Newspaper Page Text
THE NEWS, page 4
John Rushing Howell:
A friend remembered
by Ann Dunldn
Over lunch, one day last week, Richard
Swanson asked me to write an obituary for
John Howell. So, 1 set out to do just that.
I started to write a "standard" obituary.
I was planning to tell you that John was
bom on November 7, 1933 and died on
June 28, 1988. I would have mentioned
that he was 54 years old, four years
younger — to the day — than my hither. I
had also intended to tell you that John had
an undergraduate degree from Millsaps
College and a Masters of Social Work from
Tulane University. Finally, I was going to
discuss his impressive record of
community involvement, including the
Atlanta Gay Center, the ACLU, Georgians
Opposed to Archaic Laws (GOAL), Georgia
AIDS Action Council, LEGAL, First MCC
of Atlanta, SAME, the Atlanta License
Review Board, and the Virginia Highlands
Civic Association.
But listing what he did and the
organizations he belonged to (and often
founded) doesn't tell who John Howell
really was. That’s because John Rushing
Howell was not only an activist, but also a
warm, caring, gentle man who gave a
special part of himself to each person he
came in contact with.
I want to tell you about the John Howell
I knew. John and I didn’t serve on any
boards together and we didn’t spend long
hours working on projects. There are
many people who knew John longer and
spent more time with him, but that was
the incredible thing about John. He was
close to so many people, and with each
person he had a different kind of
relationship. I say this not because I knew
so many of John’s friends (I really didn’t),
but because so many of my friends knew
John and we’re all hurting in different
ways.
John and I met while he was acting in
For Love and for Life, Rebecca Ranson’s
play for the March on Washington. I had
recently broken up with a lover of several
years who was in the closet and didn’t
want me to get too involved in the
community. And of course, I had done
what she wanted. My only involvement
with the gay community was through
parties and bats.
Well, John wouldn’t stand for that! One
of the first things we talked about was
getting me involved in the community.
He made sure that I found the right things
for me to do. It didn’t matterto him which
cause I took up (although he made
suggestions), as long as I got involved
with something! Much of my involvement
with MCC, the NAMES Project and
starting a student group at Georgia Tech
can be attributed to John.
Several weeks after we first met, I ran
into John on the Mall in Washington. He
recognized me immediately even though
we had only talked a few times. We spent
the remainder of the afternoon together.
He must have introduced me to twenty
people that day. I’ve forgotten who they
all were, but what I won’t forget is seeing
the NAMES Project with John. It was
getting cold and we were hungry and
tired, but we really didn’t care. In the
distance we could hear Jesse Jackson
speaking as we walked hand in hand
across the quilt and John showed me
panels for his friends and talked about the
panel he made for Gil, a panel that wasn’t
displayed — but would be later. That was
the first time I had seen the NAMES
Project and I stood in the cold and cried
while John held me. And he cried too.
Later, we left the Mall and took the
Metro back to Dupont Circle together. It
was packed with excited people screaming
and cheering for Gay Rights. As I stood
there with my arm around John, a man I
hardly knew, I couldn’t think of a prouder
moment in my life and I couldn’t think of
anyone that I would rather share it with.
Sharing that afternoon together, the
sorrow and anger of The Quilt mixed with
the happiness and excitement of the
March, created a special bond between the
two of us. John quickly became a very
special person in my life.
After we both got back to Atlanta, John
and I got together occasionally, as often as
both our schedules would permit. All
those times were special: dinner at Atkins
Park, an afternoon at the High Museum, a
party at Melanie Hammett’s on a snowy
night, even when he picked me up at the
airport, when I returned from Europe,
tired and cranky with jet lag. Each time
with John was different, but one thing
remained constant. Without fail,
everywhere we went we saw people who
knew and loved John.
I knew John was sick for several months
and deep down I knew what it was long
before he was diagnosed. I remember
seeing him one Thursday in mid - April. A
friend called later that evening and I
expressed my concern for John to her. He
had recently had to put Sally, his dog (she
was like a child to him), to sleep and he
just didn’t look well. The familiar gleam
in his eyes wasn’t there. He looked tired
and had lost weight.
I was scared and I cried that night after I
got off the phone. I wasn’t just scared for
him, but also for me. After all, he was the
one I had called recently when a close
friend had died of AIDS. He was the one
who held me up. What was I going to do
without him? I was also angry. I had just
met this wonderful person and now he was
being taken away from me. I wanted to
know why. I haven’t found that answer.
Right now I’m just glad that we had the
time we did.
After that night I only saw John a
couple of times, but he called frequently.
The last time he called me was an
afternoon neartheendofMay. He wanted
to know why he hadn’t received an
invitation to may graduation and the big
party that we had talked so much about.
Was I, in his words, "afraid to have a sick
old man there?" I told him that I hadn’t'
gotten my thesis finished in time for June
graduation, but that I would certainly
graduate in September. He promised to be
there. I thinkJohnknewthathewouldn’t
live that long when he called, but I also
know that he will be there, in my heart and
the hearts of others who knew him. John
will always be there. In my heart.
I know that someday I’ll see him again.
Until then I’ll have myu memories of his
smile and the sparkle in his eyes and his
laugh and his love. I guess that will have
to be enough.
Donations should be sent to the Atlanta
Humane Society. I don’t know if John
decided this himself, but I do know that he
would have approved.
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