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6A ♦ WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 17, 2007 Children often fight to Sometimes I feel as though my children fight and argue as a method of attracting my attention. If this is the case, how should I respond? DOBSON: You are prob ably correct in making that assumption. Sibling rivalry often represents a form of manipulation of parents. Quarreling and fighting pro vide an opportunity for both children to “capture” adult attention. It has been writ ten: “Some children would rather be wanted for mur der than not wanted at all.” Toward this end, a pair of obnoxious kids can tacitly agree to bug their parents until they get a response - even if it is an angry reac tion. One father told me that his son and his nephew began to argue and then beat 20 years only the beginning By GLYNN MOORE Morris News Service Two decades ago, a young boy who lived in the apart ment next to mine asked me why I was dating JoAn. I told him what I had realized since early in our long, long court ship: She was the best person I had ever met. We recently celebrated our 20th wedding anniver sary, and she still is the best. She’s not perfect, I’ve discov ered, but she certainly beats me. (Not literally, most of the time, so don’t call 911 just yet). We have put a lot into those 20 years, and in some ways it seems that we’ve been married forev er (she would say “forever, and then some”). Perhaps that’s because we dated for so many years. Our employer wouldn’t let its workers be related, so we waited until I found a new job. It was the second go around for both of us, and we brought children to the union. I had a son, and JoAn was working two jobs, night and day, to support her three kids. I admired her nearly as much as I loved her. We were set in our ways from having lived alone for years. She insisted on keep ing her own time and space for reading, and that was fine with me; between us, we keep the public library in business. Despite years of my nag ging, she still won’t cook me anything that includes may onnaise nor tolerate its addi tion to a restaurant sandwich (as a generation of dazed, crippled waiters will attest). Despite years of her nagging, I’m still not neat and orga nized (as everyone we both know will attest). I am blessed with a woman who will window-shop for clothes for hours; on the rare day she actually buys some thing, however, she usually returns it. On the other hand, I love to shop (for groceries, not clothes) and don’t mind concocting unusual dishes, although I make no pretense at cooking, either. I gn Middle Georgia Neurology, LLC Specializing in Adult and Child Neurology, EMG/Nerve Conduction and Sleep Medicine 233 North Houston Road , Suite 140 C • Warner Robins (located in the Houston Health Pavilion) Dr. James Dobson Focus on the Family each other with their fists. Both fathers were near by and decided to let the fight run its natural course. During the first lull in the action, one of the boys glanced sideways toward the passive men and said, “Isn’t anybody going to stop us before we get hurt?!” The fight, you see, was something neither boy want ed. Their violent combat was directly related to the pres ence of the two adults and would have taken a different form if the boys had been alone. Children will “hook” Since we bought our house, she has developed a passion for gardening and could spend every day until dark planting, watering, fer tilizing, trimming, weeding and digging. I get tired just watching her, so I try to hang out indoors near the TV set. She can’t figure out the TV remote. I can’t figure out the bills. We’ve been through a lot in 20 years. Looking for jobs and houses. Moving from one town to another and from one side of town to the other. Driving long trips to visit our relatives. Digging out from a flood. Attending school plays and fall carnivals. Getting all the kids together for Thanksgiving or Christmas. Rushing to our hometowns for the deaths of my parents and hers, of her brother and then mine. Speeding to hos pitals for the birth of one grandchild after another. Twenty years ago, we decid ed to have and to hold from that day forward. We’ve gone through better and worse; financial poverty but familial wealth; sickness and health. Loving, cherishing, arguing, making up. Getting gray hair (well-deserved) and wrinkles (never deserved by anyone - ever). Through it all, JoAn is still the best person I have ever met, and I’d like to think that after 20 years, we’re just getting started. Reach Glynn Moore at glynn.moore@morris.com. I LEE'S RENTAL CENTER - Where Pros Go For Tools And Equipment Since 1966 • Construction Equipment • Homeowners Equipment • Party Equipment ymjm l ll "i! u.u my}'" wmmm w wwy mm wym ! 2001 Houston Lake Road Perry, GA 31069 478-988-1229 www.leesrental.com M **«**'* M ‘ ii> ‘ Abdul Qadir, MD Diplomate, American hoard of Psychiatry and Neurology is pleased to announce the opening of his new practice 923-3535 Accepting New Patients their parents’ attention and intervention in this way. Believe it or not, this form of sibling rivalry is easiest to control. The parent must simply render the behavior unprofitable to each partici pant. I would recommend that you review the prob lem (for example, a morn ing full of bickering) with the children, and then say, “Now listen carefully. If the two of you want to pick on each other and make your selves miserable, then be my guest (assuming there is a fairly equal balance of power between them). Go outside and fight until you’re exhausted. But it’s not going to occur under my feet anymore. It’s over! And you know that I mean