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VOLUME ONI.
NO. FIFTY-TWO.
WHAT WE THINK OF WHAT WE SEE
An Arkansas preacher the other day preached on
the subject, “Hell is here and now.” He proved
it in a little less than three hours. We have re
solved to go by the Gulf route when we start West.
Mrs. Mary Ellen Lease says man has been but
very little good since Adam. This statement wor
ries us. We do not desire controversy; we dare
say Mrs. Lease is entirely correct; but if he hasn’t
been any good since that time, when was he any
good ?
The French papers report that the wife of Ambas
sador McCormick attended a dinner given by Pres
ident Fallieres “wearing the Grand Cordon of the
Imperial Order of Nichan-i-Chetakat.” They have
received numbers of letters from this side, enclos
ing return postage, asking to be told if it buttoned
up the back and if it was made peek-a-boo.
Some years ago when “Uncle Joe” Cannon was
a Member of the House, he took a constituent to
lunch with him at a hotel where the prices were
rather swell. Uncle Joe was fond of roasting ears
and made his whole meal—a very hearty one—-
off that vegetable. Noticing the pile of cobs from
which Uncle Joe had removed the corn, the friend
asked: “Mr. Cannon, what does it cost to live
here?” “Oh, about five dollars a day,” said Un
cle Joe. “Don’t you think it would be cheaper
for you at a livery stable?” said the friend.
Mr. John I). Rockefeller, Jr., says it is easier to
tell the truth than to tell a lie; and he is correct;
there are times when it is very hard indeed to think
up a satisfactory lie; and the truth almost tells
itself in spite of all that can be done; but think of
what would happen if a lie wasn't told! Mr.
Rockefeller doesn’t really know 'anything about the
question when it comes down to rock-bottom, for he
has always had the money when the bill-collector
came, and could always buy a new hat or dress
when the family circle needed squaring. All neces
sities fall under these two heads.
At a certain Stock-yard in Atlanta, Georgia, last
week, an old negro walked into a barn and told
the proprietor that he would like to “look at a
mule.” The proprietor shifted his cigar to the
other corner of his mouth and without getting up,
ordered a hand to bring out “old Bill.” The hand
steered a wreck into the hallway. The wreck looked
like it had at some early time been a mule. The old
man looked him over and said he didn’t exactly like
his general appearance. There was no motion made
to show another, so the old negro went to another
bam. There he was shown more attention, and
the first mule brought out being first class, he
bought it. The next one also pleased him, and so
on, until when he had chosen the desired number, he
reached into his faded trousers’ pocket and brought
ATLANTA, GA., FEBRUARY 14, 1907.
Uy A. E. RA AIS A UR, Managing Editor.
out an old cloth in which were forty-eight hundred
dollar bills. He had come to buy a car-load of mules
for a plantation in South Georgia owned by negroes.
The man who -failed to pay any attention to the
old negro is now in bed; the one who sold the mules
says that angels are not always labeled. This is
a really-truly story.
The Brownsville matter is still demanding some
attention; in fact, it would he engaging the rapt
consideration of the American people, if it were not
for the Thaw trial. The trial has overshadowed all
else, and the coons will soon leave the stage by
the upper left exit. I'Ve issues involved have been
threshed over thoroughly, and the only definite re
sults achieved by the kicked up, is best told
in the words of Brer’ Gaardner, who, when asked
if he thought the effects of the Brownsville affair
would be far-reaching, replied: “Yaas, indeed. I
knows a dozen children dat’s done had deir names
changed f’um T. Roosevelt back to George Wash
ington. ’ ’
■A news item tells of a lecture recently given by a
“Woman’s Rights” lecturer in Kansas City. Reach
ing what appeared to be the peroration of her ad
dress she elevated her voice a few degrees and in
quired of the ceiling: “Is there a man present who
has helped even in a slight degree to lighten his
wife’s burdens? Is there a man here who has ris
en at five o’clock, and leaving his tired wife to
sleep on undisturbed, gone downstairs, made up the
fire, cooked breakfast, washed and dressed the
children, scoured the pots and pans, swept the
kitchen, and done all this day after day if necessary
without complaint?” She looked her audience over
with disdain, and resuming her oratorical tones,
said: “If there is such a man here, let him rise,
that all may see and praise him!” Whereupon,
a mild, timid little man in a rear seat, arose. He
was the lecturer’s husband.
Sometimes the very best of intentions get people
into the very worst of dilemmas. Mayor Joyner
gave the children permission to skate on the side
walks of certain streets of Atlanta. He gave them
written instructions, under the Great Seal and Sig
net of the Mayor to give twenty-three sign to any
policeman interfering with their skating. So the
little children got to skating. Pretty soon some
larger children joined in, and ere long the police
men were worried by what seemed to be almost
grown-ups skating merrily with the rest. The
Mayor w’as called up and consulted about it. He
said that he only gave permission to “the little
tots.” That simplified matters. Only tots should
skate, the others must give it up. But when it
came to drawing the line, it was not so simple. Just
where tothood stopped and childhood or grownup
began was a problem. If one large child was stop
ped as being a super-tot, the next one would have
to be stopped, and the next, until directly even the
tots and sub-tots would be cut out. It was sug
gested that the policemen be furnished a yard-stick
and measure the tots; another suggestion was that
scales be placed near the skating places and weight
control the question. But it is not yet entirely set
tled. Never was there such a perplexing problem.
It is worse than “How old is Ann?” When is a
tot a tot, when does it become a not-tot, and why
is a not-tot not a tot, and what are the characteris
tics that indicate that a tot that was yesterday a
tot, has become a not-tot today?
There are good people in Missouri, and we
have shown them a number of things, and of late
days they are showing us something. Recently
they passed a law prohibiting tipping. We endorse
this. We thought it a good law enacted at a proper
time. We said so on this page, and we were happy
over the reflection that Missouri Legislators had so
much nerve. But it does seem that folks can’t
have nerve and sense at the same time. Witness?
A Missouri Legislator has introduced a bill provid
ing that no woman of that state shall have more
than two hats per year, and that the hats shall not
cost more than $1.98. We haven’t a word to say.
If he is married he will get what he deserves; if
not, be will get his, anyway.
There is some talk of cutting out the comic sup
plement. We are against this. There are people
who think that the funny page is not really funny.
That may be true, but there are better things in the
world than being simply funny. Who could help
being interested in the love affairs of Leander?
We watched bis wooing with interest; we deplored
the occurrences I hat made bis prospective father
in-law angry with him; but we did take an earnest
and feeling interest in the final outcome of his lit
tle case with Lulu. We are glad he is married,
but could have told him something about what
would happen to him when he secured a mother
in-law. We wish he had given us an opportunity
to predict some things for him, but he didn’t. We
simply watched his future with kindliness. And
if the comic supplement is cut out we would lose
our friend Happy Hooligan. It is possible that
things may be said of Happy that are unkind in
their significance but we like him. There was
an unlucky star in the horizon when we were born
and we have had mishaps very much like the ones
Happy has. If the comic supplement is to be cut
out we do earnestly hope it will not be so until
Happy’s uncle has died and left his money to
Happy. We don’t think Gus ought to have this
money. Money is not a blessing to one whose dis
position is soured and warped like Gus’s. Let
us hope that it will be a long time before the funny
page of the Sunday paper is discontinued. It
serves to keep the baby quiet while one is dressing
to go to Sunday school. It gets one in a good hu
mor, and there is no doubt that through its influence
one gives more liberally when the plate cornea
around. We need the comic supplement.
TWO DOLL AUS A YEAR.
FIVE CENTS A COPY.