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The Braselton News
Wednesday, December 23, 2020
Opinion
The silence of death
When death comes, it comes in silence.
There is no crescendo of background music like you see
in the movies. No orchestra cues the violins to play their
tragic and mournful tunes.
Some religions refer to death as an “eternal sleep,” which
is about as quiet as it gets. The dead don’t see the tears of
the living, or hear the sobs from those left behind.
For the dead, it is only silence.
For the living, we have constructed
rituals of death that are at times a con
tradiction. We memorialize the dead,
yet for much of our Western culture,
that is done from a sense of distance.
It is both personal and impersonal, the
holding of two thoughts at one time —
the dead are here, but gone.
Not all cultures ritualize death like
this. We were in Nepal a few years ago
where we saw the Flindu ritual along
a river lined with a ceremonial com
plex. From a hospice building, bodies
were brought to the river and ritually
dipped into the water by family members, then wrapped
in a shroud and carried down a paved path along the riv
er to a place where a pyre under a thatched roof awaited.
The body was laid on the pyre and the fire lit by the oldest
son. Family members then circled the body as the flame
consumed it, some crying. The ashes would eventually be
swept into the river to float downstream into the holy river
Ganges in India.
Our Western rituals are different and less hands-on, but
our grief is the same.
But amid the raging Coronavirus, even those rituals of
death are becoming more distant and impersonal.
Often, people with the virus die alone in a hospital where
family isn’t allowed to gather. If they are lucky, some tired,
but sympathetic nurse or doctor will hold our loved one’s
hand as they pass.
The silence of death has expanded, embracing not only
the dying, but also the communities where they had lived.
• ••
This greater distancing of death amid the pandemic is
troubling. Even as the nation crosses the 300,000 threshold
of those who have died from the virus, many have passed
away unseen by most of us.
That’s partly due to how the deaths are dispersed across
the nation, a few in one town, a few more in another. It isn’t
a single place where death is concentrated, it’s happening
everywhere, slowly, a little at a time.
As a result of both distance and time, we have no real
grasp on the magnitude of those deaths.
That has caused some to even question the reality of
Covid deaths. Social media is full of conspiracy junk that
claims the virus isn’t real, or that the deaths are exagger
ated.
One person recently contacted me with an article that
claimed the deaths had been overstated, in his view, for
political reasons.
And yet. the facts are very clear — over 300,000 Ameri
cans have died from the Coronavirus.
To deny this is to spit into the face of everyone who has
lost someone to this disease.
•••
In an attempt to grasp just how deadly this pandemic re
ally is, we need to compare it to other historical events.
Here are some of the most deadly events in U.S. history:
• Spanish Flu pandemic 1918-1919 — 675,000 deaths
(maybe more)
• U.S. Civil War — 620,000 (there were other civilian-re
lated deaths not counted in this number)
• WWII — 407,000
• Coronavirus — 300,000 (and counting)
•WWI — 116,000
• 1957-1958 flu pandemic — 116,000
• 1968 flu — 100,000
•Vietnam War —58,200
If you look at a single-day count, there have been several
days this year where more people died of Coronavirus than
died on Sept. 11, 2001: or on D-Day in 1945; or the attack
on Pearl Harbor in 1941.
No matter how you slice it, Coronavirus is killing a lot of
people in a short amount of time.
• ••
Given that, why have so many people dismissed the virus
as not being very serious? Why have some people ripped
public officials who insist on measures to mitigate the
deaths, such as wearing a mask in public?
It would be easy to blame social media for that. Social
media is a sewer of misinformation, lies and distortions,
but a lot of people are addicted to Facebook, Twitter and
similar sites — addicted so much that they have lost the
ability to discern what is fact and what is fiction.
It would also be easy to blame “virus fatigue” for the cal
low and callous attitude we’ve seen about the virus. People
are “over it,” tired of the social distancing, tired of wearing
a mask and tired of their jobs being affected. There is a
thought — irrational perhaps — that it will just go away if
we ignore it.
And finally, our political culture has decided to attack
anyone who is an “expert,” like doctors and other profes
sionals whom we used to respect. The anti-elitism strain
in our political culture has a lot of people doubting what
doctors tell them, doubting that the virus is even real and
doubting that any vaccine for the virus will be safe and
effective. It’s a mano-macho attitude, rugged individualism
taken to the extreme. Experts have become the villain.
All of those things are true, but I don’t think that’s really
why many ignore the virus and its deaths.
The underlying reason is that the majority of deaths are
from our older population, age 60 and above, and our soci
ety really doesn’t give a damn if old people as a group die.
