Newspaper Page Text
What the upcoming generation
of young gays and lesbians
should look out for...
"Rush Limbaugh.'
"Don’t settle for second. If a girl or guy
wants to sleep with you on the first date,
if you are looking for a relationship,
don't expect it because if they don't call,
they got what they wantedl'
'Make sure the people you tell can handle
knowing about your sexuality.'
■Wafah out for talk show hosts.'
■Diseases: chicken hawks, cold shoulders
and society's rejection '
*Being too eager to jump into relationships
with everyone who catches your eye.'
'In society today, because of all the
strains put on differences, it will be
difficult to have a stable, happy and
healthy relationship.'
'Confusion and hatred of
dose-minded people.'
7 would warn a young gay person
about being taken advantage of by
people who pretend to be your ffiends
to see how much they can get out of you.'
"Straight roommates.'
'Chicken hawks, cruising gay/lesbian
bookstores and novelty stores, and
Volkswagens.'
'HIV, AIDS and all other STDs'
""Warning-look out for being used.'
'Fly-by relationships.'
"Dishonesty.'
',People with so-called big dicks
and small brains
'Cruelty, misunderstanding, bashing 0
‘Warn them not to change their lives
according to someone else's negative
opinions of homosexuality. 0
‘Zubfa* Spring 1993
The News: What kind ofxreasons?
Gripp: Fear, logical and otherwise. Lack of knowledge, misguided religious
zeal, and then some aren’t very effective parents generally and naturally those
sorts don’t deal with gayness any better than they deal with any other issues of
parenthood.
The News: What do you mean by logical fear?
Gripp: 1 mean that there are logical, honest concerns about a child that is
“different” in some way. Once parents get past things like what the neighbors will
think, of if Aunt Sophie will have a heart attack if she finds out, or that they
“caused” their child to be gay, they are still left with the fact that much of society
will not treat their child fairly or even decently. So their fear may be ultimately
about societal consequences for the child they love, rather than their own fears or
bias.
The News: So do you encourage them all to come out of the closet?
Gripp: Yes and no again. I’m not trying to be tricky here. I certainly do
encourage them to be honest with themselves. As I’m fond of saying, the only
thing more difficult than being yourself is not being yourself. But the manner and
degree of revelation to other people depends on individual circumstances. If you
live in a loving family, get along well with your parents, don’t have major prob
lems at home, then probably it’s a good idea to get comfortable with yourself and
then begin revealing to others. If it’s a general disaster at home anyway, then
announcing you’re gay is not likely to be an ameliorating influence on family life
and relations. And don’t forget that we all grow up with most of the same fears
and negative attitudes about gayness as straight people do. Just simply being gay
doesn’t mean that one knows much about how to integrate sexual orientation
with the many other issues of personal development and life skills.
The News: You’re saying they bring—what—"accumulated societal baggage?”
Gripp: Sure, and a lot of stereotypical images of who gay people are and who,
consequently, they are supposed to be.
The News: Mostly negative?
Gripp: Yes, but not always. I’ll tell you a story that’s a little different. A couple
of years ago we had a young man come in who had driven a long way from the
college he attended. He was rather quiet that first day after explaining that his
parents were very unaccepting as was his college, and he didn’t know other gay
people except one or two students. After the meeting, he asked if he could talk
with me. After everyone left, and he had talked a few minutes, he suddenly broke
into tears and said he was so disappointed in the group. 1 asked why. He said he
expected everyone to be brilliant, witty, talented and charming. Almost before he
got done crying, he began laughing at his stereotyping of gay people, in this case
positive, and realized that his discovery that gay people were a pretty variegated
group was more Important than his fanciful expectation that wasn’t realized. He
later went on to help found a support group at his college and today is a very well
adjusted and much happier young man.
So you see, stereotyping isn’t always negative, but almost always untrue and
distortive.
We spend a good deal of time on categories, stereotypes, generalities, etc.—
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