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at • ■ Animal Loony pet questions Our intrepid columnist unleashes on why a cow thinks it's a dog, the legal status of ferrets and other animal quandaries. BY STEVE DALE BETWEEN MY SYNDICATED newspaper col umn, TV appearances and radio shows, I’m giving pet advice all the time. Usually, I’m answering standard pet care questions, but sometimes I get whoppers, like these: Q t I have an out-of-control 9-month-old puppy. He • disobeys me. He runs around like crazy when I come home from work, and he jumps on me. Max jumps up on the sofa when I'm watching a ball game, and more and more often, I catch him lying on the sofa. Clearly, he wants to be the dominant male in our house. What do I do? A t Max may not be disobeying you as much as he • simply doesn’t understand the rules. I’d w T orry if your pup wasn’t running around when you got home. That’s one reason why people get dogs they love that someone is always unconditionally happy to see them. When jumping up, Max isn’t at tempting to dominate he wants to say “hi.” Just turn your back, and keep doing that until he calms down. Then offer attention, which is all he wants. In time, Max will learn that if he jumps up on you, you won’t greet him. You like being on the sofa because it’s a cushy place to stretch out. Why should Max feel any differently? This also has nothing to do with Max being the dominant male; it’s all about comfort. If you don’t want him on the sofa, place oversize pillows on it when you depart That way he can’t snooze there when you’re not around. And when you’re home, everyone should consistently keep him off it. Another I®' option: Allow Max on the couch only when you decide he can be up there. Whatever you decide, be consistent. cat can tolerate it. After kittens are weaned, their level of lactase (the en zyme that helps with lactose digestion) falls off dramatically. As a result, lots of adult cats are lactose-intolerant. A tablespoon of plain yogurt might be a better choice for a 11*681. 16 USA WEEKEND • Nov. 2-4.2007 Smart Q # I can't believe it I've heard that feeding my cat • milk is bad! A s In fact, it’s really bad to feed your cat milk if • that’s all the nutrition your cat is getting. For * me, manufactured cat food is the best thing to feed my kitty, although others swear by homemade or raw* food. As an occasional treat, milk is just fine, as long as the Q a I have the largest dog •in the world she weighs 1,200 pounds. Her name is Flossie, and she's actually a cow. We got her when she was 2 or 3 weeks old. I let this little calf live in the backyard with the dogs, and soon she started to act like one. She has learned to run and piay chase. She even carries firewood and dog toys in her mouth. What do we do with Flossie? Does she have an identity crisis? A # I bet Flossie is one happy cow, so I wouldn’t a call it an identity crisis. But there’s certainly identity confiision going on. There’s a scientific phe nomenon called imprinting that was first discovered by ethologist Konrad Lorenz. Baby geese imprinted to him during their critical period of socialization, just as Flossie imprinted to the dogs w’hen she was young. That’s the same phenomenon that was going to survive, the former pet ferrets would become savage and indulge in meals of endangered waterfowl. However, domestic ferrets who get lost typically starve to death. And the overwhelming majority of |IT pet ferrets are purchased spayed or neutered, so it’s im possible for any who might live long enough to be able §> JjPw 10 find a partner and procreate. ; Jfik Hawaii and California are the only states that K&. ban l'Tnt.--. Yet no state currently has aprob • lem with marauding colonies of feral ferrets. V* I think the law banning ferrets is xidiculous, and I once proposed a solution to guarantee that any ferrets who get out won’t cause a problem: Mandate spaying/neutering (as I said before, they are usually altered anyway), rabies vaccines and microchipping (so that animal control will know who the careless owners are who repeatedly misplace their pet ferrets), ca « i mm . Steve Dale last wivte about why ice love puppies. h, . is I y Q t I just moved to California and didn't know that ferrets are illegal here. I have to • pretend I don't have ferrets and can't even take them outside. What's the deal? A t I think it’s crazy, too. Some are worried that ferrets, over time, would get out • doors and form wild colonies, like cats who get outside sometimes do. Then, on when baby ducks were kept as pets, and they fol lowed people around. De-imprinting is sometimes possible, but it’s dif ficult. I once volunteered in Borneo, attempting to teach orphaned orangutans imprinted to people to be orangutans so they could be introduced to the forest to live. No such need for Flossie. She’s fine, and there’s no harm in her thinking she’s a dog. i ILLUSTRATIONS BY CARRIE ENGLISH FOR USA WEEKEND