busi ness when I make that kind of statement. Do we under stand each other?” TOWERY From page 4A Use the old debate tech nique of doing everything in threes. In other words, if asked what your plan is on energy, say, “I have three major ideas or points” and DANIELS From page 4A Marriage takes work. It takes intentionality. The good news is that the payoff for making it work has so many positive benefits for each spouse. A healthy mar riage means a more satisfying relationship and a healthier body. And may I just add a quick note to the single person reading this: choose well : mi - in 1 raSl OPINION get parents' attention Having made the boundar ies clear, I would act decisive ly the instant either child returned to his bickering. If I had separate bedrooms, I would confine one child to each room for at least 30 minutes of complete boredom without radio, computers or television. Or I would assign one to clean the garage and the other to mow the lawn. Or I would make them take a nap. My purpose would be to make them believe me the next time I asked for peace and tranquility. It is simply not necessary to permit children to destroy the joy of living. And what is most surprising is that children are the happiest when their parents enforce reasonable limits with love and dignity. Do you think it is healthy for a husband then state clearly what they ar^. That way you might say something innovative or at least confirm to us that you have nothing to say at all. Under those rules - and I can’t believe I’m saying this - Ron Paul would likely eat everyone’s lunch. That’s a whom you will marry. As you can see, your decision will affect more than just your emotional well-being. We hear a lot about the cri sis in health care these days. Perhaps hospitals, doctors and health insurance com panies should add to their message of healthy living the importance of maintaining a healthy marriage. Children would benefit from this message too. After all, kids who grow up in a family with their happily k. TRY ANY TV PACKAGE!* NOBODY BEATS US! k • NO INSTALLATION CHARGES k • NO ACTIVATION FEES • NO HIDDEN REQUIREMENTS j|k $19.95* *o*' FIRST 3 MONTHS J Com&iMlik , EXPANDED QP* CABLE 4) | First 3 months (Then $39.95 per month) DIGITAL nr* CABLE First 3 months (Then $49.94 per month) DIGITAL W/ AP* HDTV/DVR | J.JJ First 3 months (Then $59.90 per month) ComSoufh WWW.COMSOUTH.NET QUESTIONS@COMSOUTH.NET 55007 * Offer appliesla new tuslomws with 24-monlh term agreement. Semite not available at all loratiom Subjerl to credit approval, fatly teimiaotion penalties apply and wife to work together and to be in each other’s company 24 hours a day? DOBSON: That sometimes works out fine. It depends on the individual couple. I can tell you, however, what is typical. According to behavioral researchers, the healthiest marriages and those with the highest sexual voltage are those that “breathe” - relationships that move from a time of closeness and tenderness to a more dis tant posture, and then come together for another reunion as the cycle concludes. This is why it’s not always advantageous for a husband and wife to work together or to concentrate exclusively on one another in the absence of friends and colleagues outside the family. There is something about the diversi statement that would send shivers up the spine of Washington’s self-appointed political elite. Matt Towery served as the chairman of former Speaker Newt Gingrich’s political organization from 1992 until Gingrich left Congress. He is' a former Georgia state repre- married mom and dad are more likely to be healthy than kids who do not. Work hard to make your marriage the best it can be. I can’t think of a better way to ensure a long and happy life. Georgia Family Council is a non-profit organization that works to strengthen and defend the family in Georgia by equipping marriage advo cates, shaping laws, prepar ing the next generation and influencing culture. For more information, go to www.geor EXPANDED 64 Channels, including three ESPN, Discovery, TNT, QVC, Nickelodeon, Disney, CNN, Fox News, MTV, A&E, Comedy Central, and much more DIGITAL 150 Channels, including Outdoor, Discovery Kids, Military, ESPN News, and Fox Movies, and 20 Pay-Per- View channels DIGITAL WITH HDTV/DVR 158 Channels, including HD: NBC, CBS, ABC, Fox, ESPN HD* HD Net*, HD Net Movies*, and Discovery HD 9* HO Channels available in Unaditla PERRY CUSTOMERS: 1357-D Sam Nunn Blvd. Perry, GA 31069 224-4001 (Jnadiila And Pinehurst Customers: 627-3002 HOUSTON HOME JOURNAL ty of interests and activities by each partner that keeps a couple from consuming one another and buming out the relationship in the short-run. Marriage is, after all, a marathon and not a sprint. Husbands and wives need to maintain a regenerating sys tem that will keep love alive for a lifetime. Cultivating a healthy interest in many things is one big step in that direction. Dr. Dobson is founder and chairman of the board of the nonprofit organization Focus on the Family, P.O. Box 444, Colorado Springs, CO. 80903; or www.family.org. Questions and answers are excerpted from The Complete Marriage and Family Home Reference Guide and Bringing Up Boys, both pub lished by Tyndale House. sentative, the author of several books and currently heads the polling and political informa tion firm Insider Advantage. To find out more about him and read features by other Creators Syndicate writ ers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com. giafamily.org, 770-242-0001, stephen@gafam.org. B&B Clock Repair 26 Years Experience Factory Warranty Howard Miller 808 THREN Warner Robins, 954-5300 Antique to Modern ■ 54110 54867