ Then he goes into house, and
me, sir, I’d pledged my word to the lady and ! resurrects his six-shooter and loads it, and
iom feucker never breaks his word. — :a .a . ^
n toe, sir,” said he, “did I hear your ■
Did Mr. Greenmount call .
the name \
asked
Postal Card Jokes.
“ It is. But why do you ask ? ” returned
tbe Moral Man.
“ Why, d—n me, I've been looking for you
these five weeks.”
•* I cannot imagine what you can need me
for. I never—”
“1*11 explain,” said Mr. Sucker, taking him
by the arui and dragging him along, greatly
to Mr. Sniff’s astonishment. When they had
Teached the corner, Mr. SuckeT halted and
confronted his companion.
“This is too public a place to talk to you,”
he said. “We must go somewhere else.
Suppose we go to the Bohemian’s Shades—a
first rate, very respectable barroom, I assure
you.”
“Sir,” returned Mr. Sniff* severely. “You
must excuse me. I never visit those places
of sin and degradation. Even the house we
just left was only entered by me because I
had a solemn duty to perforin. If you have
any business with me, sir, please to state it
here.”
“Can’t be done,” said Mr. Sucker, shortly.
Whatever people may say of Tom Sucker,
they never will sav he spoke about a lady’s
in the sunlight of their graceful imaginations.
There is not a particle of doubt that these
cards will prove valuable as advertising me
diums, and for sending brief messages of a
business or social natnre which are not con
fidential. But the avenues to fraud, black
mail and scandal breeding are too numerous
to be compassed within any bounds except
egates, he went on: “ It is time to organize. I business iu the open street.”
call the Convention to order.”
The convention being called to order, the
Damdutch laid aside their pipes and glasses
‘Take her to No. 12, John,” he said. Pious Fraud ticket, no political aspirations j with a sigh, while the other delegates assumed
“Wait a minute,” said Belle, placing her ever entering bis heart. Now he astonished ! an attitude of strict attention,
hand upon his shoulder ; “I wish to say some- his friends and the politicians by announcing
thing to you.” He stopped and gazed upon himself a candidate for the office of delegate
her. , i to the Nominating Convention. It so hap-
3ooner or later I will be taken from here,’ ; pened that the election precinct in which he
she continued. “When I am gone, if you
ever hear that anything h&s befallen Henry
Van Dusen, make up your mind that I have
taken my revenge for the blow you caused to
be given to me. Rest assured, too, that I
won’t harbor a hard thought against you for
ail the indignities I may suffer while here.
You are a poor hireling—a mete tool. I look
upon you with contempt. It is your master
I have to deal with.”
A loud laugh, ringing through the narrow
ostensibly lived was the residence of a large
number of particularly religious Pious
Frauds, most of whom were members of the
same church to which he belonged. It was
quite natural, then, that they should rally in
support of so eminently correct a man as Mr.
Sniff. It was a gratifying evidence of Un
creased purification in politics, when he
would announce his intention to actively take
part in the preliminary contest.
^ _ Mr. VaQj Dusen was much annoyed when
hallway, interrupted her at this moment, j he learned of Mr. Sniff’’s purpose, as he telt
Looking in the direction lrom wbenee it came,
she saw the head of a man thrust through
a small opening of a door on the right side of
the hall near the further end. His face was
in a broad grin, from ear to ear.
“I am the .King of Clubs,” he said, laugh
ing horribly. “Come beauteous creature,
come to my arms ! Oh, goddess of my heart,
oh, Queen ot Trumps, you are as lovely as
an angel ’ I’ll bet ten dollars on my hand
that before the break of day von are standing
certain that gentleman would oppose him.
He was too politic, however, to openly express
disapproval, although he quietly marshaled
his supporters in the precinct to elect a dele
gate pledged to vote for him. But the friends
of Mr. Sniff were too strong for them. They
rallied to the standard of jSniff' and after a
sharp struggle succeeded in electing him
their dellgate.
