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THE ATLANTA GEORGIAN AND NEWS. SATURDAY, MAY 4, 1907.
MIRANDY ON GETTING INTO SOCIETY DOROTHY
DIX
A
£ { \ WOMAN died do odder day
In a lunatic asylum what
jHf jrjnt crazy becase
she couldn’t butt In 'mongst do fo hun
dred of Joplin, Missouri,’ said Ma’y
Jane to me las’ night,
“’Bless Gord, L spons I. ’she didn't
have far to go. Dem women whut has
got de society bug runnln’ ’round loose
In delr bonnets shorely am mighty close
neighbors to de home for Incurable Im
beciles an’ de feeble-minded.’
" ’Hits natural,' says Ma’y Jane, whut
Is mighty uppity herself, ’hit Is natural
for one to long to mingle wld de bes’
.people.’
" ‘Humph,’ says I, nobody ain’t layln’
awake of nights tryln’ to flggcr out how
dey can git fomileries wld de bes. peo
ple. Hits de wust folks dey Is pinin’ to
know, an’ be seed takln’ by de button
hole.
“’When Sis Luclndy, whut Is a
Mother In Israel, am a human angel,
If dere Is slch a fowl, sends out In
vitations to a pra’f mootin', dere ain't
no scuffle 'monggt de community for
de privilege of de front seat. But when
Sally Ann Perkins, whut Is knowed to
have money in de bank, an’ de habit of
swappln' husbands, lets It out dat she
Is gwlne to give a shindig, Cslks falls
all over delrself to git a bid to it. Tit
Sis I.urlndy Is de salt of do earth,
an’ Sally Ann Is de scrapln's of de
pot.’
“ 'There’s bound to be grades In so
ciety,’ says Ma’y Jane.
’’ ’Maybe so. spons I, ‘leastways dere
Is. Sis Hannah Jane, whuts got a Imi
tation sealskin coat, looks down on Sis
Mlnervy, whut ain’t got nothin' bet
ter dan a wool Jacket, on’ Sis Mlnervy
turns up her nose at Sis Salony, whut
wears a shawl, an’ wheA Sis Salony
passes Sis Harriet, whut ain't got noth
in’ but a red flannel shirt to her back,
' she sights at de telefoam Just for fear
she'll happen to notice somebody dat
ain't In her social set.
" ‘Den Sis Hannnh goes off by herself
an’ apptnts herself a social arbiter, an*
bein' sorter ’frald she'll git snubbed
herself, she begins to snub odder folks
fust, an' de nex' news you knows she's
runnln' de upper circle, an' folks is
breakln’ delr necks to git axed to her
parties an' have de honor of puttin' up
de money for her church fairs.
’“Dats de way dat society Is run.
Across de wnter In Europe dey tells me
dat de qualification an' de password to
get In Ib blood, an' a fambly tree.
’Course dat wouldn’t do hero, where do
blood Is red Instld of blue, nn’ mos’
of do fambly trees ain’t nothin’ but
saplfns dat ain't strong enough to hang
on to, but, bless de Lfcwd, hit don’t take
nothing' In dls country to make you a
high roller but money, an* gall nn
nervo, an' we can moke de one. an’
Is born wld de odder.
’• ’De gate of hope Is open to any
body wld de plunks, no rpntter how
dey got ’em, but de funny part Is dat
folks Is dat craxy to git Into n place
dat Is all gav an’ no fun. an’ when dey
knows dey Is gwlne to be kicked out
de mtnnlt dey looses dey money purs’.
For dere ain’t never no trouble In
measurin’ yo' place In society—hits dls
edzartlv ns big. nn' high, an' wldo as
yo wad Is.
’• ’Tit dat knowledge don’t hold no
body bark, an' de mlnnlt a man makes
any. money his wife an* his daughters
begin to sorter make eyes at society,
an’ wonder whut Is de easiest wav to
bus’ In an’ git- to know dose dat don't
wart to know dem. Some do hit one
way, an’ somo segasuates In by anod-
der, but which ever way dey goes dey
has to pass through de toll gate an'
pay delr way.
‘■’Yes. I-awd. ef hit wam’t for de
folks dat's willin’ to pay to know dem
whut dey has always lonkejJ up to, I
don’t know what would become of de
chu’ch an’ de orphan asylums, an’ sech
Ink. Some of us dat sets In de nmen
corner would have to dig down In our
pockets nn’ shell out some contrlbu
tlons ourselfs.
