Newspaper Page Text
6A
♦ WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 3, 2007
Women can find emotional help through other women
QUESTION: You have sug
gested that women should
seek to meet their emotional
needs outside of their mar
riage. What do you mean?
DR. DOBSON: This principle is
particularly important with regard
to an emotionally vulnerable
woman who is married to a stoic,
unromantic man.
If she looks to him as the pro
vider of all adult conversation and
the satisfier of every emotional
need, their marriage can quickly
run aground. He has no clue about
how to deal with her “soul hun
ger” or how to make her happy.
When she begins to realize that
he will never be what she wants,
discontent begins to brew in the
relationship.
What can be done, then? A woman
with a normal range of emotional
needs cannot simply ignore them.
Something deep within her yearns
for fulfillment. One answer is for
women in this situation to sup
plement what their husbands can
There’s nothing like the clarion call of the ice cream truck
Have you ever seen a
dog when it hears
a train coming?
The dog hears it about 40
seconds
before
you do. Its
head pops
up alert
ly. The
dog’s ears
spring to
attention.
It looks
around
with a
curious,
Len Robbins
Columnist
airpub@planttel.net
puzzled glare, one eyebrow
cocked, trying to figure out
what exactly that sound is.
Is it a cat? Another dog? A
giant ribeye tumbling down
the street?
About the time you hear
the familiar rumble of train
tracks, the dog has already
figured it out and has gone
back to napping or licking
itself or whatever it was
Whan! the secret ward in year house?
By GLYNN MOORE
Morris News Service
Not long ago, The Augusta Chronicle’s
features section asked you to play a little
contest: All you had to do was tell us your
family secrets.
Not all your secrets (otherwise, we’d have
just another TV reality show) but the ones
involving expressions that mean something
special to your family but not to outsiders.
The contest was a response to an article
from the Fort Worth Star-Telegram that
was based on Family Words: A Dictionary of
the Secret Language of Families, a book by
veteran language guru Paul Dickson.
Confused? Let me give you a personal
example.
For years, my wife and I had the code
word “taffeta,” which we would utter when
it appeared the other was having a little too
much fun at a party, revealing confidential
matters or becoming overly flirtatious.
We had stolen the line from the 1974 Mel
Brooks film Young Frankenstein, in which
Dr. Frankenstein (Gene Wilder) leans over
to kiss his fiancee, Elizabeth (Madeline
Kahn), who was a bit icy.
As he draws close, she says: “Taffeta,
darling.”
Thinking it a term of endearment, he
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Dr. James
Dobson
Focu.s on the Family
That is precisely how women
dealt with social needs in centuries
past. Men worked 60 or 70 hours
per week and had little time or
energy for what might be called
“romantic activities.” But a well
integrated society of women filled
the void. They worked together,
had babies together, cooked and
canned together, and went to
church together. And somehow, it
was enough.
Why does feminine soci
ety not exist in the same way
today? Because many women are
doing prior to the interrup
tion.
I had my “dog hearing
a train” moment the other
day while playing with my
kids in the backyard. With
yelling and laughing and
running going on all around
me, I heard it faintly in the
distance.
It was familiar, but I
couldn’t place it. I stopped
what I was doing, lifted my
head skyward and listened
intently. It sounded like
merry-go-round music, but
with a faintly recognizable
melody - different than reg
ular carousel music.
Suddenly, it clicked.
“If you like pina coladas
and getting caught in the
rain... if you’re not into yoga,
if you have half a brain...”
What? There’s a merry
go-round playing “The
Pina Colada Song” in my
neighborhood? It was then
I realized what was emit-
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give by cultivat
ing meaningful
female relation
ships. Having
lady-friends
with whom
they can talk
heart-to-heart,
laugh and cry,
and raise their
children can be
vital to mental
health.
"As I neared the backdoor, without
breaking stride, I screamed 'I SCREAM,
YOU SCREAM, WE ALL SCREAM FOR ICE
CREAMI ITS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK!"’
ting those glorious/hideous
sounds.
I took off running as fast
as I could, headed toward
the house and my change
jar, leaving my kids bewil
dered and alone in the yard.
As I neared the backdoor,
without breaking stride,
I screamed “I SCREAM,
YOU SCREAM, WE ALL
SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM!
IT’S THE ICE CREAM
TRUCK!”
When I was q kid, the ice
cream came to our neigh
borhood about once every
four years. But no matter
when it came, or where we
were, the carnivalesque jin-
softly replies: “Taffeta, sweetheart.”
She pulls away: “No, the dress is taffeta. It
wrinkles so easily.”
For years, my wife and I “taffeta’d” each
other until, one day, it lost its power.
She claims I once failed to honor the taf
feta; I maintain I am still taffeta-worthy.
See what the contest is about now?
Doesn’t matter; it’s over.