On the evening for the convention to meet,
most of the delegates assembled in the rear
on your bead, shuffling a deck of cards, with j room of a very respectable lager beer saloon.
— u:a *” Although the great body of Pious Frauds,
the four aces hid in your bosom
“Take me away from here for God's sake,” \ throughout the country never drank any-
exclaimed Belle. “This is terrible.” thing stronger than water, yet they were
As they walked past the door, from which ! compelled to show a certain respect for that
the womans’ head protruded, he burst out national weakness of their Damdutch allies,
into another peal of wild laughter. \ which exhibited itself in a fondness for a
“You’re a dead beat,” he said. “A regular beverage known as Lager. As these worthy
dead beat. I dare you to stand up like a man j naturalized citizens would never meet in
Mr. Jonathan Peak was unanimously chosen
chairman, and Mr. Spiegel secretary. It so
happened that Mr. Spiegel was unable to read
and write the English language with propriety,
so he walked to the table before which Mr.
Sucker had taken a seat and asked that gen
tleman if he would record the proceedings of
the Convention.
Mr. Sucker rose from his chair, placed one
of his hands gently on tbe shoulder of Mr.
Spiegel, and led him aside.
“Certainly, with pleasure.” he said; and
then placing his mouth near the ear of Mr.
Spiegel, he whispered, “Perhaps you haven't
such a thing as a five dollar bill about you ?”
Mr. Spiegel intimated that he bad several
five dollar bills about him.
“D—n me, then,” said Mr. Sucker, “Can’t
you lend me a five for a few days. The fact
is, between us, I’ve beeu dissipating lately and
am somewhat short. That ballet girl at Leg
A Lady!” exclaimed Mr. Sniff, “Good
gracious, me ! Can it be —” and be stopped
and looked fall in the face of his com
panion.
“D—n me if I didn’t,” he replied, nod
ding. “Very important information. Shall
we take a walk to the Bohemian Shades ?”
Mr. Sniff hesitated for an instant and
finally acquiesced. The two then walked
down the street until they reached a plain
brick building, with baize doors concealing
the interior from public view. A transpar
ency being up in front revealed the words
“Bohemian Shades,” while the clinking of
glasses and loud laughter from tbe interior
told what business was carried on inside.
Mr. Sucker pushed the baize doors open and
entered, followed timidly by Mr. Sniff, who
had taken the precaution to unhook his watch
chain from the button hole of his vest and
conceal it, together with his watch in his
pocket.
A number of young men were seated on
chairs, or standing before the bar drinking,
smoking and chatting. All seemed to be
well acquainted with Mr. Sucker, for as soon
they are designf d for the distribution of intel
ligence among the masses at one-
third the usual rate. You can write
almost anything you please on a postal
card, so that it isn’t too long—that is
to say, the article that is written. But there
are some things which do not read well on a
postal card. Take for instance a large board
ing house, where the landlady takes care of '■ the range of a sinful ingenuity.
the mail until the boarders call for it. This j
sometimes makes the diffusion of intelligence ~ ~
among the masses a trifle too diffuse for com-, The Devil.
fort. The postman comes to the door with i
an armful of postal cards. The landlady re-! extracts from the recent pastoral of
lieves of the burden, goes in and sits down bishop elder, of Mississippi.
and begins to sort them over for the various
boarders. Ireseutl} she strikes one which] “Three thousand three hundred years ago,
reads thus: ! ft people among the wealthiest of the known
^T- Louis, May 17. world had some methods of conjurations, by
My Dear Theoph. Come to-night at half- j which they believed they could converse with
past ten. Side gate open. Bull dog chained , the spirits of the dead, and learn things from
up in the basement. Light in the window | them which were not otherwise known. Al-
for you. Yours sweetly, E. B. L. | mighty God condemned this ‘seeking truth
Landlady tarns to the other side of the , from the dead’ in the same sentence with the
card. She reads the superscription: barbarous superstition of passing children
bare’s, Dansitti—you know who I mean— j as that gentleman entered a dozen voices
cost me five hundred dollars last month.” 1 greeted him.