“’As hit Is, when we need some
money for do good work. Sis Hannnh
an’ me gits our bends togldder an’
says In one nnudder dat wo 'specs dat
we belter give a Ice cream supper, an’
make dem women whut Is dyln’ to bo
axed to one of Sis Hannah’s small on’
hongry parties give de Ice cream an’ de
cake. . ...
“’Dero's Sis I.uellen, whose husban'
has des been made de foreman of de
ahop whnr he works.’ says I.
“Til drop In to see hen' spons Sis
Hannah, nn’ tell her dat she’s ’plnted
de chairman of de finance committee
along wld de leaders of de mos' exclu
sive set In de chu'ch. an' dat’ll fetch
her for three cakes an' two gallons of
Ice cream, shore.’
’"An’ dere’s Sis Violet,’ I goes on,
'whose husban' Is a boss plasterer an’
gits live dollars a day.’
“‘J'll make her do head of do com-
mltteo to borrow spoons.' says Sis
Hannah, ’an’ dot’ll glvo her de chanst
to go Into doors dot she Itched to en
ter, an’ she’ll think hits a privilege to
contribute nil de sugar an' de milk dat
we needs. I tell you. Bis Mlrandy. hits
our Christian duty to extend de hand
of fellowship wld one hand to dese
worthy an’ aspirin’ women, whilst wld
de odder hand we takes away delr
pocket-books for de sake of charity.’
••■Dat’s so, Sis Hannah,’ f spons, ’an’
fu’thermo’ hit’s n savin’ to us. for I
don't know nothin’ dat comes cheaper
to a society woman dan to glvo a ba
zaar.' But de blcssln’ of do Lawd Is
upon hit. for de new rich dat Is tryln’
to git Into society Is a eraT dat never
fans.’
drink dryed up. But Mlnervy Suo
wouldn't believe me. She shut de
kitchen do’ an’ lit de parlor lamp, an'
when society f.,unil out dat dcro w.-irn't
no refreshment upon Mlnervy Sue's
convention dey stampeded over to
whar Carllnc Jones was a-buyin’ In
wld fried lstcrs an’ coffee, an’ ham
sandwldgcft
" ’An'-dat’s de way hit goes, an’ why
anybody wants to waste delr money an'
wear delrselfs to a frazzle to be no
ticed by folks dat only notices dem for
de way dey can wuk ’em, beats me.
What makes anybody want to bo vlslt-
DORO.THY DIX.
“ ‘Amen,’ says Sis Hannah.
“O', course, de way Into society by
way of de_chu'ch—an’ hits funny how
quick folks dat gits money changes
from bein’ deep-water Baptists an’
shoutin' MethQdlBts to bein’ 'High
Chu'ch 'Fiscopatlana nn' stiff-backed
Presbyterians—Is de cheap road. Do
odder road Is de feedln' road, an’ hit
comes high, but ef you Is got de price
lilt's de swiftest. But you got to keep
a-goln'. Tou dassen't stop.
"I mind when Mlnervy Sue's husban'
got kilt by the cyarg, an' Mlnervy Sue
came In for damages an’ Insurance
mopey until she felt dat rich dat she
begun to think dat Heaven hud called
her to bo a high-flyer In society, Be-
In’ a smart woman. Mlnervy Suo took
a short cut to popularity by giving a
supper ev’y Sunday night wld chicken
flxln’s an' watermelons, an* beer, an’
slch lak dainties, an' hit warn't no time
ontel what Sis Hannah calls do allte
of de neighborhood was to bo found
a-gorgln’ deyselfs ev’y Sunday night at
Mlnervy Sue's. -
“At last she got sort of wearied In
well doln,' so to speak, nn’ felt dat she
hod got dat secure In de fold of so
ciety dat she could drop out de feeds.
“’You better not had,' says I. ’Hits
mighty risky. I ain’t see nobody ketch
any mo’ Ash after dey throws away delr
bait.’
"’I have you know. Sis Mlrandy,’
spons she, ’dat I’se made my callin' an’
election shore In society, an' I’ll be
sought after des for myself.'