Many of those who’ve died are out of the public main
stream. If they’re in nursing homes, they’re invisible to
many of us. We don’t see them at work because they’re
retired.
And, in a callous way, society expects old people to die,
if not from Covid, then from something else. We’re just
not shocked when we read an obituary of someone who is
older.
Contributing to that is the anonymous system we have
in place to account for Covid deaths. There is no compre
hensive list of names of those who’ve died. Most obituaries
don’t mention that a person died of Covid. The most we
get is an age, gender and racial profile on the state’s Covid
reporting website.
The lack of names and faces is making the Covid deaths
even more invisible.
• ••
Jackson County reported its first Covid death on April
8. Since then, over 56 people have died as of this writing.
That’s over six Covid deaths per month on average. Since
September, nine people have died each month in the coun
ty. In August, 11 people died.
But imagine if those deaths weren’t mostly from among
our elderly population.
Imagine what our reaction would be if Covid deaths
were mostly among our children and teenagers. Imagine
six children in Jackson County dying each month. Imagine
six high school football players dying each month in the
county.
Would our reluctance to wear a mask still be the same?
Would we still pack restaurants and churches and sporting
events like we do today?
In a recent virtual BOE meeting, a couple of parents
were concerned about the Jackson County School System’s
move to online classes and plans for a hybrid system in
January that mixes in-person classes with distance learn
ing.
The parents were concerned about their children’s GPA
and the impact distance learning is having on grades.
Understandable — but would those parents be as con
cerned about a child’s GPA if Covid were mostly killing
children instead of the elderly?
I doubt it.
I say all of this because as a nation, we’ve done a very
poor job of managing this pandemic. Our leadership has
been weak. Our culture has become callous.
We’ve made health care political to the point where
wearing a mask is seen as subversive.
We’ve let voices of extremism drown out voices of rea
son where some of our leading national doctors get death
threats.
We’ve dismissed the dying because, well, they’re most
ly old and no longer important cogs in our economic and
social systems — subconsciously, we see them as expend
able.
•••
Christmas is coming this week week, a time when we
celebrate our children and their joy during the holidays. It
is a time when traditionally, grandchildren and grandpar
ents embrace and create memories together.
But not so much this year.
There will over 300,000 fewer chairs at our Christmas
dinner tables next week. A lot of grandchildren won’t see
their grandparents this Christmas.
If the generation that was dying were reversed, you have
to wonder if our response to all these deaths would be the
same.
Mike Buffington is co-publisher of Mainstreet Newspa
pers. He can be reached at mike@mainstreetnews.com.
It’s Ok to ask for help
By Dr. Andrea Cook
Just this morning, a neighbor asked if I counsel 12-year-
olds as her son is experiencing a high level of bullying at
school. She said bullying in her son’s school has been much
worse since Covid. Honestly, it makes sense to me.
As a counselor. I’ve come to understand that “hurt peo
ple hurt people.” This simply means that when someone is
hurting, their judgement, empathy, and behavior is often im
paired. This doesn’t excuse bullying or any bad behavior, of
course, but it does add perspective.
Since March, we’ve been subjected to, in varying degrees,
a downward spiral of illness, economic hardship, academic
distress, political nonsense, isolation, depression, and anxiety.
The toll on our children has been immensely underrated.
If you find 2020 to be one of the most difficult years in
memory, just imagine if you have only a few years to compare
it with, as children do. Strip away safety and comfort. Take
away activities, exercise, and the dedicated, loving teachers
and support staff found in schools. Toss out playdates, proms,
homecoming, plays, movies, birthday parties, and holiday
celebrations.
Along the way, parents and grandparents have sporadically
become frustrated homeschool teachers. Kids crave structure
and can’t help that they are shuffled from remote learning to
classrooms and back again due to Covid exposure. They re
ceive a hodgepodge of inconsistent teachings on masks ver
sus no masks, gatherings or no gatherings.
My own teens have experienced all of the above and re
peated quarantines from school due to direct exposure. We
feel disoriented; flustered and angry at times, isolated and sad
at others.
And then there are the losses. At first, the hospitalizations
and deaths didn’t seem to reach us personally, but now they
do. Counselors like me have spent many hours with those in
deep grief due to the pandemic. I’ve comforted medical per
sonnel who’ve been stretched too far and prayed with spouses
and children who have had to make terrible medical decisions
on behalf of their loved one. It is all just so, so much.
With all that is going on, we often forget that our young
people hear us talking and they add our sadness, confusion,
and tension to their own.