The able secretary hesitated. j “Hallo, Tom, got through? ’ asked one
“Look here, d—n me,” continued Mr. Suck- . pale faced young man, twirling the few daring
Mb. Theophilus Mufflecheek,
No. 12. 975 Hash Avenue. City.
Landlady rests her cheek on her left hand
and muses passim. Landlandy solus: “Well,
now did I ever? Who’d a thought that Mr.
Mufflecheek was that kind of a man ? Came
here, too, with the highest references from
his last place. Pays his board regularly
every Saturday at tea. Belongs to our
church, too.” [Reads again.] “Half past
ten—dear me, and I always thought he
went to bed regularly at half past nine.
Bull dog chained up in the basement !
Well, I never! I’ll keep a little watch of Mr.
Mufflecheek. I’ll expose him before tbe
church.” Then she draws a long sigh, and
proceeds with another card: [Reads. ]
St. Louis, May l 1-
Sir— I have now waited four weeks for the God.
through the fire. He pronounced both prac:
tices to be abominations; and declared that
these and other sorcerers were the cause why
He had sentenced those people to be utterly
destroyed, and given their enemies power t o
accomplish it. (Deuteronomy, c. xviii., v. 9
12.)
“These ruins of old abominations men are
now rebuilding among us, and boasting of
them as new discoveries, and triumphs of
progress.
“St. Paul called the devil ‘the god of this
world who has so blinded the minds of un
believers that the light of the Gospel of the
glory of Christ may not be seen by them.’ (2d
Corinthians, ch. iv., v. 4.) And now we see
the forbidden intercourse with evil spirits
erected into a religion as the worship of
I am reporting this convention for both
papers—the Goram Daily Repeater, (fine pa
per that, twelve dollars a year, invariably in
advance,) and the Pious Fraud Consol,( rather
flighty and eccentric, but widely circulated.)
You need a good notice. Shall I say that our
popular fellow citizen, Hans Spiegel, perform
ed the duties of Secretary with his accustom
ed ability ? Nothing like a good notice, you
know. One is worth a fortune.”
Yer veil, you keeve goot notise den,” and
balance on that suit of clothes. I need the
money. Must have it Monday.
Yours, Nimbleneedle.
Turns to the superscription and reads:
Mr. Jerome R. Sunflower,
No. 13,975 Hash avenue.
“ Well, if ever I heard the like in mv life!
ou his face to hare supplied the first speaker j Mr. Sunflower is such a nice gentleman: And ! devilTus"'their‘vastly superior ku^wl^e of
and one or two others, with ample beards , he uses such elegant perfumery. Let me see: | the R ot their e lem ents to work their
By this time several of the young men had | he owes for two weeks board Told me this : mHl ‘ ce Thev can do thi of course botb
surrounded Mr. Sucker, wmle the others were | morning he was expecting a check from home. I men and evi f spints , onlv , mder the permis _
sion of God and within the limits allowed bv
hairs that condescended to appear on his up
per iip.
“Just in time, Tom, to take a drink,” re
marked another individual with enough hair
“Should we wonder; then, if God did allow
the devil more influence over the affairs of
• men, and more power to use the storms and
flames with which he is familiar ?
“As bad men can use their knowledge oi
the nature of gunpowder, steam and poison
• : for the injury of their neighbors, so can the
looking at Mr. Sniff with an air of puzzled ] I must go to his room and see how much baj
curiosity.
Who the deuce is that old chap?” whis-
and play me a square game of poker. No solemn conclave unless each man had a jug i Mr. Spiegel drew from his capacious pockets J pered one to Tom. “Where the deuce did you
stocking the deck though. One dollar blind of beer before him, and as the district in j a roll of bills and handed a five dollar one to j pick him up Tom? He looks like a Presby-
and five hundred limit Hands called, seen, question contained a very large number of j the reporter.
