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Laughter A Curative.
Where does water resemble a gym-
oast? Where It makes a sf ring.
“Misery may like company, bat I’d
rador hab de rhumatls in one leg dan
to hab it in bofe.”—Unde Gabe.
The following ominous “Notts” is
posted up in a Texas saw mill: “Don’t
munky with the buz saw when in mo-
shun.”
The Medical Journal wants to know
“What is life without health?”
Pshaw, man; that’s nothing. What
is health without lift ? Answer that
and go up head.
“Where is you hired now, Matildy?”
“I’se working now for de most respec
table, high toned folks in Austin. Dey
am well fixed, shure.” "Has dey got
silberware, audsioli!” “I should say
so. Dey has eilber tin pans, and de
oopperbiler am pure gold.”
A rather elderly darkey was inquir
ing of a policeman if he knew any
thing of his son Pete. The policeman
told him that there was a young
darkey in the lockup for breaking up a
prayer-meeting with an axe-handle.
“Dat’s him !” exclaimed the overjoyed
parent. “Ho told me he was gwine
to 'muse hisself.”
On an Opera Coupon.
A bit of card that’s black and blue
Remlndeth me, alas, of you I
It shows me, as this cold world goes,
How heaven opes, then oomes to close,
Yon smiled, and I, In glanceR c&ugl-it,
For thee and me two tickets bought,
The opera o’er, a smile for me—
This coupon’s all that's left of thee t
A matter of words: “Jedge, can’t a
man git a divorce from a mighty
tmmodis ’oornan?” asked a oolored
gentleman of the chief justice of Ar
kansas. “Is your wife Immodest ?”
“Yas, sir ; de unmoddis’ ’ooman ebA
yerself eber seed.” “Wbat has she
done to show her lack of modesty ?”
“Why, salt, she stole a dollar from
me yisterday.” “That wasn’t im
modesty ; it was theft.” “Yas, I sees
now. So dat’s what yer call it? Well,
I reckon I’ll hab to come back wid
anuder ’dictment.”
*
Religious Opinions.
It is said that the International Sun
day school lessons are studied by 15,-
OOO.OQO children.
The Kirk Street Congregational
Church, of Lowell, Mass., has voted
to ‘■jail the Rev. A. C. Dickinson, of
Po^kland, Me., a3 pastor, at a salary of
$$600, with a four weeks' vacation.
The Rev. L W. Bacon, pastor of
the Park Church, Norwich, ConD.,son
of the late Rev. Dr. Leonard Bacon, is
to tender his resignation, to devote his
time to the preparation of a biography
)fMs father, and oth* r library work,
ini has been faring rather hardly
[he Schottish pulpit, if all stories
[■e true. One minister in Forfarshire
reached ^war sermon in which he
leelared that “if he could lay his
lands on the rebel he would, with the
greatest pleasure, hang Arabi over the
^centor’s pulpit.”
’clergyman wr tss to The London
fandard complaining that the people
'of t he poorer London parishes have
their marriages solemnized in St.
George’s, St. Paul’s and other fashion
able churches. He says that such a
practice is revolutionary. Perhaps it
is ; but It is very certain that the loss
of fees is the real grievaiyje of this
parson. No clergyman has ever been
known to complain, if the people go
elsewhere, or rather, are taken else
where, to be buried.
Some Ritualist wishing to throw
odium upou the Low Church party,
caused the following circular to be
^distributed in the town of Walditoh,
England: “Christchurch, Walditoh—
There will be a special thanksgiving
for the complete victory of the Church
Association in the reoent decided ap
peals and for the continued imprison
ment of the Rev. 8. F. Green. For
this once only the church will be dec
orated with flowers and full choral
service employed. ‘Let him rot In
goal.' Protestants of Brldport, oome
iu your thousands; and by gifts of
money, etc., support the worthy vicar
In his crusade against Ritualism and
all other forms of error.”
The English Bishop of Exeter has
recently, as the Americans would say,
“ put himself on record ” On the ques
tion of marriage with a deceased wife’s
sister, which in England is illegal.