We received 43 submissions of some cool
words that families didn’t mind divulging
for the common good - and the chance of a
$25 prize. It was my honor to read and judge
them.
I noticed some patterns. For instance,
families have their own expressions for that
household god, the TV remote control.
“Flipper-dipper” was the term written in
by one reader. On the other hand, another
calls it the “zapper.” (In the Moore house
hold, it is simply the “clicker.”)
Kids say the darndest things, and a lot
of entries reflected that. “Chickyboms,”
according to Lee Carmichael, is “any mys
terious or unusual food,” as coined by her
3-year-old. Also from the mouths of babes
were “malkit” (chocolate milk), “dotdog”
(hot dog), “lasterday” (a jumble of yes
terday and last night), “naive” (naive)
See MOORE, page ioA
OPINION
employed (the neighborhoods are
empty), and because the world has
become so mobile. The extend
ed family has disintegrated and
the culture has moved on. Thus,
female companionship is often dif
ficult to find, and many younger
women, especially those with two
or more preschoolers, abandon the
search for friendship. It is simply
too much trouble.
To the young wives who are
reading these words, I urge you to
invest some time in your female
friends - even though you are all
busy. Resist the temptation to pull
into the walls of your home and
wish for someone to talk to. Stay
involved as a family in a church or
a club that meets social needs.
Remember that you are sur
rounded by many other women
with similar feelings. Find them.
Care for them. Give to them. And
in the process, your own self
esteem will rise. Then when you
are content, your marriage will
also flourish.
53685
It sounds simplistic, but that’s
the way we are made. We are
designed as social creatures who
don’t do well in isolation. Don’t let
that happen to you.
QUESTION: In the interest
of keeping peace in the house
hold, you have suggested leni
ency with rebellious teens on
issues that don’t really mat
ter. What does this mean in
practical terms? Give me some
examples of demands that
would rock my daughter’s boat
unnecessarily.
DOBSON: Well, you will have
t,o decide what the non-negotia
bles are to you and your hus
band. Defend those demands, but
lighten up on lesser matters. That
may indicate a willingness to let
her room look like a junkyard for
awhile.
Close the door and pretend not
to notice. Does that surprise you?
I don’t like lazy, sloppy, undisci
plined kids any more than you do,
but given the possibilities for chaos
gle-jangle of its loud speaker
was instantly recognizable.
Because of its rare
appearances in our locale,
the neighborhood kids
went berserk with excite
ment. It could be 3:30 in
the morning and we would
have heard it through our
slumber, jumped out of bed,
scrambled through our par
ents’ change jars, or in my
particular case, my father’s
pockets, and been waiting
in front of our house before
the ice cream truck turned
the corner.
My 5-year-old son had told
me there was an ice cream
truck in town, but like the
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story he told me about the
monster that ate his bongos
- I thought it too good to be
true.
I met the ice cream truck
in front of our house before
it turned the comer, wav
ing a $5 bill high in the
air, standing on my tip
toes. My children weren’t
far behind, screaming “I
SCREAM, YOU SCREAM,
WE ALL SCREAM FOR
ICE CREAM!” - one of the
few phrases in all the world
that is impossible to utter in
a whisper.
Hearing our rancor, some
other neighborhood kids
met us on the street and
I, being more excited than
them, proudly proclaimed
that all the ice cream was
on me.
I found that some things
have changed about the ice
cream truck since I was a
kid.
Mainly, that $5 won’t buy
HOUSTON HOME JOURNAL
that this girl might precipitate,
spit-shined rooms may not be all
that important.
You have to ask yourself this
question: Is the behavior to which
I object bad enough to risk turn
ing the canoe upside down? If the
issue is that important, then brace
yourself and make your stand. But
think through those intractable
matters in advance and plan your
defense of them thoroughly.
Someday, when the currents
have smoothed out again, you may
look back with satisfaction that
you didn’t add to the turbulence
when your daughter was bobbing
like a cork on a stormy sea.
Dobson is founder and chair
man of the board of the nonprofit
organization Focus on the Family,
P.O. Box 444, Colorado Springs,
CO. 80903; or www.family.org.
Questions and answers are excerpt
ed from The Complete Marriage
and Family Home Reference Guide
and Bringing Up Boys, both pub
lished by Tyndale House.
ice cream for all the kids in
your neighborhood anymore,
or even all the kids in your
family. I had to go back in
the house for a second raid
of my change jar. Secondly,
the ice cream truck musi
cal selections have become
a tad more contemporary
than I recall.
As we all sat on our back
porch, eating our nutty
buttys and ice cream sand
wiches and fudgesicles in
blissful silence, J heard the
ice cream truck drive off,
a new selection emanating
from its speakers - Jimmy
Buffett’s “Cheeseburger in
Paradise,” as if played at a
circus.
Ain’t life grand?
Broccoli and
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Lewis Farms Nursery
lUitL
830 Hwy. 26 - Elko
(478) 954-1507
154052