Money up. Say,” he screamed after her, “I’ll i Damdutch supporters of the Pious Frauds, j “Let’s to work,” said Mr. Sucker, quickly
marry you to-morrow, my girl, and I’ll kick j who had sent nearly one-half of the delegates i stowing tho bill away. They accordingly re
the life*out of you in the evening. Say, what ! to the convention, it was deemed advisable * " ' “ * ** s *
a leg vou have!” i not to insist upon the hall of the Puritan
He went on speaking, but Belle heard no * Prayer Meeting Society as the place in which
more of hia words. She had reached the end to hold tbe convention. Indeed, I have an
of the hall, and was conducted along a pass-, idea, from all than can be iearned, the Dam
age which connected the bailding for male ! dutch had previously given notice that unless
lnnatics with thst in which the insane women the convention was held in the lager beer sa-
were confined. At the end of this passage , loon of Herman Smetly, they would not par-
was a flight of steps which the keeper ordered ticipate in the primary election. The fact
her to ascend. On reaching the landing she * was that two years previously the Total Ab*
saw a long corridor with rooms on both aides, stinence men got control of affairs and select-
When they reached No. 12 the keeper stopped, j ed the Puritan Prayer Meeting Society Hall
“Go in there” he said, throwing the door ; as the place for convening. The evening be-
0 p en> i ing excessively warm and the Damdutch ex-
She entered, the door was closed again and ; ceedingly thirsty, (as they always appear to
locked, the footsteps of the keeper died away j be), a considerable quantity of iced water
and she found herself alone. j was consumed in the absence of lager.
Through a small window, protected with ! Unused to such cold draughts, and to their
iron bars, far above her reach, the moon- 1 great disgust, the unfortanate Damdutch
beams straggled into the room, giving just j were all attacked by violent cramps in their
enough light to distinguish objects with. The 1 stomachs and were only cured by each man
apartment was quite small and the furniture drinking forty-one glasses ot* lager before re
turned to the table, before which they took
seats, and then the proceedings began.
Mr. Greenmount nominated Mr. Van Dusen
as the candidate of the Pious Frauds for
Congressman from th« district.
“This,” began Mr. Sniff, rising from
his seat, “This is the very first time I have
had occasion to oppose the distinguished ed
itor of the Cousol. I have the greatest possi
ble respect for him, as I cannot help having,
after reading his journal every day, except on
Sundays and legal holidays, when it is not
published, for the past fifteen years. But Mr.
Greenmount is not personally acquainted with
the candidate whose name he has proposed.
Shall we send to Congress the violator of our
daughter’s chastity ? You are all aware that
I was once in the service of Mr. Van Dusen.
Why did I leave that service ? Because, as a
moral man, as a father with daughters—small,
it is true, bat still daughters—because as a
terian preacher.’
“D—n me, gentlemen,” said Tom, “you
must excuse my joining you just now, as I
have some particular business to transact with
this gentleman. This is Mr. Sniff, gentle
men. Mr. Sniff, allow me to introduce you
to a few members of the press. Clever fel
lows, Mr. Sniff*, d—n me if they aint?”
One by one the members of the press ad
vanced, puffed a cloud of tobacco smoke in
Mr. Sniff' ’s face and shook him by tbe hand.
He bore the infliction with the air of a mar
tyr tied upon the stake, and when it was over
mildly suggested to Tom, who had taken a
drink in spite of his previous declination,
that he was not accustomed to late hours and
would like to hear what he had to say.
“Pardon me, I almost forgot,” said Tom,
who then addressed the barkeeper. “Bill, let
us have a private room and send in for or
ders.”
The rear of the bailding was divided up into
little apartments, into one of which the two
gentlemen were led. They were followed by a
' ; Him.
gage he has. Dear me ! folks are so unac
countable.” Comes to another. Reads: ] _ . , ..