He remarked that he had for years
held back from this question in order
that he might give it the fullest poasl-
jle consideration; but after giving
ary weight to all that had been said
~ the present movement, he
it
would be wrong to alter the law. Re
ligiously it was wrong, because the
spirit of the Bible was opposed to It;
and morally it would be wrong, be
cause it would withdraw a protection
that now existed to the pi rtty of
family life. If the relaxation of the
law was allowed with regard to a de
ceased wife’H sister, very soon men
would be inquiring why they might
not mat ry niece or stepdaughter, and
the whole thing would lead to tempta
tions of a serious character in relation
to family life. He also objected to
men being permitted to marry nearer
relations than women were allowed to
marry. This is the argument known
as the “ entering wedge,” and as a rule
is too flimsy to be used by intelligent
men. Great questions of ethics are
not so decided.
Domestic Economies.
Sidney Smith’s Winter Salad.
Two large potatoes passed through kitchen
sieve
Unwonted softness to the salad give;
Of mordant mustard add a single spoon ;
Distrust the condiment which bites so soon -,
But deem It not, thou man ol herbs, a fau t,
To add a doable quantity of salt,
Three times the spoors with oil of Luoca erown
\nd once from vinegar procured from town.
True flavor i, c ecis it, and your poet begs
The pounded ye.low of two well-boiled eggs.
Let onion atoms lurk within the bowl,
And, scarce suspected, animate the whole ;
And lastly, on the flavored compound toss
A magic teaspoon of anohovy sauce.
Then, though green turtle fall, though venl-
son’s tough,
And ham and turkey are not boiled enongh
Serenely fall, the epicure may say,
‘•Fate cannot barm me, I have dined to-day.”
Soapsuds from the laundry is the
best thing f r house plants, as it fertil
izes as well moistens.
Copperas mixed with whitewash, or
pulverized and sprinkled about cel
lars, barns and places Infested with
rats will banish them.
A dressing for salad made of the
yolks of raw eggs, stirred with oil,
musttrd and vinegar, until it becomes
of creamy smoothness and rlohnega,
is much belter than using hard boiled
eggs. Add salt, black, and just a dash
of red pepp. r.
An acid that will brigh ten tarnished
brass by simply dipping the brass into
the Tquidand then rinsing it in water
is made as follows : A bath composed
of nitric acid mixed with an equal
volume of water is used. The brass
must not remain more than a few
moments in the dip, and should be
well rinsed in running water immed *
diately after removing from the aoid
liquid.
The lovers of good coffee can have a
delicious beverage by using Maracaibo
and Java, equal parts of each, finely
ground. One large cup of ci flee, one
cup of cold water, one well beaten egg,
mix thoroughly, add four cups of cold
water and place over the fire. After
it reaches the boiling point, allow five
minutes to finish the process ; strain
and s irve immediately. This seems a
very simple process, but in the hands
of a sei vant,if allowed to boil too long,
would be easily spoiled.
Many ladies buy the fine damask
towels which are imported and have a
design outlined across the ends, to he
worked in overcast stitch in coarse red
thread, and when completed the stuff
is cut away so that an elabu; ate open
work embroidery is the result. Or a
style of work.knowu as the “Holl ein”
is introduced. This is simply touohed
over the woof^f the damask iu cross-
stich, and the pattern is made by intro
ducing different colors and working
them into a definite design, which can
be varied to suit individual taste.
Furniture Polish,
A. Messer, of Berlin, claims to have
prepared the best furniture polish in
use. He dissolves three kilos of shel
lac In from fifteen to twenty litres of
alcohol, mixes this with 100 grams of
of gun cotton dissolved in as many
grams of high grade sulphuric ether,
to which he adds fifty grams of cam
phor and enougli 90 per cent, alcohol
to d-ssolvs the mass. This polish is
fineiy rubbed up with linseed oil. To
100 parts of it, five parts of
a saturated solution of camphor
in oil of rosemary are then added.