This is our opportunity to show our children that we can
manage adversity, learn from it, and grow through it. We can
teach them to take better care of their mental wellness by first,
taking care of our own and then, encouraging them to develop
coping skills of their own. We have learned that kids who re
ceive mental health support have a lower risk LONG TERM
of addiction, suicide, self-harm, eating disorders, bullying be
haviors, and a variety of heartbreaking issues.
I am inviting all mental health professionals to volun
teer an hour or two (or more) each week to see a school-
aged student for one session, free of charge. Send me your
contact information, credentials, and location and I’ll
compile a list to be distributed throughout our commu
nity.
While our mental health community has been very busy
since March, we don’t mind adding a little more to our plate
if it means that our students know that they are not alone,
they aren’t crazy for feeling overwhelmed, and that we are
all in this together. Whether it’s just the free one hour session
or a family decides to continue the path of counseling and
wellness, gaining the skills to work through hard times, anx
iety, and depression are worth their investment of time and
energy. Counselors can often be flexible and conduct sessions
by phone, Facetime, or Zoom and use many methods to help
folks feel safe and comfortable.
Whether you choose to visit a counselor this season or not,
please follow some simple steps that will help you and your
children maintain consistency and self care. Get fresh air and
exercise daily. Observe normal bedtime and awaken on time
for school. Eat healthy and regularly. Drink lots of water and
not a lot of alcohol. Participate wholeheartedly in school,
even if remote. Read helpful books and articles. Spend time
in prayer, meditation, or quiet. Speak with kinder tones and do
nice things for others.
While social distancing from family and friends, don’t for
get to connect through texts, calls, or Facetime. Talk about
your feelings, not just your activities. Finally, please take time
to listen well to one another and offer words of encourage
ment and grace.
Blessings and good health to all.
Dr. Andrea Cook may be reached at drcookappt@gmail.
com
The Braselton News
Mike Buffington Co-Publisher
Scott Buffington Co-Publisher & Advertising Manager
Alex Buffington Editor
Ben Munro Sports Editor
Wesleigh Sagon Photographer/Features
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How to come out of a storm?
Dear Editor:
Unfortunately, there are families, vari
ous organizations, and yes, even places of
worship that encounter instability. Most
of us know when uncertainty is present, a
storm is brewing. The key is the severity
of the storm. Moreover, the United States
has been through several severe storms
and have revived. Therefore, even with the
presence of Coronavirus, we will recoup.
Although the road is not easy, the United
States of America has some fantastic peo
ple to get beyond this pandemic.
Yes, these are people who possess
peace, encouragement, observance, pa
tience, love, and efficiency. I believe even
with the loss of many lives, the United
States of America has people that have
and will continue to help families during
bereavement. Furthermore, they will aid
others with the necessities of loss of in
come. How can I say that? They have the
wisdom to understand the importance of
sensitivity, and the people of the United
States of America are impartial.
With understanding and wisdom, the
public and private sectors will recoup.
During the recoup process, everyone will
make ethical judgments and sound deci
sions. The people will commit to strategic
priorities that create sustainable benefits
for the organization related to the mission
and values. I consent with William Arthur
Ward: “The pessimist complains about the
wind; the optimist expects it to change; the
realist adjusts the sails.” Not only is wis
dom vital, but sensitivity is pertinent to the
recoup process.
We must steer clear of indifference. So.
we must utilize sensitivity. Furthermore,
the recoup process will be more natural
once everyone exercises kindness and
compassion as we go beyond just reason
and logic to perceive and respond to others.
Also, we recoup by dealing tactfully with
others in emotionally stressful situations
and conflict. Equally important, everyone
must know what information to communi
cate as well as to whom. We must be able
to relate to individuals with various eth
nic, cultural, and religious backgrounds.
To recoup with wisdom and sensitivity is
a necessity, and being fair must be at the
forefront.
No matter the demographic or what
ever is attached to an individual and an
organization’s past, being impartial and
reasonable will save someone’s family
and organization. Thus, it will be a short
term investment with long-term stability. I
believe you cannot go wrong with being
moral and doing what is right.
Now there may be the occasional morn
ing, afternoon, or evening storm that will
pop-up. However, everyone in the Unit
ed States of America has the ingredients
I believe will aid in recouping within a
few months versus two or more years.
So, I concur with Mattie Stepanek: “We
all have life storms, and when we get the
rough times, and we recover from them,
we should celebrate that we got through it.
No matter how bad it may seem, there’s
always something beautiful that you can
find.”
Sincerely,
Timothy Sands
Senior Pastor of New Hope African
Methodist Episcopal Church, Hoschton
and President and Chief Executive Officer
of Esdras Innovation, Inc. in Atlanta.