Ml- DEiE Sprig gins—Just deposited four .“Some persons think they see an increase
hundred to your credit in the Twelfth Nation-
_ f _ . „ member of the church, and, in a word, be-! yonng man who served as a waiter, and who,
scanty. A single bed placed upon the floor, tiring to bed. As they coaid easily obtain cause, as a Pious Fraud, I could not con- j after they had taken seats, requested to know
with but a single sheet and one pillow, with- the remedy without having to suffer from the ! tinue my connection with a man whose social | what they would have.
out a pillow case, lay near the door. Oppo- ] malady, it was firmly resolved upon that the j life is better fitted to the society of the slave- ] Have ! ” said Mr. Sniff, much surprised,
site to it was a bench nailed to the flooring, same hall, or any other like it, should never i holding aristocracy than to the society ot a ] “Good gracious—” but Tom cut him short,
while a tin cup which hung suspended from be used again. Thus it came about that a. | State in which the advocates of human free- \ “I’ll give the order,” he said, gravely,
a water pipe that jutted from the iron, com- Congressional Nominating Convention of i dom, virtue, honesty and morality are even’“Let’s see,’ he continued, reflectively,
pleted the contents of the apartments, except-; Pious Frauds was called to be held in the j recognized among Pious Frauds, as alone de-
ing only a few pegs on which to hang clothing rear room of Smetly’s Lager beer saloon. 'serving of elevation to positions of
on the back of the door. The apartment was a largo one, occupied ] honor and trust. I will not charge
“I will beat him yet,” she muttered as she I by several round tables around which were ' Mr. Van Dusen with being an immoral man,but
sat on the bench. “I will get out of here pi* ce d chairs. Before the first, seated on the I do assert that facts have come to my knowl-
yet. If the worst comes to tbe worst my I chairs were nearly all the delegates to the i edge which make me satisfied that he is not
brother shall know where I am and then he convention. A clear majorty of them were proper person to represent our glorious
*" ~ " ' * organization. I therefore introduce the name
will take me out.” ; Damdutch, as was made evident by the
Alone, in a mad-house the sane woman sat ^ number who smoked pipes with enormous
with maniacs slumbering on their scanty beds , bowls, and quaffed the red-brown contents of
on every side of her. And the most singular huge glasses, which were replenished by
thing in connection with her confinement^ active waiters as soon as* they were emptied,
was that, although she lived in a land where i The Temperance delegates were distinguished
freedom reigned supreme, the power of Mr. j by them sitting before three tables near the
VanDusen’s money was potent enough to place window of the room, apart from the Dam-
her where she was. Such cases as her s were dutch. All of them were engaged in conver-
common enough in countries where a titled nation, as well as iu drinking lemonade,
aristocracy ruled, but the millions who shout- which the barkeeper assured them contained
ed until they were hoarse, in praise of tbe nothing more than lemon, sugar and water,
best government the world ever saw, did not j but the odor from which was strongly sugges-
believe them possible in their own glorious j 0 f gin.
republic. Standing almost iu the center of the room
I regret to record it, but it is a fact that j W as a needy looking individual with a roll of
even the incorruptible press of Goram never | paper in one hand, a glass of lager in the
even alluded to the order lor Belle’s confine-! other and a large pencil stuck behind his ear.
ment in the asylum. Two enterprising re- He was of medium height and was quite
porters had obtained all the facts in the case, thin.
but they wrote nothing about it, and as they j *‘D—n me, gentlemen,” ho said. “I’m a
soon after appeared on the streets dressed in j Repeater and I don’t care who knows it, but
brand new suits of clothes, it is not uuchari- j do assert that you cannot nominate a better
“ At Vf_ T' - TA TT. ; A
table to assume that Mr. Van Dusen had “seen”
them.
CHAPTER X.
man than Mr. \an Dusen. He is your strong
est card. Of course we will boat him, but he’ll
come nearer to an election than any other can-
! didate you can put up.”
j “Perhaps,”;rejoined one of the temperance
me. van dusen is nominated i*or congress delegates, “it would be more advisable to
in spite of mb. sniff’s opposition. ( keep your advice for Repeater Conventions.
In spite of the most careful inquiry several | **P-—n me. No, sir,’^ answered the seedy
weeks passed by and Mr. Sniff con Id learn
nothing about Belle. Luckily Matilda had
charge of her wardrobe and money, and
three months rent was paid in advance lor
the apartments her mistress bad occupied,
so that the good soul was not at a loss for
means of support. What, with visiting Mr.