Aviry dilute solution of benzole is
used for polishing off.
The Turk and the man wWc ^teps on
a banana skin nave muoh In common.
For instance, they both sit down with
out calling for a chair. The motions
of the Turk, however, l»ok energy
and enterprise as oompared with those
le mi
Field and Farm,
Itsmloal.
A Massachusetts firm convert- 8000
bushels of apples into cider daily.
The aggregate corn crop, it is esti
mated, is 1,800,000,000 bushels.
A single pea bean planted in Har
mony, Me., produced 657 beans.
Every portion of the oleander bush
—leaf, flower, bark and root—is deadly
poison.
The annual cheese product is about
400.000. 000 pounds, and the butter pro
duct 1 200,000,000 pounds.
The London News says that Europe
must buy 793,000 tons of meat, and
345.000. 000 bushels of grain abroad this
year.
A Missouri sheep-grower advises
breeding from polled rams. The ani
mals, he says, fight less, are never fly
blown around the horns, are more con
veniently sheared, keep easier and
grow larger. This is his opinion after
nine years experience.
Geraniums of the Zonale section
may be kept through the winti r in a
dormant state by hanging them up in
a dry, cool cellar, free from frost. It
is a better plan, however, to bury the
roots In sand or common garden soil.
They need not be watered.
An experienced pear-grower prefers
Bartletts for profit. Their only draw
back is a tendency to blight, but they
pay for themselves and for new trees
to put in their places. The Bartlett is
not the highest flavored pear, but good
enough to be always profitable.
Open ditches era a relic of the past.
Drain ti’e not only carries of the water
effectually but enables the fields to be
cultivated without the necessity of
building crossings over ditches. Ditch
es get filled up, and become the harbor
for weeds, insects, mice and other
vermin.
A successful amateur says : I trans
plant pansy plants early in October in
a small bed, and cover them with a
frame and two old window sashes.
Here I can otherwise protect them and
get a supply of flowers nearly all win
ter. The sashes are always opened on
mild days to give air.
Nitrates are largely produced in soils
by theaotion of a living ferment, says
Sir J. B. Lawes, on the nitrogenous
organic matter and ammonia; nitrifi
cation takes place chiefly in the upper
layer of soil, and is greatly favored by
the presence of water and by summer
temperate re.
An eminent horseman gives it as his
experience, after twenty years of trial,
that a tired horse can be best refreshed
and strengthened by giving him a
quart of oat meal stirred in a pail of
water. This fits its stomach for strong
er food, slakes its thirst, and is infi
nitely better than pure water.
The fuchsia should have a period of
rest, during which time it will drop
its leaves, and when at rest water
sparingly. If the pot is plunged in a
shaded situation it will not req uire any
watering during the summer; or, if
the plaut is in flower all summer, put
in a warm, dry cellar until about the
•st of March.
The best mulch for strawberries is
potato vines spread thiuly as soon as
the ground is frozen. They afford suf
ficient protection during the winter,
but by early spring r re so rotted away
that they do not interfere with plant
growth. Another important considera
tion is that they contain no weed teed.
As a remedy for hog cholera, a cor
respondent of the Journal of Agricul
ture recommends a half teaspoonful of
carbolio acid in a gill of milk. This
remedy, he states, has be*en successful
in every case, and not only cures but
stops the spread of the disease. It is
administered from the mouth of a
long-necked b< ttle.
The rows of bushes and trees whloh
have grown at random and frequently
line roadsides and luslde fences are
rarely either useful or ornamental.
Let any farmer who lias these adjoin
ing any hoed crop calculate what they
cost him in a year, and then decide
whether he can longer afford such a
feature.
Poultry manure Is nearly equal to
guano, an4 the value of the quantity
annualiyilerived from a single fowl is
about 50 lents, fully one-half Jfeeost
of the lied. Five hens will make
about oMe barrel of manure, and on
farms \«>re large numbers of poultry
are ^epRhe importance of this faot
should not be overlooked. Every
ounce «ould be saved.