" ‘Humph,’ spons I, ‘society Is on de
make, uff you won’t ketch hit goln’’
when de grub’s played out, an’ de
ed by Sis Hannah whut Is a fat-hatded
ole woman os dull as a clam, an' dat
nobody would notice cf she warn't do
leader In de chu’ch?
“’She represent styly society dat
ev'ybody's strugglin' to git In,’ spons
Ma'y Jane.
“’De mo fool den, they,' sclalms I.
“’All de same, goes on Ma’y June-
oort pj wistful. ’I wish we had a aris
tocracy In dls country wld lovely coats
of arms.'
'■ ■Well,' spons nJ, ’ef dey did he mos*
of us would sport’s shield wld a wash-
tub Couchant an’ a pick an’ spado
rampant on hit.' ’’
MHMMHIMI
• OMSIMMHSHtmMHMHM
A FORE WARNING
By CHA8. BLUNT
“Listen,” snlil Ilnlelffb, nn<l suddeuly took
hold of my hand.
“It wu nothing but the nlarm clock In
the bed room Unit went off. You uiuut
have forgotten to turn It off thla morn-
fie did not raem to hear wbat I said,
but atlll rat listening to the noise which
had made such an impression upon him.
“It is itothluic at all,” I said once more,
“and I do net understand what ia the
matter with you. Why don’t jou tell me}"
“Nothing,” ho said, and covered his face
with hia ban *
heard It, too.
“Yea, if yc
certainly did.'
“Well,” he replied, “then the tlrao haa
come that I have waited for for hours,
days, years, and still it la hard to leave
this world ao suddenly.”
“I would like to know what the devil
you are talking about. What has tho old
alarm clock to do with your death?”
“That I ahull now tell you, though I
have never told anybody before. Yon-wtll
remember that Lora Case died three years
now.”
Without understanding him, I looked at
my watch.
f *It la 4:40.” I raid.
“Yea, and three minutes ago the clock
mado that nolac. It was exactly at tho
moment of her death.”
I looked at him astonished.
“Well, even aupposo that It was,” I
said. “Whut has Lora Case's death to do
know. Yon could not know. ii.ISSj knows
but she and I. Lora Case was my wife."
"Your wife?"
"Yes; my wife," be replied, the tears
rolling down Ills cheeks. ‘’You know bow
her father hated mo; you also know why—
but she loved mo u I loved her. Then wo
were married eeeretly a few week, before
she died, and I was not with her.' Would
not eren have known that she was deed
had not n spring broken In tbst alarm
clock, Just ns It now did again, and n feel
ing of something terrible came orer me,
I rushed to her bouse, but they would not
let mo In. I erlbd tbst she wss my wife,
but tbey thought I was out of my mind
snd slninmcd the door In my fsce. I
knocked and knocked until I fell In a dead
faint,
"When I camo to, I was here In this
_ stood/
next to me.
“ ‘Lorn,’ I cried, but she was gone, nnd
another woman, s nurse, stood sc my bed
snd said: 'llo la delirious; we must renew
the Ico cap.’
“Delirious! Now you have heard It Jnst
ns I did. You heard tho clock tell uie thnt
my time has come."
"Itiit, Kalcigh,” I said.
“No,’’ be replied, "do not say anything.
I know It. nnd ntn ready. I have walte- 1
and waited for this. Goodhy, old friend.”
Ant the strangest thing Is thnt the clock
has been going Uko any other clock erer
since that time.
IT PAYS TO ADVERTISE.
Jefferson DeAngells, who Is keeping
big audiences convulsed with laughter
In “The Girl nnd the Governor,” was
holding forth on the value of publicity
the other day, and pointed his moral
with this:
“When the teacher was absent from
tho schoolroom. Bill, the mischievous
boy of the class, wrote on the black
board:
“‘Billy Jones can hug the girls bet
ter than any boy In school.’
"Upon her return the teacher called
him up to her desk.
"'William, did you write thnt?* she
asked, pointing to the blackboard.
" ’Yes, ma’am,' said Billy.
"'Well, you may stay after school,’
said she, as ‘punishment.’
“The other pupils waited for Billy
to come out, and then they began guy
ing him/
" 'Got a licking, didn't you?'
“ ’Nope, said Billy.
"‘Got Jawed?’
” ‘Nope.’
‘"What did she do?* they asked.
" ‘Shun't tell,' said Billy: ’but It pays
to advertise.’ ”—Young’s Magazine.
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