Sniff and the Convent at which the infant was
placed, the time passed with her less slowly
that it wonld otherwise have. She was, of
course, very uneasy as to Belle’s whereabouts.
“I tell you,” she said at her last interview
with Mr. Sniff, “You mus’ fine mv missis.
Taint no use fooling ’bout this way.'
“My good woman,” replied tbe gentleman,
“I wish I could find her. I am doing all I
can to ascertain where she is. I had a no-
of Mr. Jeremiah Sanctity as a candidate.
Mr. Greenmount thought that Mr. Sniff was
making an Ass of himself. All that was
charged against Mr. Van Dnsen was nothing
more than a Repeater Lie, which Mr. Sniff'had
heard told and eagerly swallowed. They
could have no better man than Mr. Van Dusen.
He belonged to one of the oldest Dutch fami
lies in the State, and was certain to be elected
if nominated.
“D—n me if he is,” muttered Mr. Sucker
iu an audible tone, from the table.
Mr. Hofenzeimberachtsuilz. a large, big
bellied Damdutch, with a huge beard that
concealed the greater part of his face arose,
took a whiff of his pipe, puffed the smoke
from his capacious jaws, swallowed half a
glass of lager, and twirled his mustache.
“Et tont mokes mooch teefrance,” he said,
“eel te shentlenian’s tone wrongs. Py tarn !
ve alls toes wrongs ! Blentv oter vellers toes
wrongs too. Poot Herr Van Dusen ees a
Tootchmans, Meester Creenmoun jest tells us.
All ns Yarmans votes for him, py tarn I”
Mr. Hofenzeimberachtsnitz here gave a
grunt, breathed heavily and took hia seat.
All of the other Damdutch gave grunts,
breathed heavily and said, “Yaw, be toes,
py tam!”
A vote was then takeu and the first ballot
looking individual, holding out his glass to
be refilled. “As a newspaper reporter, I am
interested in the result. It is a question of
public importance. D—n me, gentlemen, as
a member of the press, you know, I must be
excused if I give advice. ”
It was a pleasant weakness of this press re
porter that he was always asking people to
damn him.
“I repeat,” he continued, “that Mr. Van
Dusen is the best man you can nominate.
Why, d—n me, you need money to oarry this
district with. Mr. Van Dusen has all you
want. Yoo need a man who can get votes
from the opposition. If Mr. Van Dusen can
not, no other man can. What else do you
need.”
al. Draw on me at sight for the balance.
Yours, B. W. K.
Turns to the superscription and reads:
J. Deadafield Spbiggins, Esq.,
No. 13,075 Hash ave., City.
Gracious me! How much like Mr. Sprig-
of this power for evil, at the present time, in
the number and grievousness of the disasters
which mark our day. Whether this be so or
not, we have reason to fear God’s special
anger in our times, because indifference to
God is a marked characteristic of the present
day. * * *
The same God who created the material
gins' own handwriting.that is. Singular that j world and the iaws which govern it created
the two persons should write so nearly alike. als0 the minds of men . and it is H e who. in
Let me see. Mr. Spnggms told me he ex- j cac jj successive age, gives men the power to
peeled some money to-day. | discover from these laws of nature just as
Enter Sprigging Good afternoon, mad- , juach as He pleased to let him know, and
Landlady—“Here is a postal card for you.”
Sprig—“Oh, yes.” [Reads to himself.]
‘That’s all right. By the way, madarne, have
you money enough in the house to cash a fifty-
dollar check? It’s after banking hours, and
nothing more. In our generation God has
been lifting the curtain a little higher than
before and men are learning something more
about the elements and their mode of action.
But with too many, instead of being thankful,
they have only grown conceited—and set
I just received a telegram from Kansas City, j aside God himself and His teachings as be-
and must go on the night train.