Thu Agricultural Epitomist says that
nineilen out of twenty farmers In the
killing,” but it should be remembered
that the very best results, both as to
economy and as to quality of meat, are
only to be obtained by making the
process as quick as possible. It is all
important in this maiter to “push
things.”
Writing of the wonderful butter
record said to have been made by
“ Jersey Belle, of Scituate ”—twenty
five pounds in a week—a sarcastic
critic says : “ There is a good deal in
knowing when to weigh. Butter can
be worked just enough to make it look
dry and hold together on the scales,
and still be 25 per cent, watt r and but
termilk. Tuat s the time to weigh for
a big record.”
Take any old barrels, set them in
the ground, the chine just coming to
the top of tue ground (no head in
either end of the barrel). Into these
headless barrels put beets, turnips,
cabbages, etc. As the weather grows
cold cover the barrels with some ioooe
boards. Whenever it is cold enough
to freeze hard throw over them enough
hay or straw to keep out the frost.—
Western Agriculturist.
New England poultry shows are as
common as agricultural fairs, and
there should be exhibitions every
where. In consequence of the inter
est thus taken in poultry the annual
sales of pure-bred fowls in that section
amount to a large sum. Just at this
season of the year the fowls are shed
ding feathers, but about Christmas the
shows will be in full operation. There
is room here fer something of that
kind.
The Wichita (Kan.) Eagle says that
W. L. Mullen has had on exhibition
at that place a heifer which, for eize,
eclipses anything yet heard of. She
is creamy white, of perfect form, and
weighs 3000 pounds. She measures
seventeen feet from nose to tip of tail,
ten feet in girth and stands seventeen
hands high. She is simply a magnifi
cent beauty. She was raised in Cow
ley county, that State, and is four
yet.rs old.
A correspondent of the Country Gen
tleman takes a sensible view of the
value of large or small potatoes for seed.
Hia opinion is that there is no differ
ence in any respect,except the fact that
the large potatoes furnish more nour
ishment to the young plants at the
beginning. For sandy soils he recom
mends the planting of whole tubers
without cutting, afterward thinning
out all the plants in the hill to a single
one.
HAlways select good ears of corn for
seed—the best you can find. Take
them from stalks bearing two or more
ears. “ A perfect ear,” Bays the Ameri
can agriculturist,“ has all rows perfect,
a small butt end, the cob well tipped
out with grain and covered with husks,
the kernel uniform and well ripened.”
The careful selection of ear3 is one of
the ways of improving the quality
and Increasing the quantity of future
crops.
Dr. F. D. Curtis says American
farmers do not resize the possibili
ties of turnips, and says they make
flesh and promote growth to a much
greater extent than chemists’ tables
would teach us. He says they came in
excellently as a supplementary crop,
and that a patch of turnips to turn into
in October, when stock is frequently
allowed to roam over the fields and
pick up a scanty substance, would be a
boon to both farmer and animals.
soon will
find ton
Where Smoking is Always
Allowed.
It is s range that a people so scrupu
lously polite and so thoroughly con
trolled in all their movements by the
iron hand of etiquette sbould not only
tolerate but encourage some of the very
things which the laws of English and
American society positively prohibit,
nays a # 8axony correspondent of the
Chicago News. But it is custom which
determines what etiquette is and is
not. In Saxony it is not impolite to
smoke In the society of ladles; not
any more than it is to carry a cane or
wear a watch. 8moking is allowed in
many of the first-class theatres; smok
ing is allowed usually after the first
part of the fashionable concerts. Smok
ing is allowed at the dinner-table in
the fashionable cafes and clubs. The
Saxon ladies are accustomed to tobacco
smoke and pay no attention to it. It
is not polite to smoke in a private
house until you are Invited to do so,
but the Invitation comes along as natu
rally as the request that you be seated
on a chair or sofa. At the evening re
ceptions and parties no smoking is
allowed—that is, not In the company
rooms, but there is a smoking camber
or a veraudaor balcony close by,where
gen tl erne
Grave of the Author of “Home.*
Sweet Home.”