Landlady—I’ll go right away and look in
my bureau drawer. 1 reckon I can accommo
date vou. [Landladv returns with a roll of
bills.]
neath the notice of scientific men.
“It %wonld not be strange, then if God
should confound their ingratitude and pride
by letting the evil spirits have greater free
dom to destroy their works and baffle the in
Sprig—Here, I'll just include that three i ventions of their science. It is not our place
weeks' board in the check and make seventy- | to say that He will do so, but it is the place of
five. Balance will be fifty. i all who fear and love Him to offer Him repara-
Landlady counts out fifty, which Sprig j tion for this spirit of pride, by showing in
thrusts into his vest pocket, goes up stairs, I every way the opposite spirit of humble faith
gets his valise and starts to catch the train for and childlike trust in Him.”
Kansas City. Landlady will discover to-mor-1 The safeguards urged by his eminence are
What shall we take ? The weather is too
warm lor whisky. Jim, bring us a bottle of
sherry, some ice, and half dozen genuine Ha
vanas.”
The waiter disappeared and presently re
turned with the wine and cigars. These, with
a platefull of ice, two glasses and a spoon, he
placed on the table.
“You can leave, Jim,” said Mr. Sucker.
The waiter retired, closing the door after him.
As soon as they were alone Mr. Sucker put
some ice in two glasses, uncorked the bottle,
and pushed it betore Mr. Sniff.
“ Help yourself,” he said.
“I never drink wine,” replied Mr. Sniff',
sitting erect, and looking very serious.
“Tamperance, hey?” remarked Tom.
“Poor doctrine, Sir! Why, d—n me, there
was Charles Bhyrn, one of the best descrip
tive reporters in city. He joined a Tem
perance Society, Sir, and what was ihe con
sequence? The very next summer he drank
so much iced water that it gave him cramps
and took him off. Wrote two sticksful about
him in the Repeater. Poor Charley ! Killed
by temperance! I)—n me, if I ever will be!
No, Sir, I'd go without my meals,” continued
Mr. Sucker, filling hi? glass and pouring the
contents down his throat. I'd go without
clothes rather than do without my bottle of
wine or so after dinner. Fact.”
Mr. Sucker spoke truly, but he quite omit
ted to mention that on a majority of days the
bottle of wine he drank was a pint of very
weak French concoction sold at the moderate
sum of fifteen cents.
“Best Sherry’ iu town” he went on nodding
in a friendly maimer to Mr. Sniff. “So you
resulted iu favor of Mr. Van Dusen, the fig- j don’t drink ?” Well, perhaps you smoke. Try
ures standing Van Dusen, 32, Jeremiah Sane- j a cigar.” And he shoved the cigars over be-
tity, 4. On a motion to make the nomination j fore lighting one himself,
unanimous, three delegates who bad voted for Mr. Sniff declined. He never smoked.
Mr. Sanctity agreed, but Mr. Sniff declared ! “Why, d—n me !’ exclaimed Tom. “Don’t
that he would never consent to have his name i smoko either? Good God, Sir ! how do you
recorded as having voted for Mr. Van Dusen, j live? Neither drink nor smoke? Excuse my
who was consequently declared the nominee bluntness, but if you are a married man, I
row that the similarity between Mr. Sprig-
gins’ handwriting and that on the postal card
isn't such a singular circumstance after all.
It only cost Spriggs one cent to raise the
wind. These postal cards aTe an incalcula
ble convenience to the toiling masses.
A VARIATION.
Postman rings at a modest looking
prayer and good works, but especially those
external forms cf prayer which manifest the
Catholic faith, before men and devils, i. e..
the use of the sign of the cross, holy water,
beads, scapulars, medals, holy relics, images,
Agnus Deis, etc.
[This pastoral of Bishop Elder is but the
merest drop from the bucket of Catholic mys-
T a * a o a • i j tic theology. The poliev of the Church is to
Locust street. Servant girl comes to be i id the t abje c,. gurding everything eon-
door. Postal cards for the master of the ; in it ag i sort % { m * hc , Me komvl-
house, who has only been married a couple ! d £ nd the priegt cr the bishop neTer
ol years, hervant girl delivers the postal (lr « ws frQm (be a i ocumulated experience of the
cards to young wife. \ oung wife reads: _ Charch „ cept wben he ha8 a
^ T - Lous. May 17. a spirituai “patient” needing such treatment.
Dear Joe—^ ill be at the corner Twelfth | This is certaiulv an extraordinary pastoral.]
and Pine, hack, halt-past nine. First-class 1 r ,, « 1_
party of boys. ^ Be ou hand, half-past nine, j The questions of immigration. Radicalism,
sharp. Wake’em op. O. K. and State debt have so flostrated the Wilming-
Young wife lavs down the postal cards and ; ton (N. C.) Journal that it gets quite angry
elevates her eve-brows. Mr. Cresswell’s cheap ! over them. It says it greatly prefers the peo
for Congiess ot the Pious Frauds, by 28 ma
jority. A committee was then appointed to
inform Mr. Van Dnsen ol his nomination,
after which the convention adjourned subject
to the call of its presiding officer.
As tbe Damdutch delegates resumed their
lager and pipes, the temperance men, includ
ing Mr. Greenmount, who hatad the smell of
tobacco, and hAd already told one delegate
pity your wife and children. I positively
couldn’t write a decent paragraph without a
cigar in my mouth. D—n me, sir, I usually
import my own cigars. Miserable stuff they
do sell hero for Havana’s.
“But” suggested Mr. Sniff’ “It is getting late.
Will you be kind enough to explain what lady
you have anything to tell me about.”
“Certainly, in a moment.” Mr. Sucker
method of diffusing intelligence has let
flood of new light in upon her mind.
Young wife, solus: “So this is tbe club, is
it ? Riding around town in hacks all night,
with a party of first-class boys. Oh, dear,
oh, dear!” Then she weeps copiously aud
sighs deeply. She will go home to her moth
er the very next day! Sbe never was so
wronged and outraged in her whole life!
Weeps again passionately, and seeks the
camphor bottle. Young husband, all un
conscious, comes home to supper. Tableaux.
ANOTHER.
; Postman ambles up tho front steps of an
! imposiug mansion at No. place. Col
ored boy opens tho door aud receives postal
card addressed to the dignified elderly gentle
man who owns the premises, and pretty much
all the other premises iu that vicinity. Elder
ly wife sees the postal card. She has never
seen one before. She takes it trom the col
ored boy and reads:
“St. Louis, May 17.
Mr. : Please bring home my rol>e de
nuit, and take away that horrid man’s night
shirt you left.
Marx C
At this juncture the elderly lady makes
vigorous preparations to swoon, and calls for
her maid to bring her a fan and the smell
ing bottle.
Elderly lady to waiting'maid—“Mary Jane,
can you read ?”
“Yes’m.”
pie now there to any other that can come, dhd
while it admits that immigration is much
needed to develop the vast resources of the
State, it declares that whether it comes or not,
it is certain North Carolina “will never pay a
dollar of the fraudulent so-called obligations
imposed upon her, except at the point of the
bayonet.”
The dread ordeal before a New Jersey can
didate when he presents himself for examina
tion at West Point, is thus set forth by the
Hackensack Republican: “Then his eye-sight
will be tested at near and far range, and for
color blindness. Then he will be os culated
(sic) to prove that he has no latent heart-dis
ease. aud he will be percusstd to show that
there is no tendency to lung complaint Then
each joint and each bone will be reviewed,
and he will not be passed unless he is found
to be a perfect specimen of the human ani
mal. ”
Prince Edward’s Island has at length con
sented to join the Dominion of Canada. The
island is to have six representatives in the
Canadian Parliament, besides supporting the
expensive and useless machinery of local gov
ernment. The colony held out* long agaiust
the pressure for annexation, and it is under
stood that some of the influences which
proved so effective in Nova Scotia were
brought to bear in Charlottetown. New
foundland is still independent, but it is ex
pected that she will soon follow the example
of her sister island.