Near Carthage, in a lonely spot
rarely visited, sleeps a wandering
minstrel of our times, whose one im«
mortal song has been heard every
where the English language is spoken.
Like the roving singers oflovely Prov
ence, many times he had nothing but
his harp. John Howard Payne was a
gay Bohemian, extravagant in taste,
lavish in expenditure; living much
too much “ ’mid pleasures and pal
aces,” yet with a vein of sadness down
deep in his heart. He died while
holding the office of Consul, and a
plain marble slab, sent out by the
Government of the United States,
marks the grave of the homeless man,
sixty years a wanderer on this earth,
the author of “Home, Sweet Home.”
One winter be was without money
or credit, and In London had not
where to lay his head. He tried to
quiet the pain of hunger and home
lessness by looking in at wi ndows and.
from the areas scenting good cheer.
It was Christmas Eve, the snow fell
fast, the wind was sharp and keen.
At one luxurious house the hungry
man stopped and watched the light
ing of the Christmas tree. Its candles
streamed brightly on the pavement,
and among the evergreens he could
see red berries of holly, the toys and
garlands, and the pretty heads of chil
dren. They danced and clapped their
hands while the presents were dis
tributed, and the air rang with shouts
of laughter and screams of delight.
When the merriment had spent itself
a little, one young girl went to the
piano and struck up “Sweet Home,”
while the family joined in a rousing
chorus. Was ever contrast so bitter "f
1 have this from Mrs. Consul General
Heap. Payne told it to her long after
those evil days were passed.
A Pleasant Medieval Berough.
Mr. Henry Armstrong, medical of
ficer of health for the city, gave
a history of Newcastle (Eng.) from a
health point of view. Having
regard to the many difficult sanitary
problems to be dealt with, he urged
that it was necessary to remember the
extreme antiquity of the borough. Iu
the thirteenth and fourteenth centu
ries, epidemics, which lasted from
one to three years, occurred In the
borough. In the time of James I. so
little regard was had to cleanliness,
that the “dunghill” within the castle
precincts “had increased to such a
size and bigness that it was In length,
ninety-eight yards, the depth of it
was ten yards, and the breadth of it
thirty-two yards,” some 27,000 tons of
filth having thus been allowed to ac
cumulate. In the seventeenth cen
tury the great piague was one of
eleven epidemics; it alone caused 7000
deaths, and it led, by the almost com*
plete desertion of the town and port,
to a ruined trade and wasted treasury.
Even in 1853, at the date of the then
prevailing cholera epidemic, it is re
ported that the town so abounded In
narrow yards, lanes and “entries,”
that in one district alone there we r®
streets exceeding a mile in length
which had an average width of some
four feet only. Since then rapid pro
gress has been made; and although
muoh remains to be done, yet the re
duction of the yearly death-rate per
1000 by ten in as many years, and the
diminution in the same time of ty
phus to one-fifth of its prevalence in
the period immediately before, are
matters of congratulation and tangi
ble results of good work effected.
Underground Telegraphy.
An underground telegraph system
between Paris and Marseilles is nearly
ready for use in France. From a de
scription by Iron, the English Journal,
it appears that the pipes are laid at a
depth of more than a meter and a half,
and chambers for facilitating repairs
are placed at about every 500 meters;
they resemble large cast-iron caldrons
with covers, and have apertures
receiving the ends of the two plj
whioh they connect. Every 100 me
ters the pipes are united by cast-lr<;
couplings, which will permit of
speoting and repairing the cable; _
the joint between each pipe is mi
with an India-rubber washer or U
collar.
for
In the Scherff process for preserving
milk the milk while fresh is inclose
in glass vessels and heated by stea
for from one to two hours to a te
perature of 100° to 120°. All ger
fermentation are thus destroyed,
caseous aibuminoida are peptonize
that the gastrlo juices can easily
gest the finely divided fli
of disease froi
i tiering